The Commute to School
"Diiiiiie—!"
My eyes snapped open as the battle cry tore from my throat.
Wait, what?
Blinking rapidly against the morning light, realization struck me like a cold splash of water. I'd been sleep-talking!
Feeling thoroughly sheepish, I casually retracted my clenched fist and stretched my arms overhead, desperately pretending I had intended to stretch all along. But right then, a prickling, intensely judging gaze bored into the side of my face.
Perched on the corner of the desk, the Baby Mandragora was staring at me with utter contempt.
"H-hey, don't look at me like that! It's embarrassing!"
"Waah."
The mandrake's gaze drifted pointedly toward the wall.
I followed its eyes, only to find a fist-shaped crater gouged deep into the plaster.
Knock, knock, knock, knock, knock.
From deep within the partition, the Answering Door pounded maniacally against the woodwork, voicing its furious outrage.
"Sorry..." I mumbled meekly.
I couldn't recall what I'd been dreaming about, but I had a vague lingering sensation of delightfully beating the stuffing out of everything in sight. Had I been bottling up stress without realizing it?
"I'll call the maintenance crew to fix it later. For real this time!"
Only after I bowed and apologized repeatedly did the frantic knocking cease. The silence had a distinct tinge of skepticism, as if silently demanding, You really mean it? so I resolved to put in the repair request the moment I stepped out.
Squeeeak. Thud.
Stepping into the corridor, I noticed that the unnis in dolphin shorts—who would usually be outside the front gates breathing the crisp dawn air and warming up for their morning routines—were standing around the foyer, staring blankly out the main entrance.
"Morning, Orknodi."
"You just waking up, Orknodi?"
"Take a look outside. It's totally insane."
Just as the orange-haired upperclassman said, the world beyond the front gate had transformed into an endless sea. The floodwaters had risen well above the iron entrance, to the point where fish could be seen drifting past in the murky currents. The torrential downpour had raged through the night without pausing for breath, ultimately submerging an entire section of the academy.
"Jogging's completely out of the question, right?"
"Totally cooked."
"If we step outside right now, we'll just end up as a delicious breakfast for the Giant King Crabs."
With deflated sighs, the aspiring Knight Department students turned back toward their rooms or settled down on the foyer floor to begin calisthenics.
"Wanna join us, Orknodi?" the orange-haired girl asked, stretching her arms and legs wide across the tiles.
"Hehe. Love to!"
"Then come on over."
She patted the waiting bench beside the entrance. I hopped up in a flash, and her gentle, calloused hands guided my legs straight out in front of me.
"Now, keep your back straight, hinge at the waist, and grab your toes! If you aren't flexible enough yet, just lightly touch your ankles, or..."
"Like this?"
"Whoa! Orknodi, you're crazy flexible!"
Back when I was a hulking meathead in my past life, my sheer bulk made flexibility a lost cause, but now I inhabited the tiny, limber frame of baby Nodi. Instead of a tanky magic swordsman who face-tanked every blow to bash skulls in return, my build was aimed at becoming an evasion magic swordsman—one who parried, dodged, and deflected every strike before cracking heads. Expanding my body's range of motion and acrobatic flexibility wasn't an optional perk; it was a mandatory requirement.
"Still, looks like you can go a bit further down, can't you? I'll push your back. Tell me if it hurts!"
As she stepped behind me and pressed down firmly against my shoulders, a wonderful scent drifted into my nose. It wasn't perfume or soap, but the soft, naturally sweet warmth unique to a girl's body, bringing an instinctive grin to my face. This was a lavish luxury one could never experience in a training hall packed to the rafters with sweaty, grunting meatheads. A wave of profound regret washed over me: Why on earth didn't I roll a female character sooner?!
Job satisfaction: one hundred percent!
The sullen mood brought on by my morning sleep-talking disaster evaporated, recharging my vitality to maximum capacity.
"Orknodi's so admirable. You aren't even aiming for the Knight Department, yet you show up every single dawn to work out without skipping a beat. Honestly, I want to kidnap you into our department!"
"Seconded!"
"Man, I wish my little sister back home were this lively and well-behaved."
Surrounded by their cheerful laughter, having my hair stroked, my cheeks squished, and being gathered into a hug against an astonishingly soft, ample chest, I couldn't stop beaming.
