Be a Lamp unto Yourself
The Self-Illuminating Dharma Lamp—the Player tormenting Zara is a kind of 'trigger.' It's irrefutable proof of an irreversible 'misfortune': even the one ally who could truly love Zara has abandoned her. Zara was born into happiness, only to grow more miserable with each passing day. The Player abandoning her too was the final plunge into the abyss of misfortune for Zara, who kept sinking deeper and deeper every day.
"That's why I have to write the ending myself."
"……."
And Canaria's response to my explanation was this.
"So, you're saying you're the only person in the world who loves that poor child Zara?"
"Well. If you mean fondness, yeah."
Zara's the kind of likable character that's hard to hate, no matter what. Any Player would fall for her. And then, their mental health gets utterly shredded by the malicious scenarios the devs cooked up, leading them to quit Endless.
"……Then, who understands the agony of you, the Duke, who loves that child yet ultimately has no choice but to let go?"
"Huh?"
"It must be painful for you too, right?"
"……."
Ah. Right. I used to be like that once.
"Canaria."
But that mindset won't clear Endless. It's a trash game, after all.
"Pain doesn't matter much. The fact that this world is overflowing with doom, designed solely to torment the Player—'me'—isn't important. Nor is it important that I'm the kind of pitiful guy who feels affection for this godforsaken world despite everything!"
Zara's just the beginning. From here on, the Player faces endless suffering and unfair bullshit. If it hurts too much to keep going, you wouldn't have played until you saw every ending. Trash games are for masochistic fuckers who love the pain, anyway.
"……Then, what is truly important?"
"That since I started this, I have to be the one to finish it."
In some popular game from my past life, they said, 'It's not about going all the way to the end.'…… But that's something only a god-tier game can afford to say. Trash games have their own rules.
"Going all the way to the end is important."
"……."
"Because every story needs an ending."
***
Zara returned to the city. The wicked city that tormented her and despised her.
She repaired her ruined nest with scavenged planks, checked houses needing chimney sweeps, bought cheap snacks with a few coins, and spent the day wandering the streets.
There were hardships and misfortunes aplenty.
But none of them could shake her. Because the only thing that could truly torment Zara was herself.
"Gigachad! I finally got paid my full wage for a full day's work today. Huhu."
"Good job. Be proud of it. That's not just money, it's proof you resisted injustice. Let's eat something tasty today and rest up. My Daughter."
"Yes!"
And since not getting paid, getting hit by a carriage, or facing people's hatred were no longer misfortunes to her, the world's torments began to glance off her bit by bit.
The only true misfortune she could receive was the one she inflicted on herself…… Natural disasters or others' cruelty couldn't make her abuse herself.
"Today…… was a day I worked really hard."
The only one who can save me is myself. The only one who can hurt me, make me miserable, is myself.
"I really tried to be happy. The chimney was pitch black and full of dust, but even that acrid grime wasn't tormenting. What matters isn't the result, but the process—and being true to myself. Because I know I can demand my due pay for the hard work. Even the stubborn old grime felt welcoming. Huhu."
Getting hit by a carriage isn't misfortune. Not because tomorrow will be worse, or because I was lucky to survive.
The reason getting hit by a carriage isn't misfortune is that it has no effect on me being true to myself.
"Today might've been a miserable day, or a lucky one. But that's not what really matters. What truly matters is that I tried to make today a 'better day'!"
Zara had gained enlightenment. As long as she never forgot it, nothing in this world could torment her again.
"The coward who couldn't demand a single coin properly is gone. In her place stands one True Alpha."
"Ehehe."
That's right.
Except for 'herself,' that is.
"ZaraPpi, you know it too. The only one who can change you is yourself—and that's why you made yourself who you are now. The only way to become a better person is to change yourself. You've changed for sure. Become a better person."
"Yes!"
"ZaraPpi. You don't need me anymore."
"……Pardon?"
Gigachad is the voice inside her. Her inner Alpha, the strongest guide leading her.
When her innate malignancy whispered only murder and hatred, only Gigachad spoke of change and courage.
That's why she could change herself. She believed she could. She realized that potential existed within her.
"As long as you don't forget today's resolve and keep trying…… No, you will keep trying, and you'll become an even better person."
"What do you mean……."
She had changed. No longer swayed by the voice inside her. Even her innate malignancy couldn't torment her anymore.
If she tried to be happy, that effort alone let her stand tall before herself. She no longer had to be ashamed of her innate malignancy.
And if she was no longer swayed by that inner demon……
"Be a lamp unto yourself. Rely on yourself and live."
The inner advisor was no longer needed, naturally.
After all.
"Under one sky, two Alphas aren't needed."
"I……."
"Farewell, My Daughter."
Zara lost Gigachad. Because she had become true to herself. Because she no longer suffered from the world's misfortunes and pains. Because she had become a better person.
She no longer needed Gigachad.
"……Gigachad?"
If the only thing that could hurt Zara was Zara herself, then surely this was something she had chosen.
Of course.
If it wasn't her own choice……
"……."
It wouldn't hurt this much.
"……Hic, sob."
The world blurred. Her cheeks were wet. A hollow emptiness like having her heart carved out with a dagger. Something vital had suddenly vanished.
No, thinking about it……
Her inner self had always been empty.
- How do you live in a world without Gigachad?
- I want to die.
- You're a coward who can't do anything alone. A half-baked wretch born only with malignancy.
That was her. Back to square one. Nothing had changed.
"Hic……."
If anything, things were much better now. She'd cleaned chimneys, gotten proper pay, avoided carriages, become a hero, and……
No. None of that mattered.
In truth, she……
"Sob, hic, Gigachad……."
She wanted to end this story with "And they all lived happily ever after."
She wished today would repeat forever. She wanted to get advice from Gigachad, become a better person day by day, live true to herself.
If only every day could be just like today.
If only time would loop like this……
She thought.
- It's your fault.
- You ruined everything again.
- You don't deserve happiness.
- You should've just died.
But that was an unattainable dream. A dream she shouldn't wish for.
Not because she was miserable.
But because someone watching over her misery wouldn't allow it.
Zara couldn't fulfill her one wish.
- This world's the problem!
- Kill them all!
- A world without Gigachad might as well end.
Because this world wouldn't grant her true desire. A fragile, shoddy world sustained by one girl's misfortune.
A world like this……
It might as well just end.
- I want to die.
"……I want to die."
- Everyone should just die.
"……Everyone should just die."
- A world without Gigachad.
"If only this world had ended today……."
And even that despair was denied to Zara.
Because she was a hero.
"……."
What she received in exchange for the precept of [not abusing herself] was the power to never lose herself. The vow that what was truly precious would never be taken.
In that moment, Zara's soul sparkled. Flames like a furnace surged. The burnt offering's fire consumed her.
It was an authority even the one tuning this world hadn't foreseen.
"……."
In the very last moment, the world could not defeat her.