Chapter 127
Chapter 127
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Translator: MadScientist
Chapter: 127
Chapter Title: Kkkk. This Bitch's Roots Are So Plump They're Jammed in the Pot—Fucking Hilarious.
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'Me, tough? What kind of bullshit is that...!'
Seol Harin's footsteps were heavy as she headed back to camp.
A fierce energy emanated from her clenched fists.
Even her wide-open eyes and blazing pupils looked tough.
'You think I can't play innocent or cute?!'
She'd never been outdone by looks anywhere.
From childhood, all she'd ever heard was how pretty she was.
She'd heard "intimidating" before, sure, but tough?
That was a word for gorillas or rhinos, wasn't it?
Seol Harin turned on her smartphone camera and checked her face.
She softened her sharp glare,
and tugged up the corners of her stiff mouth with her fingers.
"Lena sunbae... you're the real idiot. You just handed me the answer... hmph."
The newly cute girl Seol Harin...
charged toward camp like a rhino...!
*
The worship service wrapped up just fine.
I was the god of this cult.
My words mattered, but my mere presence mattered more.
Abigail handled all the annoying stuff, and I just had to show my face.
Timing got weird thanks to the service, though...
Too awkward to link up with Seol Harin and Lena now,
so I figured I'd go grind some constellation favor.
—That's what I was thinking when Seol Harin showed up.
"Hah? What's this, you slut? Don't you have to stick with the piss sow?"
"Lena sunbae said she'd handle it alone."
"Hey! You two fighting again?! What can that empty-headed bimbo do solo?!"
"Don't worry. Lena sunbae will do great~"
"Hah...?"
Lena could wait for now.
But why the hell was Seol Harin talking like that all of a sudden...?
"You just said 'yong,' didn't you...?"
"...What's yong?"
"Hey hey!!! Why the cute-ass speech out of nowhere?!!!"
"W-Was it cute~?! I didn't mean to~?!"
"......"
Harinaharina... what the fuck happened to you...?
Lately, she's been weird as hell...
One day she's reading Nazi books and turning me into Hitler...
next she's puffing up her shoulders to the sky, interrupting me all arrogant-like...
and now this cutesy yong-yong bullshit...?
You didn't hit your head or something, did you?!!
"You feeling okay?"
"I'm fine~...?"
"Good."
Calm down...
Thinking about it, it's not that weird.
Humans are complicated creatures, right?
The Seol Harin I knew was just one slice of her from the game.
And it's not just people.
A lot of things we think we know are just fleeting glimpses of their lives.
Ever seen broccoli sprouts? Nope.
But sprouts are still broccoli.
So Seol Harin in yong-yong mode is still Seol Harin...
It pisses me off a bit... but let's get to work.
"Um... can I ask you something~?"
"What?"
"Do you know tonight's dinner menu~?"
"Kimchi fried rice, remember? You reported it to me."
"Did I~? My brain's so dumb.... You're amazing~! Remembering something as trivial as tonight's dinner!"
"?"
Scratch that thought.
Sprout broccoli ain't broccoli.
The broccoli I know is that tree-shaped veggie only!
"Hey hey!! Cut the crap!! You giving up on being a sapient being?!! What's with the cute act?!!! Arrogant suits you way better!!!!"
Smack-!
"Kieeeek-!!"
Knife-hand to the crown of her head.
One hit, and Seol Harin snapped back to normal.
"Ow, that hurts!"
"You're the one who made me wanna hit you!!! Hup!! Follow me!!!"
"Eek!"
Pissed off, I locked her in a headlock.
While I grind constellation favor, you can tend to me.
Penalty for pissing me off.
*
Seducing constellations varies wildly in difficulty.
The easy ones are usually the animal-shaped ones.
"Yo, parrot sow. Got nuts for ya."
"Sow— sow—"
Feed the parrot constellation nuts every day, and favor ticks up steadily.
Not by much, but with time, you can seduce it fully.
Then there are the tricky ones.
