EP.13 Babysitter -2
EP.13 Babysitter -2
The three utterly hopeless agents, each and every one of them a walking disaster.
I'd break them down one at a time.
A worthless bastard whose assigned role was simple, yet he couldn't even be bothered to stay alert, just lounging around with a slacker's attitude.
"Ah~ fuckin' pain in the ass. Hope this wraps up fast."
One looked relatively normal, but she was really a crazy bitch who flew into rages and tried to force her own teammates to obey her.
"You goddamn fucks...!! Just do what I say and it'd be fine! Why don't you get it? It's honestly pathetic!"
And lastly, a pig bastard who was stuffing his face with food right on-site, whining about being hungry even in the middle of a mission. This asshole had even crammed cigarettes into his ammo pouch instead of magazines.
"Nothin' beats a smoke after a meal..."
These were the true textbook specimens of hopelessness.
They were such perfect examples of incompetence that I began to wonder whether they had become agents through some underhanded means.
"Should I just fuck off from this mission?"
I had no idea where to even begin with them.
If just one out of the three had been trash, I could've understood, but the astonishing truth was that all three were garbage.
At last, I fully understood exactly why their team leader was developing stomach ulcers.
"This is a lost cause."
One guy leaning against a big rock trying to sleep, a bitch taking out her anger by throwing rocks at innocent trees, and another bastard chain-smoking in the woods.
Even if I wanted to help, their grit and will had already rotted away—they were past saving.
On top of that, I didn't have the authority to control them.
So all I could do here was wait until the situation wrapped up and then report back to the director once we returned.
"Nah, I think I'd be better off helping the infiltration team that went into the enemy hideout."
Helping the other agents and ending this mess quickly was the wiser call.
What was the point of clinging to futures that were clearly hopeless?
I was about to abandon the Director's assignment and enter the terrorists' building myself. Then...
The sound of car engines in the distance forced me to stop in my tracks.
This was a forest road in the eastern outskirts. Hardly anyone passed through here, which was exactly why the terrorists had built their hideout in this spot.
But now vehicles were coming to this remote place.
And not just one or two—about five mid-size vans.
"Ha, life... why is it that the things I hope won't happen always happen like it's the most natural thing in the world?"
This meant terrorist reinforcements were arriving.
If I let them approach, the infiltration team inside the building would end up surrounded by enemies from both sides and be put in serious danger.
The government had deployed perimeter agents specifically to cut off enemy reinforcements. Yet...
"Th-those crazy fuckers! The enemy's on the way and they're still just sitting there!"
The problem was that the guys they'd posted to keep watch were total morons.
Dog still had his eyes shut, Anya was refusing to make the first move because of her pointless pride, and Answer was just smoking away, probably not even realizing the enemy was coming.
I knew they were hopeless bastards, but this hopeless...!
"Ha! Fuck!! I swear I'm gonna get you fuckers kicked out of the government when this is over!"
If they'd at least tried to lay down spike traps or some kind of obstacle on the road, I might've reevaluated them...
These crazy shits didn't show even that minimal effort right to the bitter end.
Looked like I had no choice but to step up.
"Tia."
"Yeah?"
"You see those black round things over there? Think you can blow all of 'em up for me?"
"Got it!!"
Using Tia's ability, I blew out every single tire on the vans.
The drivers panicked. Three of them managed to hit the brakes quickly and screech to a halt, but the other two collided with each other and flipped over onto the road.
About two-fifths of the enemy forces were now combat-incapable... a pretty satisfying result.
But the real fight started now.
"They're pretty calm."
The terrorists were staying still inside their stopped vehicles.
The road was flanked by woods. They had no idea where we might ambush them from, so they were likely staying inside the cars to stay on guard.
"Not that great a response, though."
I pulled the pin on a grenade I'd brought just in case.
Ordinarily, throwing a grenade in a forest with all these branches would be insane, but with Tia's help, it could reach the target precisely without getting snagged on anything.
An ability where the grenade flew itself to the target the instant I let go... the poor bastards on the receiving end probably felt like they were getting cheated.
"Take cover!!"
As soon as they spotted the grenade, the terrorists burst from the rear of the vans and fled.
I had to admit I was honestly impressed by both their cleverness—they'd gathered near the trunks ahead of time so they could jump out all at once if things went south—and the sacrificial spirit of the Companion Animals who threw themselves onto the grenade to minimize the blast for the sake of their Companion Keepers.
"How come...?"
They certainly seemed better than those three hopeless dickheads.
Speak of the devil: the hopeless trio were still doing nothing, not even attempting anything, just preoccupied with defending their own skins.
