Do Not Touch That Box (1)
The academy was a veritable melting pot of desire.
Yet, when it came to relations between the sexes—such as the ban on dating and the strict prohibition against entering the opposite gender's dormitories—the rules were remarkably strict.
It was an inevitable precaution, given the massive headache a student pregnancy would cause. And that was precisely why that ridiculous orgy had taken place on the train.
"Sir."
"Winston Murchill. You may call me Murchill."
"Very well, Mr. Murchill. Is the favor you are asking to summon an exorcist?"
"N-No. While we have indeed requested their presence, it will take time for them to arrive. In the meantime, I was told to ask you, Father."
"Are you asking me to perform a purification ritual? The kind they only did in the old days?"
Ever since the advancement of consecration allowed for the rapid production of blessed weapons and ammunition, a common evil spirit could be dealt with using a single shotgun blast.
"Ah, no. But carrying firearms is rather complicated, is it not?"
"An ordinary priest cannot leave the cathedral grounds with a firearm. Permission is strictly granted for self-defense within the cathedral itself."
Exorcists, who had to wander the world like peddlers, were granted carry permits. There was no way in hell a priest who lived cooped up in a cathedral would get one.
"If you could somehow manage..."
I feel like I need to do something about that bastard principal's head first.
Did these people think gun permits were some kind of joke?
"No."
"A victim has already appeared."
"..."
I was about to tell him to just make do with rock salt and holy water, but he beat me to the punch.
"The campus is crawling with aspiring knights. Ask them."
Just as those vampire knights handled firearms, human knights could use them too.
The only difference was that the Church of the Thousand Days' firearms were custom-made by dwarves, meaning the performance gap was like heaven and earth.
"There is exactly one person who volunteered to help. However..."
So there was one.
And seeing him trail off like that, it was all too easy to guess who it was.
"The volunteer's name?"
"It is Lady Leona Richter. As the disciple of the Sword Saint, she is certainly capable in terms of martial strength, but she is a bit..."
Stupid, probably.
Or should I call her pure?
She was airheaded, which made her hard to trust, and thinking about the bloodthirsty killer lurking inside her gave me a headache.
"Sigh. I have a condition."
There was no need for him to look so tense.
It wasn't like I was that bastard head priest; did he think I'd demand money or women?
"I will not carry a firearm until we identify what we are dealing with."
"Pardon? Won't that be dangerous?"
"It is fine. I will handle it. And that volunteer will be accompanying me."
"That is perfectly fine. I will let her know."
"So, where did the incident occur?"
"The girls' dormitory."
"..."
"Do not worry. The female students will surely welcome you."
Welcome me, my ass...
Why did I have to worry about protecting my chastity at my age?
In the end, the deal was struck.
However, as an additional condition, I made sure that my hours of operation were strictly limited to the night.
"Lock the doors tight, and don't forget to check your firearm before you go to sleep."
"Yes!"
"And what did I say to do in a dangerous situation?"
"Fire the flare first!"
"Good."
While the vampires probably wouldn't return for a while, the pink-haired brat in front of me was a natural-born troublemaker.
It was as if her pink hair glowed in the dark, practically begging enemies to target her. She was bound to draw aggro.
"But isn't the girls' dormitory closer than the city?"
"It's not a matter of distance. It's a matter of whether they can infiltrate the cathedral."
Vampires couldn't set foot in a cathedral at all, but demons and other entities were different.
They might be weakened, but they could still manage to break in.
"Well, I'm off."
"Be careful!"
Hmm. The dynamic felt a bit strange, but I ignored it and headed toward the girls' dormitory.
Aside from the blessing ceremony, this was my first time heading toward the residential area for students and professors.
Perhaps because it was an academy, the paths were well-maintained and didn't feel dirty.
Still, walking through a deserted campus at night naturally felt a bit eerie.
Ever since I woke up in this world, my life had been overrun by non-human entities, yet a lingering sense of modern sensibility still remained deep down.
