Memory

Test Subject RX-17 meant the seventeenth subject of the experiment designated RX.

Of all the subjects, I was the youngest in body. Which meant that somewhere inside this psychic research facility, there were sixteen brothers and sisters who looked almost exactly like me.

All of us were orphans, so why did we look so alike?

I still don't really know.

They pumped us full of drugs and put us through the same experiments, and somewhere along the way we just... ended up looking the same. What kind of experiments, exactly? I didn't want to remember. There were far too many more waiting for me as it was.

"Test Subject RX-17! Come out!"

"...Maybe if you untie me first?"

I shook my hands with a voice full of hostility. The cuffs on my wrists rattled with a nasty little sound.

Why I did that after being kidnapped, I couldn't say. I just wanted to see that blank-faced researcher's expression twist.

"..."

But the researcher only kept that same flat look and unlocked the chain bolted to the wall. Back then, that was the part that scared me the most.

If they'd hit me, or abused me—if they'd lashed out because my words had gotten under their skin—maybe that would have been a little better. Getting angry at least meant they saw me as a living thing.

But in the calm, methodical way he unfastened the line, there was no emotion at all. To them, we were nothing more than property that must not be damaged.

And that was what terrified me.

Dragged without warning into a world where magic existed, turned into a lab rat for researchers and put through every experiment they could invent, my mind was nowhere near whole.

What kept me going through all of it... were the kids who shared my fate.

"RX-17. Inside."

"Ugh—let go. I can walk in myself."

I shook off the researcher's hand from the back of my neck and stepped through the screen door. Inside the wide, pure-white room, silver-haired boys and girls who looked just ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠like me were gathered together.

On the arms of their patient gowns, a number had been written on each of them. New names for those of us who had forgotten our own.

"...Number 17. You're back?"

"Yeah. Has anyone been taken yet? Number Sixteen?"

"Not yet."

The girl's expression was dark as she said it. Today was the final day of the RX-series experiments.

What happened to a subject when the experiment ended, no one knew. But once it was over, no one ever saw that subject again.

Kids whose brains had been sharpened by every kind of trial imaginable were never going to miss what that meant. I pulled the trembling Number Sixteen into a hug and whispered,

"It's okay, Noona. I'll protect you. All of you. The older brothers and sisters—I'll keep every one of you safe."

"...Really?"

"Yeah. You're my first family. So I'll protect you somehow. I swear."

What I was thinking when I made that promise, I still don't know.

Maybe because the masculine side of my mind still held more weight back then. The word unni simply wouldn't stick to my tongue.

Then that "experiment" changed everything.

My personality. The masculinity that had clung so stubbornly inside me. The scraps of hope I'd still been holding. My mental strength. Even that resolve to protect the family I'd met for the first time in my life, subject or not...

All of it seemed to vanish after that day.

For some reason, I decided not to force the memory. The harder I tried to think about it, the more ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠my head hurt—and if I just let the memories keep flowing, I would find the answer on my own soon enough.

With that thought, I sank back into the recollection. The closed screen door opened.

Whirrr—

The door slid wide, and a mad scientist walked in with three armed soldiers. After looking us over once, the scientist asked the soldier beside him,

"Today was the last day of the RX-series experiments, was it?"

"Yes, sir. Preparations for the RX-series Usurpation Project will be complete within thirty minutes."

"Good. We can begin the experiment shortly."

At the word experiment, everyone in the room froze solid. In the eyes of children who had endured every horror imaginable for the past year under that same word, a thick, black despair rose up.

It was darkest in Test Subject RX-1. The girl who would die first offered no resistance to the soldiers' rough hands, as if she had already given up on living.

"Tsk. These subjects are so weak."

The doctor seized Number One by the hair, but there was no reaction. The girl only stared blankly at the ceiling, vacant as a dead fish.

"...Just drag her out for now. We'll try it like this once, and if it doesn't work, we can fix the next one before we proceed."

What stopped the soldiers as they hauled Number One away was my tiny hand. At only thirteen, I stepped in front of them without a second of hesitation.

"Wait!"

"Out of the way, RX-17."

"I'll do it instead. So let Number One go."

The soldiers leveled their guns at me in threat, but I wasn't particularly afraid.