My bad for ever holding even a shred of expectation for them.
"Well, if there's one good thing, it looks like the morons are limited to just those three..."
Gunshots, screams, and animal cries began to ring out from all over.
That meant the terrorists who'd scattered into the woods and the other agents had started fighting.
So now I'd just take out a few of them myself, nice and easy...
"You've got quite an interesting ability, don't you?"
I flinched!
A voice that made my whole body break out in goosebumps in a single second.
Startled by the fear that suddenly crashed over me, I instinctively whipped around and pulled the trigger.
But it was a low-accuracy shot, and the bullet didn't hit the figure right behind me—it struck a tree further back instead.
"I wasn't really intending to threaten you, you know."
The identity of the presence that had made my skin crawl was a middle-aged man smiling gently.
In appearance, he was a perfectly ordinary guy in his early fifties—lean build, soft eyes, even prominent nasolabial folds.
But the scars visible through his loosely worn clothes and his solid, sturdy muscles suggested he was anything but ordinary.
"Wh-who are you?!"
"Is it really okay to ask someone's identity in the middle of a battlefield like this?"
"Shut up and just tell me...!"
The man had approached me from behind as if it were nothing.
If he hadn't spoken up, he could've slit my throat and I never would've noticed.
Even Tia seemed startled, as if she hadn't sensed him approaching either.
Tia, who could read the air itself, failing to detect him—that was absurd.
Was he a Divine Beast?
"Name's Jack Samuel. Age 86, occupation is a mercenary hired by the terrorists. There, that enough for you?"
"Not a Divine Beast?"
"A Divine Beast...? Not sure what makes you think that, but sorry to disappoint—I'm human."
"If you're really human, there's no way you look like that at 86."
"Ah, well, I've got my own circumstances on that front."
His utterly relaxed stretch and the loose smile on his face all felt like an act.
And yet, there wasn't a hint of tremor or hesitation in his voice, which somehow made him sound completely sincere.
I couldn't tell what was truth and what was lies... the confusion was giving me a splitting headache.
"Anyway, more importantly—that interesting ability you used earlier. Would you mind showing it to me one more time?"
"Interesting ability...?"
"No use playing dumb. I saw everything. The grenade you dropped flying off on its own."
"I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about?"
"If you're going to be stubborn, I guess I've got no choice. I'll just have to check for myself."
"...Huh?"
—BANG!!
In an instant, the man whipped a revolver from his hip and fired straight at my forehead.
It happened in the blink of an eye, and I couldn't even twitch a single finger to respond, let alone mount any defense.
If Tia hadn't thrown up a barrier in advance, that shot would've blown a hole through my skull and killed me.
"Hmm, so that's why I was wondering what a little girl was doing in a place like this—turns out the special one is the little girl."
"Wait? You can see Tia...?"
"I can see her just fine. That thing just now, spinning the air around you at high speed to block the bullet—that was this little missy's doing, wasn't it?"
Tia was supposed to be invisible to other people thanks to Miho's ability.
Yet Jack stared directly at Tia without the slightest surprise and had even identified her ability correctly.
There was only one type of being that could do that.
"You really are a Divine Beast...!!"
"Haha, this is a bit awkward~ How am I supposed to explain it so you'll believe me?"
Jack tapped his chin with the barrel of his revolver, thinking hard.
He seemed determined to keep insisting he was human right to the end.
I couldn't understand him at all.
His very presence radiated an aura that screamed he was anything but human—so why was he so stubborn about claiming to be human?
For what purpose?
But thinking about it another way, a Divine Beast deliberately passing itself off as human was pretty absurd too.
Moreover, a Divine Beast using a revolver was unprecedented, and Jack had just demonstrated he could handle it with expert skill.
That level of finesse required years of experience—it wasn't something you could just fake.
It was lending more and more credibility to the idea that he wasn't a Divine Beast after all.
My head hurt.
"No, whatever. Doesn't matter either way."
He was still an enemy, and that didn't change anything.
"Sorry about this, but Tia. I'm leaving it to you."
"Okay!!"
I'd realized that whatever Jack actually was, I had no chance of beating him.
His combat skills easily outclassed mine, and my instincts were screaming that his very existence was dangerous.
So, embarrassing as it was, I had no choice but to leave him to Tia.
"Hmm? So from now on, the little missy is going to be this old man's opponent?"
"Yeah! Tha's right!!"
"And how do you plan to fight me?"
"Like this!!"
"Oh-ho?"
The air around us gathered into Tia's hand, then shot forward, slicing everything in its path clean in half.
The blade of wind I'd seen back during the Motaras incident. Unless something was faster than the wind itself, it couldn't be dodged.