"Sensibility, my foot... I should probably walk around and pray during the day for a while."
Sadly, it wasn't just a matter of my imagination.
It was proof that grudges and lingering resentment had seeped into every corner of the academy.
If the head priest were a proper clergyman, he would have walked around with the priests and nuns to offer prayers. But there was no way that man would ever do that.
The city was so filthy that even ghosts died out, which had kept things quiet. But the moment a single powerful entity broke through, a major nuisance would be born.
"Pri—no, Father!"
"Everyone is sleeping. Keep it down, will you?"
Leona, who had been crouching under the lit entrance like a stray puppy, rushed over the moment she saw me.
She looked like a dog greeting its master after a long time, but that would be an insult to dogs, so I refrained from the comparison.
"The sister isn't here?"
"I wouldn't even bring a fully ordained nun to a job like this. Why would I bring an apprentice?"
"Hehe... Mmph!?"
I didn't know why she looked so pleased, but feeling a bit annoyed, I found myself pinching and pulling her cheek.
"Ow, that hurts."
"It's supposed to hurt. What do you have to say for yourself, sticking your nose into a case where someone died and dragging me out here?"
"I'm sorry..."
"Lead the way. And everyone is asleep, right?"
"There might be some people staying up late to study, but most should be asleep. Why?"
"Didn't you answer your own question?"
"Ah...!"
I had stepped into a den of lionesses eager to devour me.
Of course, if a priest beat up a noble lady to protect his chastity, it might be considered self-defense under mitigating circumstances. Still, I didn't trust myself to pull my punches.
"I haven't seen the body yet. What was its condition, and where was it found?"
"The upper body was missing, and it was in the hallway."
"Then it's not an evil spirit, at least."
"Eh? Why is that?"
"If it were an evil spirit, the internal organs would have been spilled, or the limbs and neck would have been twisted."
By that logic, we could also rule out heart-targeting creatures like werewolves.
They would have dragged the prey away entirely and chewed them to pieces.
"Double-yee."
"Are you really going to keep calling me that?"
"Yeah. I plan to call you that until you conquer the crazy bitch inside you. Do you know what to watch out for when searching for something hidden inside a building like this?"
"N-No?"
"Mimicry and transformation to hide in tight spaces."
"M-Mimicry?"
Feeling frightened, she needlessly waved her oversized flashlight around.
The dormitory hallway lights were completely off.
It was the perfect environment to induce anxiety in an amateur.
Aside from that, her eyes were welling up with tears again.
"Yes. But don't worry, they don't mimic humans."
Since they were mere remnants of demons, they drew pleasure and power from tormenting humans.
"They usually assimilate into objects or the environment. And there's a high probability it's an object."
"Pardon?"
"I'm scanning the area, but I'm not catching anything."
I was actively searching, spreading waves of divine power.
The waves, which seeped through my toes into the ground to scan a set radius, detected absolutely nothing.
Since it functioned similarly to a bat's echolocation, it could only detect things exposed on the surface.
"Then couldn't we just tell people not to touch unfamiliar objects?"
"If it were that easy, they would have been eradicated long ago. They usually consume an object that smells of humans and take its form."
If someone saw their own belongings rolling on the floor, wouldn't they pick them up first?
And that was when they got eaten.
"Is there a storage room or something?"
"Yes. There's a separate lost-and-found storage room inside the dormitory."
Even though we walked slowly, we managed to check every nook and cranny of the girls' dormitory hallways.
I had hoped, but as expected, things weren't going to be resolved so easily.
"Do you think it's in the lost-and-found?"
"That's the most likely place. But do you have the key?"
"..."
Her steps toward the storage room ground to a halt.
This was my mistake.
Expecting an idiot to prepare beforehand was foolish of me.
"If it's a key you need, I can help with that."
"Eek—mmph!"
As Leona gasped and tried to scream at the voice behind us, I quickly covered her mouth.
