Scars and Sweetness
Baekgom and the Fighting Dog each had a candy in their mouths. Baekgom stomped on Shin-bandalgom's head, crushing it beneath his foot, then looked around. There had been eight people here, but now they were all corpses. Just minutes ago they had all been alive. Now they weren't. Six of them had died by my hands, and I'd stood by and let one more die. The total body count was higher than six, but I felt no guilt toward the ones I'd killed. The only one I felt guilty about was Bandalgom. Even though I knew he wasn't the type to do anything bad, I hadn't trusted my own judgment and had refused to move until I was certain. Bandalgom had still been alive when I reached the warehouse. If I'd wanted to save him, I could have. So in the end, the number of people I'd killed came to seven. Six didn't bother me, but seven did. That single extra death weighed heavily on me.
What was I supposed to say to Baekgom? Tell him they were already dead when I got there? No. I couldn't allow that kind of lie. I didn't want to cover up my mistake with falsehoods.
"Candy for sale~ Delicious lollipops for sale~"
Even though it hurt, I couldn't just stand still. So I left the warehouse and walked. As I walked, a girl approached me and showed me a bundle of lollipops.
"Mister, won't you buy just one candy?"
The girl didn't look well. Her clothes were stained and unwashed, and the shoes on her feet were worn through. There were many poor children like her in this world. Gangsters killed their parents and never took responsibility for the kids. Those children had to survive however they could—selling gum, selling candy, even using pity to sell things above cost. If my mom hadn't adopted me, I would've ended up the same way. But wasn't the girl scared of me? I remembered how Shin-bandalgom had trembled at the sight of me. Right now I was covered in blood and dust, so I should have looked even more terrifying. Plenty of gangsters were scared just by my face, yet this girl had approached me trying to sell candy even after seeing my current state.
"Aren't you scared of me?"
"Scared of what?"
"I'm covered in blood and dirt right now."
"Why would that scare me? It's a common sight in this world."
The girl tilted her head and asked me back. Why would that scare her? It was common in this world.
"Common sight…"
Yeah. It was common. Gangsters killing people, killing other gangsters for revenge, gangsters warring and killing each other, corpses piling up one by one while the ground drank their blood—it was all an everyday occurrence in this world. Even now, somewhere, someone was probably dying. But even if it was common, I couldn't get used to it. Killing someone I'd decided to kill didn't bother me, but losing someone I hadn't wanted to die hurt. Especially when it happened because of my own stupidity.
"Not being able to sell candy is probably common too. I'm not in the mood for candy today, so I'm going."
"W-wait! What do you mean you're not in the mood? Since when is there such a thing?"
The girl pouted and grabbed me.
"Candy is sweet, you know? When you eat it, any sadness, any anger, it all melts away sweetly and disappears. In a world where despair is common, it's something we absolutely need!"
"Eating something sweet melts away sadness and anger, huh…"
I didn't know if that was really true, but the girl's words sounded like fantasy. Since I liked the sound of it, maybe I'd buy some.
"Fine, I'll buy some. How much?"
"One thousand won each."
I suddenly didn't want to buy any.
"A thousand won for one Chupa Chups? Are you insane? You can get them for three hundred at the convenience store over there."
"Can't you just think of it as a donation…?"
"Don't look at me with those eyes. I was just joking."
I was weak to cute things.
"How many will you buy?"
"Four."
"That's four thousand won!"
"Ah, I don't have cash."
"Card works too."
"Since when does a street candy seller carry a card reader?"
"It's a common sight in this world."
What a crazy world.
After getting ripped off by the candy-selling girl, I arrived in front of the house. It was the same basement apartment I'd gone in and out of without a second thought, but now I couldn't bring myself to enter. Still, I couldn't avoid it. Forcing myself to muster courage, I opened the door and went inside.
Eris was still sleeping soundly, breathing softly, while Siz watched over her with her usual tired eyes. Yu Jin-ri was checking Eris's condition and writing something in her notebook. The moment the door opened, Baekgom, who had been in plain sight, dropped to his knees.
