A Ray of Fantasy in a Cruel Reality
“Where did you get the cigarettes from?” I asked, slipping the cigarette Eris handed me between my lips.
Eris smiled with gentle, crescent-moon eyes and answered warmly.
“I just bought them. You said something bad happened, so I figured you might have run out.”
Something about Eris today felt off. She always called me with that cute little lisp—Hyeonu—but this time she said my name clearly and properly. Her gentle smile was nothing like her usual silly one. It was enough to make me wonder if this was even the Eris I knew.
Still, doubting her felt wrong, so I treated her like always.
“No way I’d be out.” I pulled the pack from my inner pocket and showed her. It was still nearly full—I’d barely smoked any.
But Eris didn’t look flustered at all. She simply sat down beside me as if it were the most natural thing in the world. Normally she would’ve panicked and shown me that adorable side of hers.
“Boss lady, you seem kinda weird today. Did you eat something bad?”
“It’s not weird. When an organization member is struggling, it’s only right for the boss to stand beside them and offer encouragement. My mother taught me that consoling your people is a basic virtue for any leader.”
At that moment, Siz’s words suddenly came back to me.
No matter how much her personality has changed, Casey is still Casey. She’s definitely still inside Eris’s body.
If that was true, then the Eris standing before me right now—was she the original Casey?
I couldn’t tell. But for some strange reason, I felt oddly reassured. It was like I finally understood why Siz respected and admired her so much.
“Ah, I’ve got cigarettes, but my lighter’s dead.” No matter how many times I flicked it, nothing came out. Useless.
“Boss lady, can I borrow a light?”
“As much as you want.”
I held the cigarette to my lips and leaned in. Eris brought the cigar she was smoking to the tip of mine and lit it. The way the thick cigar seemed to cradle my slender cigarette felt strangely intimate.
“It’s been quite a while since I’ve done this. Back in the day, I used to light cigarettes for my people all the time.”
“Why bother lighting it with a cigar when you’ve got a perfectly good lighter?”
“Because when a big cigar wraps around a small cigarette like this, it looks like the boss is warmly embracing their subordinate, doesn’t it?”
Eris continued speaking as she watched the smoke curl from her cigar.
“That’s actually why I started smoking cigars. I wanted to become the kind of boss who gently embraces her people—just like a cigar wrapping around a little cigarette to give it fire. In the end, my foolishness caused me to lose every last one of them.”
The scent of the burning cigar was sweet yet tart, like damp wood mixed with the smell of earth. Eris’s voice carried the same heavy, muffled quality—like soil soaked in rain.
Within that heaviness, she asked, “What exactly happened today? This is the first time I’ve seen you look this tormented, Hyun-woo.”
“I couldn’t protect one person’s life.”
I explained everything that had happened with Lenny. The kind of life she’d lived. How important running had been to her. And how, because of my mistake, she had lost her leg.
Eris didn’t say a single word while I spoke. She didn’t even put the cigar back in her mouth. She simply held it in her hand, listening with deep, quiet eyes. Sometimes she nodded. She just stayed there and listened.
When my story finally ended, silence settled between us. Since I had nothing more to say, Eris put the cigar back between her lips and simply stared at the rising smoke.
The silence felt awkward. I hated it, so I laughed at myself.
“Pretty pathetic, right? I could’ve protected her, but I didn’t. I got cocky just because I beat up a few small fry. In reality, I’m just a worthless bastard who can’t even stop a bullet that comes flying out of nowhere.”
What if it had been one of the high-ranking executives from the Three Major Organizations? Couldn’t they have protected Lenny from a surprise bullet like that?
If I couldn’t even do that, what was I thinking—talking about hunting monsters and toppling those three syndicates? It was no different from chasing an impossible dream.
Then Eris took my hand in her small one. I could feel her warm body heat.
“As expected, Hyun-woo really is kind. Gentle. Warm. Just like those big hands of yours.”
“You think I’m kind?”
After all the teasing and pranks I’d pulled on her, how could she call me kind? It reminded me of Lenny, who had kept calling me a “racist” but still said I was caring.
“Of course. A normal person wouldn’t be suffering like this in your situation.”
“Why not? I failed to protect someone I was supposed to protect.”
“Think about who Lenny is. Think about why she ended up in that situation. In the end, losing her ability to run was her own karma, wasn’t it? It was the price she paid for hurting so many men. Am I wrong?”
Is it really worth suffering over failing to protect someone like that—especially when you didn’t even mean to?
Eris wasn’t wrong. There was no real reason for me to feel this tormented. I’d simply let my guard down. Why should I beat myself up over it?
“And yet here you are, suffering anyway. That’s because you’re kind. You’re kind enough to empathize with Lenny’s pain and feel sorry for not being able to protect her.”
“…Who cares about that? What good is being kind? I’m still an idiot. Just imagine if the one who got shot because I let my guard down wasn’t Lenny, but Yu Jin-ri, or Siz—or even you, boss lady. How horrifying would that be?”
“But that didn’t happen. There’s no need to torment yourself over something that never occurred.”
