Chapter 6
Chapter 6
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Translator: Vine
Chapter: 6
Chapter Title: Good Medicine
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I returned home with the doctor.
He said he'd brought food, so I was hoping for a good meal.
But the doctor had drugged the food.
I noticed while I was eating, but there was nothing I could do.
I was hungry.
"-The Academy's graduation ceremony is in four days. For Han Si-hoo, you could call it a promotion ceremony. It's the best time to get inside the Academy."
The doctor said after we finished eating.
"Is that so."
"Are you feeling up to doing something now?"
"Yeah. What kind of drug is this? I feel strange."
There was sauce on the meat, and I think he did something to it.
It had a peculiar taste.
"It's a medicinal herb that amplifies certain emotions. I asked an Awakener who's good with this sort of thing to make it for me."
Amplification of emotions.
Seems like it.
All sorts of deeply buried emotions were swirling inside me.
Inferiority, fear, vengefulness, pain, emptiness, and so on.
And yet, strangely, I didn't feel like I wanted to die.
To think I could feel such a wide range of emotions while the drug was still in effect.
"But why this?"
"Because the medicine you take, Miss Seo-ah, fundamentally dulls your emotions."
"So, why?"
"I thought this would be better for motivation. If you could feel your emotions more vividly, that is."
Motivation?
I feel a variety of emotions.
It was different from what I feel when the medicine simply wears off.
I don't feel like I want to die.
If anything, I'd rather kill someone.
"Uh, I'm starting to feel a murderous impulse."
"That's normal. It was actually used illegally by military organizations."
"Aha...?"
He gave me something like that?
For motivation?
I didn't know what it was motivating me for, but for the first time in a while, I could chew on a variety of emotions.
"Now, would you try to recall the male student from the Academy? How do you feel? Do you feel a desire for revenge?"
"Umm, I want to pay him back."
"I see. Could you perhaps check if there's a wound on your abdomen?"
Ah, the spot where I got hit earlier?
I lifted my shirt to check.
"Ah, it's bruised..."
There was a dark blue bruise on my stomach.
I guess I'm lucky no bones were broken.
It looked like it would hurt just to move, but thanks to the medicine, it didn't hurt that much.
"The wound is bigger than I thought. Now, what do you think of that male student?"
"Uh, I want to kill him now."
"As you should."
I want to kill him.
No, even if I was hit hard enough to bruise, I shouldn't want to kill him.
It didn't seem like something that should provoke enough anger to make me want to kill someone.
It feels like something is forcibly stimulating my brain.
"Ah..."
I feel good and bad at the same time.
Pleasant and unpleasant.
The two conflicting emotions seem to be making my head hot.
"So, do you feel like killing Han Si-hoo now?"
"...Si-hoo?"
That question again?
It wasn't a question he was just going to ask once and be done with.
It feels different from when I heard the question in the middle of the night.
I suppose my thought process is strange right now because of the drug, but...
"I've asked this before, but this time I'd like to offer better terms."
"Better terms?"
"I will ensure you can receive the medicine anytime, anywhere. On top of that, I plan to guarantee your food, clothing, and shelter. Of course, this is all under the premise that you will kill Han Si-hoo."
Medicine, plus food, clothing, and shelter.
It's definitely a better option than just getting the medicine.
"Well..."
I can't tell if the reward comes after I kill Han Si-hoo, or if I'll get it while I'm trying to kill him.
"You still seem to be contemplating, so let me help you a little."
"No..."
"Do you remember what you said to Han Si-hoo last time? When you coldly drove him away."
"......"
I was about to ask about the conditions, but he didn't give me a chance to speak.
Anyway, he asked if I remembered what I said to Han Si-hoo, so let's try to recall.
Filtering out all the curses Yoo Seo-ah had hurled.
'Feels good to escape to the Academy, huh? Fun enjoying it all by yourself?'
'Why do you keep coming here and deceiving me?'
'If it weren't for you, I think my life would have been better than this.'
'Must be nice to get ahead all by yourself, being an Awakener and all.'
'I don't need your damn help.'
'Just get lost. Don't ever show your face to me again.'
...
That's quite a lot.
Look at the efforts of a childhood friend who did her best to drive Han Si-hoo away.
Why did she do such a pointless thing?
"I feel like crying."
Yoo Seo-ah's emotions resurfaced.
A single teardrop is about to fall.
Regret and sadness were all jumbled together.
And a bit of inferiority, and anger.
After saying all that, she went to borrow money from him. She really has some nerve.
I can see now just how much the medicine dulls emotions.
"Now, try to think about how Han Si-hoo treated you, Miss Seo-ah."
How the protagonist treated me?
How did he treat me again?
I recalled the conversation we had when I went to the Academy last time.
-I don't get it. You've never had a problem with the medicine money before, have you?
-You've really hit rock bottom, haven't you?
-Let's not get involved with each other ever again.
That's what I heard after walking all the way from my house to the Academy.
After a difficult three-hour walk...
Thinking about it again makes me angry.
Why is the protagonist always the only one who's happy?
Why did I have to become someone like Yoo Seo-ah and suffer?
Some people struggle through life and gain nothing, while others get everything easily.
The world has always been unfair.
I should direct my anger about that toward the protagonist, too.
He's the one standing amidst the inequality, reaping all the benefits.
Han Si-hoo is the protagonist, so he can do anything.
The protagonist of my life should be me, but it's Han Si-hoo.
No, if I can't be the protagonist, at least give me a different, better role.
