A Sermon for the New Students
What should I say to these fine eighteen-year-olds? Some uplifting words from the Church of the Heavenly One? Or practical advice on how to go around slaughtering demons? No, that wouldn't do at all.
The eyes of the new students gazing up from below the podium were a chaotic mix. Bored and listless, irritated, furious, and finally, suspicious. It seemed like that Leona girl had caught a faint whiff of something, but there was no way that idiot would actually figure it out.
“Hoo. Dear new students. First, let me congratulate you on your admission.”
I barely swallowed back a sigh. It was the height of irony for a man who couldn't even see his own path ahead to be offering blessings to others. As someone who might find himself in hell throwing punches with demons tomorrow, and as a man living through his second life, I would simply say what needed to be said.
“Some of you came here chasing dreams. Some came for survival. Others simply because you were told to come, or because everyone else was doing it.”
This place was, after all, the pinnacle of public education across the continent. Everyone likely carried at least one thing dear in their hearts.
“Honestly, as a priest who has only just received his official appointment, it feels somewhat presumptuous to speak as a senior in life. Haha.”
If I actually told them about my life, I wouldn't be able to show my face outside ever again.
“But through joining the Church of the Heavenly One and studying to become a priest, I too was able to find a light to guide me forward.”
Becoming an exorcist priest came with a gun permit. That part was excellent. After all, wasn't a shotgun the best greeting for demons and monsters?
“Some of you may have come with admission itself as your only goal, but even then, I believe you will find the light here to guide your next steps.”
The country needs to be stable for me to work in peace, you idiots. Study hard, graduate, and go grind yourselves down in service to the Empress.
“I hope you find that light and strive to shine even more brilliantly. Just as I follow the Lord Sun to find my path, so long as you possess that light, you will not lose your way even if you wander through darkness.”
Tone down the corruption a little, would you? For the past few years there have been far more deaths among followers and collaborators than actual demons.
“Once again, congratulations on your admission.”
I wrapped up my words and stepped down from the podium. Belated applause followed, but I ignored it and walked away.
“You're quite unusual.”
“Pardon?”
“The Chief Priest always speaks at length in praise of the Church of the Heavenly One, but your approach is rather different, Father Abel.”
I couldn't help but let out a small snort of laughter.
“Father Abel?”
“Ah. My apologies. I suppose it is simply a difference in religious interpretation.”
The man called the Chief Priest leaves the cathedral empty and no one knows where he is, yet the thing he does most is praising the church? Unbelievable.
“Still, it was the best congratulatory address I have heard thus far. I feel bad for the Chief Priest, but I would like to request your services again next year as well.”
“For now, I suggest you discuss it with the Chief Priest first. Well then, if you'll excuse me...”
It was gradually growing dark. One might wonder why the entrance ceremony was held so late, but apparently a freshmen banquet was scheduled afterward. They called it the last taste of freedom before truly beginning life as students, but I had my doubts. At a glance it looked like the perfect excuse to start dividing people into factions.
Since nothing strange stood out among the students, I returned to the cathedral without a backward glance.
“This bastard still hasn't shown up.”
The damned Chief Priest was still nowhere to be seen. I was wondering whether I should leave the academy grounds and start searching the city when the cathedral door opened and a somewhat gaunt figure appeared.
“Who the hell are you?”
I tilted my head slightly, wondering what kind of person would speak so rudely the moment we met, but as he stepped further inside I caught sight of his attire and shut my mouth.
“Chief... Priest?”
I nearly cursed out loud. It really was the Chief Priest. He wore the proper priestly robes, but his face was flushed beet-red from drink, and the stench of alcohol grew thicker the closer he came.
“You've had... quite a lot.”
“Hmph! This is nothing. So who are you?”
“I am Abel, the newly appointed priest.”
The Church of the Heavenly One forbade relationships between men and women but permitted drinking and smoking in moderation. This man, however, showed no sign of moderation whatsoever.
“A new priest? Ha! I told them to send one quickly, but they take a whole damn month and then pull this shit!”
“Ha. Hahaha.”
Was I laughing from awkwardness? Hardly. If I didn't laugh at least like this, I was liable to grab this drunkard by the throat and slam him into the ground.
“Follow me!”
“Yes, Chief Priest.”
As we spoke, he seemed to be sobering up somewhat; his speech and steps no longer slurred. When we entered the Chief Priest's room—which I had not been permitted to enter before—he immediately snatched up the holy water that had been set out and drank it straight from the bottle.
“......”
This bastard has truly gone mad. Holy water was the final defensive measure for ordinary priests who were not exorcists. To use it simply to cure a hangover—what the hell was he?
“Krr. Finally clear-headed. You're freshly official, right?”
“Correct.”
“Then don't concern yourself with anything I do.”
“Pardon?”
“I said don't stick your nose into what I do. Understand? Even if you see something, pretend you didn't. Act like you've seen nothing at all.”
Did this fellow even intend to hide his sins? Or was he simply bursting with confidence because he had yet to be caught?
“As a priest, I will block what must be blocked. Beyond that, I will simply make an effort to...”
Click. A gun. And this ordinary priest had drawn it and was pointing it at me.
“Just do as you're told. Do you know how much trouble it's been, chasing off all the previous ones who wouldn't listen?”
“Chief Priest. Is this a registered firearm?”
It didn't feel old so much as every component that didn't absolutely require metal had been crafted from bone.
