I'm Going to Marry Hyunu!
After sending Geumnara, the boss of the Money Monsters, straight to the afterlife, Baekgom returned.
“Fuck, this is covered in blood everywhere.”
At that moment we were looking at the things I had bought. He had carried the half-dead Geumnara over his shoulder into the convenience store and the kimbap shop. The part-timer’s stunned expression was a masterpiece. The candy-selling girl wouldn’t have batted an eye, but the kimbap auntie? She claimed that bringing a corpse inside ruined everyone’s appetite. The way she said it so matter-of-factly made me suspect she’d had customers like us before. That’s why I left the body at the entrance and went in alone. Two rolls per person for five people meant ten rolls total. I bought the kimbap, grabbed a big can of lollipops, and headed back. Carrying Geumnara on my right arm, the kimbap bags dangling from my left wrist, and the oversized can in my hand was no small feat. Still, watching Eris light up at the sight of the candy made the whole ordeal worth it.
“Candy is the best! Hyunu is incredible!”
“Lady Eris, if you eat too many your teeth will rot.”
“It’s fine, it’s fine! I’ll just have three more!”
“If you keep biting down on the lollipops like that, you will damage your teeth.”
“It’s fine, it’s fine! Brushing makes everything better!”
“Boss, brushing is not going to fix everything.”
“Yu Jin-ri, stay quiet if you don’t know anything! It really does get better, right?”
“M-me, not knowing? No way! I even took dentistry as an elective in college.”
Who the hell takes dentistry as an elective? And was the professor even qualified to teach it?
“Later on, damaged teeth cause bad breath, you know? And then the man you love might refuse to kiss you because of it!”
“Huh? Why would I like a man? I’m a man!”
Eris was actually right for once. No matter how adorable she looked or how childishly she behaved, her core was still that of a man. As long as Casey had not completely devoured Eris’s essence, that truth would never change. Casey would never develop feelings for men in her lifetime.
“Th-then the woman you love might refuse to kiss you either!”
“What have you been talking about? I’m a woman right now, so why would I love a woman?”
Hmm. Come to think of it, that was also correct. In her current form she was female; loving another woman would be strange.
“Then is the boss planning to never love anyone?!”
“I don’t really have any thoughts about it right now?”
“R-really? You don’t love Mr. Hyun-woo, right?”
“Umm? Hyunu is the one I like the most in the whole wide world, though?”
For some reason Siz flinched at those words. Why the sad face, Siz? Don’t take a child’s babbling so seriously.
“When I grow up, I’m going to marry Hyunu!”
“The boss is already grown, you know? We’re the same age!”
“Oh, is that so? Hehe, then should I marry Hyunu right now?”
“No! That marriage can never happen!”
“Why not? Yu Jin-ri, do you like me by any chance? I see~ But I’m a woman right now, so it would be a problem if you did, you know?”
“That is not it at all?! Why would I like the boss?!”
“Whoa… Yu Jin-ri, you hate me? Eris is so sad.”
“That is not what I meant!”
Yu Jin-ri pounded her chest in frustration while Eris wore a disappointed pout. Was this really a conversation between adults in their twenties? It was far too childish. I couldn’t watch any longer and looked away.
That was when I saw Baekgom pointing at his pure-white hood, now dyed red with blood, speaking to Siz.
“Siz noona, I’m sorry for dirtying the new clothes you gave me. That fucking bastard flailed around trying to survive and got blood all over my outfit, damn it.”
“It is quite all right. We have ample funds now; we can simply purchase new ones.”
“Please speak comfortably. Aren’t I the youngest?”
“I am Lady Eris’s secretary, not a combat member of the organization. A hierarchical relationship between myself and Baekgom-nim can never be established.”
“If noona says so, then fuck, I guess I have no choice. If you ever change your mind later, feel free to speak as casually as you want.”
Did this Baekgom guy have a rag for a tongue? Why was he swearing nonstop while calling her “noona”? Language like that could not possibly be good for Eris’s emotional development. Children should only hear wholesome, beautiful things. Though the moment she had laughed at Geumnara’s screams, any hope of proper emotional growth had already gone straight to hell.
“Ah, fuck, but this blood is seriously dirty. It’s a white outfit so it probably won’t wash out. How do real polar bears get blood out of their fur anyway? If I’d known, I would’ve been a black bear instead, damn it.”
As expected, the swearing was excessive. It really didn’t suit his appearance. What would make the cursing match the face?
Suddenly my eyes fell on the lollipops. I unwrapped one and shoved it straight into the mouth of the cursing Baekgom.
“Motherfu—mmph?”
The moment the lollipop entered his mouth, Baekgom shut up. He pulled it out and asked,
“Hey, boss. What the fuck is this? Why are you suddenly sticking candy in my mouth?”
“Every time you swear, I’m putting a lollipop in your mouth. Cut back on the cursing.”
“What? What’s wrong with swearing? A gangster can swear a little, can’t he?”
“Sure, you can swear. Just try not to do it during normal daily life.”
“No, for that you’re sticking candy in my—mmph?”
Here’s another one.
“Can’t I just throw this stupid candy away? Do you honestly think this will work?”
He had a point. Shoving the candy in was fine, but if he simply discarded it and kept swearing, the whole exercise was meaningless. There had to be a better method.
“Gasp, are you trying to throw the candy away? That sweet, precious thing?”
