An Unexpected Proposal and a Child's Warmth
On the way back from my meeting with Lord Pingyuan, I received surprising news from Jing Ke.
“Lord Mao Sui? He made such an offer?”
“Yeah. He said we should meet separately whenever we have time. What do you think?”
Jing Ke asked for my opinion, a subtle emotion flickering across her face. In all her life, her top priority had always been herself. Reckless and self-indulgent. Just as her nickname suggested, she had lived without concern for others, devoted solely to her own desires. She possessed a stronger sense of self than anyone I knew. So the very act of asking someone else—especially me—for their thoughts and yielding the final decision felt utterly foreign to her.
Yet, surprisingly, entrusting someone with judgment over matters concerning herself wasn’t unpleasant at all. On the contrary, the thought that there was now someone with whom she could share her life filled her with a quiet sense of fulfillment.
Perhaps the reason she had never been chosen by Lord Yuan of her homeland, the state of Wei, wasn’t simply because her independent nature was too strong. In that sense, Jing Ke somehow felt that even Lord Yuan might finally find a use for her now. Of course, she herself no longer had any intention of serving him.
Shaking off those idle thoughts about the past, Jing Ke waited for my answer. Deep down, she wanted to follow Mao Sui. After all, this might be her last chance to learn from the chief retainer of Lord Pingyuan.
However, if I said I still needed her as my bodyguard, she was prepared to refuse his offer. Because she was no longer a free wanderer who could leave whenever she wished—she was now my retainer.
“Isn’t that fine? Lord Mao Sui is incredibly capable, so you’d gain a lot from it. Besides, this whole political struggle has forced me to step back anyway.”
I accepted her proposal with a light heart. If her true identity were ever exposed, things could turn ugly, but I trusted that she and Mao Sui would disguise themselves well enough to keep it hidden. Since I intended to maintain this connection with her long-term rather than treat her as a temporary retainer, it would only benefit me if she grew stronger through proper guidance.
“Really? You’re okay with it?”
“Of course. Just make sure your identity stays secret.”
Jing Ke shifted from her slightly hesitant posture back to her usual confident self.
“Don’t worry. Who do you think I am?”
But I would soon learn, in the not-too-distant future, just how dangerously complacent that thought had been.
After the day Lord Pingyuan and I met in private, the support directed toward me suddenly dried up. Of course, compared to the outright neglect I had suffered at the beginning, this was still relatively tolerable.
Among Lord Pingyuan’s retainers, rumors began to spread that our relationship was no longer what it used to be. In reality, I rarely visited him anymore. All of this was a deliberate measure by Lord Pingyuan to exclude me from the political struggle, a mutual agreement between us. But those around us didn’t know the inside story, so they began to feel fear once again.
I heard whispers that I might be returning to those harsh days of the past, but I revealed nothing. For now, even if things felt a little unstable, once Lord Pingyuan finished dealing with the conflict, everything would return to normal. I just had to endure until then.
And though the possibility was extremely low, I also had to consider the scenario in which Lord Pingyuan lost the struggle. The Loyal and Virtuous Army had already lost face after their plan—pushing me aside in favor of reviving the late king’s bloodline—had been ruined. If Lord Pingyuan were defeated while I remained close to him, I would be swept away right along with him.
Some might call it heartless, but this too had been part of our agreement. From his perspective, even if he fell from power, he likely wanted to leave me as a kind of insurance.
For various reasons, I began to keep my distance from Lord Pingyuan, and as a result, I suddenly found myself with a great deal of free time. The afternoons that had once been reserved for meetings with him were now empty. For a while, I stayed perfectly still, like a mouse playing dead. It really did look as though I had lost my spirit after quarreling with Lord Pingyuan.
The rumors didn’t last long. In the first place, I was nothing more than a side branch. Though I had caused a spectacle and drawn attention, it was only a one-time event. In the great city of Handan, several incidents occurred every single day. Especially these days, it was even worse.
With the power struggle between Lord Pingyuan and the Loyal and Virtuous Army breaking out in multiple places at once, rumors about someone like me—who had neither faction nor power—were quickly washed away by the next wave of gossip.
The day I had arranged to meet Zheng came again only after all talk of me had completely vanished. Honestly, until then I had hoped Lord Pingyuan would wrap up the political conflict, but he had not yet succeeded. Perhaps because the Loyal and Virtuous Army also had capable people on their side, even though Lord Pingyuan held the advantage, the tug-of-war continued to drag on.
Anyway, that’s not something I need to worry about.
My concern wasn’t that dark and brutal power struggle. It was how to take care of a baby kitten that had been thrown into the world by her parents.
“So I was thinking… could we meet more often? What do you think, Zheng?”
“Mmm?”
Zheng, who had been eagerly sucking on the sweets I had brought, lifted her head with a jerk and stared at me. Her wide, startled eyes swirled with complicated emotions. She didn’t seem to dislike the idea. It was more like she was wondering, Is it really okay to say yes?