"You've returned, hyungnim!"
The moment he saw me, he bowed deeply. Really, truly, had this adorable Baekgom never killed anyone? If so, where had he gotten that adorable bear mask to wear? Wanting to be sure, I spoke.
"Baekgom, let me ask you one thing."
"Yes?"
"Have you really never killed anyone?"
Baekgom answered without hesitation.
"I don't know if you'll believe me, but I've really never killed anyone!"
"Then where did you get that girl's body?"
"I found it."
"Found it?"
What kind of nonsense was picking up corpses?
"Back when the Sichuan Tang Family was one of the Five Great Clans, their leader Dang Su-wan was searching for a woman's body. Various candidates' corpses were offered, but Dang Su-wan discarded the cute girls' bodies, saying a sharp woman suited poison and hidden weapons better."
"You picked up one of the discarded corpses?"
"Yes. The moment Dang Su-wan became Dang So-so, the corpses were thrown away, and I happened to find one. Since I wanted to try being a hyungnim too, I possessed it. It was probably too much for someone as weak as me, but…"
"…Haa."
Damn it. Why wasn't it that he'd actually killed someone? Why did he have to be such a stupid, foolish, genuinely dumb bear? Why?
"By the way, hyungnim, what happened to my brothers? The Sichuan Three?"
"I killed the Sichuan Three with my own hands. The new Gangnam Three as well. But your brothers died too."
"…I see. By the time you arrived, it was already too late."
Baekgom lowered his head. He was trying to act like he was fine, but I could see his lips trembling. If I left it at that, it would just become something that couldn't be helped. I wouldn't face any criticism, and we could move on like nothing had happened. But I couldn't do that. So I opened my mouth.
"No. Bandalgom could have been saved."
"What?"
"He could have lived, but I didn't believe it."
"W-what are you trying to say?"
"I couldn't believe you'd never killed anyone, so I wanted to confirm. I didn't want to save bad guys because washing them clean wouldn't mean anything."
"……"
"But it wasn't true. After hearing everything, it turned out you really had never killed anyone. By the time I realized that, it was already too late."
"Is that… so."
"…I'm sorry."
Baekgom's voice had gone stiff. He looked ready to accept any insult. He wasn't the type to curse much, but this was about not saving his brother when he could have. Yet Baekgom didn't curse.
"It's fine, hyungnim. Would you smoke a cigarette with me outside?"
"Sure."
Right. There were too many eyes watching inside. Baekgom had sworn loyalty to Fantasia after being saved by Eris, so he couldn't curse in front of everyone. If he wanted to curse properly, going outside was the right choice. I followed Baekgom out to receive his curses.
The crimson sunset cast a desolate light over the world. I leaned against the wall beside Baekgom and put a cigarette in my mouth. Baekgom also took a cigarette from the front pocket of his hoodie, lit it, and let out a long sigh. The smoke mixed with his breath spread out widely. He'd sighed, so now he'd curse, I thought vaguely. But Baekgom just stood there blankly without saying anything.
Why? Why wasn't he saying anything? I'd failed to save Bandalgom when I could have, so why wasn't he angry? When I looked at him in confusion, Baekgom felt my gaze and turned to me. Our eyes met, but he still said nothing. Frustrated, I asked.
"Why aren't you saying anything?"
"What am I supposed to say?"
"Aren't you resentful? I could've saved him but didn't. If I'd just believed what you said, I would've saved him right away, but because I didn't believe you, it turned out like this. You should resent me."
"I would've died anyway if you hadn't been there. There's no reason to resent you."
Baekgom continued in a flat voice.
"I'm just grateful that you avenged my brothers. From the state of your clothes, it doesn't look like it was an easy fight. If you hadn't really wanted revenge, there would've been no reason to fight so hard."
But gradually, sadness crept into Baekgom's voice.
"How could I resent you? I should resent myself."
A single tear fell from Baekgom's eye.
"If I'd been stronger, my brothers wouldn't have died in the first place. If I resent you after failing to protect them and asking for your help, how pathetic would that be?"
