On the Boat (3)
Ethan had met my eyes from a place we could no longer escape, and made his confession with utter sincerity.
While carefully avoiding his gaze, I let slip a cautious attempt to buy time.
"Could you give me a moment to think?"
"…Of course. This isn't a decision Lilith could make easily, either."
…Well, I'd at least managed to stall for a bit.
If I was going to refuse anyway, drawing the answer out as long as possible was advantageous in every way. From Ethan's perspective, it would hurt far less if it seemed like I'd agonized deeply before turning him down out of sheer necessity.
And I, too, needed to give him more than a curt rejection — I owed him a proper, carefully worded one.
Simply pleading that I didn't want to date a man would have been both insincere and, quite frankly, a rude answer to give Ethan.
I'm terribly sorry, but because of the difference in our stations, I cannot accept your offer, Ethan.
You will one day have to take a partner other than me as heir to the Blackwood Dukedom, and I have no intention of giving my heart to a man I cannot love to the very end.
I apologize for the disappointing answer, Ethan. My refusal is by no means a statement that you are not attractive, or that you are lacking.
If I put it that way, would it work…?
It wasn't flawless, but it was the most courteous rejection I could conjure from my head. I would mention that other circumstances prevented me from accepting his confession, and emphasize that the Ethan of today was more than charming enough.
With an answer this polite, surely Ethan would understand. At the very least, the Ethan I'd come to know was more than capable of it.
He knew how to strive for the sake of the one he loved, how to mend his own flaws, how to throw himself in harm's way to protect another — and he wasn't slow about voicing his feelings, either.
…Even without me, Ethan would surely find a wonderful woman someday. He absolutely had to.
Besides, a woman like me — unreasonable and hot-tempered — was miles away from being a "wonderful woman," so for both our sakes, it was simply the most rational choice for Ethan and me not to become lovers.
"…E-Ethan."
"……."
"My, my answer is…"
That was the moment I tried, telling myself this was the correct future, to gently bring the words of refusal to my lips —
"……."
— yet for some reason, my mouth refused to spit out the next words.
It felt as though the instant I gave this rejection a voice, an uncrossable chasm would open between him and me forever.
I wasn't in love with Ethan, but no one else made me feel so intimately close. I couldn't feel romantic attraction toward him, yet my heart was at its most at ease by his side. I felt no carnal desire for Ethan, and yet his hands had made me feel things. …Quite a lot of things, at that.
I have to refuse him…
If I rejected his confession here, most of what we'd built until now could never go back to the way it was. The moment that possibility crossed my mind, my head became a storm — conflicting emotions crashing together like bolts of lightning.
And maybe, just maybe, accepting the confession would actually be the better future for me.
If our relationship expanded from master and personal maid to include lovers, then at the very least, Ethan and I would never drift apart.
But no matter how I turned it over, that answer felt like a betrayal of his feelings all the same.
I am incapable of romantic feeling toward a man. The memories of my past life as a man — and my knowledge that this world was a place built in imitation of a game — still stood in my way.
With such an ambivalent heart, I couldn't give Ethan a false answer. His courageous confession felt far too earnest for me to answer it with a lie.
I didn't want to refuse. I couldn't accept, either. Cornered between two impossible choices, only my pounding heart kept throbbing like mad.
"Hah, hah… hah…"
"Li-Lilith?"
"Hah, hah, hah, hah…"
"Lilith?! Are you okay?! If something's wrong, we can get you to the church right now—!"
"D-Don't come near me!"
"……."
The moment Ethan saw my state and realized something was off, he instinctively drew toward me — and I, sensing danger on pure reflex, knocked his hand away before I knew what I was doing. As he recoiled with a flustered expression, I hurriedly explained myself, half in excuse.
"Lilith…"
"No, it's not that! I-I don't dislike you, Ethan!"
"……."
"I don't know. I honestly have no idea how I'm supposed to answer you right now…"
If this world really were a game, the options in a situation like this would number no more than two or three. The me of my past life would have combed through every one of them and walked the route with the best outcome.
But this world was not a game. For me, it was as good as reality.
There was no predetermined answer key here, and no way to load a save after failure.
I want to accept. But I have to refuse.
I want to accept, to keep what we have now — my chastity can be protected with another excuse anyway. But I must refuse, and answer his question honestly — I can't give a false reply to feelings I'm not ready to be responsible for.
"I… I…"
"…If it's too hard, you don't have to answer right now. It took me a great deal of deliberation to say what I said to you, Lilith. Naturally, you'll need your own share of deliberation."
"No — n-now…, let me answer now…"
"If that's what you want, I don't mind…"
"I… Ethan, I… to you…"
My head was spinning. The ground beneath me seemed to sway and dance.
I was disgusted with myself — after all that long, agonizing deliberation, the answer I'd come up with was this irresponsible, rambling mess. But it was all I had. The only answer that could keep things as they were with Ethan while still honestly conveying my feelings.
"Ethan, to you…. I… as a member of the opposite sex, I feel—"
"W-Wait, Lilith!"
"I told you I'm answering now!"
"It's not that, Lilith! Something's wrong with the lake!"
"…I'm sorry, what?"
The instant Ethan's urgent voice cut in, every tangled emotion knotting up my head felt as though it had been washed away in one sweep — and at the same time, I finally realized that the swaying sensation I'd felt beneath me hadn't been my imagination.