I had no desire to be surrounded by lionesses waking up to the noise.
"Lady Helsing?"
"We meet again, Father. So, what is this?"
The blonde beauty nudged the pathetically fainted Leona with her foot.
Though she still possessed a youthful, girlish charm, she felt more unsettling than pure.
"You shouldn't kick someone who has fainted like that."
"Why not?"
Why on earth was she asking "why not"?
The problem was that her eyes genuinely showed she had no idea why she shouldn't.
I was deeply curious about how these damn hunters raised their children.
"My Lady. If you were lying down and someone kicked you, would you feel good about it?"
"No."
"Generally, other people feel the exact same way."
"Is that something I need to care about?"
"Even if you don't mingle closely with them, you must care if you wish to live among them as a human."
"As a human... My family only ever referred to me as a hunter. How strange."
Humanity was indeed highly likely to become a weakness.
Yet, those of us who performed exorcisms on the front lines were all certain of one thing.
In the end, it was humans who killed monsters.
I thought the Helsing family shared a similar philosophy, but apparently not.
"My Lady. Do you know what we value most in our doctrine?"
"I don't know."
"It tells us to become humans who live in gratitude to the Sun, not to become servants."
Stand tall as a human who lives in gratitude to Him, not as His servant.
The Sun merely illuminates our path; walking and overcoming that path is ultimately up to oneself.
A hymn to humanity.
Though we praised the Sun, the core of the doctrine was that humans must ultimately overcome challenges through their own strength.
"Then I suppose I am human."
"Stop asking obvious questions and let's go to the storage room."
"Don't... piggyback that."
"Pardon?"
She was a nuisance, but I couldn't just leave her lying here, so I went to hoist her onto my back. But Lady Helsing waved her finger.
With that, Leona floated gently into the air.
"Oh. You have quite a talent."
"It just happened."
"Mmm..."
Perhaps she was exhausted, because she seemed to have fallen fast asleep after fainting.
She was even drooling. What a sight...
"What do you think about the incident where the student's upper body vanished?"
Since she was a child of the Helsing family who had never gone on a hunt, I had pushed her out of my mind.
Still, as a direct descendant of the Helsing family, she must have some knowledge.
"Did you not see it yourself?"
"I heard the deceased student's associates took custody of the body and left immediately. Well, you know how this academy is."
A place where they dumped useless, superficial nobles.
Yet, noble blood still ran through their veins.
"Blood and corpses are among the best mediums. I can understand why they took it away quickly just in case. Besides, I didn't know them, so I didn't care."
"Heh. You certainly are different from the rest of the Helsings."
"You seem to know them well."
"I know an exorcist who told me that members of the Helsing family are relentlessly obsessive when it comes to demons and monsters."
They only paused between hunts because of their human limitations; if their blood were oil and their bodies steel, those people would have moved like machines.
"So, am I strange?"
"Not really. If you felt grief over the death of a stranger, you'd certainly be a good person, but you didn't even know their face... right?"
"Yes. I don't waste my memory capacity on anyone who isn't like you, Father."
Controlling her memory capacity, huh?
A talented mage was apparently more impressive than I thought.
The ones I had met so far were all completely unhinged, shooting first the moment we crossed paths, so I never had the chance to appreciate it.
"I don't feel much grief over the deaths of strangers either. If you want to learn what a normal reaction looks like, try hanging around this idiot."
"With this thing?"
"Yes. With this thing."
I had gone out of my way to offer a solution, but she looked displeased, her expressionless face carrying a hint of a pout.
"It's that way."
Lady Helsing suddenly quickened her pace and walked ahead.
In the beam of the flashlight, something could be seen falling over inside the slightly ajar storage room door.
The moment I grabbed the young lady's neck to pull her back before she could walk right into it—
"Kyaah!"
"Kyaah?"
Setting aside her uncharacteristically girlish shriek, the trembling beam of the flashlight revealed a corpse with its upper body completely bitten off.