"Aha, you know what? I'm in a great mood! Follow me, unnis. I'll show you something really neat!"
The girls giggled, whispering among themselves about what kind of cute little trick Orknodi was about to perform, or whether I was going to show off some shiny pebble I'd picked up yesterday. Naturally, I wasn't leading them away for a talent show or to show off a rock.
"Look up here at the third-floor window. You see how there are no curtains, but there's a curtain pull cord hanging down?"
"Yeah. It's super weird, honestly."
"Right? The third-floor kids asked the Dorm Supervisor to install proper curtains, but she just flatly told them no."
"Wait, this is the Lower Class residential wing. How does an Upper Class student like Orknodi know about this?"
"Did you come all this way just to warn us before the summer sun blinds us in the morning? Gosh, could you be any more precious?"
"That's not it at all! I came to teach you how to properly use this cord."
At first glance, it looked like a standard curtain pull, but it was actually an emergency lifeboat summoning device designed for catastrophic campus disasters.
"This cord only unlocks when specific criteria are met. If, for some reason, the first floor of the academy is entirely submerged in water, and you channel mana into the line, an emergency vehicle appears. Just like this."
I gave the cord a firm yank. With a crisp pop!, a heavy inflatable lifeboat sprang into existence.
Above the magically fabricated vessel, a floating translucent counter hovered—indicating a twelve-person capacity.
"Whoa! A boat just popped out of thin air!"
"I was terrified about how we were supposed to get to our lectures, but we can actually cross with this!"
"Orknodi, you're incredible~!"
Praise rained down from every direction, making me grin proudly once more.
"Hold on, though! If everyone in the boat is from the exact same department, making it across to the lecture halls alive is going to be rough!"
"Ehh? Wh~y?"
"Can't we just ride together as unnis~? Come with us, Orknodi. Please? Pretty please?"
"Ahaha! Stop, stop, I'll explain, just don't tickle me! If your party's classes are completely identical, you won't be able to handle diverse threats."
"Diverse threats?"
"Like that over there."
The monsters that had momentarily scattered upon the boat's sudden appearance seemed to have had their pride wounded, and they came surging back in a coordinated swarm. A colossal carp rammed its bulk against the hull with a thunderous splash, while a Giant King Crab brandished its armor-plated pincers, puncturing the reinforced rubber and violently rocking the vessel from side to side.
To seal the deal, a flying monster perched on a nearby branch mistook the rapidly deflating craft for prey. It dove, clamped its talons around the wreckage, and took to the sky.
Clack-clack-clack-clack!
Carried into the air along with the shredded vessel, the Giant King Crab flailed its massive claws in utter panic.
"Uh-oh. There it goes."
Losing its grip on the boat, the crab plunged with a sickening splash, sending up a massive pillar of foam before bobbing back to the surface amidst violent frothing water. Snapping its claws furiously at the sky, it looked thoroughly enraged at the bird monster.
"See? You need spearmen to deflect the carps' body slams, shield-bearers to ward off the king crabs' claws, and archers or mages to shoot down aerial monsters and provide backline cover."
"...Why the hell is walking to class as brutal as clearing a raid dungeon?"
"I despise the Headmaster. So, so much."
"I'm honestly losing all confidence in surviving this academy..."
"Still, Orknodi's too adorable, so I'll let it slide!"
"Seconded!"
The spirited upperclassmen patted my head to recharge their morale, and I soaked in their affectionate fussing to top off my own energy. Now that was what you called a true win-win!
Paper Company, an executive member of the Red Teeth Mushroom Growers Association, steered a twenty-passenger vessel toward the perimeter of the freshman dormitory.
"Is everyone set?"
"Twelve empty seats left open, exactly as ordered."
"We're only helping the freshmen who didn't touch our mushroom farm. We give them a ride, isolate the culprits, and make sure they get completely ostracized. Under no circumstances are you to let that ice-magic brat or the iron-plate freak onboard."
The sophomore campaign to discipline the fresh batch of juniors, Phase One: The Commute Discrimination Strategy!
"We rack up goodwill with the regular first-years while making those troublemakers suffer. Once we do that, whatever we pull down the line will be seen as their own fault. The other freshmen will just assume the seniors are punishing them because they did something terrible."
