There Are No Sane People Among S-Ranks
-Ding.
I stepped out onto the 39th floor to the cheerful sound of the elevator. And right away, I hit a roadblock.
"…Hmm."
The R&D team. The place where they craft gear for hunters. Yuseong Guild outfits its A-ranks and above with custom weapons, but to make those, they need detailed specs on the hunter's physical stats and ability type. And that info is, naturally, classified.
So the moment I got off the elevator, a door with triple security locks blocked my path.
Tap tap. I knocked on the sturdy glass and called out.
"Anyone in there?"
This glass was no joke. Even an A-rank probably couldn't smash it. An S-rank might be a different story, but in our guild, there was that one crazy bitch who'd probably bust through a company door without a second thought…
Yeah, she exists.
I clicked my tongue inwardly and kept knocking on the glass. After a while, a zombie shuffled out.
"…Huh?"
"…Who are you."
Ah, a person. Her face was so pale I thought she was a zombie at first. The way she staggered over was straight out of a horror flick.
"Uh, yeah… I'm from the guide team. Is Team Leader Lee Seon-yul in?"
"…."
I held out my ID to the researcher who looked like a zombie. It now said "guide" instead of "hunter."
"Ah. Hunter Yoo Sung, right?"
"Yeah, that's me."
"Hold on… come on in."
Maybe because I'm one of the founding members, they let me in without even calling ahead. But why the hell didn't they give me access privileges? That bitch. I'm gonna fuck Shin Ji-hye twice as hard for this.
"…Team leader says to come in."
The researcher who'd staggered off to guide me came back. She looked pitiful enough that I wanted to slip her some ginseng. Should I buy it with Shin Ji-hye's money? Nah, nosy bullshit.
I headed to the team leader's office, shaking off the idle thought.
"…What the hell? Yoo Sung?"
"Hey. I'm your senior, calling me by name so casually is a bit much."
"Fuck off if you're gonna say dumb shit."
Lee Seon-yul. Barely qualifies as one of our guild's founding members. Signature trait: total nutjob.
"C'mon, don't be like that. How about coffee and a chat?"
"Busy."
"Cold."
I sat down and took in Lee Seon-yul's look. Hair and eyes turned gold from her own experiments. Filthy lab coat. And still, those massive tits that couldn't be hidden. Probably on par with Shin Ji-hye's. Double paizuri would be…
No, you crazy fuck.
I pinched my thigh again and spoke to Lee Seon-yul, who was staring at her papers.
"Hey, you need a guide?"
"…Guide? I don't travel."
"Not that kind. You need psychological counseling? A guide for that."
"…."
She finally looked up from her papers at me.
"…No need."
Then back to her papers. Crazy bitch. I'm talking to you.
"I'm not doing this 'cause I want to. Guild master assigned it, so what can an employee like me do but follow orders?"
"…You're not the guild master?"
"What?"
"Shin Ji-hye does whatever you say for every damn thing. She follows your lead. You're the real guild master, right?"
"Watch your mouth, someone hears that and we're fucked. Anyway. You sure you don't need one?"
"No need."
"Mind if I ask why? Not for me, for the report."
"Busy."
Yeah, must be swamped. So swamped you ignore people to stare at papers.
"Okay. Got it, I'll report that. Hit me up if you change your mind."
"…."
As I stood to leave, she waved me off without a goodbye. A clear "get the fuck out" gesture. Fucking bitch. You're gonna get wrecked later, I swear…
"Ow."
I pinched my thigh again to clear my head and hopped in the elevator. Next up… Kim Hee-jeong.
Marketing team, right below R&D on the 38th and 39th floors. I hit the button for there.
#
"The contract needs a principal party, right? How do you plan to handle that?"
"Honestly, that's the biggest issue. Thing is, she's not a real magical girl, you know? In typical magical girl stories, there's a mascot that contracts with an ordinary girl and…"
Slurp.
I'd just entered the marketing team floor, and they were deep in some discussion I wasn't privy to. The meeting room was in full swing, so I didn't interrupt. Instead, I scored a mixed coffee from one of the way more lively marketing staff than R&D.
The vibes between R&D and marketing were night and day. R&D felt like a grad student lab, all death-defying focus fueled by coffee and energy drinks. Here, you could tell they actually enjoyed the work.
And their "marketing pouch" was something else. Nerdy guys with beer guts. Skinny-as-hell dudes. Women with colorful dyed hair and piercings. Total rainbow of weirdos. Probably the freest department in the company.
"…Anyway, we'll sort that later. Gotta coordinate with her too."
"Yes, team leader. Good work on the meeting."
"Yeah, good work. Oh… what brings you here?"
I ran into Kim Hee-jeong coming out of the meeting room.
Kim Hee-jeong. Magic-type ability hunter. Three years older than me, one of the founding members who joined after Shin Ji-hye and I leveled up from crew to guild. Her free-spirited vibe probably set the tone for the whole team. Red hair and eyes proved it. Pure Korean originally, black hair and eyes—she changed 'em herself. Totally unhinged.
"Got business with you, Hee-jeong. Busy?"
"Nah~. Just wrapped up the busy stuff. But what kind of business?"
"Ah, I'm doing guides now, and you're one of my charges."
"Oho. I see. Wanna chat in my office?"
"Sure, lead the way."
I followed Kim Hee-jeong. She was in that skin-tight micro outfit people call "misi look." Her "marketing pouch" jiggled assertively with every step.
