If I Can't Have Him, I'll Keep Shooting Until He Falls
Startled, Mariel hastily wiped the corners of her eyes and whipped her head away.
"Th-that's... I was just reading a novel, and it moved me so much..."
"Is that so? You've got a sensitive side."
He was more than a little surprised. And for good reason.
Mariel, crying? Who knew she even could?
She'd always been so sharp and put-together in everything she did, which made the contrast all the more striking. Maybe that was why this side of her felt unfamiliar — and yet, strangely refreshing.
Come to think of it, she did cry her heart out once when we were kids. Was it at a social gathering?
The day those highborn brats had surrounded her and picked on her for her low station. Allen had swaggered in, declaring he'd teach them a lesson — only to get jumped himself. A dark chapter of his past flickered through his mind.
Ugh. So embarrassing.
He shook off the memory that wasn't quite a fond one and pulled an envelope from his coat, holding it out.
"Here. Take this."
Mariel accepted the envelope with both hands.
"This is...?"
"Open it."
The moment she peeked inside, her eyes went wide. The envelope was stuffed to bursting with stacks of bills.
"That's all the back pay I owed you, plus a performance bonus. Figured cash would feel better than just dumping it into your account. You've done so much for me, I'm not even sure this is enough. Is it short?"
"N-no! Short? This is an enormous sum... Th-thank you, Master."
Mariel bowed deeply. Looking at her, Allen felt a warm satisfaction.
Mariel is the one person I need to take care of.
The only person who'd given five years of her youth — from the moment she came of age at sixteen — to this household. A girl who'd stayed without a single complaint, even while slaving away in a hopeless backwater barony.
How desperately must she have wanted to repay that kindness, to devote herself like this?
Her goodwill and loyalty were enough to bring tears to his eyes.
Mariel fidgeted, the envelope of money still clutched in her hands. She'd been burning up with thoughts of him — and now he'd come to her himself, in the dead of night.
Does this mean he's paying special attention to me?
At the very least, he didn't seem to treat her as just Employee Number One. So she decided to summon the courage — and the desire — she'd been holding down for so long.
"Um, Master... there's something I... want. Separately..."
At those words, Allen's face lit up. Mariel, who'd lived like a nun in her self-denial, wanting something? The fact that she was asking for anything at all was a welcome surprise.
"Something you want? Go ahead. If it's in my power, I'll do anything."
Marry me.
That was what she wanted to cry out, if her heart had its way. It was a pipe dream, of course. Her own family had all but disowned her, and she was a commoner in all but name now. Even if the old class system had faded, the unspoken lines were still very much in place. A maid couldn't just confess to a baron. So this was the best she could do.
"P-pa..."
"Hm? Pa?"
"Pa-pat..."
The words kept catching in her throat. Her heart hammered. Her cheeks burned crimson. If she delayed any longer, she'd just be a nuisance. She squeezed her eyes shut and let the words tumble out.
"Please... pat my... head..."
Silence.
And then—
"...Huh?"
A dazed sound leaked from Allen's mouth.
She was so mortified it felt like steam was hissing from the crown of her head.
"I-I-I'm sorry! Please just pretend you didn't hear that!"
Mariel immediately ducked behind the door and yanked the handle.
"Wait!"
Allen shot out a hand and caught the door. Through the sliver of the half-open door, his gaze locked with hers. He opened his mouth, his expression grave.
"Mariel, you..."
Mariel's heart hammered wildly. She swallowed dryly. She both longed for and dreaded whatever he'd say next. How would he react?
What if he gets stern and tells me I crossed a line?
Even she knew it was a bizarre request.
Please, anything but something cold...
Just as Mariel was bracing herself—
"You were starved for praise!"
Allen exclaimed, as if he'd just grasped some profound truth.
"...?"
Of all the possible responses, that one hadn't even been on the list. Mariel's thought process short-circuited.
Meanwhile, Allen was reflecting inwardly. He'd been too cold, hadn't he. All this time, he'd only ever given her perfunctory thanks. Life had been so hard he hadn't had the luxury of being warm.
She must have understood that and been considerate of me.
She'd been afraid that showing emotion or acting spoiled would worry her master. So she'd killed her need for recognition and worked like a machine. That had to be it.
Everyone likes a good head pat, after all.
Of course he'd arrive at a conclusion like this. Why? Because Allen was a hopeless virgin. Not just in his previous life — this Allen had been buried in debt since his teens, with no room for romance either. A virgin stacked on a virgin: a catastrophe of epic proportions.
So of course it never occurred to him that Mariel — an S-rank ice beauty by any regional standard — might harbor romantic feelings for an incompetent low-ranking noble like himself. He could see she was beautiful, sure.
There's no way a girl that pretty and capable would like me.
His self-awareness was, unfortunately, excellent. On top of that, Mariel occupied the childhood-friend slot — they'd played together since they were little. The wall of that perception was rock-solid. Even the fact that she'd stayed behind in a crumbling household and taken on so much work, he'd written off as nothing more than a sense of duty — repayment for the late Baron and Baroness's kindness. It was going to take some time before this dense man's oblivious brain got smashed to pieces.