⚙ NTR SOLUTION ⚙ ◆ Earphones [Affiliated Hero: Sanada Koizumi] [Relationship Level: 75] ◆ Solution ... + Release new music to draw Earphones' attention! To seduce the Earphones constellation, you need music.
New, unreleased music, at that...
Not worth learning rap just for one constellation, so basically impossible.
Truth is, you don't need every constellation anyway.
I'm targeting the key ones propping up their factions.
Steal those, and the rest kneel on their own,
Park Hee-yeon's team weakens,
and the rankers come dangling like sausages.
Seol Harin watched me bonding with the parrot and asked,
"How do you figure out what constellations like~?"
"Hey! No yong-yong!"
"Tch. Fine..."
"Pick up the peanut shells!"
"......"
That's when it happened.
A constellation bounced into view from around the corridor corner—boing boing.
It was Cactichan.
"Hawawa... I've been searching everywhere for you...!"
Cactichan doesn't usually move solo.
But sometimes it hops around like that.
Still, Cactichan's condition looked off.
Unlike its usual plump, water-packed body,
now it was all wrinkly and shriveled—looking exhausted!
"Hawawa hawawa... Cactichan hopped too long and ran out of energy...!"
"Hey! You okay, slut?! Sow! Get water!"
"Gotta go all the way to camp!"
"No time! Cough up your milk at least!"
"Ah!"
We had prepped milk before entering the dungeon.
As Seol Harin lactated, Cactichan shivered happily.
"Way plumper than before~"
🌟 Favorability Up! 🌟 [Cactichan's favorability has risen.] Cactichan waved its arms in a happy dance.
Too cute to pet, but the spines stopped me.
"Hey. You okay in the head? Traveling that far alone? You're such a pathetic constellation, conking out after a little hop!"
"Hawawa... But this was the only way to see you...!"
"Kkkk. You addicted to me already, slut?"
"Hawawa..."
Cactichan's a unique constellation.
It's liked me from the start.
"Being with me feels that good?"
"Of course Cactichan likes 'Sun'—it's only natural...!"
Come to think of it, our names synergize perfectly!
Soulmates at this point, maybe?!!
"Hey, you."
"Hah?"
"Just checking, but you're not catching feelings for a damn cactus, right?"
"Hawawa......"
Cactichan shrank back a bit.
Seol Harin's too damn tough.
Her voice alone crushes people.
"Yo sow. Time to scram."
"What?"
"Ain't you busy?"
"You trying to be alone with this cactus? Ditching a real woman like me for a plant?!"
"Hey hey! Don't get lost in the wife roleplay! We're hero and constellation, that's it!"
"But...!"
"Go scout the team's moves! Your analysis is the most reliable!"
"...Fine. But don't stay out too late."
A girl jealous over a cactus.
Harems might be hell, not heaven...
Anyway.
Finally, my second date with Cactichan!
"Yo cactus sow. Wanna go sunbathe?"
"Hawawa..."
🌟 Favorability Up! 🌟 [Cactichan's favorability has risen.] We sat by the window, silently photosynthesizing.
Could life get more peaceful?
I'd always liked quiet beauty types.
Rubber girl was like that too...
Maybe Cactichan could fill that void?
⚙ NTR SOLUTION ⚙ ◆ Cactichan [Affiliated Hero: Jeong Isol] [Relationship Level: 27] [Traits: Plant / Thorns / Photosynthesis / Drought] ◆ Solution ... + Relationship with affiliated hero has dropped further. + Aphids attached! Remove the pesky pests! + Stressed from constant humidity! Dry out the body! + No repotting! Roots are overgrown! Repot in quality soil in a larger pot! + Exhausted from long wandering with Jeong Isol! Guarantee her a stable home life! Jeong Isol and Cactichan's relationship started low.
Blame Jeong Isol's wandering ways or Cactichan's silence.
Common knowledge: plant constellations hate frequent moves.
Anyone who's dug into knows it.
But new to Jeong Isol, probably.
Plant constellations rarely complain.
They endure discomfort quietly unless something huge happens.
So hero swaps are rare.
