17. Black Consumer
17. Black Consumer
There are times when it hits you like that.
When you've burned through your life, your hours, all for some goal—yet you still wake in the dead of night.
And it all feels pointless.
I wasn't chasing the future. Every last scrap of attachment I had was bound to a past already gone.
Revenge.
A sweet word, revenge. Some people call it hollow, but when I lived it, it was anything but. Revenge was incomparably sweet. It delivered bliss.
The problem is what comes after. The plummet once it's over.
The heroes in revenge stories who drift aimlessly once they've had their vengeance—they weren't just a narrative convenience.
Because they poured everything into revenge, burned themselves out chasing it—
And when it was over, they were left cold.
.........This was why I hated the early hours. My revenge wasn't even finished, yet here I was, stewing in useless thoughts.
But I couldn't sink into deep sleep, either. In the dreams, the Chairwoman, Laura, Rus, the academy—they were all so happy.
And waking up afterward felt like absolute shit.
"................"
So when I woke before dawn, I'd sit by the fire and gaze up at the night sky.
The stars up there. Stars that cycle and spin. A night sky that cycles and spins.
Cycle and spin. Cycle and spin.
Cycle and spin———
*
"Hell."
How long had I been checked out?
When I finally clawed my way out of the spiraling delusion, Milia was already gone.
The blood scattered across the floor proved she'd been just as hurried.
'She bolted.'
Still damn fast at running. This was the same woman who'd used her own congregation as meat shields to escape Beatrice's magical bombardment in the Delphia ruins.
......Beatrice.
'All of this.'
If it wasn't the Dark Sword's nightmare, wasn't the Wish Order's scheming, wasn't the Archmage's rampage—
If I'd truly come back to the past, just as that woman claimed.
If that was real.
"............."
When I glanced out the window, the academy grounds spread before me.
Peaceful days I'd dreamed of in nightmares dozens, hundreds of times over.
Hard days of Finance Director work, laughing and talking with the Chairwoman, chaos breaking out constantly—and still, happiness.
That era.
I'd returned to that era. I could undo everything.
I rose quietly from my seat.
Trudge. Trudge.
I walked out of the dormitory. The other students must have all been in lectures, because aside from her, there'd been no one around.
No caretaker around, either, so I kept walking.
"Finance Director... sir? What happened to your hand?"
"It's fine."
"Ah, yes sir!"
A few Guard Corps members tried to stop me over my wrecked hand, but I waved them off.
I followed the route still etched in my memory.
Entered the Central Building, calmed down the staff who were just as fussy, climbed to the top floor.
Stopped in front of the Chairwoman's office.
"......I'm back."
I opened the door quietly. It was something I'd promised the Chairwoman once.
After our relationship had deepened past normal bounds, we'd spent far more time together during work than after hours, and—
We'd joked that the Finance Director's office and the Chairwoman's office were our real home, that we should say "I'm back" when we entered.
Except there was no one to hear the joke.
"............."
The Chairwoman's office was empty. I had no memory of why. She'd probably stepped out briefly, or been dispatched somewhere.
My gaze fell to the Dark Sword's scabbard lying on the floor.
I remembered it, fallen right beside me when I'd woken up on the ground.
Maybe that was the cause.
'Not an object with pleasant memories attached.'
That woman Milia had made particularly good use of it. Publicly, it was just a scabbard that suppressed the Dark Sword's power, but it had a hidden ability.
When the academy fell, I remembered her stealing this and running.
'Wait. If this is here...'
Was this when we'd gotten the scabbard refunded from the dwarves? The mayor—no, Tir, who'd been acting mayor at the time—had asked for the Chairwoman's aid instead of money as a refund.
The Chairwoman's futures-trading had left us quite wealthy, so I'd suggested just paying in coin, but the Chairwoman had insisted on going personally.
If that was the case, it made sense the Chairwoman wasn't here right now.
If this was exactly that point in time.
'The Delphia Kingdom's about to erupt.'
And Beatrice would return to the Delphia Kingdom.
Eventually, the entire kingdom would become a wasteland.
Leaving behind only an 8th Rank, drifting through the heavens without an ego, killing everyone who set foot in the ruined kingdom.
That moment wasn't far off.
'I'm sorry, me.'
I'd resolved to go back, but still—weren't there things I had to prevent if I could?
Apologizing inwardly to the me of this time, I lifted the Dark Sword's scabbard.
And drove its sharp tip straight into my heart.
Thunk!
"Khk—!!"
Scabbard or not, it was an artifact forged by the Great Dwarf. The object itself could punch clean through a 1st Rank body without effort.
Yet even with my heart run through, I remained alive. I should have died instantly, but something tethered me, refused to let me go.
And slowly—
The scabbard vanished into my body.
Crunch. Crack!
"......Hoo."
I really am sorry.
I apologized again inwardly, but I truly hadn't been able to think of any other way. Unlike me, Milia seemed genuinely intent on changing everything in this past.
I'd obstructed Milia many times and blocked her path—but that had only ever worked because of my game knowledge and Chloe's assistance. Now I had little time, and I'd failed to finish Milia off earlier, so there was no other option left.
So I'd used the scabbard "first."
It was the best way to screw Milia over as thoroughly as possible.
'The aftereffects... well, good luck. You'd know about them too.'
The pain was already gone. The wound from piercing my heart, the blood—all of it had vanished cleanly.
As if nothing had happened, I brushed off my clothes, stood, and glanced around.
Then I went to the Finance Director's office and swept through the entire room.
'Still drowning in work, I see.'
Documents and books and reports piled up like a mountain range.
With a wry smile, I went to the familiar desk and sat down. Immediately, I pulled out paper and a fountain pen.
"......What is this?"
The paper was fine. But the moment I gripped the pen, the words slipped out unbidden.
