Why the Hell Is This a RoFan?
“Same as always.”
The imperial capital where the headquarters of the Cheonil Church stood. Thanks to the Sun God’s blessing, the weather grew more perfect for human life the closer you got to the capital. After years of staring at nothing but damp, gloomy skies, the sight made me want to break out in hives.
Didn’t want to come here in the first place.
Being summoned directly to headquarters instead of receiving the usual letter at my hideout could only mean one thing: something ridiculously annoying. And if it involved my master—the man whose name was written Homerus but read as Horo the bastard—the odds were a clean hundred percent.
As I walked past the headquarters’ dazzling buildings, the nuns and priests watching me didn’t exactly look friendly. Unkempt beard, matted hair, and black priest robes that had turned into something halfway between cloth and rag. It was practically a breach of etiquette, but what did they want me to do about it? If they had a complaint, they could take it up with the Exorcism Bureau for never sending proper clothes. Buying a new set of robes on the pathetic allowance that barely covered food and booze was pure luxury. And if anyone ever tells you to cut back on drinking, filter them immediately. One hundred percent a fraud. Just report them to the nearest Cheonil Church branch.
“Halt… Ah, it’s Brother Dante.”
“Yeah. Director Horo… I mean, Director Homerus called for me.”
The Exorcism Bureau was buried underground while all the clean, respectable buildings stood abandoned above it. Even the exorcists guarding the passage down there didn’t look at me kindly. I understood why. A guy with barely any faith who still wielded divine power, who ignored orders on a daily basis and performed unsanctioned exorcisms whenever he felt like it.
“You got a problem with your eyes?”
Understanding and liking someone were two very different things. I didn’t like bastards like them either. Headquarters rats who were exorcists in name only.
“P-proceed.”
Being an exorcist was definitely a brutal job, but the respect that came with it was real. Perfect for snagging a quick achievement and bolting. I used to think the training had been a waste, but that opinion vanished the moment I started working in the field. Sure, living like that was the best way to stay alive, but these honey-sucking desk jockeys had no right to grumble at me.
“Old man. I’m here.”
At the end of a dark, damp corridor that looked nothing like the brilliant headquarters buildings—at the very edge of the shadow cast by the Cheonil Church—sat the director’s office. Inside was a muscular old giant who still looked as vigorous as ever after sixteen years. A man who had lost one eye to a Vampire Lord and one arm as a parting gift from a Balrog. Homerus stared at me with an almost affectionate gaze.
“Ugh. You son of a bitch. Disgustingly hard to kill, aren’t you?”
“Unlike you, old man, my dick still gets hard, so don’t worry about me.”
“A priest shouldn’t even be using that thing. What’s the point of it getting hard?”
“You hitting menopause or something? Next time I visit I’ll bring you a nice potted plant.”
Orders could wait. We growled at each other first. Just the usual greeting between friends. That sort of thing.
“At least you haven’t been possessed by a demon.”
“Even if I wanted to be, my body wouldn’t let it happen. So why’d you call me?”
“It’s a mission the Empress personally requested from the Pope.”
“Excuse me?”
Empress Windsor I of the Includ Empire. An arrogant, violent, iron-blooded monarch who possessed the ability to match her temper. I had never met her, but everything I’d heard made it clear she wasn’t the type of person who made requests of anyone.
“I was surprised too. Never thought the woman who arrogantly calls herself the sun would actually ask for a favor.”
“Did two Great Demons descend or something?”
“That would’ve been easier.”
With those incomprehensible words, he handed me a sheet of paper. The mission title and details were written on it.
Academy Infiltration and Protection of Key Personnel
“Academy infiltration and key figure protection? Did I read that right?”
“You did.”
“And my name’s written in huge letters at the bottom?”
“It is.”
Silence fell. I knew it, and my master who had trained me knew it too—how ridiculously unsuited I was for anything in the “infiltration and protection” category.
“Don’t you have any demon or monster extermination requests? That sounds way better.”
I’d rather tap-dance with demons than get dragged into the teenage drama of eighteen-year-olds. I’d rather die.
“You think there are any? Besides, the Pope apparently received quite a few things in exchange for accepting this request.”
“Isn’t that corruption? Shouldn’t divine punishment strike him?”
“If it hasn’t struck the guy who checks if meat gets cooked with divine power, why would it strike for this?”
“Huh. Fair point.”
By the way, normal livestock meat didn’t cook.
“Just send that other guy. You know the one. The buttery pretty boy.”
“Don’t say that in front of the other nuns. Your image is already bad enough—you’ll actually get stoned.”
Among my old comrades, there was one popular bastard who looked like he’d be the first to run away from active duty but was still working as an exorcist. I wasn’t jealous. Really! He must have been getting a disgusting amount of extra support because whenever we ran into each other at headquarters—which was rare—he always looked perfectly neat.
“Besides, he stands out too much.”
“And I don’t?”
It hurt to say it, but I stood out in a completely different way from that guy.
“That’s why the Empress offered to help. Head straight to the imperial palace.”
“No! I don’t want to!”
“Go to the armory. What you’ve been wanting so badly is there.”
“…For real?”
The complaints that had risen all the way to my throat began to sink at Homerus’s words.
“Yes.”
The moment he spoke, I left the director’s office without looking back. I quickly cut through the dark corridor and arrived at the armory. The second I opened the door, an endless cacophony that could only be described as a roar poured out.
“Hey! Where the hell is my Phillips screwdriver!”
“Idiot! It’s stuck in your pants!”
“Hey! Hey hey! Your head’s on fire!”