If Jack really was a Divine Beast, he'd avoid this. If he was human, he'd take the hit and die.
The result was... the latter.
Along with the trees, Jack's body was cleaved in two, his upper body crashing to the ground with a sickening thud.
"Ugh!! Did I kill him too brutally...?"
"Yuu...? I can't see~!"
Thinking it was still too early to let Tia witness someone dying so violently, I gently covered her eyes.
Tia was the one who'd killed him, sure, but I still wanted her to grow up seeing nothing but pretty things if possible.
"Wow~! That was incredible! I never knew pain like this even existed!"
"What...?!"
"It hurts so damn much my body's still trembling!"
Jack, who'd been split in half and clearly died, was suddenly standing there again, completely fine.
"I knew you weren't human!!"
"Well, I keep telling you—I am human."
"What kind of human gets cut in half and just walks it off?!"
"See, about that... I made a contract with a Divine Beast thirty-five years ago. Because of that, I can't die even if I want to."
"What...? You made a contract with a Divine Beast? So your companion animal is a Divine Beast too?"
"No. Not a warm-and-fuzzy deal like a Companion Contract—it's a Provisional Contract. I put up something precious as collateral, and in return, I got to borrow a part of its power."
"What the hell does that...?"
"Hmm, maybe it's better if I just show you? Then watch carefully."
"W-wait!!"
—BANG!!
This time Jack pressed the revolver's barrel to his own head and pulled the trigger without a shred of hesitation.
His head burst apart from the revolver shot, scattering what looked like brain matter and skull fragments everywhere.
Unmistakable, undeniable death. The blood and chunks of flesh left on the ground were proof enough—no doubt about it.
But how...?
"How the hell are you perfectly fine again?!"
I blinked once, and Jack had returned to his original state.
It was as though his head had never exploded at all.
"Hahaha! Curious?"
"Is this some kind of illusion?"
"It's not an illusion. It's real."
The revived Jack drew his machete and started hacking down at his own right arm.
After several swings, his arm and its accompanying blood dropped to the ground with a wet thud.
And yet his arm regenerated again, perfectly intact.
What made my skin crawl, though, was that his severed upper body and severed right arm were still lying there on the ground.
"What the hell is this...?"
"Amazing, right? Ever since I made that contract with the Divine Beast, no matter what gets broken or crushed, it just regenerates."
"What kind of contract did you make with that Divine Beast, and what kind of ability did you get...?"
"Sorry, but ask me that question later, once your affection rating's a bit higher. At its current level, this is all I can give you."
Jack picked up his own severed right arm and then, with a casual flick, tossed it at me.
"Aagh!! Fuck! Stop throwing your disgusting body parts at me!"
Thankfully, Tia blocked the flying right arm again this time, so it turned out fine—if not for her, that vile thing would've touched my skin.
It made me sick...!!
His behavior was one thing, but the smile he always wore, perpetually beaming like that, was the most revolting of all.
To keep grinning even while I shot him in the head or when his arm was severed...! Was he insane...?
"Maybe giving you an organ like a heart or liver would've been better than an arm?"
"How about you dial back the disgusting talk? I'm about to puke, you know?"
"You really don't find it a shame? A single organ's worth enough to live it up for a whole week."
Instead of answering, I shot him, but he just stood there normally, got hit by the bullets normally, and bled normally.
Even when blood gushed from wherever the bullets struck, it stopped on its own after three seconds.
I couldn't believe someone like that was the same kind of human as me.
"Not bad, but your shooting's a little sloppy, considering."
"Sh-shut up!"
Just a few months ago, I'd been an ordinary civilian.
How could I possibly possess divinely inspired marksmanship?
"A gun, you see—you're supposed to shoot it like this."
This time, Jack drew an M1911 automatic pistol instead of the revolver, aimed at my forehead, and pulled the trigger five times in rapid succession.
Tia's barrier blocked every round, but my eyes still widened in shock.
Every one of his five shots had been aimed directly between my eyes.
Perfect accuracy, even while firing rapidly.
It convinced me he was human.
Not that I meant a Divine Beast couldn't manage that level of finesse.
It was simply that every single one of his movements exuded seasoned experience and a deep-seated humanity.
I realized he was a man who had treasured and used guns for a very long time.
"A wind barrier created by a little miss... The more I look at it, the more intriguing it is."
"Don't be intrigued by weird stuff, you pervert."
Neither of us could kill the other—in other words, no matter how much we fought, we couldn't settle it.
If there'd been another Divine Beast here, there might've been another way, but right now it was just Tia and me.
