Physical Therapy is the Answer 021 - That Old Professor
That old professor would sniff it out if I tried to dodge. He'd throw a fit. I racked my brain fast.
Okay. Fine. Let's just beat up on one of them and call it a day.
"...For the first student's answer, well. The duty of national defense is sacred, so I don't have much to say about that."
Beat up on one.
"But the second."
"Ho ho?"
"Instilling a sense of community? How the hell does conscription help with that?"
"It doesn't help?"
"Of course not. Think about it. During peak farming season, when you drag all the young men out of the village, who's left to tend the fields?"
The lecture hall went dead silent, like someone had dumped ice water on it. The noble young masters stared at me like, What the fuck is this bullshit? Those idiots had never gotten a draft notice, that's why. Go enlist and pull some all-nighters in the barracks. Patriotism? Bullshit. You wouldn't be able to stop yourself from yelling, What the hell has the country ever done for me?!
I drove the nail in deeper out of sheer frustration.
"If all the young folks go off to the army, who's raising the cows? Who's farming? Who's paying the taxes? You trying to tank the country or what?"
"......"
Dead silence. Had I gone too far? I snuck a peek at the professor, but—
BAM! He slammed his fist on the desk.
"Hahahahaha!!"
His booming laughter echoed through the hall.
"Refreshing! Exactly! Who's tending the cows! Crystal clear! Perfectly clear!"
The professor was laughing so hard tears streamed down his face.
"War's foundation is logistics, and logistics' foundation is the economy! A commander who knows the value of a single cow is a hundred times better than some fool chasing empty honor!"
"......"
"You've got deep insight into tactics, young man. I guarantee it."
Not really. I'm just a farmer.
Ugh... the professor's totally a testosterone machine. Overflowing with it.
I glanced around. The students' stares were a sight to behold—contempt mixed with bewilderment. The kid who'd spouted that patriotism crap glared at me with pure resentment. Lily stared at me with her eyes wide open.
I let out a deep internal sigh.
But... I got scouted again, didn't I? Fuck.
Morning: Herbology A+. Afternoon: Tactics A+. My transcript was getting flashier by the minute.
Wilhelm von Kreuz stepped out of the Tactics 101 lecture hall with hurried strides. For the first time in ages, fire burned in the chest of the empire's greatest general.
"Kuhahaha! Right, the farmers dragged in during harvest season—that's your conscript!"
His booming soliloquy made passing students scatter in fright. But they weren't even on his radar.
Kasian del Parne. The savage from the Parne family, known only by rumor. But after seeing him today, it wasn't savagery he carried.
It's instinct! Yeah, that's it!
Nothing like the airy nonsense from nobles softened by peace. This kid instinctively knew the smell of soil and blood. Wars might end in flashy magic or knightly charges, but he saw right through to the essence: the quiet creak of supply wagons.
"And those desk-jockey mage nobodies think they can snag a guy like that? No way in hell!"
His eccentric behavior? All the better. Just youthful bravado bursting from excess energy. The fix was simple.
Drag him to the army and grind him down.
Dawn reveille, field runs, belly crawls in the mud. Arctic training up north. Then a few months on border watch. That'd make a man out of him. He'd learn sweat flows even in frozen valleys. By the time his breath froze mid-air on the northern front, that cocky attitude would straighten into proper youthful grit.
Physical therapy was the answer.
"I'll make a proper man out of him."
Wilhelm marched straight for the Magic Department building. Target: Iris von Evergarden's private lab. Rumor had it she'd declared Kasian her disciple—that was a national loss. A future general wasting away calculating mana? Absurd.
He reached Professor Iris's office door. Before he could grab the handle—
WHOOSH! It flew open.
"Hm?"
And out popped someone unexpected. A leather apron dusted with soil despite attempts to clean it. A weathered face under a wide-brimmed hat.
"...Muller Viscountess?"
Wilhelm's eyes widened.
"What are you doing here?"
Professor Iris stood behind her. He hadn't wandered into the wrong place in his old age.
Muller tipped her hat brim up with a smirk.
"Oh, hello. Professor Wilhelm."
"Don't tell me you had business with Professor Iris too?"
"Business? Yeah. Urgent and critical."
The gravity was clear from Iris's sharp, tense expression alone.
"...Professor Wilhelm too. Guests just won't stop today."
Iris crossed her arms, stance prickly. Wilhelm flinched instinctively.
"Ahem. I've got urgent business too."
"Let me guess."
Iris narrowed her eyes. Her blood-red gaze pierced like it could read his soul.
"It's not about Kasian del Parne, is it?"
"...Ha."
Wilhelm let out a hollow laugh.
"Spooky. Yeah. I came to ask you to step aside—I've got high hopes for the kid."
"Haa."
A sigh escaped Iris at last. Her face hardened like she'd expected this.
"Why's everyone so desperate to steal my disciple?"
"Disciple? I heard he hasn't been formally enrolled yet!"
Wilhelm raised his voice immediately.
"And he's too good for magic! You should've seen his insight in Tactics!"
Muller cut in from the side.
"He showed insight in my class too."
"...?"
Wilhelm's brain stalled.
