Two Idiots
The Olympian gods arrived at the Residential District with Eve leading the way. They had been told that many more Constellations would come to live there in time, and the place turned out to be far more livable than any of them had expected.
They could no longer dwell in lavish temples and palaces, or upon Mount Olympus, as they once had. In exchange, they were free to choose any one of the mansions raised in every direction and simply move in. Each looked different from the next, yet every one of them was a house of reasonable size and respectable grace.
Whether it was meant to safeguard privacy or not, the mansions stood well apart, so there was no fear of living jammed against a neighbor. The gap between them was several hundred meters at the very least; unless one deliberately stretched one's senses, peering into another's home would be impossible—and anyone who spent that much divine power would be noticed at once.
The Residential District itself was vast enough to swallow dozens of cities, so even if more Constellations arrived later, there would be no shortage of mansions to house them. The Olympians who reached it each picked a house that suited them and went inside. Aphrodite was no exception.
"Haa……."
The moment she stepped through the door, a sigh slipped out of her unbidden. She let the day's labor drain out with it and perched on the edge of the bed.
"To think I'd end up somewhere I never even imagined."
Only yesterday she had been living day to day on Mount Olympus, fretting over whatever came next. Today she had received a sudden invitation, become a Constellation, and stepped into the Constellation Realm. She had fought Arche, the master of that realm, and been made a Guide who would assist her and Eve from here on.
"Ugh, I'm exhausted……."
The day had been packed far denser than the leisurely ones she was used to, and her mind was worn thin. Even so, she still had work left before she could collapse. Aphrodite shook her head and rose.
"I need to move as fast as I can."
On the way to the Residential District she had overheard Eve and Hermes talking—more precisely, talking about Arche—and a thought had taken root. She had to seize the lifeline named Arche before anyone else did.
Grabbing that lifeline did not mean something as petty as merely lining up on Arche's side. From the moment they had been the first to enter the Constellation Realm and been appointed Guides, all Twelve Olympians were already standing in her line. What Aphrodite wanted was the very front of it: the seat of Arche's trust and favor.
"But…… it's a rather difficult seat for someone like me to aim for."
High as her self-regard was, Aphrodite was a goddess who could at least see herself plainly. Among the Twelve Olympians, the one who earned Arche's trust and favor would surely be the finest of the Guides. Unfortunately, set beside the others, she was not especially remarkable in strength, intellect, or eloquence. Proving herself a capable Guide would be very hard indeed. As she saw it, only one path remained.
"I'll just have to aim for the seat of principal wife."
That was it—the position of Arche's principal wife. Had other Constellations arrived first, it would have been impossible, but fortunately they themselves were the first to come. And from what Eve had said, until their arrival this vast Constellation Realm had held only Eve and Arche. If the two had been lovers, the plan could not even have been attempted, but Aphrodite had already confirmed on the way that they were nothing of the sort. In other words, Arche had spent a long age living alone, without a lover. To Aphrodite, the situation looked like nothing less than a once-in-a-lifetime chance.
"The pity is that there isn't much time……."
Unfortunately, she had not been given much of it. With time to spare she could have lingered at the edges, wagging her tail, and slowly melted Arche's heart—but Eve had said they meant to start admitting other Constellations in five days. Once those newcomers arrived, Aphrodite could not be sure they wouldn't be thinking exactly as she was. No: among those confident in their looks, there would surely be more than a few with the very same idea.
Even so, winning Arche's heart over five days would be exceedingly difficult. Most of each day ahead would be spent in training as Guides, and what little free time existed would be time spent all together.
"……Better to settle it before the day is out."
So Aphrodite made up her mind to finish things today. Anyone who heard it would have asked how on earth she meant to claim the seat of principal wife in a single day. Her answer was simple and clear.
"I just need to have a child, don't I?"
Have Arche's child. A child would force Arche to look her way, and once she had that attention, nurturing goodwill into love would be easy. She fell short of the other gods in strength and in wisdom—Aphrodite admitted that herself. But in looks and in love she prided herself on surpassing any god alive, and so she was confident. Confident she could take Arche's seed and seize the seat of principal wife.
"Besides, I didn't care for her much at first…… but she might actually be rather nice."