Fighting him here wouldn't gain me a single thing.
He seemed to recognize that too, because he slid his gun back into its holster.
"A pervert, he says. I was merely wondering if getting close to that little lady's barrier would tear my body to shreds like a blender."
"That's exactly the disgusting part! Stop acting so weirdly interested in Tia and just get lost!!"
"So prickly~ Well, fine. We'll probably run into each other again somewhere anyway, so I'll leave it as a future pleasure!"
Every single word out of his mouth was so sickeningly oily it filled me with revulsion.
Getting tangled up again with a guy whose true thoughts I couldn't read to this maddening degree... no thanks.
He was bad for my stomach and bad for Tia's emotional upbringing.
If by some chance I ever faced him again in the future, I would do whatever it took to stay far away from this disgusting bastard.
"Have a good day, then! Miss Divine Beast and young man."
Looking thoroughly satisfied, Jack turned his back and walked away with an airy lightness.
Humming a tune and even stepping with a jaunty stride, he departed...
-Bang!!
"Spying isn't nice, friend."
He abruptly drew his revolver, fired into the brush, then flashed a self-satisfied smile and left for good.
Once Jack was completely gone, I turned my head toward the thicket he had shot. There, some male terrorist—likely his employer—had turned into a cold corpse.
"Creepy bastard..."
From the moment he appeared until the moment we parted, he was a guy who messed with your head every which way.
A madman who self-harmed without a care, as if he felt no pain, and tore out his own organs to sell off.
I couldn't state clearly what exactly his deal was.
All I knew was that he was a crazy son of a bitch. No other word came to mind.
"Hah..."
"Yuu...? You okay?"
"Yeah, just... a little..."
My body was fine, but my mind was so worn out because of that lunatic that I crumpled to the ground on the spot.
Partly because I'd seen so many gory scenes... but should I say I simply ran out of steam, or that I was totally drained...
Anyway, I needed rest.
"Yuuu...?"
"Sorry, Tia. Can I stay like this for a little bit?"
"Mm! You cannn!!"
A little break, squishing Tia's soft cheeks this way and that.
Being cut off from the outside world brought a sense of comfort and ease.
"Ahh... this is so healing!"
"Heealingg!"
Right here and now, this place was a domain for just Tia and me—a space no one else could trespass upon.
I knew I shouldn't be doing this in the middle of a battlefield, but well...
It'd be fine, right? I'd already dealt with about half the terrorists beforehand.
The people outside would be fighting just fine without me.
Probably...
***
Suppose a parent or babysitter left a baby unattended for one or two hours.
What would happen?
The baby might get near something sharp and hurt itself, or get curious about something hot and get burned.
In the worst case, it might fall out a window and lose its life.
In that sense, the situation I was in now was the worst.
All I'd done was enjoy a little healing time with Tia's squishy cheeks...
"Fuck."
The agents were clustered in a huddle in front of the hideout, on their knees.
Every single one of them had both hands behind their heads, and they had been stripped of their weapons.
And the terrorists had their guns aimed at them.
Anyone could tell what the situation was just from that much.
"I take my eyes off things for a second and they just... lost?"
Truthfully, comparing the agents to babies wasn't right.
They were adults who knew when something was dangerous and could survive just fine on their own.
The problem was that among those adults, there were a few who were worse than babies.
For instance, those three agents tied up with rope...
"God-fucking-dammit...! Why does this kind of thing only ever happen to me...?!"
I wanted to ask that too.
"That's why I said we should prepare! If you jerks had just listened to me, this wouldn't have happened...!!"
Then why didn't you take the initiative to prepare in the first place?
"Hah... the timing just wasn't good, of all things..."
You worm, you're probably the only bastard who stuffs his face and smokes during a mission.
"Shut your mouths! You government pigs and dogs!!"
"""Urk!!"""
Damn Director. He said this would be an easy and simple mission...
In what universe was helping those worthless lowlifes an easy and simple mission?
I'd rather babysit.
"Sigh..."
Even so, the three Hopeless Cases weren't the only ones captured—plenty of other agents were being held too, so I couldn't abandon them.
I had zero desire to save the Hopeless Cases, but I didn't think it was right to give up on innocent agents because of those bastards.
Besides, the Director had given me this mission confident that if Tia and I were there, any situation would resolve itself nicely.
If I abandoned them here, that would be admitting we were as incompetent as those Hopeless Cases.
I didn't care if my own reputation hit rock bottom, but I would absolutely never tolerate Tia being disrespected.
"What should we do?"
"Yuu! I have a good idea! A good idea!!"
"A good idea? What is it?"
