You, Be My Retirement Gift

"You, be my retirement gift."

Ding-a-ling. 11 p.m. The cafe door swung open. A gap in the door. A smell hit me hard. The stench of blood. The source was the uninvited guest standing in the entrance. Wild silver hair in total disarray. A tattered, shredded coat. Soaked through. All of it monster blood. Any normal person would've called the cops on that getup.

"You're here."

I greeted her calmly. It was routine by now. I poured the coffee. Pumped the syrup dispenser. Once, twice, three times. And then ten. The devil's recipe, injecting sugar straight into the veins. The customer slumped her upper body onto the table.

"I feel like I'm gonna die...."

A groan. The world's number one Hunter. A High Elf from Arcadia. My regular customer opened today's rant the same way as always. I silently slid the mug over.

"Rough day on the Highway, huh."

"Don't even ask."

Lena gripped the mug with both hands like it was some miracle tonic and chugged it down.

"Some crazy bastard lobbed a grenade."

Lena scowled hard, slamming her forehead on the table repeatedly. Thunk, thunk.

"Don't they know explosives make the monsters tougher? Magic barely works on 'em after that! So I had to hack 'em all to pieces with my sword! Aigoo, my shoulder. My back."

She rubbed her waist and shoulders like an old lady. Whining. Grumbling. Out in the world, she saved it as a Hunter. In front ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠of me, she was just another exhausted office worker. She showed up at this hour every day, aired her grievances, and left. Somehow, listening to this regular's complaints had become part of my routine.

"Seriously, I should just quit. I reek. It's gross. My joints are killing me."

Endless gripes. I quietly opened the oven. Scooped some freshly baked cookies onto a plate.

"On the house."

Chocolate chip. The warm steam and sweet aroma poked at her nose. She flinched. Her head snapped up from the table. Those wine-red eyes, dull as dead fish, suddenly sparked with life.

"...You baked these yourself, Seojun?"

"Yeah. You looked like your blood sugar was crashing."

Crunch.

"Gaaah...."

The kind of satisfied grunt you'd hear from an old man slurping down a bowl of soup. I tried to ignore it. Lena's cheeks flushed pink. She grinned ear to ear, her mouth smeared with chocolate. Seeing her devour it like that was reward enough.

"So good. My fatigue's melting away."

"Glad to hear it."

"You're a genius, Seojun. How would I survive without you?"

This was probably it. The last "normal day" I remember with Lena.

A few days later.

"They don't pay me extra, but they work me like a dog."

Late on my way home from work, grumbling as I cut through an alley. Zzzt-crackle. The space in front of me warped. A tearing sound, sparks flying. A hole ripped open in midair. A Gate. The dimensional rift where monsters pour out. I had to run. But my feet were glued to the ground. Not even a scream would come. Brain freeze. Whoosh. Something emerged with a rush of air. I squeezed my eyes shut. Guess this is it—my skull gets smashed by a monster. How much will it hurt? If I'm dying anyway, make it quick. Ha, what a shitty life full of regrets. If I'd known I'd go out like this, I should've just lived it up. All sorts of regrets flashed through my mind.

"There you are."

A familiar voice.

"...?"

Silver hair. Snow-white skin. It was Lena. The problem was...

"L-Lena? Why are you... naked?"

Stark naked. Not a stitch on her. The curvaceous figure always hidden under thick vests was on full display. But no arousal stirred. Just deeper confusion. How long did that awkward silence stretch? I ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠forced my trembling lips open.

"Y-You haven't come to the cafe lately... Everything okay...?"

A brain-dead check-in. My mind had checked out. Tap, tap. Lena strode over casually, barefoot on the asphalt. She closed in right up to my face. A strange scent wafted over. Faint wild herb aroma. And a subtle milky tang. Her natural smell, maybe.

"H-Hey, Lena? What's going on all of a sudden...?"

Whoosh. She threw her arms around my neck without warning. Soft bare skin. Her steep breasts squished against my clothes.

"Seojun."

"Y-Yeah, Lena."

"I'm so tired."

Her wet voice burrowed into my ear.

"Clearing the Highway, dealing with those idiots yapping... I'm sick of it."

"G-Got it. I know you've been through hell, so just back off a bit first..."

'Tired.' 'Sick of it.' Dangerous keywords. Was this woman planning a double suicide with me? A chill ran down my spine. Not the time to admire her body.

"I've made enough money to last a lifetime."

