The Destructive Power of Meat Missiles
The Destructive Power of Meat Missiles
Maid Yuzel sat before me with a resolute attitude, gazing at the Sword of Subordination.
"Yuzel, you do not ask why I wield this."
"I believe curiosity kills the cat."
"A good attitude. Now, this is the final procedure."
I deliberately showed her the Sword of Subordination only after Yuzel declared she would bury her bones in the North and had packed her bags to come here.
A sword that binds life and death to me through a blood oath.
This is an unavoidable procedure to maintain confidentiality regarding the supply status.
Because Yuzel is an imperial citizen.
"You do not have to do it. However, there will be various restrictions on your movement and event participation."
"If I swear the oath, can I eat the Meat Buffet every day?"
"I won't hold the buffet daily. But you will be able to eat the meat served there every day. To be precise, you will be able to eat the exact same meals as myself and the commander-nims at all times."
"Please do it. The Oath of Subordination."
"...You don't hesitate even a little."
Yuzel smiled innocently.
"It's my fate to spend every night waiting on the Officer-nim anyway, isn't it? A life-or-death oath like this won't change a thing."
"What on earth moved you this much? As a maid to an imperial count, you could have lived well and eaten well anywhere."
"I couldn't eat or live well at all. I realized that my life before coming to Ainshvan was no different from a serf who lives by eating dirt.
My eyes have only just opened now."
Yuzel's gaze grew determined.
Before I knew it, her small fists were clenched tight.
"Mysterious monster meats that give off a beautiful meaty aroma that is savory yet rich, nutty, and utterly free of any gamey smell.
Melona ice cream that delivers a chewy texture and a sweet, rich fruity flavor the moment it touches the tongue.
My body can no longer live a life without these things."
Well, I did make her that way....
But I did it thinking she was a concubine, to make the Count suffer doubly.
"If only I could eat such meals every day, I would gladly become your slave, Officer-nim!"
Clap clap clap clap clap clap.
Luna, who was watching, suddenly started applauding.
Standing at attention in her US military field uniform, clapping expressionlessly with a restrained posture... it's a little scary?
"What an excellent mindset, Maid Yuzel."
"Brigadier General-nim.... Do you acknowledge my resolve?"
"Of course. Colonel Marshall-nim, do not worry at all. I also walked the same path, so I know Yuzel is sincere. Quickly formalize the oath and feel at ease making her your slave."
"A slave.... She's just a maid."
"It's the same thing. As they say, a war hero needs at least one pretty, big-chested slave to maintain his dignity."
I suddenly became curious about what goes on inside Luna's head.
I thought she was the most normal one, but does she have an unexpectedly crooked side?
"Alright, let's begin the oath."
"Yes!"
Yuzel smeared her blood and swore the Oath of Subordination to me.
"I won't place many restrictions. You must not reveal anything you learn in the North to anyone outside of it."
"Understood! That's so easy!"
"Here's your reward. Melona ice cream."
"Woaaaah!"
When I pulled an ice cream out of the field refrigerator, Yuzel jumped for joy.
Luna, with her hands behind her back, wore a subtle sneer.
It almost looked like an expression saying, 'I've eaten the scoopable ice cream, and you're happy with just that?'...
'But the hard bar on a stick is the real OG of ice cream.'
The scoopable ice cream is the old style, and the hard bar is the newer model that came out much later, you know.
"Colonel Marshall-nim, the Imperial nobles are requesting an audience."
"They've finally come."
It seems the time has come to casually film a Food Hupijip sitcom.
I rose from my seat.
***
"I wish to purchase monster meat."
The attendant butler of an Imperial marquis showed an exceedingly polite attitude.
A marquis's butler could normally call me this or that brat according to custom, given the difference in our stations, but he was thoroughly respectful.
"I cannot understand this."
"What do you mean?"
I deliberately put on a grave expression and continued speaking.
"When I respectfully invited the Marquis-nim to a banquet carefully prepared with rare ingredients from the North, you, Butler-nim, said the following."
The butler bit his lip, seemingly remembering his own words.
"You said that Northern cuisine was far too shabby and insignificant to suit the Marquis-nim's palate, so you would prepare dishes yourself using Imperial ingredients, and would even share them with us if we wished."
"That was... "
"And when I retreated, barely gathering my shattered pride, you laughed at me with others behind my back. You guffawed heartily, asking why you would eat meat that might contain human flesh."
"H-How...! How did you hear that?"
How did I hear it? Naturally, because I left an ultra-miniature listening device there.
But the butler's expression was bizarre.
"C-Could it be? You've already achieved Sword Master at that young age?"
Excuse me?
"Unless one is a Sword Master, it would be impossible to hear a conversation through a tent from that distance...!"
I was properly hooked.
"So you thought you were at a distance where I definitely couldn't hear, and thus mocked me behind my back?"
"W-Well, that is... "
That stings my ears more than being mistaken for a Sword Master?
The middle-aged butler, who had been hesitating, suddenly dropped to his knees and bowed his head.
"I apologize. Everything was my negligence, my error, and my sin."
"... "
"I wish to purchase monster meat regularly. We will handle the transport ourselves. I will pay a high price. So please, I beg you, enter into a trade with us."
I sighed lightly and pressed my fingers to my forehead.
It was a show meant for display.
"Someone once said that Southerners are ruder than Northerners because their heads won't get split open for being rude."
