Chapter 40
Chapter 40
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Translator: Vine
Chapter: 40
Chapter Title: Ice Cream
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"It's delicious."
We were eating ice cream on a hot summer day.
It was sweet.
I held the stick of the melting ice cream between my fingers. *Nom*.
The weather was hot.
I remember the white tank top Seo-ah was wearing.
Cold. And delicious.
Was she already on the drugs back then?
Summer, not long before Han Si-hoo entered the Academy.
Back then, she didn't wear any bandages.
She never pulled down her sleeves either.
It was summer, after all.
Why would she, in this heat?
So we went to buy ice cream.
With what little money we had to spare, for the first time in a while.
"Hee."
She smiles.
Because of the drugs?
Or because the ice cream was delicious?
Memories are supposed to be beautiful.
I don't want to worry about the drugs.
I finished it.
"Let's get some again next time."
A small shop on the outskirts of the city.
The occasional customers were, in a way, all pitiful people.
That's what people said.
Living outside the city was proof of misfortune itself.
But we weren't unhappy.
We were happy together.
"Together."
As long as we were together, everything was good.
*Crunch*.
The ice cream shatters in my mouth.
It's cold.
I walk down the street.
As I walk, old memories surface.
I'm on my way to meet Lee Yoo-ram's younger sister.
I bought an ice cream from a convenience store.
No matter what I do, only the old days come to mind.
There are too many memories.
It's tasteless.
It's the same ice cream, but I can't taste it.
It should taste the same.
What went wrong?
The reason is clear.
My family is dead.
*Crack*.
I see the concrete curb of the road.
A night street.
The streetlights are out.
But the moonlight was bright, so it was okay.
"You do it like this."
If you fall to the ground, you lose.
You have to walk only on the curb.
Jump across the gaps.
"Whoever makes it to that point wins."
She stretches her arms out to the sides to keep her balance.
She looks like she might fall, but she doesn't.
There are no cars.
The roads leading out of the city aren't used much.
You can see traces of where monsters have broken through.
There's no capacity for repairs.
"You just have to get to this stone, okay?"
Seo-ah, who has already reached the finish line, waves from a distance.
It's Han Si-hoo's turn.
This is an even older memory.
A memory where I didn't have to worry about things like drugs.
It must be.
Just how much further back do I have to go?
Whenever I remember Seo-ah's smiling face from the past, I can't help but wonder if she was truly happy just because she was with Han Si-hoo.
"Ah. Look at that."
She looks up at the sky.
"The clouds are all gone. There are so many stars."
Is that so?
I look up at the sky.
It's full of clouds.
I'm still in the city.
The road is lined with cars.
The 'don't touch the ground' game.
Honestly, it wasn't a very fun game.
It was just nice doing it with a friend.
Seo-ah blocks the moonlight with her hand.
To see the faint starlight better.
"Ah, you can see them better from over here."
*Bang*.
And then, Seo-ah says nothing.
I should have stopped it.
I should have, I just had to stop it.
How?
If I went to the Academy, I could earn money.
With that, Seo-ah could have lived in a better place.
Seo-ah told me not to come.
She told me not to come in the house, so I waited for hours before going back.
When she said I was disgusting, I was just a little hurt.
If I hadn't gone back to the Academy then, would things have been okay?
What part?
She was already addicted to the drugs, so how could it have been okay?
Was it okay because I was at least earning money for her drugs?
Where did I fail?
No matter what choice I made, I can't see anything but bad outcomes.
Where, where, what choice should I have changed, and how.
The Academy seemed to treat me well.
There were some unsettling things, but still.
I believed it would be a decent fortress until I could find a better way.
They were just injecting Seo-ah with drugs and running tests.
It's disgusting that they stubbornly went ahead with the trauma tests I told them not to do.
But isn't it an institution that protects humanity?
A place that protects its citizens.
They just took the stance that anything was justified under the pretext of 'for humanity'.
And that doctor being there so casually, what the hell.
No one is really protecting us.
Because they're all too busy protecting themselves.
My mistake was forgetting it was already a rotten place.
Mistake.
I was wrong.
I'm sorry.
That's why I must learn.
To learn, you need to reflect.
What went wrong and what was right.
Where and what needs to be fixed.
It was simply a lack of power.
Power.
"Si-hoo."
"Yeah."
"What are you doing?"
"Sword practice."
"Again today?"
What I held in my hand was just a steel rod, but if I swung it right, it became a sword.
Practice, and you get better and better.
If I had a teacher, I would have learned faster, but I could still grow by teaching myself.
"Yeah."
"Are you going to hit someone?"
That sounds strange.
"I'm not going to hit anyone."
"Huh?"
"I'm only going to take care of the bad people."
I knew from the beginning that I needed strength.
"I see."
Seo-ah knew it too.
That you need strength to survive.
"And I might have to fight real monsters."
I might have to deal with dungeons or gates.
When the air raid sirens went off, all we could do was run.
But I felt a time would come when I'd have to fight.
"That's scary."
