EP.5 Butterfly Dream -1
EP.5 Butterfly Dream -1
-Tiroring!! Tiring! Tirorong!!
The ringtone blared harshly from the crack of dawn.
"Uuughhh...!"
Drained of every last ounce of energy by the fox and reduced to a half-mummified state, I barely managed to grab my phone.
"Hello...?"
[Ah, is this Seon-ju's phone number by any chance?]
A voice I'd never heard before. I had no idea who it was.
"Yes. This is him. Who am I speaking to?"
[Oh! I'm the person in charge of the teaching practicum at Default School this time.]
Those damn teachers. They couldn't even be bothered to talk to me themselves, so they dumped the task on some student teacher.
That was a clear indicator of just how rock-bottom my social standing had become.
"Right. So, what's the reason for your call?"
[It's nothing major—I'm reaching out because I've been concerned about your prolonged absence lately, Seon-ju.]
A lot had happened—none of which I could tell him.
Even just saying Divine Beasts had become my companion animals would get me treated like a lunatic.
Who would believe a story like that?
The person telling it would be crazy, and the person believing it would be crazy too.
Honestly, the craziest part was that every word of the story was true...
"Nothing happened. Please mark the reason for my absences as unexcused."
If there was one special thing about the school I attended, it was that you could advance to the next grade without meeting the attendance requirement.
They claimed it was for the sake of students' autonomous development, but stripped of the pretense, the mindset was basically, "We just want to keep milking you for tuition, so we don't care."
For me, that was nothing but convenient, so I wasn't complaining.
[Understood. In that case, Seon-ju, you'll be attending Motaras, correct?]
Motaras...?
Ah, was it that season already?
The annual interschool competition.
An event created under the pretext of schools from each city showing off their students' growth.
A gladiatorial spectacle where students representing their schools fought alongside their companion animals in coordinated combat.
I supposed it was entertaining enough.
"No, I won't be going."
I had no desire to waste my time on something so pointless.
[The school was hoping you'd attend Motaras as well, Seon-ju, even just to cheer.]
Cheer? Like hell I would.
They never looked for me, never called on me normally...
[For your information, the school has stated that if you miss this Motaras as well, they'll consider holding you back a grade.]
Had I been attending a school run by terrorists all this time?
I'd never imagined they'd use grade retention as a hostage for this kind of negotiation...
"Understood. Could I think it over first and call you back?"
[Yes, yes~!]
-Beep!
"Haaah..."
I tossed the phone onto the bed and let out a deep sigh.
I wanted to do nothing at all.
I was already doing nothing at all, but I wanted to do nothing at all more intensely and more aggressively...
My body was utterly exhausted from soothing Miho in heat, and now my mind was getting worn down as well.
Life... really sucked.
I considered dropping out of school on the spot, but I couldn't do that either.
I could not break the promise I had made to my mother when I first enrolled.
[Just graduate high school, and after that I won't care one bit what you do, so make sure you get that diploma.]
Even now, the reason I could live freely was because of that promise.
But if I got expelled from school, that promise would be deemed broken, and then I wouldn't be able to refuse anything my mother demanded of me.
Including the demand that I become a model for a women's clothing mall...
Back in my childhood, my mother, who worked in the apparel industry, had once lured me in by saying she'd buy me pork cutlet.
But the place I actually arrived at was far from pork cutlet—it was a photo studio with nothing but cameras, and there, I...
[Oh my! Our son is so pretty!]
I had been forcibly dressed as a girl by my mother and used as a child model for girls' clothing.
That was my tragic first dark history, a memory I wanted to obliterate badly enough to rip my blanket to shreds.
That was why I had to at least graduate school. No matter what.
In truth, if I revealed to my mother that I was an agent or even just hinted to the Director that he should help me out, the promise would become irrelevant.
What parent would object to their son becoming a top-tier government official?
But I was an unofficial agent. I was in a position where being known as an agent was out of the question.
Thinking about it again, it really was a ridiculously unfair situation.