The underworld crime consultant, Bellocasio, had laid out this exact strategy: win the public's hearts and minds while systematically suffocating the target. The association members had agreed it was brilliant and feasible, which was why they had dragged out this massive boat at the crack of dawn to ferry the juniors. Yet, as they drew closer, something felt deeply wrong.
"Hey... aren't there barely any first-years waiting by the windows?"
"Yeah, what gives? Did they give up on class and crawl back into bed?"
"This academy isn't soft enough to cancel lectures over a little rain. Man, the 981st cohort is naive."
Convinced they were about to wake their foolish juniors to reality, the second-years dug their oars into the water. They had every intention of dumping the rowing duties onto the freshmen for the trip back. But as they pulled up alongside the curtainless, gaping windows, not a single student was in sight.
"There's nobody here?"
"What's going on?"
"Look! It's the Dorm Supervisor."
One of the sophomores tapped an oar against the windowpane where the Dorm Supervisor stood gazing out with a profoundly miserable expression.
"What business do second-years have lingering around the freshman dormitory?" she asked, her voice flat.
"We came by to give our juniors a lift across the water, but we can't find a single one. Where did they all go?"
The supervisor cast a pitying glance over them.
"They already left for class."
"What?! In these raging currents?"
"Leaving those kids to be swept away in the flood... Isn't that a little too cruel, Supervisor?"
"The only thing cruel around here is those sticky-fingered freshmen," she replied with icy venom. "To steal my most cherished pet rock... A sweet little child I raised with tender love and care for an entire year. Ah, Francois..."
The second-years blinked in utter bewilderment.
"...Francois? Did she seriously give a pebble a French name?"
"Hey, who cares? A pebble is quiet, harmless, and doesn't bother the neighbors—it's a docile pet. One of the senior elves took a hundred-year-old oak tree as a pet, remember?"
"Well, a tree isn't really a problem either."
"Even if cicadas live on it?"
"...Damn tree-huggers. The second one of them shows their face near our dorm, I'm setting them on fire."
"Knock it off."
Paper Company, having gone through the trouble of commandeering a twenty-person boat, felt all the motivation drain right out of him. "If there's nobody to pick up, we should turn back. We're going to be late for our own lectures."
"True."
"Ugh. What an utter waste of time and sweat."
Just as they slumped their shoulders and reached for the oars to turn around, a sharp pop! echoed from an upper window, and a sleek emergency lifeboat materialized on the surface.
"The hell is that?"
"I've been at this academy for a whole year and I've never seen that before!"
"There's a spell that just fabricates lifeboats?!"
"Wait, we went through a torrential flood last summer too, didn't we?!"
"Nobody gave us a boat back then!"
The sophomores stared in sheer disbelief. Meeting their indignant, betrayed gazes, the Dorm Supervisor spoke coolly.
"None of you ever asked for one."
"......"
"The freshmen never asked either, so I had no intention of telling them. But the brats were entirely too sharp for their own good."
The supervisor muttered and grumbled, her face sour.
Yet rather than caring about her petty grievances, the second-years were consumed by an overwhelming sense of betrayal. When they had risked life and limb paddling through monster-infested floodwaters as freshmen, not a single soul had bothered to tell them such a convenient lifeline existed.
"How could you do this to us?!"
"You monster! You sadist! You senior graduation project disguised as a person!"
While the sophomores were busy shouting at the supervisor, several figures rappelled down cords from the upper window and dropped neatly into the newly summoned boat.
"What took you guys so long? I almost left without you."
"Sorry. We got held up packing the assignment materials."
"Leave the rowing to me, Orknodi."
"Heh. Quite a fun little toy you managed to dig up."
Orknodi, who had delayed her departure to wait, welcomed her inner circle aboard—Isabelle, Hestia, and Zhuang—before casting off.
"Hey, grab them! Catch those bastards and demand to know how they got that! If they refuse to answer, we sink their damn boat—"
Paper Company pointed furiously toward Orknodi's craft, shouting orders, but his jaw suddenly went slack.
At the oars, a tiny child and a colossal female warrior gripped the wood. With rhythmic, terrifying synchronicity, they dug in. The boat surged forward with explosive force, throwing up twin plumes of foaming water like a pair of hydro-jets, and vanished across the horizon in the blink of an eye.
"Where... where does that insane strength come from?!"
"They're rowing faster than an engine?!"
Left behind in the violently rocking wake, the second-years could only stare into the distance, completely struck dumb.