So...
"You came for the same reason?"
"Yep. Been in a heated debate with Professor Iris for hours."
So the kid was getting love calls from Magic, Herbology, and Military Studies? A monster pulling triple duty?
What the...?
Wilhelm's jaw dropped. There were limits to common sense, and this blew past them.
Muller clucked her tongue and shook her head. Iris glared at them both, growling.
"So what? You both gonna protest outside my lab? 'Hand over the disciple'?"
"Protest? Let's call it fair competition."
Wilhelm cleared his throat and stepped back—but he had no intention of yielding. Tension crackled in the hall. Passing students backed away from the professors' murderous auras.
Then Muller clapped her hands.
Clap!
"Okay, okay, calm down. Fighting among ourselves won't solve anything."
She tried to defuse with her usual cool demeanor.
"Sorry, Professor Iris, but to clear this all at once, shouldn't Professor Wilhelm join us?"
Iris's brow furrowed deeply. She glared at Wilhelm, making no secret of her disgust.
Wilhelm pretended not to notice and asked Muller,
"Join you? What do you mean?"
"We were heading to the man himself to settle who gets him as disciple. His choice matters most, right?"
Iris chimed in pointedly.
"But if Professor Wilhelm finds it burdensome, no need to come. Wouldn't want to tarnish a senior's honor debating disciple spots with us juniors."
But Wilhelm didn't blink.
"No! I'm grateful for the equal shot!"
He deployed his "oblivious" skill, taking her sarcasm at face value. For the future general who'd safeguard the nation, he'd endure the embarrassment of hair-pulling with a girl young enough to be his granddaughter.
"Let's go! Might even run into Corinth del Parne."
Wilhelm took the lead. Muller shot Iris a sympathetic look like couldn't be helped, while Iris glowered murderously at Muller, face like death.
Same time, in the Parne Mansion's kitchen on the first floor's far corner. Pure peace.
How do you see peace? Ah, peace is an act.
I hummed a tune with the world's most serious face, setting a homemade smoker on the grill.
Sizzle— The smoking chips burned, filling the kitchen with rich wood aroma.
Ah, this smell. Pure drug. Soul-healing aromatherapy.
Heh heh heh.
But Maid Head Marie behind me didn't look pleased.
"Young master, aren't you doing this too often lately?"
Eek. Auntie's getting annoyed. Fair enough—I'd been smoking up the kitchen too much. Even with all windows open for ventilation, the smell lingered.
I grinned with tongs in hand, making excuses.
"Sorry, sorry, Marie Auntie. I've been seeing these poor kids at school starving, you know."
"Poor kids? At the academy?"
"Yeah. Wandering around hungry. I share, and it runs out fast. They say even half a bean is worth sharing."
In my case, it was basically robbery. I was gonna eat alone, but five of them split it—no leftovers.
Marie sighed, fanning smoke with her apron.
"Even so, the whole mansion'll end up smoked at this rate."
"Won't do it much anymore. No more freebies."
She shot me a distrustful look. Solution's obvious.
"C'mon, don't be like that. I'll hit the capital shops soon and grab something fancy for you."
"...Like what?"
"That essence all the noble ladies are raving about. Smooths out wrinkles. I'll get you a full set."
Marie's eyes lit up. Financial therapy works wonders.
"Oh, really? That expensive stuff?"
"Promise. I might break promises with Dad, but have you ever seen me bullshit you and the old man?"
"Hohoho! Fine, I'll let it slide!"
Instant pivot. Marie hummed happily out of the kitchen. I snickered, flipping the jerky.
The sizzling meat scent lit up my happy circuits.
Life's not bad. This is happiness.
Flipping jerky in peace, savoring small joys—
Swish. Presence behind me.
"Marie Auntie, what's up?"
Something happen? Didn't even turn around.
But the voice wasn't her high tone.
"Young master."
"Gah! You scared me!"
I nearly dropped the tongs, jumping. Turned to see hunched-back Alfred standing like a ghost.
Normally he'd quip, Did I startle you? But his face was off. I'd seen that look a lot lately.
"...Old man? What's with the face?"
Alfred asked in a low, grave tone.
"Did you... cause another incident?"
"Uh... um."
Flashback: Tense standoff with Princess Evelyn. And the Tactics class cow line in front of the old prof.
"...Maybe?"
Couldn't deny it.
Alfred sighed deeply, like the earth was caving in.
"Young master. Brace yourself. The master is in the drawing room debating with professors right now."
Professors? Iris at this hour?
"Nah, that's no biggie. Me and Professor Iris get along. Why're they here? Lab key delivery?"
"No. Not one."
"Huh?"
"Professors from the academy..."
Alfred squeezed his eyes shut, then dropped the bomb.
"Three of them."
"......"
I froze like a statue, tongs in hand. Brain stall.
Three? Professors? At our house?
"You sure? Three?"
"Yes."
Whoa. Insane. I didn't want ties to any profs, period. Worse, I could guess who and why. Iris, who'd bet the farm on me, and the other two?
The two A+ brain-melters.
Exactly three—no wiggle room.
I pinched my forehead.
"...Ah, damn it."