But what could I do, even knowing it? Life was garbage from the start.
Two days remained until Motaras.
I would rather have died than go, but I resigned myself to it.
I tried to sink back into sleep, holding Miho's tail tightly in my arms again.
I was still really tired, after all...
***
"Huh?"
My field of vision was low?
When I opened my eyes again, the scenery looked oddly taller than expected.
It felt as though I had shrunk...
Anyway, where was this? A hospital?
If it was a hospital, I should've been discharged just a day ago and returned home.
But it was unmistakable—the place I was in was a considerably old hospital.
Why was I in a place like this...?
I tried to get my body upright to look around, but it wouldn't move.
I couldn't even walk, and moving at all felt so profoundly unnatural and uncomfortable.
It felt as if my body wasn't my own body.
Sure enough, my body began moving regardless of my will, and I started crawling with my hands and feet planted on the floor.
I just crawled endlessly toward somewhere that smelled sweet and fragrant.
What in the world was going on...?
The place my body arrived at was a patient room in the hospital, a place where small beds were lined up in rows.
The panel hanging there read NURSERY in large letters, so it was a room where newborn babies, born not long ago, were gathered together.
Countless babies. Among them, a single sweet scent stimulated my nose.
That smelled good...
Like a person drawn in by a scent and wanting to take a bite, my body naturally moved toward the source of that fragrance.
The origin of the sweet scent was one particular baby among the newborns.
My body approached the bed where that baby lay and...
"No! Wait?!"
Licked its cheek.
Still completely independent of my will.
"No matter how good it smelled, licking a baby?!...Wait?"
It was only after I saw a name tag on the baby's bed that a single question surfaced in my mind.
Who was I...?
Who was I right now?
The me right now was not Yoo Seon-ju.
After all, this newborn baby that I'd been licking was... 'me.'
If 'I' was here, then the me right now was...?
Just then, the baby-me from the past that I'd been licking woke up and was staring at me.
"A-oo...?"
The 'me' from infancy, who still knew nothing at all.
He was just staring blankly at me, as if I were a curiosity.
Looking at that adorable baby, I gently swished a single tail back and forth in front of him.
Then 'I' started smiling brightly.
I found myself captivated by that innocent, artless baby smile.
"Ah..."
Now I understood.
Who I was right now...
Crawling on four legs, sporting a fluffy-looking tail, drawn by a sweet scent to lick 'me.'
Right now, I was... the Miho of years long past.
***
"Ugh...!"
As soon as I realised whose body I inhabited, my vision wavered and the surroundings changed.
Like a scene transition in a movie, everything in the world was transforming.
"Haah...! Haah...! What the hell was this?"
My point of view had changed.
But the tail and fox ears that shouldn't exist on my original body were still attached, so I could tell I was still Miho.
Then was this Miho's memory...?
I recalled the conversation I'd once had with Miho a while back.
Back then, Miho had said she was born on the same day and at the same time as me, so there was no doubt that I had become Miho.
I had no idea why I had become Miho or why I was witnessing her past.
"You've already formed a contract with a human, little fox."
"Huh?"
The nursery was nowhere to be seen, and a massive, unidentifiable monster stood before me.
The head of a dragon, the body of a deer, the legs of a horse, and the tail of an ox.
It could only be described as bizarre, but I'd definitely read in a book that a Divine Beast with this exact form existed.
Probably... the Qilin Divine Beast?
"What did you intend to accomplish by committing such an act, fox."
The Qilin was scolding me like a grandfather who'd raised me for years.
The situation had turned into this so abruptly that I had no idea why I was being lectured, but I decided to take it obediently for now.
"A contract with a human is a violation of the Divine Beast Rules—an inviolable domain that must never be breached..."
It seemed the reason I was being scolded was because I'd formed a Companion Contract with 'me.'
"It's fortunate I noticed first. If it had been those stubborn sorts, they would have tried to kill you and that child you love."
"..."