"What was the meeting about?"
"Oh, Jin Seong-ah's hunter concept."
"Concept? Like what?"
"Hunters all pick a theme that suits 'em for image building… oh, you wouldn't know. Sorry."
Sounded like A-rank perks. …Kinda pisses me off.
"Anyway, Seong-ah's past the newbie stage… time to push her as a guild poster child, y'know? So we were brainstorming concepts."
"What kind?"
Jin Seong-ah was one of my charges, so I was curious. Marketing's plans would shape how the world saw her.
"Magical girl."
"…Pardon?"
"Magical girl. Y'know, she dresses that way already? Frilly, ribbons, all flowy."
No… that's not magical girl, that's landmine fashion, right? Can you really go magical girl with that?
"…Won't it turn into evil magical girl?"
"Right? That's what we're thinking. Her nickname's already 'Destroyer.' I hate it, but it's stuck, so might as well milk it."
"…Hmm. Not bad."
"See? So the dilemma: pure magical girl, or straight-up evil one? Dark magical girl stuff was huge back in the day."
"Evil mascot. Yeah, I know it."
"You do? Figured you weren't into that. Your taste?"
"Pro gamer I liked in school had that as his nick. Got into it from there."
…The anime binge that followed? My secret.
"Cool. What do you think? Evil magical girl—fits her?"
"Could work. She just smashes everything with her fists anyway."
"Exactly! My instincts were spot on."
Kim Hee-jeong giggled, scrawled "Evil Magical Girl" big on a notepad, and stuck it to the wall. Then she turned to me.
"But how'd you get in? No heads-up."
"…Showed my ID, they opened up."
"Sigh. That's why security training matters. Can't have the most vital department just opening doors to randos. Oh… wait, you're fine. Yeah."
"What's that mean?"
"You're the shadow boss, right? Marketing's gotta be trend-sensitive; not knowing the real power player? They'd open for you anyway."
"Why am I the shadow boss? Lee Seon-yul said it too."
"Not? But nobody questions the guild master's moves. She polled us S-ranks on creating a vice-guild master spot."
"…."
"We all have roles already, so only you or Baek Seol? That psycho? Nah."
So that's where the rumors started. That bitch Shin Ji-hye. Gonna fuck her three times as hard now.
"Been thinking. If you become vice-guild master, we gotta promote you. Shadow boss pulling S-rank strings from the dark, ruling Korea's hunter scene. Cool, right?"
…Anyway, no normal S-ranks.
"Pass. On that. I'm just D-rank."
"Exactly! That's the point. How's a D-rank vice-guild master? What's his secret? Instills that subtle fear. Perfect."
"…You're not serious."
"If you take vice? Hell yeah."
"Please, as a favor, don't."
I sighed my plea, and Kim Hee-jeong rested her chin on interlaced fingers, leaning in.
"Why not? Fits you. Mask, killer body. People see you and think, 'D-rank? No way.' Spot on. Suit and fedora? Mafia underboss vibes."
"D-rank. They'll laugh."
"Heh. I'll prep it anyway."
She grinned and asked,
"Talking to you's so fun, I lost track. What was it again?"
"Ah, guide. You up for me guiding you?"
"If it's you? Anytime."
"…Hmm."
I recalled her gaze, refreshing the memory. Her previous guide… in therapy now, I think.
"You against it? Can't force ya."
"…Hold up."
"Gotta lay groundwork. No studio experience? We got one downstairs. Dress sharp, you smoke like Tom Hardy…"
"I'll do it. Guide. I'm your handler anyway."
Being dragged by her hand for D-rank shadow boss photoshoots sounded worse than peeking her desires.
"Aww. Too bad. How do you guide? Not scaring me, last one was a hypnotist. Tried on me, freaked himself out."
"…Not scaring."
"That all you got? Thought ten years running Yuseong Guild meant steel nerves. Not scared, right?"
…Not scratched at all. I'm a gentleman who stays cool.
"No way. Anyway… my ability needs physical contact. Mind giving me your hand?"
"Oh, first skinship with you?"
"…Please, tone it down."
Kim Hee-jeong, loving the tease, offered her hand. Nails so long she could barely fist it. My eyes went to the nail art.
"Let's do it."
"Yeah. Waiting."
I gripped her fingers. Her desire unfolded before me.
"…Urp!"
A retch greeted me. I slowly opened my eyes and looked around. Dim lights. Private club room vibe. Half-empty booze bottles. Withered fruit snacks. 'ㄷ'-shaped tables around the main one. Shadows of people a bit away.
"…Jin Seong-ah?"
Jin Seong-ah on her knees. Kim Hee-jeong hugging her from behind, pinning her escape.
"Urp, hack. I-I can't…"
"Aw, what's so hard? Guild master's orders, right? Can't our Seong-ah handle this much?"
"Let, let go… aaak!"
Jin Seong-ah thrashing like she was fleeing something. Kim Hee-jeong grabbing her, forcing her head down with brute strength. Unreal, but this was Kim Hee-jeong's desire.
…I shifted my gaze to Jin Seong-ah's face. Cheeks hollowed, throat bulging. Then the guy making her do it—head gripped tight.
"Hoo…"
Pale smoke drifted over her face. The smoker… me. Kim Hee-jeong shoving her head for deep throat. Shin Ji-hye behind, phone out, wicked grin.
For real. Why's there not one normal person in this guild? Except me. I'm a gentleman who doesn't do that shit.