The Qualifications of a Saintess (1)
When I returned to the dormitory, the very first thing I did was confess to Ethan that I was the Saintess.
For one thing, with Ethan awake and Isabel fast asleep, it seemed like the most opportune moment to bring it up — and besides, explaining why I'd returned to the dorm at this hour at all required the story. I couldn't hope to tell him that something had happened making it difficult for me to remain at the church without first admitting that I had become the Saintess.
"A Saintess...?"
"That's correct."
"Lilith is...?"
"Yes."
"……"
The dazed look he gave me was clearly not the bleary stare of someone half-asleep.
Well, of course it would be hard to believe right away. It was probably about the shock I'd have felt hearing that Gehmajoshigi-gwat was a fake Hero and that Ethan was the real one all along.
Whether he believed me immediately — or not at all — didn't really matter, though. I'd confessed simply because I didn't want to lie to him.
"If you find it hard to believe, you don't have to. I only told you the truth, Young Master Ethan. I have no intention of forcing faith upon you."
"Sorry — I didn't mean to stare at you like that, Lilith."
"I beg your pardon?"
"...Lilith."
"Y-yes...?"
Ethan suddenly closed the distance, calling my name in a low voice. There was something uncharacteristically ominous in it — a faint trace, it seemed, of anger — and my answer came tumbling out before I could hide my nerves.
"How long have you known?"
"Wh-what do you mean?"
"That you might be the Saintess, Lilith."
"Th-that is..."
"Look me in the eye and say it."
"...In terms of timing, quite a while."
Ethan's gaze was somehow a little frightening, and I briefly considered shaving a few years off the timeline — but shortening the period here wouldn't have helped anything anyway.
Honesty was the only option. That I had known ever since the moment I realized I'd possessed this world's Lilith.
"A little over six and a half years ago."
"...What?"
"Not long after I began working at the Blackwood Estate as a debt maid — you remember how I collapsed in front of you, Young Master, barely a day after you'd woken up?"
"...I was so young back then that I barely remember. Now that you mention it, though, I do vaguely recall a maid collapsing like that. But I had no idea it was you."
"To be perfectly honest — that's when I knew."
"……"
At my answer, Ethan's expression darkened considerably as he stared me down. Apparently, the fact that I'd kept something hidden for such an staggeringly long time did not sit well with him.
Still, I decided that if I was going to confess the truth, it was better to get it all out in one go, and I stubbornly pressed on with my story.
"The reason I collapsed that day was some kind of divine revelation. The moment I woke up, I somehow found myself knowing all sorts of things about this world. The various knowledge of this world — including the fact that I am the Saintess."
"...I see."
"Yes. I believe that is precisely why receiving the consecration made me the 'Saint of Prophecy.' Because on the day I collapsed, my mind came to hold everything that will happen in this world's future."
"So you thought that power was the Saintess's gift."
"...Yes. At the time, Lady Cerista's existence had not yet been announced. For an ordinary commoner girl to suddenly gain mysterious knowledge and imagine she might have become the Saintess — that's a perfectly natural conclusion to draw."
He seemed to more or less accept how I could have realized I was the Saintess so long ago.
I did want to lay absolutely everything bare for Ethan if I could, but there were two things I simply couldn't bring myself to tell him, however much it pained me — so parts of the story had to be embellished, whether I liked it or not.
That this world was the setting of the game Luminor Academy, and that I had been a man in my past life. Those two facts I would never reveal. The moment Ethan heard either one, he would be floored by the shock.
Within the limit of hiding those two things to the very end, I kept my lies to a minimum, continuing my explanation of how I'd known I was the Saintess and why I'd had no choice but to conceal it.
"Then — why did you keep it hidden all this time?"
"Because shortly after I received the revelation that I had become the... the Saintess, Lady Cerista's existence was officially declared to the world."
"...Lady Cerista? No, wait. If what you're saying is true, I suppose I should be calling her just 'Cerista' now?"