“Is there any guarantee it won’t happen? I’m weak. Even if I keep getting stronger, is there any guarantee I’ll eventually be able to block bullets? There isn’t, is there?”
When Carpe Diem had aimed that scope laser at me, I had frozen solid. There was nothing I could do. Even if I was stronger now than I was back then, nothing would change. Even when I first chased after Lenny, the thing I feared most was Carpe Diem’s scope laser.
“I’m… I’m a fucking idiot…”
“Hyun-woo, you’re thinking about this all wrong.”
“What am I thinking wrong?”
“You know, why do you think there are more ordinary people than gangsters in the world?”
“Huh…?”
“Being a gangster is way better, isn’t it? You can do all kinds of trashy things and barely get punished. You can intimidate people, show off your swagger, and live with style. So why do you think people choose to live normal lives instead of becoming gangsters?”
It was a question I had never once considered. Standing on the boundary between the real world and this one, I’d never had reason to wonder. In the real world, if a gangster committed a crime, it was normal for them to go to prison. That was why I’d vaguely disliked the idea of gangsters and simply assumed people lived honestly.
But hearing Eris say it, in this world there was no reason not to become a gangster. The benefits far outweighed the downsides.
“I don’t know…”
“It’s actually a really simple reason. You really can’t guess?”
The cigar, which doubled as Magi Poisoning treatment, had already burned down. Eris tossed the now-useless stub aside as if it were trash.
“Because death is common in the world of gangsters. Gangsters join organizations knowing they could die at any moment, yet still craving the glory and benefits that come with it. You know that, don’t you?”
Yes. I did know. I had made sure to remind Yu Jin-ri of exactly that before she joined the organization.
“Losing a beloved organization member is painful. But no matter how painful it is, it can’t be helped. We’re all people who joined the organization prepared to die. If that’s reality, then we have to accept it.”
But I hated it. Seeing someone I had tried to protect lose their entire life made me hate it so much that Yu Jin-ri, Siz, and Eris all overlapped in my mind.
Did I really have to get revenge? Couldn’t I just collect some money through IOUs, pay for Mom’s treatment, and call it a day? The urge to run away in fear suddenly surged up.
Before I knew it, my mouth was moving on its own.
“I still hate it. The thought of Yu Jin-ri or Siz—or you, boss lady—dying. I don’t even want to imagine it. Ever.”
“For such a kind child, you sure are determined to be a fighting dog.”
Eris let out a small sigh. Then she leaned in close and said,
“Then let’s change the way you think. Yu Jin-ri, Siz, and I will never die.”
“How could you not die? None of you have any combat power. If I let my guard down or I’m not around, you could die at any time. You literally just said yourself that death is common in the world of gangsters.”
That kind of thing only happened in fantasy. In fantasy novels, the protagonist and their companions never died. But reality was cruel.
“Yes, death is common in the world of gangsters. That’s simply how reality works. Saying we won’t die is indeed fantasy.”
“Then why are you saying something like that if you already know?”
“But what is the name of our organization? It’s Fantasia. Is it wrong for Fantasia to embrace fantasy?”
“What kind of nonsense sophistry is that?”
“Sophistry? It’s not sophistry at all. Think about it carefully. If this world only ever followed cold, realistic outcomes, Fantasia would have already disappeared long ago.”
Along with Yu Jin-ri, Siz, and me.
“You saved us like something out of a fantasy, Hyun-woo.”
When Eris had tried to kill herself, I joined Fantasia and gave her hope. When Siz was kidnapped and about to suffer who-knows-what, I ran to her and saved her. When Yu Jin-ri couldn’t pay her debts and was about to be forced into sexual exploitation, I saved her too.
“Do you really think this world only follows realistic events? No. Sometimes, things that belong in fantasy happen too. That’s why people dream of fantasy and hold onto hope.”
That’s why our organization is called Fantasia. To become a single ray of fantasy in this harsh, grinding world.
“Don’t you think so?”
“……”
I had saved Yu Jin-ri, Siz, and Eris like something out of a fantasy. But the same was true for me. I had possessed this body like a fantasy. Right after I possessed it, when my parents died and I was in trouble, Fuyuka appeared like a fantasy and adopted me. When the PC bang went under and everything felt hopeless, Eris appeared like a fantasy and let me join Fantasia.
That’s right. Since we were Fantasia, maybe it was okay to dream of fantasy.
Sometimes cruel reality would try to shatter that fantasy and reach out with terrifying hands. But even so—because we were Fantasia—maybe we needed to become that single ray of fantasy that illuminated reality.
“You are the greatest fantasy that will revive our Fantasia. You’re already doing more than enough. Don’t kneel to reality. Even if you fall, stand up again. Just like the protagonist of a fantasy story.”
Eris stroked my head. Her touch was so warm that I wanted to lean into it. I had always been the one doing the stroking. Come to think of it, I used to love it when Mom stroked my head too.
I was a fighting dog. A fighting dog who fought for his boss. So maybe it was okay to occasionally enjoy being stroked by that boss.
With that thought, I dreamed of fantasy and rested my face against Eris’s chest. Her body was small, but today it somehow felt incredibly large. Just like a fantasy.