Why did it have to be the drug-addict childhood friend...
Drug addict?
No, that's not right.
There's no way that's me, right?
I've always taken only the proper dosage.
Besides, this isn't a narcotic; it's just a therapeutic drug.
Anyway, the problem is that someone like a protagonist exists in this world.
It's all happening for the sake of the protagonist's tragic backstory.
If Han Si-hoo didn't exist in the first place, Yoo Seo-ah would never have ended up in this state.
Really.
The very reason Yoo Seo-ah started taking this damn medicine is because of the protagonist.
Though Han Si-hoo probably doesn't know it.
"Now that I think about it, it was all Han Si-hoo's fault."
That's right. It's all the protagonist's fault.
Why was that again?
Because... it's the protagonist's fault.
"Do you want to kill him?"
"Yes."
"An excellent decision. It's good that your motivation is clear. Even I don't like to make someone fight without a purpose."
"Fight?"
"I've told you before, haven't I? Even a normal person can become an Awakener. All it takes is a little bit of drugs."
"So, I use that drug and fight Han Si-hoo?"
"Of course not. You just need to meet with Si-hoo and have a little talk. It's not so much a fight."
A little talk?
Didn't he tell me to kill him earlier?
I remember the scene in the novel where Yoo Seo-ah and Han Si-hoo met.
There was Yoo Seo-ah, trying to attack Han Si-hoo with her abnormal body.
But to call that a fight... it felt more like one side was just letting the other have their way.
But things are different from the novel now.
Unlike the original Yoo Seo-ah, I'm healthy.
I've never once overdosed on the medicine.
My physical condition isn't bad either.
The fact that I don't feel any pain proves it.
My situation is much better than the Yoo Seo-ah from the novel.
No matter how angry I get, I won't rush at Han Si-hoo trying to kill him.
There shouldn't be any major problems, right?
"Anyway, as I said, the Academy's graduation is in four days... I'll give you the drug for Awakening then. You've already taken the other necessary medicine with your meal, so you can rest easy."
"Okay."
Actually, I want to go find Han Si-hoo right this instant.
The desire to go and pour out all the emotions inside me is creeping up.
He called it emotion amplification, and the effect is incredible.
"Ah, and this. It seemed like you were almost out of your usual medicine, so I brought some."
The doctor took a bottle filled with a blue liquid from his bag.
"-It's a new medicine."
[37 minutes]
I glanced at the remaining time.
It was just about time for a shot.
"...A new medicine?"
"You might have sustained internal injuries when you were punched earlier. This medicine helps wounds heal quickly. It also boosts your recovery rate in the long run. It will be helpful for your future endeavors."
"Is that so."
"It's a bit more addictive than the one you were using before, but that should be fine. I trust you'll use it wisely. The dosage is the same as before."
"Then how much does this cost..."
"You don't need to pay. Your promise to kill Han Si-hoo is enough."
"Wooow."
A lifetime supply of free drugs!
But is it okay that I can't kill the protagonist no matter how hard I try?
No matter how angry I get, I won't attack the protagonist for real.
Even if I did attack him for real, I wouldn't be able to kill him.
I've never hated someone enough to burn my own life away for it.
And I never will.
I won't, right?
I shouldn't.
Life is precious, after all.
"I'll leave the food here, so you can eat when you're hungry. I'll be back to pick you up later... It would be best if you stayed home until then. It would be a problem if I found you collapsed outside again."
"Okay, goodbye."
I bowed my head slightly to the doctor as he left the house.
Though I don't think I needed to be quite so polite.
Strangely enough, I don't feel much of anything toward the doctor.
He's a suspicious old man who feeds me strange drugs, so I should feel some animosity.
[17 minutes]
"Ah, the time."
I stood there blankly for a while before snapping out of it.
Zoning out at random times seems to have become a habit lately.
I reached for the bottle to use the new medicine.
The blue liquid sloshed inside.
Unlike the last drug, this one has color, which makes it strangely more intimidating.
I measured the amount of the drug in the syringe.
What does it mean that it's more addictive?
I guess there's no way to know but to find out for myself.
I angled the syringe.
I inserted the needle.
"Ugh..."
The unpleasant sensation of the injection followed.
[6 hours 32 minutes]
The remaining time increased.
It increased by less than the previous eight-hour boosts.
Is the duration shorter because the medicine has an additional function?
"Mmm..."
I gradually start to feel better.
If the old medicine was like just lying in bed, this is like relaxing in a hot spring.
Nothing I could do at home would feel better than this.
It's very satisfying.
The only downside is that the effect only lasts for about six hours.
"But is this actually treating anything..."
I have a bruise on my stomach, but at least it doesn't hurt to touch.
Though that's probably because of the medicine.
It'll heal on its own, right?
Mmm. Suddenly, that Academy student... Edan, was it?
I want to find him and kill him.
Ah, it's scary how my emotions keep intensifying.
I have to be careful.
I have to avoid the ending where I recklessly attack the protagonist and die.
Of course, this is all Han Si-hoo's fault.
The protagonist is the one in the wrong.
Still, I don't think of Han Si-hoo as a lifelong enemy or a nemesis I'd give my life to eliminate.
It would be nice if we could all just make up and live well.
Lost in stray thoughts, I stared blankly at the ceiling again.
***
On the fourth day, I had to praise myself for not overusing the medicine.
The claim that the drug was highly addictive was no empty threat.
I had to resist the urge to inject myself every hour.
But I endured.
That's me, after all.
There's no way I'd get addicted to some drug.