Unless a soulmate who gets them fully shows up.
"Got bugs on you."
"Hawawa... so embarrassing...!"
"Hey. Don't be shy. You're a super hot plant, so bugs swarming is natural, right?"
"Hawawa... Saying that makes Cactichan happy...!"
🌟 Favorability Up! 🌟 [Cactichan's favorability has risen.] Aphids first.
Chemicals for a clean job, but pretending works for favor.
"What're you sweating like a pig for, cactus?"
"Hawawa... Don't touch Cactichan's dirty sweat...!"
"Hey! It ain't dirty!! High humidity's just beading dew on you! Damp air hurts your health, so I'll wipe you clean!! Hey!!!"
"Hawawa..."
🌟 Favorability Up! 🌟 [Cactichan's favorability has risen.] "Kkkk. This bitch's roots so plump they're jammed in the pot—fucking hilarious."
"Hawawa... Roots keep growing, it's my complex...!"
"Hey!!! Why's that a complex?!!! Don't you know thick roots make you hot as fuck as a female cactus?!! You dumb bitch?!!!"
"Hawawa...?"
"Hup!!! Repotting time...!!! Strip it all off!!!! I'll plant you in a huge pot so your roots can grow massive!!!!!"
🌟 Favorability Up! 🌟 [Cactichan's favorability has risen.] [Cactichan's favorability has risen.] [Cactichan's favorability has risen.] Repotted the bitch and everything.
Think I've shown enough sincerity.
"Hawawa~ hawawa~"
Cactichan waved its arms, grinning happily.
"Kkkkek. Fucking adorable, you slut."
Time was ripe.
Time for Close Confession Press...!
"Ahh—got empty shelf space for a pot at home?"
"Hawawa...?"
Plant constellation special confession line.
Like "wanna cup ramen?" level.
"Cactus sow. Once we're out, you're my houseplant."
"But..."
"Hey hey! No backtalk from a plant! I'll water you regular!! Pump you full of my handmade sticky nutrient mix!!! Let you laze in the window sun all day!! You'll be my on-call healing onahole plant!! Hey!!!"
"Hawawa...!"
True plant life.
Exactly what Cactichan craves.
🌟 Massive Favor Surge! 🌟 [Cactichan's favorability surges massively!] [Cactichan's favorability surges massively!] [Cactichan's favorability surges massively!] ... [Cactichan's favorability skyrockets!!!] "Cactichan!"
Right as the mood peaked, Jeong Isol barged in.
"You! How dare you mess with my constellation again...!"
Jeong Isol charged aggressively,
reaching to snatch Cactichan.
That instant.
Poke...!
"Aaaagh!!"
Cactichan swung its arm, stabbing Jeong Isol's finger.
"C-Cactichan?"
Incredulous glare.
Blood dripping from her finger, ignored.
"What the hell are you doing?"
"Hawawa..."
Soft-hearted Cactichan just averted its gaze, no straight answer.
"What are you doing, I said?!"
"Hey hey!!! Don't bully Cactichan!!!! It's sensitive!!!!"
"Who the fuck are you to butt in?! You wanna die?!!!"
Jeong Isol finally snapped.
Grip!
Her hand clutched my Hawaiian shirt tight.
Probably meant to shake me.
I didn't budge.
"......!"
She flinched, sensing something wrong.
She's an S-rank hero.
Top shit in Justice right now.
And she
couldn't shake me?
Even if I'm a munchkin, that doesn't add up.
"M-My strength...? Why...?"
It's not that I'm strong.
Jeong Isol's weak now.
"Kkkk. Hilarious how limp your bitch-ass is! Just realized your constellation dumped you?!"
"What......?"
🎉 CONSTELLATION STOLEN! 🎉 [Cactichan is no longer affiliated with Jeong Isol!] [Cactichan selects you as affiliated hero!] [Constellation stolen!] Jeong Isol, stripped of her constellation.
She's nobody now.
Mama-less Jeong Isol!
Crawl like a dog!
Won't give Cactichan back anyway!