I was valuable merchandise for their experiment. They weren't going to kill me. Taking a bullet in the arm or leg was fine. I had already been through far worse pain than that.

So I planted myself in their path without the slightest hesitation.

Because I was sure that doctor would take my offer no matter what.

"Oh? Truly?"

My prediction was not wrong. Disappointed by the lifeless subjects, the doctor locked eyes with me and immediately began to look interested.

"Doctor. This one is the seventeenth subject—the lowest succession compatibility of the entire series. There's no way a brat like this could withstand the Eye."

"Doesn't matter. Lowest compatibility means she's disposable, doesn't it? We still don't fully understand the succession ritual. Using her first as insurance wouldn't be such a bad idea."

Succession compatibility. Succession ritual. The Eye. The words washed over me, but I looked straight up at the doctor as if none of it meant a thing.

I had already died once, after all. I had learned what a longed-for family was. I had learned, through the pain, what it felt like to be loved by older brothers and sisters. Dying again didn't seem to matter.

"Even if the experiment succeeds, it's a problem. With Number Seventeen's compatibility, she cannot endure the Eye. We'll be left with a broken subject and a half-finished experiment."

"I said it doesn't matter. Every last one of these RX kids has no will. Without will, they won't survive the succession ritual anyway."

"...If that is your decision, Doctor."

Clank. The chains binding Number One fell away, and a new set locked onto my cuffs. A soldier seized my forearm in a brutal grip and growled low,

"Hold out as long as you can. The longer you last, the fewer of your brothers and sisters will die."

"W-wait! Number Seventeen!"

"Just wait a little, Noona."

I smiled with my eyes at the girl crumpled on the floor and made a promise.

"I'll come back in one piece. I swear."

Swearing to myself that I would endure somehow, I let the researchers lead me away.

Of course I couldn't endure it.

Strapped to the experiment table, I looked up—and saw something. The ceiling opened. A vast cosmos unfurled. Galaxies stretched out. And beyond them, something enormous was looking back at me.

"Ah...?"

It was something that melted reason and collapsed the mind. That thing, wearing the shape of pure black matter, began to eat slowly through my consciousness.

I have to resist. Even thinking that, there was nothing I could do. The memories I had been clinging to so desperately crumbled one by one and vanished.

Through my dissolving reason, I could hear the researchers talking.

At the same time, the scenery around me began to change. The pure-white laboratory warped into something like a dark dungeon's boss chamber, and the density of mana in the air shifted.

My senses were forcibly expanded. My brain began to be remodeled against my will. Memories vanished one after another, and something new took their place.

Only when that something started pouring into my skull did I finally understand what the Usurpation Project meant.

This was not a power any human could endure. There was no way someone like me could cleanly withstand an authority prepared for the boss of an S-rank dungeon.

"Noona... I'm sorry. I don't think I can keep my promise to come back with my mind intact."

I murmured it softly and smiled.

This was probably the last chance I would have to stay lucid.

"But don't worry. Even if I break... I'll still protect all of you somehow."

The moment the words left my mouth, the experiment began.

"...Everyone. I love you."

Everything after that was faint.

My masculinity collapsed. Memories disappeared. Emotions vanished. My self began to come apart. Clinging to nothing but the single wish to protect everyone, I endured a stretch of time that seemed as if it would never end.

The brave, grown-up girl named Serena who had existed that day was gone.

What the experiment left behind was a frail junkie girl who had survived with a host of mental illnesses and dependencies as the price of receiving the Eye and the wind.

"Hehe... Unnis. I'm back."

Clinging desperately to a mind that was falling apart, I staggered back to the waiting room on unsteady feet—and I think we all cried together.

Even so, I hadn't lost everything.

"Number One Unni...?"

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry... I should have been the one who died. It should have been me..."

"No. Don't cry, Unni. I'm happy I could protect ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠everyone...!"

That much, at least, was the truth.

I would never be able to live with a clear mind again. I would never again be the person who led everyone the way I used to... but I still had a family left.

How she took those words, I don't know—but Number One pulled me into a tight embrace and whispered,

"From now on, I'll protect you. You saved my life, so I'll give mine for you too."

Honestly, back then I had no idea what that promise ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠would lead to.

I only liked the way she held me so tightly. It felt like a mother's warm hug... so I simply stayed quiet in her arms.

That was the day my mind began to break.