Elephant Trunks Produce Jade Milk
Where am I?
Floor 1 of the Tower.
Who's that?
A single goblin, trussed up in white rope.
And what am I supposed to do?
I have to beat this goblin to death with my dick.
"Fuck… they could've at least given me a condom."
Though if I wanted to cover all of Kurupi, what size would that even be…? Ugh.
Still, this is the Tower.
Maybe there's a condom in here just for me?
"Status window."
……Authority Holder Gu Ubi, please clear Floor 1 of the Tower of Trials.
"…Got any condoms?"
What is this, a motel?
I could almost hear the status window's tone.
"…Fine."
Honestly, I felt a little bad even asking.
……Your Authority will be strengthened.
Oh?
Alright, so it does throw me a bone now and then.
First things first… deal with the goblin in front of me.
"Kurupi, hey! Uncoil for me."
Sssrrk—
Whether it understood the words or simply moved by my will, I couldn't tell—but either way, my divine waist-belt(?) unspooled itself and flopped onto the floor.
The thing coiled around me like a snake—or maybe more like a thick hawser—was quite the sight. I grabbed Kurupi by the root.
Battle-rope training has a move called the slam: you hoist the rope high overhead, then drive it hard into the floor, exploding every muscle in your body.
"If I hit with this… it'll hurt, right?"
Me, I mean. Not the goblin.
Guys know what I'm talking about—this thing is firm and sensitive at the same time. Especially the tip…
"Is this really okay?"
If Kurupi bursts… does my dick burst too?
Thwack!
I gave Kurupi a few waves first, testing the waters with gentle taps against the floor.
"Huh?"
They said Kurupi's Authority was a massive, elongated phallus, right?
It didn't hurt.
Far from it—there was real impact, a solid hand-feel.
This time I went for a proper slam, lifting Kurupi overhead and smashing it into the floor.
CRACK!
"Okay… that packs a punch."
The goblin flinched and stared up at me with pitiful eyes. The look said, If you're going to kill me, just do it already—why the scare tactics?
"Sorry."
The floor had cracked. Spiderweb fractures spread out from the impact. Kurupi really wasn't EX-rank for nothing—the destructive power was ridiculous.
The floor might be wrecked, but Kurupi—my elephant trunk, my divine waist-belt, my enormous elongated manhood—was completely fine. Not just fine. This thing was a straight-up weapon.
I remembered that old-man joke about a guy walking into a women's bathhouse and getting charged with illegal possession of a weapon…
Yeah. This actually was a weapon.
Whether it was illegal or not, I wasn't sure.
Anyway. Time to do the job.
The goblin was staring at the cracked floor with sad little eyes.
"I'll make it quick."
I seized Kurupi and slammed.
BOOM!
And just like that… the goblin became the first monster in Tower history to die by dick.
Probably.
You have cleared Floor 1 of the Tower of Trials. All Authorities granted to the Authority Holder are now fully activated. Clothing is awarded as a Floor 1 clear reward.
"Wait, wait! Give me a large for the top!"
A soft light flared, and a pair of black tights and a T-shirt appeared on the floor.
…Returning the Authority Holder to their star.
Flash!
I was back home again.
Clearing Floor 1 made me a full-fledged hunter.
Which meant there was something I had to do first.
"Status window. Activate Conceal Authority."
Executing active Authority. Concealment is available for the time being.
Sssrrk—
Kurupi wound itself neatly around my waist again.
One wrap, two, three… four… huh? One more loop made five.
"What the hell? It got longer?"
Light bloomed from the Kurupi coiled around my body, and then it vanished as if absorbed into my skin.
A mark remained.
A Kurupi tattoo starting at my groin and wrapping my torso five full times—like a massive snake coiled around my waist. Or, if I wanted to add a little MSG, like a black dragon ascending.
And right above my navel, where the tattoo ended, sat something that looked like Kurupi's head.
Except the shape was…
A pine mushroom. Fuck.
Dragon my ass.
Swing—swing—
The important part was that the thing that had never once fallen off or disappeared in twenty-seven years—
except when it was tucked away somewhere out of sight, of course—
was back. The dick I'd lost overnight had returned.
But… who the hell are you?
My dick had been completely reborn.
"Oh… Kurupi? Now we're talking."
The corners of my mouth stretched ear to ear.
My equipment got bigger.
Jealous?
Yeah. You should be.
My dick got longer.
Happy for me?
Heh heh heh…. Yeah. I'm happy.
My actual dick was now battle-rope thick.
Regular gyms use 38 mm battle ropes.
Pfft. That's for civilians.
From now on, call me a CrossFit athlete.
CrossFit guys use the 50 mm ones, apparently.
Just saying.
Anyway, getting my dick back was nice and all… but the real joy was how heavy it felt now.
I headed into the bathroom, washed up, and came out. Luckily, killing the goblin hadn't left me with any psychological or physical hang-ups.