It was the lively workshop where dwarves invented like madmen. They were stingy about food expenses but poured endless support into the armory. I took the outer path around the workshop toward the firearms development lab—the most dangerous section in the entire armory.
Right before entering, I paused for a second. As expected, an explosion went off with a BOOM.
This place never changes no matter when I visit.
The familiar scene gave me confidence that the thing I had wanted so badly had really been made.
“Mister Lakton! I’m here!”
“What? Did ya cause another damn accident? What the hell brings ya to headquarters?”
A black-haired, black-bearded dwarf who spoke in a thick regional dialect. The terrifying genius in charge of the firearms development lab.
“What accident? I was called. Called. Horo the bastard director summoned me, so I had to come.”
“Why’s that bastard only callin’ for ya? Why drag in a kid who’s been kickin’ around the outskirts?”
“He said it was for a long-term mission. And that I’d get what I wanted if I accepted, so here I am.”
“Ah! Ya mean that thing? The one they wouldn’t approve ‘cause it eats money like a pig. Figured it finally got the green light. Come over here.”
I followed Lakton into the area where the pistols were kept. The staff working under him didn’t even glance up when he appeared, completely focused on their tasks.
“Everyone! We’re finally test-firing that thing! Get over here!”
“Woooooo!”
At his shout, even the people working elsewhere all gathered. I had requested it and designed the gun myself, but honestly I’d doubted whether it could even be built with this era’s technology.
“Here it is. Name’s Horizon. As in, the horizon of the incident—where things end.”
“D-does it actually fire?”
“Who do ya take me for? Of course it does. Try it.”
The base model was a revolver from some zombie game’s latest title. The power was one thing, but the actual model looked so cool I couldn’t forget it. When they asked what weapon I wanted to commemorate becoming an exorcist, I told them and got shot down hard. A double-action semi-automatic revolver. The entire length of the gun matched my forearm. It looked like someone had forcibly turned a rifle into a pistol, but who cared?
“Whoa! This is sick!”
“Right?”
If it looked cool, that was enough. Sure, it had zero practicality and the recoil was insanely strong—so strong that most exorcists couldn’t even handle it. In the end, I had simply acquired one ridiculously powerful revolver that only I wanted and only I could use.
“Then I’ll begin.”
The mood turned serious the moment firing started. Calibration was necessary, and this would be the first time a person actually used it.
BANG!
A massive sound like a shotgun’s stopping power had been compressed into one shot rang out, and the wooden target board vanished without a trace.
“Is this a normal bullet?”
“It is. Set up a tougher target.”
The next target wearing plate armor didn’t fare any better. Never mind the armor being pierced—the area around the impact was completely warped, as if the internal organs had been pulverized.
“How is it?”
“I love it! But honestly it’s a bit much to use as a primary weapon.”
“Can’t be helped. If ya used that as your main, the armory budget would collapse.”
“Then please prepare my usual gear along with this.”
“Give me a moment.”
Having received a weapon of this caliber, I figured I could handle one annoying long-term mission.
Or so I had thought.
The imperial palace I reached by carriage—who knew how long I’d been waiting for it—was certainly splendid, but a strange smell of blood hung thick in the air. It felt half like a demon’s den, yet in reality it was one of the places, along with the Cheonil Church headquarters, that absolutely forbade demonic intrusion.
Following the chamberlain’s guidance, I arrived at the audience chamber. I stepped through the opening doors without much thought, then hurriedly lowered my head at the sight of the throne without a screen and the feet visible beneath it.
“Hehe. They called you a maniac, but you at least know basic etiquette?”
“Your Majesty. Why have you not installed a screen?”
Nobles of this era did not casually speak each other’s names. People of the emperor’s stature did not carelessly reveal even their faces. Demons were beings that could commit any atrocity with just a name and a face. Rather than live in constant anxiety over what might happen, emperors wore veils or used screens. It was for a similar reason that nobles wore masks at banquets or lightly covered their faces with fans.
Are you insane? Why wouldn’t you cover your face in front of a guy whose daily routine is chatting with demons?
That was why I felt like I was going crazy. It was true that demons couldn’t freely rummage through my head, but there was always the possibility of “what if.”
“Raise your head, exorcist. If you do not, I shall assume you dare defy an imperial command.”
“Sigh…”
With her speaking like that, I had no choice but to lift my head.
“Kukuk. Surprised?”
“Yes. I am surprised.”
The Empress sat on the throne with her legs crossed, looking down at me. Her face was hidden behind a thick veil.
“I came because I was told that Your Majesty entrusted me with a mission and would provide assistance.”
“So if We had said We would not help, you would not have come?”
“…Pardon?”
“Answer Us.”
“Ah. No, that wouldn’t be the case?”
What did this woman want? I was filled with the urge to just run away, but no matter how crazy I was, I had no desire to oppose the Empress.
“Hmm.”
Why was she suddenly pulling her chest together? If it was heavy, she could have someone else carry it like a Greek goddess or something.
“Your Majesty…? Wasn’t this urgent?”
I had only skimmed it, but I remembered seeing the words “immediate response requested.”
“Yes, it is urgent. Exorcist. Your name is definitely Dante?”
“Yes. I am Dante.”
“Good. We are Elysee.”
“……?”
Did my ears malfunction? Why did it sound like the Empress had just revealed her own name?
Elysee?
The question of why the name felt familiar lasted only a moment. One memory buried deep underground crawled back up.
This Month’s Top Villainess, This Year’s Top Female Character, and the female character you most want to swear at.
Even I, who only played the game casually because the illustrations were so beautiful, remembered this character.
Why the hell is this a RoFan?
Was it really necessary to drag me into a place like this just because I remembered one character?