Money out of nowhere?

"Huh? Oh, good for you. Please, just calm down..."

"I'm quitting it all."

My hands pushing her away? Easily subdued. As expected, the world's strongest grip strength.

"Seojun."

Her wine-red eyes gleamed, locking onto mine.

"You, be my retirement gift."

"Pardon?"

Lena hugged my waist tight. Crackle-pop! Sparks flew in the air again.

"Let's go. To our 'new' home."

The space before me twisted. My vision went white.

"Help—!"

My plea cut off. "Stay still." Then, a floating sensation hit.

I ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠opened my eyes.

"..."

Unfamiliar ceiling. Never thought I'd say the line from those novels. The bed beneath me was insanely plush. Where was I? Heaven? Forced into a suicide pact by a burned-out elf soldier, and this is where I ended up. Guess I lived a decent life after all. Reassuring myself, I turned my head. And...

"Ah."

I'm screwed. Must be hell.

"You're awake?"

Because she was there. Still naked.

"Why the hell did you kill me...?"

"What are you talking about? Bad dream?"

Lena tilted her head like I was crazy. No intention of covering up, bold as brass. And... pink. Top and bottom. Driving me nuts. I yanked my gaze back to the ceiling.

"Hit your head? Dimensional motion sickness? Normies get that sometimes."

"Where the hell is this place?"

"My house."

Lena grinned.

"And from now on, where you'll live 'for life.'"

I scanned the room. Polished marble floors. Ultra-luxury furniture and decor fit for an American nouveau riche. But the view out the window? Totally different. Blood-red sky. Jagged rock formations thrusting up weirdly.

- Groooar!

Intermittent monster roars echoing. Not hell. This was the rift between Earth and Arcadia. Officially a Dungeon. What folks called the Highway.

"Why'd you kidnap me?"

"Kidnap? I'm hiring you. Here."

Suddenly, she thrust a sheet of paper at me. Her heavy breasts jiggled with it. I swallowed dryly and took the document.

Sip...

So, basically... butler cum emotional support doll? I racked my brain. Compared it to my reality. Perpetual jobless slacker. Ended up manager at the cafe where I part-timed. Worked like a dog for peanuts. Rolled my eyes. Luxury mansion, naked High Elf, killer contract. What was there to hesitate over?

"Pen?"

"Huh? Oh, yeah. Here."

She answered eagerly. Actually, Lena looked flustered. I signed without a second thought.

"Y-You really signed? No coercion? No take-backs later?"

"Conditions this good? Why wouldn't I?"

"You're really okay? You'll live here with me forever?"

"I don't go out much anyway. Total homebody. And unlimited internet?"

"Of course! Even laid dedicated cables!"

Lena's face lit up.

"Seojuuun~!"

Boing. She leaped onto the bed. Hugged me tight. Squish. Jiggly. My face sank into her hefty breasts.

"Thank you! ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠So much! I was so scared you'd say no!"

Airway blocked. Face buried in bare skin. The soft texture rubbed against me nonstop. Wild herbs, faint milk, and a oddly pleasant sweetness.

"I'm so relieved! Too relieved!"

Slim fingers ruffled my hair wildly. Pointed elf ears flapped happily.

"L-Lena! Back off a little! Hugging me naked like this...!"

"What's wrong? It's my house. And you accepted, right? So you're mine now too?"

This elf had zero plans to ever wear clothes.

- Grrooowl.

Then, a massive rumble. Epicenter: below my face, Lena's stomach. Twitch. Her flapping ears drooped. Pointy tips flushed like a thermometer. Awkward silence. Finally, Lena peeked down shyly.

"Seojun."

"Yes."

"Feed me. I'm hungry."

A mosquito-whine. I swallowed a chuckle.

"Where's the kitchen?"

Lena's face brightened instantly. Like she was about to sprout a tail and wag it...

...Huh? She actually had one. A fluffy, translucent fox tail glowing faintly. I learned later: she magics it up when she's happy.

'Mood matters! Mood!'

For some unknowable reason. She grinned wide and led the way. White ass swaying.

"...Seojun."

"Yes, Lena."

"If you wanna look, just look. No sneaky glances. It's our house anyway."

"..."

No words for that. Guilty as charged.

We arrived. Open kitchen in one corner of the living room. Gleaming stainless steel appliances. Straight out of a movie about some American tycoon's mansion.

"Hunggry~."

Lena whined, clinging to my back.