I was using an absurdly cheap one.
The futures-trading had succeeded—we should be swimming in money by now—so why was I using this? Was the past not quite identical after all?
'Frugality's a virtue, I guess.'
It only strengthened my will to return. With a short laugh, I began writing something down on the paper with the cheap fountain pen.
Things that had to be known, for example.
"This is the best I can do."
About the Chairwoman, about the Wish Order, about Risha and the Magic Spear, about the Margrave, about Rus, about the Delphia Kingdom and Beatrice, about the Western Wasteland of the Empire, about Kirke—on and on.
I wrote all of it down. So that the failures and tragedies I'd already lived through wouldn't repeat.
So that at least my past self and the Chairwoman could find happiness.
I crammed every scrap of knowledge I had onto the paper, and only after a long while did I set the pen down.
Hardly any time had passed at all.
But pointless seductions kept bubbling up.
"......Chairwoman."
I miss her. I want to see her. Just once, even once, I want to see that face again.
I wish she'd call my name. Or just say Finance Director. I wish she'd take my hand. I wish we could watch the fireworks at the festival together again, just the two of us.
Each of those thoughts was a desire steeped in attachment, which is how I knew for certain—
If I saw the Chairwoman, I wouldn't want to go back. I'd try to stay in this past. I'd struggle and claw to remain, no matter how ugly it looked.
But that can't happen.
'Chloe.'
The last memory before I came back to the past. I'd heard that Rus had set off to assassinate Milia and the rest of the Wish Order's leadership.
In that future, Chloe would be waiting for me.
......And Rus, after she finished with the Wish Order, would be coming for us next.
'I have to end on my own terms.'
My hands were already soaked in blood. I'd killed far too many innocents under the excuse of revenge.
Like the saying goes: burn down the house to kill the bedbugs.
I caught the bedbugs by burning the house—but I killed the people quietly living inside, too.
Regrettably, I wasn't shameless enough to avert my eyes from all those sins.
And above all, even amid all that sin, I hadn't been able to push away Chloe, who'd followed me to the very end.
'Chloe, Chloe.'
All I feel is sorry. And grateful, at the same time.
What I'm sorriest about is that I can't return those feelings.
If Chloe also came back to the past, like Nana Milia—if that really happened—
Then I hope she lives happily.
Without getting entangled with a bastard like me. Freely.
'......What should I do now?'
The method of going back—I didn't know it. But I could feel something.
The sensation was slowly vanishing from my body, though it was still only at my toes.
Was this because my regression was incomplete? Ever since I failed to kill Milia, I'd had this gradual sense of "going back."
Had that woman Milia returned by a different method than me?
In any case, if I just stayed like this, I'd probably return on my own eventually.
As for what to do in the meantime—well.
It was obvious.
"......Let's work."
Maybe it sounded a little insane, but I'd missed this Finance Director work, too. I grabbed the nearest document and set my pen to it.
Beyond that, looking at the already-approved documents, I could see the inexperience. At this point, I'd only been Finance Director for two years. It was only natural.
Not that I was much better, with just five years under my belt.
I suppressed the impulse to step outside that door and meet the academy of the past, the acquaintances of the past, everyone from the past.
And quietly approved the documents.
Just as I'd once done in the past.
'Anyway—regression, huh.'
How was I supposed to tell Rus about this? She'd try to kill me, loathing me with every fiber—would she even believe me? That woman Milia said Rus was 6th Rank in this past, but was that true? Did that mean Rus had regressed, too?
The thought crossed my mind and pulled a pointless laugh from me.
......Before Rus kills me.
I could tell her that in some past, we'd been happy together. That without any tragedy at all, everyone had been happy, like a fairy tale.
I felt like I might actually be able to say that.
*
".........Nngh."
The fuck?
I opened my eyes and sat up—I was at my office desk. What? Had I seriously fallen asleep while working?
More importantly, hadn't I been in the Chairwoman's office? Why was I here?
'No, forget that—!'
I'd been sprawled out napping? How much time had passed?
Now that I was awake, clarity came fast. Cold sweat began creeping down my back.
I didn't know how long I'd slept, but the sun outside the window was at its peak. I remembered the Chairwoman had left just before evening—so what did that mean?
At minimum, a full day had passed. Goddamn it.
'Then what about the backlog?'
On top of everything, the Chairwoman had gone to the dwarf city, so I was supposed to cover her workload, too.
And I'd just slept? Wasted at least an entire day like this? Was I actually insane? Though if it had been more than two days, Laura would've come to check on me, so probably not...... hopefully.
The old black-mark memory of oversleeping on the day of my civil-service exam surfaced. I'd managed to sprint there and barely get inside, but my body's rhythm was completely wrecked, and I'd bombed the test.
I'd learned something then: ignoring reality because you're already late never improves anything. You have to face it head-on. Even more so as Finance Director than as an exam candidate.
Dripping cold sweat, I steeled myself and looked at the documents.
".........Huh?"
The piles of paperwork—all of it had been approved. And with impossibly clean workmanship.
Sorted by category, by department, by task—that was just the basics. The signatures and annotations were immaculate, and marks were placed throughout so you could find any document you wanted at any time.
Utterly unable to believe it, I rushed to the Chairwoman's office next door, but it was the same there. The mountain of paperwork had been wrapped up neatly.
What. No, seriously, what.
Fwoosh!
"Ta-da! Finance Director! I'm back! Not only did I return faster than the four days I promised, but I also brought souvenirs......... Finance Director?"
"Ch-Chairwoman."
"Finance Director? What's wrong? You're drenched in cold sweat?"
"It appears I have...... a superpower."
".........Excuse me?"
I went to sleep, I woke up, and all the documents were approved?
That's the best......!!