Chapter 58
Translator: Vine
Chapter: 58
Chapter Title: Madness
Life is, by nature, pain.
Perhaps the only currency humans can pay with is pain.
You buy happiness with pain.
That’s how it is for most people.
They pay the pain of labor to buy the happiness of money.
Pain comes first, and happiness follows.
But there are times when you buy happiness on credit.
Then, someday, you pay the price.
You’ve taken on a debt of pain.
I, too, have incurred a great deal of debt.
Because there was no pain I paid for the pleasure the drugs provided.
It feels like an inherited debt.
A debt you can’t refuse to inherit.
Since I'm ruined anyway, I keep taking on more and more debt.
Until I reach the limit.
To a point where even just paying the interest is impossible.
*Stab.*
But there is a way!
To transfer the debt I must repay to someone else.
The weapons I create are all made of pain.
The pain I was supposed to suffer.
If someone suffers the pain for me, I can repay my debt.
*Crunch.*
Give and take.
I give pain, and the other person receives it.
It’s strange that I didn’t realize this simple law until now.
I killed the Suppression Team members who were trying to kill Researcher A.
I didn’t realize it then, but thanks to that, my mind slowly began to return.
I, who couldn’t even hold a conversation, had opened my mouth.
Because I had paid the interest.
*Stab.*
So I killed the doctor.
I shared with the doctor the pain I was meant to endure.
"Heheh."
Stab, stab, and stab again.
The doctor is a good person.
So I feel guilty.
This is the guilt I pay for this excessive happiness.
[2%]
It probably means 2000 hours.
It was 1% when it passed 1000 hours.
Or maybe not.
The number 2000 isn't small.
But if it’s not time, I don’t know what it could mean.
-Click.
The radio, which I thought was just a decoration, turns on.
A voice echoes through the quiet study.
-I have released the magical beasts at a nearby experimental site.
It's the doctor.
-Since you used up all the medicine meant for the residents near the factory, they will have no way to defend themselves when the magical beasts attack.
The doctor's voice.
But I just killed him.
The body is still there.
But the voice doesn’t stop.
-I trust that you will handle it, Miss Seo-ah.
It sounds like he’s telling me to take care of the magical beasts he released.
-I got the idea from the method you used to escape. Thank you.
What did I just kill?
Wasn't it the doctor?
He was wearing a doctor's uniform.
A pre-recorded message?
Or was this not the real doctor, but some kind of doll?
"But what did he just say..."
My head isn't working right.
I tried to understand what the doctor said, but failed.
"Ah, did he say magical beasts are coming?"
He did.
He was asking me to protect the residents.
"So?"
What am I supposed to do?
I’m busy repaying my debt.
Even just paying the interest is overwhelming.
So... let's transfer the pain to the magical beasts.
They'll repay the debt for me.
And I'll be happy.
"Ahaha, ahahahahaha."
I'm happy.
I ended up using all the medicine in the study.
Maybe that's why I killed the doctor?
Using him and then killing him was the plan all along.
There’s medicine in the drawer I just slid open.
That’s it.
He said there was a stronger drug.
Good.
Should I take more medicine first and then think?
"Heheh..."
The debt is too large.
It’s a problem that arose from constantly buying pleasure.
Other people will pay the price for me.
People who have no interest whatsoever whether I'm thrown in a junkyard or treated as less than human.
It's the fault of the people who created this kind of society.
The people who made Yoo Seo-ah fall into debt.
I just have to pay it back.
A monster is visible in the mirror at the entrance of the study.
A monster that resembles Seo-ah, but isn't Seo-ah.
Haha, no wonder my human rights were revoked.
Even if I were a researcher, I would have wanted to study this.
And why do my eyes look like that?
Even without that, something's still strange.
It’s not for nothing that I want to shatter the mirror.
-It's all your fault.
The Seo-ah in the mirror says with a smile.
-It's all your fault.
No.
-It happened because you messed up.
I said no.
-It's all your fault.
"It's all my fault? Don't make me laugh, if it wasn't for me you wouldn't even be here. You know how hard how hard how hard it was for me."
-It's because you made a mistake.
"I didn't make a mistake, it just looked like a mistake, but everything worked out in the end, didn't it? In terms of results, I was right. Isn't it right to judge by the outcome from the beginning? All the people who insist I was wrong are idiots. Even if what I did was wrong, the situation made me do it. It wasn't because I did something wrong. In that situation, anyone would have had to do the same thing. It wasn't just me. No, I'm a real genius. I don't make mistakes."