- FWOOOOSH!
"Uwagh!"
"Eeeeek?!"
The calm surface of the lake suddenly began to churn violently, along with a tremendous current. There was no mistaking it now — something was rising from the lakebed. And naturally, my mind leapt to the lake that wrapped around the Isle of Knowledge, and to whatever was surging up from beneath it.
"E-Ethan, row for the Academy, now!"
"Wh-what?!"
"A kraken! A kraken is rising from the bottom of the lake!"
"A K-KRAKEN?!"
Though he shot me a half-doubtful look at my words, Ethan began rowing desperately toward the Academy — but it was already too late to escape. A single massive tentacle rose and cut off our path.
- FWOOOOSH!!
"U-Uwaaagh!!"
"Aaaagghhh…!!"
The colossal tentacle kicked up a mountainous wave and shoved our little rowboat aside with the current alone. And yet even those enormous suckers looked small compared to the creature's body. Moments later, the gigantic body of a great squid burst from the lakebed and began to pierce through the surface of the water.
- SPLOOOSH!! FWOOOOSH!!!
Uwoooooooh…!!
The kraken's cry, ringing out as it tore through the colossal column of water, spread in every direction from the heart of the lake — and the little boat carrying Ethan and me was now boxed in, trapped by the arms of the massive monster.
…Yeah. This time, I think we're genuinely fucked.
Luminor Academy, the VIP Drawing Room.
One late afternoon, in a certain room of the guest quarters, a company of three — men and women alike — were enjoying a somewhat belated teatime together.
The Hero, Gehwa-joses-gigwat Volt. The Saintess, Serista Aurelia Mireya. And the Third Imperial Princess, Seraphin Rosalind Valtoria.
Within that isolated space, far from any prying eyes, the three held a quiet and secretive conversation. Where Serista sat stiff with nervousness between the other two, Gehwa-joses-gigwat and Seraphin spoke with perfect composure about the events of some days past.
"Thank you for your efforts the other day, Hero Gehwa-joses-gigwat Volt."
"Not at all, Princess Seraphin. I merely did what was required of me as the Hero."
"Knowing what must be done as a Hero, and carrying it out with your own two hands, are entirely different things. Whatever you may be, Gehwa-joses-gigwat, I believe your achievements deserve both praise and proper reward."
"To hear you say so much — I can only offer my thanks."
"You've worked hard as well, Lady Serista. I heard that the power of prophecy you wielded in the final battle proved a great asset. Is that correct?"
"Ah, no, I… I merely rode along on the Hero's strength…"
"…Tell her the truth, Serista."
"…Y-Yes! It was thanks to my power of prophecy that we located the hidden chamber underground! I-If I hadn't been the Saintess, the Hero would never have found that demon assassin!"
"Fufu. I'll be counting on your support of the Hero going forward as well, Lady Serista."
"Y-Yes, of course…"
Seraphin flashed Serista a knowingly pointed smile, while Serista, in turn, averted her eyes with a faintly guilty look. Amid that curious atmosphere, the secret council between Hero and Princess — disguised as teatime — carried on a while longer.
"In any case, rewards for your exploits, Hero and Saintess both, are slated to be granted. That said, since this matter had to be handled discreetly, I'm afraid my contribution will be limited to what I can offer personally."
"Your praise alone, Princess Seraphin, is more than thanks enough for me."
"Refusing is not always a virtue, Hero Gehwa-joses-gigwat."
"…If you insist to that degree, then I shall gratefully accept your generosity as well, Your Highness."
"Well then, what I can offer the two of you would likely be…"
So the three spoke of the slaying of the demon assassin who had infiltrated the Academy — until their conversation was abruptly cut short by Luke bursting into the room.
"P-Princess Seraphin! There's trouble!"
"…What is it, Luke?"
"A massive monster has appeared in the Lake of Knowledge!"
"…A massive monster, you say?"
"A massive monster? Don't tell me…"
Seraphin tilted her head at the sudden report, a flicker of doubt on her face, while Gehwa-joses-gigwat rested his chin on his hand, mildly puzzled. But it took very little time at all for both their expressions to twist into alarm.
"According to reports from the residents and students who witnessed it… a k-kraken seems to have surfaced…"
- Scrape! - Clatter!
"Hiyah?!"
The word kraken jolted Gehwa-joses-gigwat and Seraphin into motion at the same instant, both leaping to their feet — and Serista, startled by their immediate reactions, rose from her seat as well, pure reflex.
"Hero, I apologize for summoning you here with promises of a reward only to say this — but the situation is dire, and every moment counts…"
"…No. This is my duty. I will head out to subdue it at once."
"…I'll assist as well. The full moon is still far off, but I can manage at least part of my strength…"
"No, Your Highness. I ask instead that you go find Lady Agnes Elizabeth Blaze of the Magic Department."
"…You mean Lady Agnes?"
"Yes. She is absolutely essential to this kraken subjugation."
"…Understood. If it comes from you, Hero, I trust it must carry meaning."
"Thank you for your faith in me, Your Highness. Serista — let's go!"
"Y-Yes!"
Guided by Luke, Gehwa-joses-gigwat Volt hurried toward the lake to face the kraken. Though it was an unforeseen event, he set off for the lakeshore without a moment's hesitation, his strides swift and certain.
After all, he was the otherworldly Hero who knew the strategy guide for the Abyssal Kraken.