“Registered? Ha. Why the hell would I need permission? I'm the king here!”
I was genuinely curious how this man had survived this long. Speaking like that was clear proof of full corruption, yet it was astonishing that no inquisitor had come to visit.
“Understood. I don't particularly want to die either.”
“Hmph. Get out.”
He told me to leave, so I stood and walked out, but the gaze boring into my back was far from pleasant. Anyone who wasn't a fool would never take those words at face value.
The next day.
I had assumed there would be none, but when I heard the man making a fuss about a weekday mass, I dragged myself up thinking that at least he did the bare minimum.
“......”
“Haha. Thank you all once again today.”
The sight of him arriving late was appalling. Could this even be called a mass? Offerings were not forbidden, but nothing like this existed anywhere else in the world. Every time students wearing second-year badges inserted and withdrew bundles of money, they tried to conceal it, yet something white was clearly visible. I didn't know exactly what it was. In a mad world where they mixed magic, curses, and all sorts of things far beyond simple chemistry, how many varieties of drug could there be?
“I put in plenty so you can make some good customers.”
“Chief Priest, you work hard too. Let's go!”
When the boy who appeared to be the students' leader left, the others followed after him with gleeful expressions.
“What are you staring at?”
“Isn't that a drug?”
“There's no side effects if you keep taking it, so what drug? It's a tonic.”
One of the mysterious aspects of magic in this world. Unlike the drugs on Earth, these magically enhanced substances would not kill you unless you overdosed. The downside was that if you stopped taking them, you might thrash around like a cockroach sprayed with insecticide and die.
“As I thought...”
I couldn't hold back any longer. The moment I prepared to drive my fist into the back of the head of the boy happily carrying the offering box, the sound of the unoiled cathedral door opening rang out as someone entered.
“So you were here. The priest who gave yesterday's congratulatory address.”
It was a student. Even though it was clearly class time, the girl who had boldly walked into the cathedral drew the Chief Priest running toward her like a dog greeting its master.
“It's the Lady of the Hellsing Family! Hahaha. What brings you here?”
Paying the Chief Priest—who looked ready to lick her feet—no attention whatsoever, she walked straight toward me.
“Yesterday's address was quite intriguing. That...”
“My name is Abel, Sister.”
“Ah... Hmm.”
Why was she staring at me so piercingly? I had taken care to appear neat and proper as a priest, so there should have been nothing to criticize.
“You're... not the one.”
Hmm. There was a familiar scent of that crazy woman... No, it couldn't be.
“I'll see you again next time.”
“I hope you attend your classes well, Sister.”
Whether it had been a misunderstanding or not, the female student left rather abruptly.
“You idiot! That was the Lady of the Hellsing Family! Don't you know the Hellsings?!”
Rather, it was after the girl left that the Chief Priest threw a fit.
Would an exorcist priest not know the Hellsing family? Demon hunters, the sworn enemies of vampires, the terror of witches. A gathering of madmen who had risen to ducal rank solely by crushing demons and monsters.
“I am aware. I simply find it strange that a child of the Hellsing family is here, since I understand they usually begin hunting at that age.”
Having coordinated with them several times before, I knew them rather well. The place was bleak, which made it rather pleasant, and our synergy had been better than with other exorcists from our very first meeting, leaving me with a favorable impression.
“Why should we care about that! Get lost right now! You just cost me a good business connection!”
It seemed he was simply ignoring me outright.
The Chief Priest, who had turned the sacred cathedral into a den of corruption, was in a foul mood despite the arrival of a new priest who could finally attend to his needs.
Those damn eyes.
The moment he had pressed the gun to the boy's head, the boy had raised his hands and pretended to be afraid, but his pupils hadn't trembled in the slightest.
Beyond fear or lack of it, the feeling was one of familiarity.
His contacts with the bishops who had been covering for him had already gone silent, leaving him in an anxious position. It was a shame, but he felt it was time to move on.
“Just once. I only need to corrupt him once.”
If he left with a steady source of income secured, he could settle comfortably in his next posting.
There was no senior priest, and the man called the Chief Priest had all but abandoned the cathedral's duties. I handled the work one by one while reading through the records, and before I knew it the sun had set.
The time had finally come to shed this damned priestly mask!
“Where are you going?”
“I'll return after a simple evening meal.”
Leaving behind the Chief Priest, who had perfectly ruined my good mood, I slipped out of the academy grounds and into the city. I had already removed my necklace, and pulling the hood of my priestly robe over my head felt wonderfully freeing.
Hmm. This gloomy sensation.
“Hm?”
The pleasant feeling lasted only a moment. Amid the usual wary glances between merchants, I sensed a gaze aimed solely at me. Five of them. I first thought they might be demon worshippers, but the feeling was different. I didn't sense that unique filthy aura they carried. The reasons an ordinary human would target me were, naturally... far too numerous. I had caused more than a little chaos, after all.
I gave no outward sign and matched their movements. They were clearly not novices; they naturally herded me toward an area with no people. One or two would briefly enter my line of sight to heighten my fear... Not a bad technique. I should use it myself later.
“Well now. Where is the good priest headed?”
“Who are you?”
“We have something nice to give you.”
In an alley where all signs of life had completely vanished, the man who appeared to be the leader stepped forward, waving something back and forth.
“If it's so nice, why don't you take it yourself?”
These bastards really did think their drugs were some kind of tonic? Trying to force it on people.
“I'd love to, but it's an order. Grab him!”