Before eating, I needed to put on the clothes I'd gotten as a Tower reward.
The bottoms were the unisex short tights everyone received.
When you enter the Tower, you can only wear clothes that came from the Tower. That's why hunters wear tights instead of regular underwear and throw pants over them.
Thankfully the top was roomy and long enough. Even with Kurupi wrapped around me, it barely showed—I liked that.
Today was Saturday.
No work. Perfect.
"Still… I should stop by the gym later, right?"
I needed to see Hyeji.
She wouldn't actually kill me… would she?
…Food first.
Ding-a-ling—
I'd deliberately shown up late. Most people at the gym were already packing up.
"Oh? Member Gu Ubi. Running late again today?"
A male trainer I barely knew well enough to remember his name called out.
"Ah, yeah. I've got a PT session booked with Trainer Hyeji."
The guy—built like a wrestler and someone I had zero interest in befriending—let out a sly little laugh and elbowed me in the ribs.
"Careful, man… you might end up breaking your back."
This bastard… what kind of training did he get?
…I'll just go from behind.
But where was Hyeji?
Right then the office door across the way opened, and a towering 185 cm silhouette stepped out. That inverted-triangle upper body, lats flared wide, hit me first.
Our eyes met.
"H-hello, Hyeji."
"…Yes, Member Gu Ubi. You're here to work out, right?"
Terrifying.
Should I just leave?
"Now that I think about it, it's pretty late… is that okay?"
"No matter how late it is, you. Are. Working. Out. And then going home."
"…Yes."
Actually terrifying.
As she turned away, that broad back still looked hard as armor… wait.
Something was different from yesterday.
The line from waist to hips had always been impressive, but now her whole figure had changed.
Her waist looked a little more cinched, her hips fuller. The muscle was still there, but curves and soft lines had appeared.
Yesterday she'd been a stone golem. Today she was more like a sexy warrior woman.
Before long, people finished showering one by one and headed home. Now it was just me—and her, arms crossed, staring only at me the whole time.
Thud. Thud.
Weren't we supposed to work out?
Was that killing intent in those big eyes?
"Member Gu Ubi… what exactly happened yesterday?"
"Hyeji, about that…"
"It was Jade Milk, wasn't it?"
"Huh?"
What milk? Oil? Petroleum?
"After everything that happened, when I came to… a huge amount of milky-white liquid had been sprayed all over my body."
Hyeji spoke as if it were nothing, but her face was burning red.
…Cute.
"The important part is, I could feel that milky liquid being absorbed into my skin. And after that—oh my god—my Heracles Authority got stronger. Plus my body… changed a little."
Ah… back then that cloudy fluid had looked like it was slowly soaking into Hyeji's skin.
So it really had.
"In martial arts novels, the milky liquid that pools deep in mysterious caves is called Jade Milk. It's not petroleum oil—it's the 'milk' that seeps from natural stone and minerals after nature's energy concentrates for ages. That's why it's written as stone-milk, not rock-oil."
It didn't come from milk. It came from a dick…
Given the sheer volume, she clearly hadn't connected it to what Kurupi had unleashed.
"Member Gu Ubi… did you…?"
"Yeah. I became a hunter too."
"I thought so. Then is your Authority the ability to produce Jade Milk? Ah—sorry. I shouldn't have asked that so casually."
Uh… kind of similar, actually.
How the hell do I explain this?
"That… I'll tell you the details later."
"Anyway, you sprayed that much precious Jade Milk on me?"
Well… it came out because of you, so…
"It's not that big a deal. More importantly… how should I put this? I don't really want to say I'm sorry."
Hyeji looked at me with a prim little pout.
"You were just too pretty, Hyeji."
Nothing beats telling a woman she's pretty.
Hyeji's cheeks flared like they were on fire.
"Hyeji… just call me Hyeji. And I can call you Oppa, right?"
Yes.
"Of course."
"Oppa. Well, I did kind of lead you on a little. But… do you really think I'm pretty? Even though I'm this big?"
I stepped closer.
Hyeji had her head slightly bowed in embarrassment. I cupped her cheek.
"You… are really pretty."
"I've been thinking about it… all day."
Hyeji was 185 cm. I was 178.
I gently pulled her in so her head tilted down, and pressed my lips to hers.
"Mm—"
Those big eyes fluttered shut; her long lashes trembled.
God… she really is pretty.
I deepened the kiss, sliding my tongue into her mouth and gently wrapping around hers.
No muscle in the tongue, huh?
The thrill of having her tongue caressed made Hyeji throw her arms around me without thinking.
Crunch—
Then she remembered her Heracles strength Authority and jolted in pure terror. Even without actively using the power, that much force could snap a bear's spine.
"Oppa! Oppa? Are you okay?"
Me?
…I'm fine?
Those who have received Kurupi's Blessing cannot harm the Authority Holder.
Huh? Blessing?
Don't tell me…?
Was the Jade Milk that blessing?