-Why did you do it?
"Why do I always have to make excuses? I had a reason, I have a reason for everything, but people curse me without even listening to the reason. They have no intention of understanding me anyway, so it's useless for me to talk. I spoke in vain."
Because people hate me.
Because I'm hateful.
Because I'm a monster.
Because there's no difference between me and a monster.
-That's right!
If the world made me this way, why should I hate myself? No, it's everyone's fault, not just mine. I didn't become like this on my own. So, there's no reason to blame me. Right? I'm saying you have no reason to blame me. That's how it is.
You are nothing, what do you know, you're just a speck of dust that thinks it understands the universe while floating on the wind. Your face is sand, crumble.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I am so sorry. I'm sorry for being born. Because I ruined this world. If I hadn't existed, if I had died properly, everything would have been fine. I'm sorry that I'm still alive like this..."
The mirror distorts.
Or maybe I just shattered it.
"The researchers are laughing. They're laughing at me! But I'll kill them! I'll tear them all apart! If I do that, you'll like me again, right? If I do that, everything will be okay, right? I know I was wrong. But if I kill the monsters, I can be forgiven! I can!"
Let’s go kill the magical beasts.
Quickly, quickly, quickly.
***
Rusted iron plates, broken pipes, and the grease crawling over them come into view.
Rust flows down the walls, and blood flows on the roads.
I can see the magical beasts.
They really are like friends.
They haven't done much wrong, aside from killing people.
They seem to genuinely consider me a friend, showing no intention of attacking.
But I'm trash who would attack a friend without a second thought!
Sorry, Si-hoo!
I'm trash.
*Crack.*
Black branches pierce through the magical beasts.
This is the tree of pain.
All the weapons I create are made of pain.
Normally, you level up by killing things like this.
I've killed dozens of them.
They died without even resisting.
[3%]
It went up a little.
This isn't the effect of the drug.
This is the repayment rate.
It was a number showing how much of the debt I've paid off.
When it reaches 100%, I'll be liberated.
I'll pay off all my debt and become a free person.
Freedom.
But when I think about it, that word can't help but be burdensome.
Because I don't really need freedom.
Why didn't you just stay trapped there and die?
You, who's indistinguishable from a monster.
A pathetic being who racks up a huge debt and then just tries to pass it on to others.
I don't know why I'm alive.
"It must have been because I'm a monster. To be treated like that, like that... it was only natural, right? The reason they did that to me... was because there was a good reason for it. Die. Die. Just die."
*Boom.*
The sound of a magical beast exploding.
"I'm truly... truly sorry. Because this is all I can be... because I have a debt to repay. Of course... I had to endure it. I'm sorry. But I didn't want to be there. I'm not a monster, I'm not, I'm not. Since when was Seo-ah a monster, why? Why? Why? I didn't want to use the drugs, why."
The reason I used the drugs is simple.
Because it's time to level up!
I killed a great many magical beasts.
I'm a good person, so good it's a problem.
I see Si-hoo over there.
For some reason, he's covered in blood, panting as if he'd run here.
He looks this way.
His expression seems slightly brighter, yet at the same time, filled with terror. It's quite an impression.
"Seo-ah?"
He calls my name.
Why?
He's holding a sword.
It's covered in blood.
A sword?
A blade?
He's going to stab me again.
He's going to kill me.
By the time I come to my senses, I'll have been stabbed.
Scared, scared, scared.
I'm sorry for betraying you.
Save me.
But he's still holding the sword.
He thinks I'm a monster again.
Damn it, damn it, damn it.
I'm not.
I'm not.
I told you I'm not a monster.
Just in case, I covered my strange eyes with my hand.
I look even more like a monster than before, but I'm not a monster!
"Seo-ah?"
How long are you going to torment me?
I already apologized for what I did wrong!
I apologized, so why are you here?
Does Han Si-hoo still hate me?
You're going to choke me, right?
Are you going to hit me?
Stab me?
Curse at me?
You're going to call me a trashy whore.
Ahahahahahahaha.
"I'm not a monster, I'm telling you! Those things are the monsters! Not me! So if I kill them, it'll all be over. Those things aren't my friends. I can prove it. I can prove that I'm perfectly normal and kind and a really safe, good person with no problems! I'll kill them all!"
I will.
"So, please... please forgive me."
Ehehe.
I asked with a smile.