I swing the sword.
And thrust.
"Still, there might be a more peaceful way than fighting."
I doubt I could have a conversation with a monster that can't be reasoned with.
Because when you need to protect something, you protect it.
But just protecting isn't enough.
You have to eliminate the cause.
So I cut and stabbed.
"Peace?"
"Probably. If you fight, you could get hurt too."
"..."
"You saw it back then, people getting hurt while fighting."
When was that?
I saw people fighting each other.
I also saw them fighting things that weren't human.
"I'll only fight when I have to."
There were often times when I had to.
There are moments when fighting is justified.
Han Si-hoo was never hurt.
He is becoming a hero who never loses.
So I cut them down with my sword.
The enemy, without hesitation.
For some reason, the sword I wield is stained with blood.
I wasn't cutting through empty air.
My heart pounds.
A ringing fills my ears.
-Was I a bad person?
I was only trying to kill the doctor.
-Was I the monster?
Is that what she wanted to say?
Everything overlaps.
From Seo-ah as a child to the state she was in when struck by Han Si-hoo's sword.
She spouts words she doesn't want to say.
Do I really have to listen to my childhood friend explain that she never sold her body?
Choking her, or kicking her.
Honestly, even a run-of-the-mill villain wouldn't do that to their own family.
You can't do that in your right mind.
It's not right.
It can't happen.
I don't want to hurt her until the very end.
Enduring it through willpower.
Mental strength.
But this is like being told to run after having your legs cut off.
Isn't it similar to being told to think after having your head cut off?
Still, I didn't want to hurt Seo-ah.
*Bang*.
So the doctor shot her.
*Nom*.
Ice cream again.
Seo-ah is eating happily.
"Should we get one more...?"
The money we brought is just barely enough.
But it's a snack we haven't had in a while.
"Should we?"
"Yeah."
There's an ice cream I haven't seen before.
"It's tuna ice cream!"
"Tu...na? What does that taste like?"
The reason we had so many cans of tuna at home was because Seo-ah liked them.
There were plenty of other cheap foods.
Canned food was more expensive than you'd think.
"Let's try it!"
She smiles brightly.
Well, the tuna ice cream tasted like tuna.
Maybe because it tasted fishy, even Seo-ah couldn't stand it and spat it out.
I later found out it was an ice cream released for a short time as a prank.
After a few bites, it wasn't completely inedible.
"...That was fun, wasn't it."
Ahaha.
While laughing.
I don't know how she could always laugh like that.
The world is bleak.
It's a mess.
A world where you can't find a single favorable aspect.
"Why would anyone freeze tuna to eat it?"
I know, right.
"I think I'll be fine without it for a while."
"Me too."
The path home was nothing but crumbling streets.
Everyone had left, and only dust remained.
Sometimes, stray animals wandered about.
"Do you know the name of this flower?"
Seo-ah points to a flower with red and white mixed together.
"What is it?"
"Huh? I don't know either."
"It's probably a carnation."
"What, you knew? No wonder it looked like the ones made with origami."
"Yeah. You're right. A carnation."
A flower encyclopedia, or something. I'd seen it in a book Seo-ah picked up.
I'd forgotten trivial things like the language of flowers.
It's something that I even remember the name.
"I wonder if someone was growing it and then abandoned it. It's lonely."
"They probably moved out a long time ago."
"Right."
Moving.
I'd been thinking that we'd have to move someday.
Han Si-hoo knew it too.
Living in a slum like this is dangerous.
But there was nowhere else to live.
Without money, you can't live under the safe protection of the city.
"I wonder if the day will come when we can move to a nice house."
"Yeah."
"Though to be honest, this is good enough."
Yoo Seo-ah didn't seem to have any lingering attachment to the house.
She only said that because Han Si-hoo had brought up moving a few times.
"...If you like it, then I like it too."
Han Si-hoo spoke.
It was a cheesy line he didn't say often.
"Ahaha..."
She laughed.
And we walked a little more.
"Si-hoo."
"Yeah?"
"Do you think we can stay together forever?"
A hint of anxiety shows.
Even though she's smiling, the mood grows heavy.
"Of course."
"I hope so."
But there was nothing to worry about.
Because I would never, ever leave Seo-ah alone.
If so, no problems would arise.
The things Seo-ah worried about would never happen.
Never.
Because something like that would never happen.
"...Still. A time might come when we have to part for a while, or can't see each other."
Seo-ah says.
Thinking realistically about the future, that's true.
It's questionable whether we could stick together forever.
But I still want to be with her.
"But well, we'll meet again. So let's cheer each other on, wherever we are."
Seo-ah says with a smile.
"I wonder if a day like that will come."
I couldn't really imagine it.
"The world is a big place. Someday."
You'll be able to spread your wings.
She said something like that.
The sun was slowly setting.
The clouds were like giant cotton candy.
The sky was dyed scarlet, mixed with shades of pink.
We stopped for a moment, mesmerized, and gazed at the sky.
Perhaps everyone else in the area was also admiring the sky.