After the Opera
After the opera ended, Theodora spoke with a breathless, deeply moved voice. "Don't you think the lead soprano was absolutely stunning?"
I nodded in response. To be honest, I knew next to nothing about art, but in this society, a noble was expected to possess a deep appreciation for it to be considered cultured.
"And the story was so unique and wonderful. Especially the scene where she rejects the lead tenor's desperate love—it was so beautiful."
The red-haired soprano. Objectively speaking, she was undoubtedly a beauty who received endless praise... but the woman standing right beside me, Theodora, was hailed as the most beautiful woman in the entire Empire.
I grabbed her arm as she chattered away and pulled her toward me.
"Huh...?"
A carriage swept past the very spot where she had been standing a split second ago.
"It's fine to be in high spirits, but watch where you're going."
She gave a small nod at my words, then slipped her hand through my arm, holding on tight. "It is only natural for a married couple to walk arm-in-arm, isn't it?"
Just as she said, every husband and wife, every couple around us, was walking arm-in-arm. It was as if they had all planned it beforehand.
"I suppose so."
Linked together like that, we lingered a little longer to enjoy the Roman night. Watching the families strolling about, I asked her, "So, what do you think of the night market in person?"
"It's incredibly vibrant and exciting."
Seeing Theodora's radiant smile and her sheer happiness at my question, I thought to myself: I'm glad I came out with her today.
Eventually, the two of us returned to the Imperial Palace. To avoid being spotted by the guards, I scaled the wall first, retrieved a ladder I had hidden in the gardener's shed beforehand, and helped Theodora over.
When Agrippa and I sneaked around, we both had the physical ability to leap over the palace walls with ease, but Theodora was a different story.
Of course, the servants who spotted the two of us wandering the palace grounds in such shabby clothes nearly had a collective heart attack, but there was nothing to be done about that. Everyone needs a break once in a while.
With that thought in mind, I turned to Theodora. "Would you like to have a drink tonight?"
At my suggestion, a soft blush crept onto her cheeks as she gave a small nod. Why was she blushing? I just wanted to get drunk. Under the crushing weight of the pressure and stress I had been feeling lately, I simply wanted to lose myself in alcohol.
I ordered a servant to bring us some suitable wine and brandy, and before long, they returned with two bottles. Theodora had requested a wine from a specific region, while I...
"Brandy...? Isn't that a bit too strong?" She frowned as she looked at my choice.
"Leave it. I want to drink tonight."
I didn't usually drink to excess, but tonight, of all nights, I wanted to get drunk.
"Here is the wine from the Ramier region." The servant showed the label to Theodora.
Pop!
With a practiced motion, the servant uncorked the bottle and poured a glass for her. Next, they produced an ornate crystal decanter filled with a golden liquid and showed me the label. I didn't care much for brandy and knew little about it, but assuming it would do, I nodded. The servant deftly opened the bottle and filled my glass.
"Cheers!"
Theodora held out her wine glass, and I clinked my glass against hers.
Clink.
The clear glass rang out, the sound resonating in the quiet room. I threw back the brandy, savoring the burning sensation that rushed down my throat. The rich aroma of oak, the sharp bite of alcohol, and the faint, lingering sweetness of fruit.
As I reached to pour myself another glass, Theodora, sitting across from me, gently placed her hand over the bottle. "Drink slowly... That's incredibly strong."
"I just want to drink a bit tonight."
If not tonight, when else could I release this suffocating weight in my chest? Did she sense my sincerity? Theodora asked with a worried expression, "Is something bothering you lately?"
I shook my head. "No... I just want to get a little drunk."
Perhaps if I got drunk, the guilt would fade, even if only a little. At the very least, I wanted to escape this heavy shroud of remorse.
"Then let me pour it for you." She took the bottle and filled my glass.
Watching her pour, I let out a soft chuckle. "Haha... This is quite the luxury."
I never imagined I would enjoy the luxury of having such a beautiful Empress personally pour my drinks.
Trickle...
To think that a completely ordinary guy like me in my past life would ever experience such extravagance. Yet, despite the thought, my mouth tasted bitter, and I downed the liquor in one gulp.
"Are you sure you're alright? I heard this... is over forty percent alcohol..." As she spoke, Theodora glanced at the label on the bottle. Her eyes widened, and she gasped. "Se-seventy percent?! Are you really okay?"
I waved my hand dismissively. "I'm fine. Besides, it tastes better than I expected."
It really did. Perhaps it was because my mind was already growing hazy, or perhaps I was just getting drunk. When I instinctively reached for the bottle again, Theodora pulled it close to her chest, shielding it protectively as she shook her head. "Drink slowly! You're going to kill yourself at this rate!"
I shook my head. "I won't die from something like this. I'm fine, so give me more."
Theodora let out a deep sigh. "Sigh... Fine, but only one more glass, alright?"
I gave a light nod. She slowly poured the amber liquid, and I quickly downed it. The intense, distinct aroma of brandy filled my senses. At first, the sheer strength of it had been off-putting, but now... it tasted almost sweet. Gradually, my head began to feel heavy.
"Are you... really okay?" Theodora looked at me with deep concern in her eyes.
I felt a strange sensation, as if time itself had ground to a halt around us. Was it the alcohol? My mind felt completely blank. And then... a profound, inexplicable sorrow washed over me.
"Oh? Are you crying?"
I felt a sudden jolt of embarrassment as I realized tears were streaming down my face. At her words, I quickly wiped my eyes. "No, I'm not."