"Who on earth would say such a thing... "
"In the North, no one is ever rude, whether to your face or behind your back. It's because their heads get split open."
"I am sorry! I am just so sorry!"
"What are you sorry for?"
"...?"
The middle-aged butler stealthily raised his head.
I looked him straight in the eye and asked.
"So, what exactly are you sorry for? Try saying it yourself for once."
"W-Well, that is... I slandered you by saying Northerners eat human flesh because there's nothing to eat... and that you'd be in big trouble if you were recklessly served something... "
The middle-aged butler diligently racked his brain and recited diligently on—even things he hadn't said.
I listened half-heartedly, and when he finally finished, I asked again.
"You said some really terrible things, didn't you?"
"I am sorry! I am unconditionally sorry!"
"But isn't it an even greater insult to ask for a trade after saying such things? Do you intend to desecrate the North, Butler-nim?"
"Th-That was not my intention! Absolutely not!"
"Absolutely not? Then you were spouting nothing but lies the whole time?"
"No, no, what I mean is... the things I said earlier were true... "
"So asking for meat after that isn't an attempt at greater mockery?"
Bang!
I pounded the table with overflowing spirit, but my hand hurt so I gritted my teeth and endured it.
"I know everything! That you are furious because you lost the duel and were forced to eat our tasteless meat! And now you are slyly mocking us for it! I am not a fool!"
"Never! It is absolutely not that! I swear on all my honor! The meat was truly delicious!"
My stubbornness, hardened by all sorts of stimulating media and shorts from an 8 billion-person group project world, cannot be defeated.
Especially in a situation where I hold all the cards.
"Your intent to take revenge on us by falsely praising the meat you were forced to eat that day as delicious! I know all about it!"
"It is absolutely not so! Absolutely not! Uwaaah! I'm telling you it really isn't! It's not!"
***
In this way, I proceeded to thoroughly shake down the nobles requesting trades one by one, relieving my stress.
A noble who groveled, begging for forgiveness just once.
A noble who evaded responsibility, saying he merely went along with others.
A noble who wept profusely, begging me to stop misunderstanding him.
And even...
"I will give you a territory. It is a fertile land, larger than all of Ainshvan combined, where bountiful harvests never cease. With this, I beg your forgiveness and wish to prove my sincerity."
Even I was momentarily tempted by the proposal of an Imperial noble who wanted to prove his sincerity with land.
'No, no matter what, he's giving up land for meat?'
Of course, I too have experienced the diet of Happy Medieval Land, so I know exactly how huge the gap is compared to modern Earth food products.
When I lived at my family home, I made a sluggish effort to improve it. Noona really liked it...
'I suddenly miss Noona.'
I knew that the 'Meat Missile,' produced by the combined efforts of modern Earth's food science, livestock industry, mechanical engineering, genetic engineering, cold chain, and logistics systems, would thoroughly destroy them, but...
'I expected it to be at the level of a MOAB, but after pulling the trigger, was it actually a nuclear missile?'
MOAB.
One of the most powerful non-nuclear weapons with an explosive weight alone of 8.5 tons.
I thought it would inflict exactly that level of damage, but they're acting as if they've been hit by a nuclear attack.
'So this is the destructive power of the Meat Missile. I'll have to keep this in mind for future reference.'
The Imperial nobles kept coming to beg, plead, and cling to me.
I was able to quite enjoy the regret, devastation, and obsession created by the Meat Missile.
I even recorded it all with the Tactical Cam.
This is the kind of precious content you have to savor for a long, long time.
'But why haven't any of the Kingdom folks come even once?'
Something is strange.
Not just the other kingdoms, but the nobles from the rear of our own kingdom hadn't come at all.
I thought about why that might be, and then realized the reason.
'So, even the Empire manages to hold on somehow after being hit by a nuke, but the kingdoms can't withstand it and get wiped out.'
Seeing the Imperial nobles get rejected one after another, they didn't even dare to muster the nerve to make a request.
***
Unable to delay the Imperial family's desire to see the stuffed Wyvern Lord any longer, Count Yunes departed from Ainshvan with tears in his eyes.
Once he departed, the royalty and nobles from other kingdoms also had no choice but to move.
Everyone forced their unwilling feet to move with great difficulty.
Count Yunes thought to himself.
"It seems we have no choice but to hunt monsters ourselves and obtain the meat."
"Surely you don't mean to occupy Ainshvan?"
"Of course not! I mean we should attack the Elf Forest to the north of the Oridan Kingdom!"
Oridan is a kingdom directly bordering the east of the Leodis Kingdom.
Naturally, it also has the Elf Forest to its north, and there is a Frontier Count defending it.
However, because the elves hardly ever invade that area, the north of Oridan is very peaceful, unlike its western neighbor Ainshvan.
Count Yunes's eyes shone.
"We will pioneer the northern Elf Forest of Oridan in our own way and obtain monster meat!"
The march halted briefly, and the royalty and nobles who had tasted the meat entered into concrete planning.
The meeting was led by Count Yunes, and since everyone had experienced the taste of monster meat, the atmosphere flowed smoothly.
Thus, within one hour, a transnational community coalition was born.
"Let us all join forces and work to obtain monster meat."
They did not know which monsters they needed to catch.
Nor did they know precisely what kinds of monsters existed in the Elf Forest.
But the resolve of the tentatively named Monster Meat Coalition was extraordinary.
"We will find it, without fail."