Nice assist. Tears shimmering in her eyes, Eris marched over to Baekgom and smacked his backside.
“You can’t do that! Do you know how precious candy is? Do you know how much careful thought goes into buying even one?!”
“No, boss. This candy is just fucking three hundred won—mmph?”
Third candy.
“Three hundred won doesn’t just pop out because you say ‘come out, three hundred won!’ You must never look down on three hundred won!”
“Kuuu…”
Baekgom reluctantly put one lollipop in his mouth. He seemed to be holding the other two in his hand to eat later. Crunch. But that only lasted a second. He bit down and devoured one instantly. The sound of cracking candy made Eris cry out in alarm.
“Baekgom! Biting candy damages your teeth!”
“No, you didn’t even listen to me earlier, so why are you only scolding Mr. Baekgom?”
“My teeth are sturdy, so it is fine.”
“If I say no, then it is no! Yu Jin-ri, you say something too! Didn’t you study dentistry?”
“That is what I have been saying. You did not listen to me earlier.”
“What? So you cannot speak? Was the dentistry story a lie?!”
“Sigh… Mr. Baekgom, biting candy damages the teeth. Please refrain from eating them that way in the future.”
“Did you hear that? A dentistry specialist says not to eat them that way!”
“Kuuuing…”
“Why did I suddenly become a dentistry specialist…?”
It was complete pandemonium. In the end Baekgom began licking the next lollipops instead of biting them. Eris trotted over to me with a bright smile, crunching away on her own candy.
“Hyunu, what do you think? I did well, right!”
She threw herself into my arms. When Yu Jin-ri gave her a dumbfounded look, Eris quickly hid behind my back and stuck her tongue out.
“Miss, have you genuinely undergone age regression?”
“What is age regression?”
“It really does look like regression…”
“Ah, about that.”
Yu Jin-ri seemed to have an idea.
“The more she uses magic, the more her body accumulates magi as a sort of overload. Because it is an overload, the symptoms ease after time passes, but not immediately.”
“What does that have to do with age regression?”
“The worse the boss’s Magi Poisoning becomes, the harder it seems for her to maintain her sanity. Right now the overload has caused an unprecedented level of regression.”
“Is there normally any link between Magi Poisoning and age regression?”
“No. In general, Magi Poisoning does not cause age regression. However, because there is so little research data on Magi Poisoning itself, variables may exist.”
“Is there any way to research it?”
“We cannot dissect the boss, can we? If we knew the cause we might be able to do something, but… at the moment I see no viable research path. It may be realistically impossible.”
Yu Jin-ri lowered her head, looking ashamed. Still, if not for her, none of us knew anything about magiology.
“Even so, Yu Jin-ri, without you none of us understand magiology. Don’t get discouraged. The phrase ‘realistically impossible’ doesn’t suit our Fantasia, does it?”
I patted her shoulder encouragingly. Yu Jin-ri glanced at my hand, blushed, and lifted her head.
“Yes! I will not give up and I will find a way no matter what!”
She clenched her fist, eyes burning with determination.
“But if it truly cannot be done, don’t force yourself and end up hurt.”
“Yes. If it really cannot be done, I will definitely say so.”
That was enough. Since it was only temporary regression for Eris, waiting would probably fix it. Everything was fine.
Thinking I might take a short break, I noticed Siz speaking to Baekgom, who had finally finished his candy.
“Baekgom-nim, may I speak with you for a moment?”
“Yes? I have no problem with that.”
“It concerns how we nearly became hostages today.”
Siz’s usually tired eyes sharpened with resolve.
“Will you not teach me martial arts?”
“Martial arts, you say? Why suddenly…”
“If Baekgom-nim had not been present today, we would all have been taken hostage and burdened Hyun-woo-nim. No, we might already have ceased to exist in this world. The peace we enjoy now is entirely thanks to the good fortune of Baekgom-nim joining Fantasia.”
Siz was not wrong. If Baekgom had not entered the organization at exactly the right time, the situation could have ended very differently.
“Yu Jin-ri-nim is occupied with research, but I am not. I have quit my part-time job, so I have ample time. Until now, even as Lady Eris’s secretary I possessed no power, and that pained me. I remained weak simply because I saw no path to strength.”
“You believe learning martial arts from me will make you stronger?”
“Correct. Are there any restrictions?”
“Teaching is not difficult, but… my martial arts are nothing special. It is the kind even Shaolin Temple dismissed as trash and refused to use. I modified it myself to make it usable.”
“That is fine. I simply need to become stronger than I am now.”
“Hmm. Then I will teach you. On the contrary, teaching my martial arts to noona is an honor!”
Although Baekgom claimed his martial arts were worthless, remaining unscathed after being shot was incredible. How had he done it? It seemed utterly impossible given his level of combat ability. The question burned in my mind, so I asked him directly.
“Baekgom, I used my long-range observation ability and watched your entire fight.”
“Gasp, you saw everything, boss? It was nothing impressive, so I am embarrassed.”
“Not at all. I saw some truly amazing moments.”
“Which part?”
The guy was gritting his teeth so he wouldn’t have to eat more candy; he was managing a perfectly clean conversation. Nice flow. I decided to keep it going.
“How were you completely fine after being shot?”
“Ah, that?”
“Yeah, I’m curious how you pulled it off.”
“That is—”
Listening to Baekgom explain with a casual smile, I could not help but fall into shock.