"I don't particularly mind either way. But the reason I couldn't reveal the possibility that I might be the Saintess is that Lady Cerista's name became known as the Saintess first. With a proper, church-raised Saintess already standing before the world, how many people do you imagine would simply take the word of a debt maid from a noble house who claims she might be the true Saintess instead?"
"...Fair point. They say that long ago, when the Aurelia Church first spoke of searching for a Saintess, plenty of women stepped forward claiming to be her. In that kind of atmosphere, I can see why you wouldn't have been certain."
"And even if the truth had come out, it would have caused no end of problems. Lady Cerista and the priests of the Aurelia Church who raised her up as Saintess would surely have suffered for it."
"Seeing you think through even the smallest details — I might actually believe you really are the Saintess. And that you had your reasons for staying quiet until now."
...It had simply been a matter of survival for me, so having it framed as something noble felt a little uncomfortable. It was true that I'd avoided declaring myself the Saintess out of consideration for Cerista — but that was only ever because she was the one standing in my place, playing the Saintess's role.
His assumption that I must have been uncertain whether I was really the Saintess was also off the mark. The fact that Lilith was the Saintess was something I'd heard until I was sick of it across twenty-five playthroughs. Naturally, I couldn't explain any of that, so I let it slide.
"In any case — my intention was to live out my days keeping the fact that I am the Saintess hidden for as long as possible."
"...You intended to hide it? Why on earth?"
"Because the moment it came to light, I would have no choice but to join the Hero's party and spend nearly every waking moment at the Hero's side. Obviously I could no longer serve as your exclusive maid, Young Master — and even after graduating from the Academy, my every action would be bound to the Hero's journey."
"...I suppose that's true enough. If it came out that you were the Saintess, you'd have to attach yourself to that lecherous Hero, just like Cerista does now... hm?"
Something about what I'd said seemed to strike him as strange, because mid-conversation, Ethan suddenly wore the look of a man who'd just realized something.
"Is there something wrong with what I said...?"
"Hold on. That thing you just said — am I allowed to take that as your honest feelings, Lilith?"
"I'm sorry, what part do you mean...?"
"I'm asking whether it's true that you didn't want to reveal you were the Saintess because you'd rather stay my exclusive maid than join that guy's Hero party."
"...Yes, Young Master Ethan."
If I wanted to split hairs, I'd refused the Hero party simply because it was fundamentally incompatible with my ideal lifestyle — but there was no denying the plain fact that, as the alternative, I had chosen to be Ethan's exclusive maid.
And in practice, lately I'd even been thinking that after graduating from the Academy I might keep serving as his exclusive maid for a good while longer before striking out on my own. So strictly speaking, the claim that I'd chosen Ethan over Gehmajoshigi-gwat wasn't far wrong, and I nodded.
"I see. So that's how it is... You'd rather be by my side than with a guy like that..."
"...Young Master Ethan?"
"Ah — yes."
He was muttering to himself with a strangely sly expression on his face, which was a little unnerving, but I had more to say, and I meant to say it.
"In any case, as I mentioned — the reason I resolved to become the Saintess was not because I wished to stand at Hero Gehmajoshigi-gwat's side and better the world. It was to make the truth known to the world: that Prince Machart, who threatened me, has joined hands with the demons. If I can make proper use of the divine power that comes with being the Saintess, it should be more than possible to draw the demonic energy out of his body."
"Right. If that's your reason, then it was an unavoidable choice. In my opinion, Machart is a dangerous man who absolutely must be dealt with."
"Furthermore, once this matter is settled — once Prince Machart's crimes have been judged — I intend to lay down this undeserved power as well. For someone like me, who only wants to live the quiet life of a commoner who can use magic, the Saintess's power is nothing but a cumbersome burden."
"...Hold on. You're going to give up the Saintess's qualification? You can just... set it down that easily?"
"Ordinarily, of course, such a thing is impossible. But among the futures I have seen, there is one method."
"One method?"
"To pass my power on to someone who truly has the right to become the Saintess. That is how a Saintess relinquishes her qualification."
"……"
At the words someone with the right to become the Saintess, Ethan quietly met my eyes — and I could tell he was picturing the same person I was.
"I intend to make Lady Cerista the true Saintess."