But Theodora reached out, cupping my face in her hands and forcing me to look into her eyes. "Something is definitely wrong, isn't it? Tell me."
I gently pulled away from her grasp and spoke hurriedly. "No... It's nothing."
With that, I reached for the bottle on the table and poured myself another glass. That second glass quickly became a third, and before I knew it, I was pouring a fourth. As I raised the fourth glass, her trembling hand reached out and grabbed my arm. And then... she pulled me into an embrace.
"What is making you suffer so much?" she asked, her voice soft and fragile.
"Just... everything is hard," I murmured.
Was it because of the alcohol? I had let my guard down and shown my weakness to the very woman who was undoubtedly searching for any vulnerability to exploit. I knew I had to stop, to pull myself together. I tried to suppress my crumbling emotions and dry my tears, but once they started flowing, they wouldn't stop. I closed my eyes. Ah... I'm making a fool of myself.
I tried to calm my racing heart to stop the tears. How much time had passed? Once I felt my body steadying, I opened my eyes. Theodora was staring at me with a deeply sorrowful, longing expression. Her red eyes, usually so cold and arrogant, felt entirely different in this moment. Was I just too drunk?
"Are you alright?"
I nodded at her question.
A bitter smirk played on my lips. The war. I was the one who had started it. I was the one who had dragged innocent people, who did nothing but work hard day in and day out to survive, into the devastating vortex of war. And here I was, weeping like a child. I had used the breach of a generational contract sworn to my family by the Anti-Emperor Faction as a mere pretext to ignite this conflict, yet I had the audacity to cry.
But... how many people had died because of me? Countless households had lost their pillars. I had personally torn away their beloved fathers, the sturdy pillars that protected them. And the most horrifying part was... even more would be torn away in the future.
Pat... Pat...
Her hand gently patted my back. In this moment, the sensation didn't feel so bad.
"The people who died in the war... their families... all of them... must hate me, right?"
I felt Theodora's body tremble at my self-deprecating words.
"No. That's not true."
I cut her off. "No, those who died because of me and their families must be praying for my death. They probably call me a mad Grand Duke who dragged their fathers and families to the battlefield to die..."
I continued in a flat, mocking tone. "Perhaps everyone wants me dead. Yohanes, the citizens of the Empire... and even you."
If I died, Theodora could rule completely as the sole Empress. I was certain that more than half the Empire desired exactly that.
"No, that's absolutely not true!" Theodora shook her head in denial, but I cut her off firmly.
"No. I know the truth."
This woman, who was acting so caring right now, might also want to kill me in the end. But why? If I had to die, dying in her arms didn't seem like such a bad way to go. She was so excruciatingly beautiful. Her beauty was dangerous, so much so that it occasionally made me forget she might want to take my life. Dying in her embrace wouldn't be a bad death at all.
And for some reason, in this very moment, death didn't terrify me. In fact, it felt almost peaceful. Perhaps resting in death would be far better than struggling to survive day after day. Unaware of my thoughts, Theodora tried to comfort me.
"They don't know how much you've done for the Empire..."
I interrupted her again. "No. It's fine. It's fine if everyone thinks of me that way."
She flinched at my words.
"I didn't start any of this to get recognition from others anyway."
In the original novel, Valorang dies, and Deviang dies too. The easiest way to change that ending would have been to flee to the Allied Kingdom. If I had just run away to the Allied Kingdom without caring about Octavia, Mary, or Agrippa, I probably wouldn't have had to suffer like this. After all, Valorang only cared about my death. If I had fled to the Allied Kingdom on my own, he would have thought there was nothing he could do. Even if Valorang succeeded in his rebellion, he would have been too busy cleaning up the aftermath to do anything more than send a few assassins after me.
In the meantime, I could have used the personal inheritance my mother left me to cross over to the New Continent and live a peaceful life. It would have been far less exhausting than this. If I had renounced my inheritance rights, Valorang wouldn't have gone out of his way to assassinate me on the New Continent. Whether the Demon King and the Hero fought each other to the death or not... if I had just ignored it all, I wouldn't have had to suffer.
"Deviang..."
But I couldn't do that. Because of my beloved family, my friends, and the countless people who would have died, I couldn't choose the easy path.
"One day, become the Grand Duke and rule with mercy."
"Take warm care of the weak and helpless citizens."
Mother. Why did you leave me with such a heavy burden?
The pressure that had built up throughout my life seemed to have finally exploded. Valorang's abuse since my childhood. The first time I was locked away in the watchtower. Studying and training through the night at the military academy just to survive. It was only natural that all the sorrow and resentment I had harbored would burst forth.
As my reason slowly returned, I realized what an embarrassing display I was putting on. Theodora was still holding me. Her embrace... was so incredibly warm. It felt warm enough to melt away all my sorrow.
Pat... Pat...
Theodora gently pulled back from the embrace and looked down at me with sorrowful eyes. "You've had such a hard time. Pretending to be strong in front of everyone... when your heart is actually so fragile."
Feeling a deep sense of shame, I quickly pulled away from her. "Ahem... I've made a fool of myself. I should stop drinking for tonight."
To think that I, of all people, would show such weakness. And in front of a woman who was constantly looking for a chance to exploit my vulnerabilities, no less.
"I'll go wash up first."
Avoiding Theodora's gaze as she opened her mouth to say something, I turned and headed toward the bathroom.