"I go taa-dah! and show up, and then all the bad guys go hi-yaah! and that's it!"
My little dragon's eyes gleamed as she excitedly asked, “What do you think? What do you think?”
She was the strongest when it came to cuteness, but it had zero practical value, so I'd have to gently talk her out of it.
"Tia, that's definitely a good plan, but I don't think we can use it."
"Whyyy?"
"Because we have to act without anyone noticing us."
So we had to refrain from wiping out the terrorists in one sweep using Tia's ability.
If it were only terrorists, we could just kill them all and leave no witnesses.
But right now, there were agents who would serve as both hostages and witnesses, so we couldn't do that.
If we wiped out the enemies with Tia's power, the agents would regard it as strange and undoubtedly report it to their superiors.
Then I'd have to go around tracking down the agents and the people who received the reports one by one, using Miho's ability to delete their memories—a massive hassle.
A case of the tail wagging the dog; if it wasn't a matter where every second counted, finding another approach was better.
"Uuung...!! But Yata told me to do it!"
"Yata did...?"
"Yeah!! She gave me this!"
Tia pulled out a PET bottle filled with a purple liquid from her cute little bag and handed it to me.
The bottle itself was just an ordinary water bottle, but the contents inside gave me a vaguely uneasy feeling for some reason.
While I was rubbing my chin wondering what it was, the phone in my pocket started vibrating.
Speak of the tiger, and it appears—the caller was Yata, just as I'd expected.
[Hello, dear husband! Today, too, your life is brimming with fun things!]
"This looks like fun to you?"
[Yes! So much that I'm sorry I'm not there!]
"...So? What's this stuff in the PET bottle? And what is this thing you told Tia to do?"
[The liquid you're looking at isn't anything dangerous—it's just an Awakening Elixir I extracted from a certain Divine Beast!]
"Awakening Elixir?"
[Yes, a potion that temporarily returns any creature to its prime. If the one who drinks it is young, it matures them; if old, it rejuvenates them.]
"So what am I supposed to do with it?"
[Have Tia drink it, then just leave her to do as she pleases! A child's gotta run wild once in a while!]
"Are you sure that's okay...?"
[Don't worry about the aftermath. It'll work out as a good thing later! Anyway, I have things to attend to, so I'll end the call here! Hang in there, dear husband!]
"Huh...? Hey, Yata? Hold on!!"
-Click!
She called out of nowhere and then hung up just as abruptly—a totally self-paced crow.
It felt like I was getting pushed around by her every time, but since she was always running around busily for my sake, I'd let it go.
She said she personally procured this suspicious potion from some Divine Beast, so I supposed I had to trust her.
"Tia, about that good plan you mentioned earlier—I think you can go ahead and do it."
"Really?"
"Yeah, but only after you drink all of this."
"Yayy!!"
When I opened the bottle's cap, a sour smell wafted up sharply, making me scrunch up my face.
I still had my doubts about whether drinking it was really okay, but Yata had told her to do it, and Tia was already looking at me with a face full of anticipation, so I couldn't take it back at this point.
I had no choice but to hand the bottle to Tia. Paying no mind to the sour smell, she started gulping down the liquid.
Soon enough, Tia downed it in one shot and let out a cute little kehuu~! burp before handing the empty bottle back to me.
"A-are you okay, Tia?"
"Yeah!!"
"Really...? But you don't look any different?"
"No! I changed!!"
"You did? But right now you're still..."
"I'll show you!"
-Creaaak! Crack!!
Starting with the sound of bones twisting, Tia's body before me began to change little by little.
First, she reverted to her original baby-lizard form, and from that state, she rapidly began expanding the size of her body.
Her adorable little horns gradually became long and majestic, while her wings and tail grew larger than even the tallest tree in the forest.
It didn't stop there: her once-round face sharpened, and her eyes transformed into the fierce gaze of a predator that saw everything else as nothing more than prey.
And with that, Tia completed her full growth.
Before me stood a dragon more colossal than the surrounding mountains.
-Krwaaaaah!!
With a single roar, heaven and earth shook, trees toppled over, and every bird in flight plummeted straight to the ground.
This being, properly demonstrating what it meant to be an apex predator, was no longer the baby dragon I had known.
"T-Tia...?"
Suddenly I grew anxious.
What if the side effects of rapid growth made her forget me and sent her into a rampage?
A cliché that appears often in movies—but I couldn't definitively say it wouldn't happen in reality.
I was anxious, unbearably anxious...
"Yuu! Look! I really got big!! How is it~? How is iit~?"
...Thankfully, even though she had gotten bigger, her inner self was still Tia.