"Hoo, very well. You were born knowing nothing, so it couldn't be helped, I suppose. You were simply captivated by a human who carries the same fate."
Listening to the Qilin's words, I came to realize just how grave a matter forming a Companion Contract with me was in the world of Divine Beasts.
"There's no helping it, fox. Only two choices remain to you. The first is to borrow the hands of other Divine Beasts and kill only the human you've contracted with, thereby severing the contract..."
At those words, an extreme fury welled up inside me, and my body began to tremble.
These weren't my own emotions—no, these were probably the emotions of this body's owner, Miho.
"It seems you've grown quite fond of that human child. Then there's no choice but the other method. Use your ability to erase every memory associated with you. And from now on, live forever in hiding, concealing and hiding again, so that other Divine Beasts never learn of this truth. Beyond that, I have no other answer to give you."
The last remaining choice—even this choice was loathsome to me.
But there were no other cards left to play.
If she did not take this path, the other "me" would be in danger...
"Miho! Where have you been all this time?"
I had no choice but to do it.
"Huh? What's wrong, Miho?"
Even if it meant tears welling up in my eyes...
"Miho? Huh...?"
I had no choice but to erase 'my' memories.
***
After that, the same life continued on, day after day.
'I,' who didn't know Miho, began to face discrimination in daily life and suffer all manner of humiliation.
'I,' enduring contempt, persecution, and every pain imaginable, suffering through it all.
And me, watching it all from close by, heart aching.
I wanted to reveal myself right then and there, to tell him I was his companion animal and make him happy, but I couldn't.
"Hnk...! Hnnnggh!!"
I remembered that the 'me' of this time, who spent every day in tears, hated the world.
He often cried out in anguish, demanding why he alone had no companion animal, why he alone had to endure these painful days.
Never even knowing that his own companion animal was by his side.
This image of 'me' was agony for me too.
Miho's agony, to be precise.
Being by the side of the person she loved, yet unable to do a single thing for him—the misery of that reality and her own powerlessness stirred up endless pain.
Even I, experiencing it vicariously, felt like I was dying, so I felt I now understood, at least a little, why Miho was so utterly mad.
She had lived with this pain, suffering through it day after day after day, so her desperate craving for my love had been inevitable.
When 'I' was happy over a trivial thing, I was happy too.
When 'I' was sad, I was sad too.
When 'I' was angry, I was angry too.
Miho had literally become a being that was one heart, one body with me.
She had endured all of this and continued living...
Hundreds of times a day, the me who thought I wanted to reveal my true identity.
Thousands of times a day, the me who thought I wanted to kill the ones tormenting 'me.'
Tens of thousands of times a day, the me who thought I wanted to be loved by 'me.'
Truly, it was a sight that couldn't be witnessed by anyone still in their right mind.
Twenty years.
To an immortal Divine Beast, twenty years might have meant nothing. But to me, who had also lived only twenty years, that other "me" was my entire life.
If I had lived alongside others before, maybe I could have depended on something else.
But from the very first moment I saw 'me,' I felt destiny, and I decided that this person alone was my everything.
I had lived without even glancing at anything else, watching only 'me' the entire time.
Now at last I understood why she had been so singularly obsessed with me.
But it wasn't enough. Just one thing was missing.
I had to know that one thing to fully understand Miho.
Thinking that, I shouted into the empty void, where nothing but a black screen remained.
"Since you're showing me anyway, why not show me to the very end?"
The realm I didn't know. The realm known only to Miho.
"Don't be stingy."
I wanted the memories of Miho and me—before I lost them.
The first meeting wasn't enough. I had to find a little more of the reason she came to like me, the reason she fell for me.
Otherwise, I'd probably spend my whole life never truly understanding Miho...
And so the scene transitioned once more, and my field of view slowly lowered again.
A new background filled the black screen, growing vivid and colorful, and my five senses revived and began returning one by one.
Finally, fully before my eyes...
"Miho! Let's play!"
There was a five-year-old "me" whom I did not remember.