Before expressing the feelings she was experiencing, she first had to consider whether it was possible within her environment. For a child who was only seven years old, it was an unbearably bleak and harsh way to live. Feeling like I had burdened her with unnecessary pressure, I quickly tried to take my words back.
“If it’s too difficult, you don’t have to push yourself.”
“Ah, no!”
Zheng, who had been frowning deeply in thought, spat out the candy she had been sucking on and shouted. She had raised her voice impulsively, but now that it came time to actually agree, she hesitated, clearly conflicted. I was about to stop her, thinking I had said something unnecessary again, when Zheng spoke first.
The quick-witted girl shook her head up and down before I could say anything more.
“I think it’ll be fine. Yeah.”
Only after she repeatedly promised that she wouldn’t overexert herself on difficult days did I slightly shorten the interval between our meetings. It pained me to place any burden on her, but it was also necessary.
Zheng was not receiving proper protection and was nearly malnourished. Thanks to her naturally strong constitution, she moved as nimbly as a flying squirrel despite the bruises covering her body, but if things continued like this, something serious was bound to happen.
Bringing food with me every time we met was largely to supplement her nutrition.
“Still… this is only a temporary measure,” I muttered on the way back, my voice heavy with self-mockery and anguish.
I couldn’t keep our meetings hidden forever. The current special circumstances made secrecy possible for now, but once the political struggle ended, either Lord Pingyuan or the Loyal and Virtuous Army would inevitably find out. And even if Lord Pingyuan emerged victorious, the outcome would likely not be favorable.
Lord Pingyuan was magnanimous enough to take in a prince from Yan like me, but he was not generous enough to embrace someone from Qin—the very state he had staked his country’s fate against. In the current political climate of Zhao, siding with Qin was considered nothing short of treason.
Even Lord Pingyuan would likely face immediate downfall if he were discovered sheltering Zheng, a hostage from the hated state of Qin. I could feel it in my bones—the moment of decision was approaching.
If I cut ties with Zheng, I would continue to enjoy a peaceful life as a hostage under Lord Pingyuan’s protection and ascend smoothly to the throne of Yan. On the other hand, if I chose to protect her, I too would have to endure the hatred of the people of Zhao alongside her.
If it were just me, the choice would have been easy. But I had people I needed to protect.
I’ll have to give an answer soon.
With every step, the scales in my heart swayed back and forth.
Zheng returned home with a buoyant feeling in her chest.
For Ying Zheng, who had been alone ever since her father left, Ji Dan was her first true companion. Although they had only known each other for less than two months, the depth of their bond was something special to her. While others distributed their emotions across countless people, Zheng poured everything she had into a single person.
Parents, teachers, friends, colleagues… To Ying Zheng, Ji Dan was a person who could not be defined by any single word.
Had their connection begun the moment she heard a certain rumor?
When she learned that a hostage was coming from Yan, Zheng instinctively realized that someone like her would appear. Even at her young age, her powers of deduction and memory were unbelievable. She had already grasped what a hostage was and had a rough understanding of international relations.
Just like herself—a princess of Qin, the mortal enemy of Zhao. The prince of Yan, which had attacked Zhao, would surely live the same kind of life. If so, perhaps someone who could share her long-standing loneliness, someone who could soothe her pain, would finally appear.
She had hoped for that. Even though it meant wishing for another’s suffering, Ying Zheng had desperately longed for it.
Perhaps it was the price for harboring such a wicked heart. The person she had been waiting for went straight to a member of Zhao’s royal family—someone she could never approach—and was promised a peaceful life. She didn’t know the exact process, but the result was clear.
Ji Dan had entered Lord Pingyuan’s residence with a resolute expression, only to emerge with a bright, beaming smile. There was no way she could have missed it.
But Ji Dan had still come to find her. Ying Zheng. Herself.
Even if it wasn’t the kind of bond she had hoped for, Ying Zheng was starving for any form of connection with another person. What if her identity were discovered and these meetings came to an end?
Yet Ji Dan never asked about her status. That was why she wanted to listen to everything he had to say. And…
“You.”
A single word, cold as frost and hard as gravel. The moment that familiar voice called her name, Ying Zheng’s entire body froze in place.
“Where have you been? I clearly told you to stay inside, didn’t I?”
Ying Zheng looked at the owner of that icy voice—her mother, Zhao Ji—and her trembling lips parted.
“Ah… that is…”
No matter how intelligent and energetic she usually was, right now Ying Zheng was nothing more than a fragile seven-year-old girl. More terrifying than the biting winter wind, more frightening than the people of Zhao who poured out hatred and contempt—her mother, the one person who should love and cherish her above all else, was that source of fear.
Slap!
Even as the burning pain raced across her cheek, Ying Zheng clenched her teeth and held back her scream. It was a learned response. If she made a sound, the beating would only get worse.
“You dare! Take! My words! Lightly!”
Amid the pain, Ying Zheng curled her body into a ball. She wrapped both arms tightly around her chest, where the comb he had given her was hidden. It hurt. But unlike last time, it was bearable.
In a few days, she would see Ji Dan again. So she could endure this time too. Because of the warmth she felt against her chest.