Honestly, when she first arrived in the Constellation Realm, Aphrodite had not thought much of Arche. She disliked the other gods comparing that face to her own, and she had not been pleased at the notion of the Olympians being put to use as helpers. But the sight of her overwhelming Zeus and Ares so utterly, together with a beauty that grew more appealing the longer one looked, overturned that sour impression in no time. If she took Arche's seed and later bore a child, that child would probably become a god surpassing even Zeus. No—it certainly would.
"Ordinarily I would have used my power…… but if I did that now, it'd be a disaster, wouldn't it?"
Had her aim been to seduce some convenient god or another, as in the old days, she would have used her ability. The target before her now, however, was none other than Arche, master of the Constellation Realm. If she carelessly spent her power and earned resentment, it would be a catastrophe, so she sealed the ability that leaked from her whether she willed it or not. Even without it, innate looks and sensuality were more than enough to lure in a single lonely god. She knew her appearance worked on everyone, man or woman, young or old, and that knowledge made her sure of herself.
With that confidence she set out, dressed in an outfit that might as well have been the word bewitching given form, steeping every gesture in a thick, clinging sensuality. So she arrived at Arche's dwelling. When Arche granted her leave to enter, Aphrodite put on a practiced smile of the eyes and stepped inside—and that brought matters to the present.
"……."
Five minutes after entering Arche's hut, Aphrodite could not bring herself to open her mouth.
CRASH—CLATTER—!!!
"You crazy bitch…… get over here!"
"Agh! Kyaaah?! W-wait a moment, let's talk this out!!"
"The hell do we need to talk for, you bitch!!"
The reason was simple enough. Right before her eyes, Arche and Eve were playing tag, and the game was soaked in killing intent. The two of them were burning through divine power hard enough to choke the air. Every time Arche reached out a hand, the air burst apart with savage force. That alone was terrifying enough, and the hut—which refused to break anywhere even in the middle of such violence—only made the dread sharper. Arche's precision in handling divine power was astonishing, and Eve, still uncaught against an Arche like that, was frankly remarkable in her own right. Determined not to be swept into their game, Aphrodite had wedged herself into a corner of the hut and was trembling in silence, barely breathing.
"Haa…… Get caught quietly now, and I'll punish you at a reasonable level and call it done. Keep running, though, and something really bad is going to happen. What's it gonna be?"
"Hah, hah…… First, let me hear what that reasonable level actually is."
"Just breaking one arm. How's that?"
"And if I keep running?"
"Then all four limbs get snapped, obviously. Run any further than that and I'll twist your neck off too."
The exchange was more savage than the tag that had come before it. And because the one speaking was Arche—who had put the Olympian gods down with ease only that morning—Aphrodite felt her heart shrivel the moment the words landed.
"Heh……."
Unlike Aphrodite, Eve let out a leisurely little laugh, as if this much were nothing new. Then she set her face in grim resolve and started walking.
"……Let's just get one arm broken quickly and be done with it."
Not toward anywhere else. Straight toward Arche.
"……?"
A moment ago her face had been that of a fugitive resolved to die rather than be taken, and now she was turning herself in. At that absurd sight, Aphrodite's mouth fell open like a fool's. But think about it—rather than keep being hunted by Arche, giving up one arm to end the game might come out cheaper. The more she turned it over, the more sense it seemed to make.
"By any chance, could a single heartfelt apology bring it down to the wrist……."
"You think so?"
"As I thought, it won't work, will it?"
"Cut the crap and stick your arm out."
Trading a back-and-forth that barely qualified as comedy, Eve held her arm out to Arche, squeezing forth tears like little bird droppings. The instant Arche caught that snow-white arm and made to put strength into it, a new presence announced itself—from beyond the hut's door, standing wide open. The one who stepped into view a moment later was a man walking in with a smile on his lips.
"Oh dear. The night air is quite cold, and sleeping with the door left open like this will hardly do your health any good. If you would permit me, I might warm your body with the heat I possess……."
Scarlet hair tossing, dressed as if he had groomed himself within an inch of his life, the man was none other than Apollo. He came in flinging practiced flirtation in a voice slick as melted butter—and then he had no choice but to stop.
"……."
Because the first thing he saw on entering was Arche with Eve's head shoved into the floor, gripping her arm. Perhaps he felt the ominous air still hanging in the room; he cut himself off and swallowed dryly. In the awkward silence that settled over the hut, Arche spoke.
"You here to confess your love too?"
She asked it in a voice thick with killing intent.
"Y-yes……."
And it was only after another ten-odd seconds had crawled by that Apollo barely managed to answer.