Meanwhile, Mariel's feelings were a tangle. He hadn't gotten stern, but it was obvious he didn't see her as a woman. And yet... she took a step forward and timidly offered her head.
...This is enough, for now.
Even if she couldn't reach him yet, someday she would stand beside him as an equal. With flushed cheeks, she swallowed that vow.
Allen, oblivious to all of this, raised his hand. He rested it on her head and stroked gently. Pat, pat. Her platinum hair was silk-soft, and a sweet fragrance drifted up.
To keep herself this well-groomed even while handling a crushing workload. Mariel really is incredible.
After stroking her head for quite a while—
"...Thank you, Master."
"Don't mention it. From now on, if you need anything or want something, just say so. Anytime."
Even after Allen had gone back to his room, Mariel stayed leaning against the closed door, unable to move. Then, all of a sudden, she sprang up like a frog, dove onto the bed, and rolled around clutching a pillow.
You're crazy, Mariel! Completely crazy...!
Asking him to pat her head — the sheer audacity of it. And then actually receiving the touch of the man she'd been in love with for over a decade. And yet, a smile crept onto her face.
"Heheh..."
What a foolish man. Before he could do anything for her, she was already prepared to give him everything.
She was the daughter of a viscount's house that had built its fortune through commerce. She'd never so much as gotten her hands wet with housework, but she'd wanted to stay by Allen's side so badly that she'd learned household management by getting chewed out by the senior maids. Territory administration had given her a splitting headache, but she'd studied through the night for his sake, and somehow kept money circulating through the domain.
Even when the loan sharks had broken in. She'd been terrified, but the moment Allen's face appeared in her mind, the fear vanished. It was the first time in her life she'd held a gun and aimed it at a person, and yet her body and mind hadn't trembled even once. If they hadn't backed down, she really would have blown their heads off.
Then Mariel froze.
Now that the debt's been settled, Allen might start taking an interest in romance. Or marriage.
That lawyer, too. If he wanted, he could get involved with any number of young ladies from high society. What woman in the world would refuse a man that dashing and brave?
A glint of resolve lit her thoughtful eyes.
...I can't confess outright. But I can't just sit on my hands and let some other woman steal him away.
From now on, she wouldn't stay just a maid. She'd appeal to him more aggressively. If she did, maybe something in Allen's heart would start to change.
Having completely rewritten her code of conduct going forward, Mariel drifted into a deep sleep, replaying the touch of his hand.
Now that the debt was settled, the urgent matter was staffing. Seventy million gold left in the account. To anyone else, that was enough to live on for a lifetime. From my perspective, it wasn't.
I was the CEO who owned the territory's countless means of production, and also the mayor who had to collect taxes and maintain infrastructure. Problems I'd neglected for lack of money and ability had piled up. Getting things back to normal would obviously cost a fortune, so the seventy million gold wasn't private wealth so much as public funds that needed to be poured into repairing this wreck of a territory.
Besides, I couldn't handle all the administration and practical work myself, could I?
Mariel did almost all of it, though.
Anyway, I desperately needed professionals. So I decided to call back the servants who'd left. I had no intention of calling them ungrateful. Who in their right mind would take on crushing work for a household that couldn't pay a single coin? Mariel, who'd endured years of unpaid labor, was the exception — they weren't being selfish.
Hiring complete strangers would mean having to teach them everything from scratch — sunk costs waiting to happen. Rehiring the old staff was the rational move.
"...So, Mariel."
"Yes, Master."
I'd called Mariel to the study. Normally she would have stood across the desk from me while we talked. Today, for some reason, she'd come right up beside my chair. Close enough to touch if I reached out. Close enough that her scent drifted over.
I was flustered, but I forced a cough and got to the point.
"Ahem... From now on, I'd like you to take on the role of Head Maid."
"Would it be all right for me to take on such an important position?"
"There's no one who knows this mansion better than you. And after standing by me through the hard times, I want to give you the treatment you deserve."
At my words, a faint flush colored Mariel's cheeks. She bowed her head.
"I'll do my utmost to live up to your expectations."
Just as she was about to leave the study, I called her back.
"Mariel."
"Yes?"
Looking at her as she turned, I thought: the world was full of competent employees. But the humanity of someone who'd stood with me at my lowest — that was a needle in a desert. For that alone, I didn't want to lose Mariel.
Mariel froze. She stared at me with eyes gone round. Only then did I replay the sentence structure.
Wait. Doesn't that sound like a confession?
My face flared hot. The tips of my ears burned. I was about to add a disclaimer when—
"...Yes!"
A smile I'd never seen before, dazzling as a flower in full bloom. Mariel nodded, her cheeks flushed. The moment I met that smile, a tingle ran through my own cheeks. My left chest started going haywire too.
Mariel hurried out of the study in quick little steps. Staring blankly at the door, I muttered my revelation.
"...Yeah. Everyone loves a promotion."
The catastrophic conclusion of a hopeless virgin.