The flowing tears increased, and Baekgom, as if he no longer had the strength to stand, leaned against the wall and sank down.
"I'm an idiot, so who am I supposed to resent? And why are you apologizing when it's not even your fault?"
Sitting on the ground, he couldn't even smoke anymore. He just cried endlessly.
"I… I understand you. In this world, a gangster saying they've never killed anyone—who the hell would believe that? Even I wouldn't believe it. I never thought you would."
So, so I don't resent you. In this world, gangsters dying is also far too common.
"Shit, shit…"
The cigarette had gone out and no longer produced smoke, but Baekgom kept cursing through his tears. Whether he was cursing his own weakness, cursing himself for almost resenting me, or cursing me—I couldn't tell. Maybe all of it. Baekgom clawed at his face and sobbed, endlessly spitting out curses and venting his grief.
I didn't know what to say to him. His family had died, and even if I tried to comfort him after failing to protect them when I could have, it wouldn't help. I reached into my pocket to grab another cigarette, but my hand found the candy instead. Holding the candy made me remember the girl's words. In a world where despair was common, sweet candy melted away sadness and anger. So I unwrapped the candy and offered it to Baekgom.
"Sorry. This is the only thing I can give you."
"I don't want candy. It makes me look like a kid when I'm already weak enough."
"So what? They say sweet things help when you're struggling."
Baekgom stared at the candy for a while before accepting it and putting it in his mouth. He held it there, wiped his tears, and stayed quiet for a moment. I put one in my mouth too. The candy I'd put in my mouth during this painful situation was so sweet that it showed me the guilt that had been tormenting me and melted it away. Even though I'd been feeling it all along, it vividly reminded me what guilt felt like before erasing it. But now that I knew the exact shape of my guilt, when the sweetness disappeared, it would leave a scar. Wounds left scars, so it was impossible to forget completely.
What about Baekgom? What was he thinking? Curious, I looked over and saw Baekgom standing up. Brushing the dust off his pants, he spoke.
"I don't really like candy, but since you gave it to me, it tastes good."
Then Baekgom looked at me and smiled weakly.
"Please take care of me from now on, hyungnim."
I couldn't know what kind of change of heart Baekgom had gone through. But it probably wasn't any different from the change I'd felt while eating the candy. Sweetness was temporary, but scars lasted long. We would probably never forget what happened today, but—
"Yeah. If you like candy, I'll give you more from now on."
—we just had to endure while carrying those scars. Leaning on each other's sweetness.
"Actually, I don't like candy. Don't give me any."
"If you tell me not to give it, I want to give it even more."
"No, why do you keep having candy? Are you a candy seller or something?"
"Every time you curse, I'll put one in your mouth."
"No, seriously, I said I don't like candy."
"Wow! Candy! Hyeonu, did you buy this for me?"
"The boss wants candy, hyungnim."
"You still need sweetness."
"No, seriously, why are you putting it in my mouth?"
"Hweeeng! Hyeonu gave candy to Baekgom but not to me! I hate Hyeonu! He's mean!"
"Hyungnim, the young lady has some too."
"As expected, Hyeonu is the best! Sweet things are the best!"
Yeah. Sweet things were the best. To protect this sweetness, we'd need to become stronger. Baekgom's gaze toward Eris was also resolute.
"Boss, I'll protect you even if it costs me my life."
"Gwang? Please take care of me!"
Baekgom shook hands with Eris, who had extended her hand. Just like that, a new family member joined our Fantasia.
* * *
"Everyone's ready, right?"
Geumnara, the psycho from Money Monster, checked the time on his phone. 22:53.
"We execute the plan at 23:00."
Geumnara put a cigarette in his mouth and lit it.
"Without the Fighting Dog, Fantasia has no combatants, so there won't be any problems with the plan."
Eris Selenor, Siz Selenor, Yu Jin-ri.
"We'll take the three of them hostage and bring down Fantasia."
That was the entire plan.
"Well then, shall we start with phase one—luring out the Fighting Dog?"