When I Came To, I Was Already Home
I came to and found myself back home. I couldn't remember how I'd gotten there. Beep-beep-click—the sound of the door lock engaging made me lift my head. Through the balcony, a red sunset was sinking beyond the horizon. The dim light filtering into the dark house illuminated my huddled brother's shoulders.
He'll be hungry when he wakes up... The thought crossed my mind as I gazed at my sleeping brother. I tied on an apron. The tap-tap-tap of the knife on the cutting board. The bubble-bubble of the stew boiling. Doenjang jjigae. My brother's favorite food... Just the other day, Mom's voice on the phone, saying she'd make doenjang jjigae instead of miyeokguk since I didn't like the seaweed taste, was still vivid in my ears...
"Hic... Uwaaaah!"
A scream erupted from the bedroom. I abandoned the cooking and rushed in.
"Oppa!"
My brother was looking around like a madman. His eyes, unable to distinguish dream from reality, locked onto me.
"D-Dain-ah...!"
He threw himself at me, clinging desperately, gripping the hem of my clothes.
"I-It was a dream, right? Yeah? Mom, Dad, Yeon-ah... they're all okay, right?"
"..."
How could I answer that...? Instead, I hugged him tighter, as if to crush us both together. Did he sense the meaning in that silence? Strength drained from his body.
"Ah... Aah..."
It was reality. A cruel... but unavoidable reality...
"I'm sorry... I'm so sorry, Oppa..."
"Uwaaa..."
If only he'd cursed me, or hated me—it might have hurt less. But he couldn't. Too weak even for anger, he just leaned into my arms and sobbed powerlessly. My brother was too gentle and kind to blame anyone. That helplessness stabbed deeper into my heart.
... ...
Bubble-bubble. The doenjang jjigae bubbled in the earthenware pot. Normally, the aroma would make my mouth water, but now it just brought sorrow.
"Oppa... eat something. You need to regain your strength."
I handed him a spoon, and he mechanically scooped up some stew. But just as he brought it to his mouth, his hand froze.
Drip, drip. Thick teardrops fell from his eyes into the bowl.
"Mom..."
He whimpered like a child.
"Mom... made this for my birthday... 'cause I said miyeokguk was fishy and wouldn't eat it..."
"Oppa..."
"What do I do now...? Huh? Dain-ah, how am I supposed to live? No one's left... No one's home anymore..."
The spoon clattered to the floor. He broke into sobs. Terror and loneliness—the primal fear of being left alone in the world—was crumbling him.
"..."
I bit my lip hard. And I resolved myself. I'd become his family. With guilt as heavy as the burden I carried—no, with even greater love—I'd fill the void.
I stood and approached him, cupping his tear-streaked cheeks.
"Oppa. Look at me."
Tears streaming down his face, he looked up. I pulled a small box from my pocket. The ring I'd prepared for his birthday party yesterday. Bought with every penny of my salary—my heartfelt gift.
"I'm sorry it's at a time like this... But I'm serious."
I opened the box. A small diamond on the silver band sparkled under the fluorescent light.
"I'll be your real family."
"Dain...ah...?"
"Let's get married. Okay?"
I forced a smile. Tears blurred my vision, making his face hazy.
"I'll take care of everything. I'll earn money, find us a home... I'll stay by your side forever. I'm strong. I'll get even stronger. No one will touch you—I'll protect you from everything. So..."
With trembling hands, I took out the ring and grasped his. But maybe from nerves, or guilt—my hand slipped, and the ring fell.
"Ah..."
Clink. It rolled across the table. I fumbled to grab it, but his hand was faster. Trembling, he picked it up.
And... slipped it onto his own ring finger.
"Dain-ah... sob... don't abandon me... please..."
"Oppa...!"
I pulled his sobbing neck close and kissed him. A salty kiss tasting of tears. But hotter and more desperate than ever. I wanted to prove my sincerity, that he wasn't alone.
"Haa... haa..."
Our lips parted amid ragged breaths. I gently pushed him down. Normally, I'd be too shy, but not now. I wanted to imprint my warmth on his body. To make him forget this bitter grief.
"I love you, Oppa."
"I... I love you too... Dain-ah..."
I undressed first. Clothes and underwear fell to the floor until I stood naked before him. His gaze took me in—not with desire, but begging for salvation. I straddled him, pressing my breast to his mouth, aligning us below.
"Ngh..."
His heat entered my wetness. The fullness of being filled. The completeness of becoming one connected us. A deep relief washed over me at the same time. We are one. Together forever now.
"Haa... Oppa...!"
I moved my hips. Slowly, deeply. We clung like beasts. Groans of mingled pleasure and sorrow filled the room.
"Dain-ah... ngh... Dain-ah...!"
He gripped my waist, whimpering. I leaned down for another kiss.
"Yeah, I'm here. I'm right here."
In that moment, it was just us in the world. The massive system, the collapsed apartment, the family we'd never see again... I wanted to melt it all in this searing heat. We devoured and comforted each other, losing ourselves completely.
—Three days passed since that day. Short if short, but an eternity if long. In my cramped studio, we clung to each other's body heat to endure. I'd hold him through nightmares, bathe him, force food down even if he resisted. He'd cry like a child in my arms, then force a smile come morning.
"I'm... okay, Dain-ah. With you here... I'll get through it."
Those words were so grateful, yet so painful. We licked each other's wounds, barely mimicking daily life.
But then, a call from the district office.
Joint Mourning Hall Setup Notice
Unavoidable reality. The final step to bid farewell to our family.
... ...
Morgue.
"Please confirm the identities."
The coroner in white opened a cold stainless steel drawer. I gripped my brother's hand tight. His was ice-cold, trembling violently. The white sheet was pulled back.
It was horrific. The aftermath of collapse and explosion left the bodies mangled. Mom's face was unrecognizable, Yeon-ah... too gruesome to even look at. Dad's body wasn't even found—just his shattered glasses recovered...
"Urk...!"
Oppa covered his mouth, dry-heaving. He vomited what little he'd eaten and collapsed to the floor.
"Oppa! Are you okay!?"
"Hic... ugh... Mom... Yeon-ah..."
I rubbed his back, swallowing my tears. Cruel. So cruel. Why must even their final journey be this wretched? But there was no time to grieve. As next of kin, Oppa had to sign dozens of forms: death certificates, cremation consents, insurance claims...
He moved the pen mechanically with blank eyes, like a soulless doll.
"All done. Time to move."
By afternoon, we finally headed to the joint mourning hall.
... ...
XX District Citizens' Gymnasium.
The gym reeked of incense and echoed with wails. Dozens of altars lined the vast hall, portrait photos in rows.
"Aigoo... my baby... aigoo, my baby...!"
Beside us, an elderly couple sat. The grandma, who'd lost her entire family—son, daughter-in-law, grandchildren—clutched a portrait, sobbing on the verge of fainting. Across from her, a middle-schooler in uniform sat dazed alone. An orphan like Oppa... And over there...
A man who'd lost his fiancée on the eve of their wedding pounded the floor in agony.
"Uwaaaah!! Sujin-ah!!!!"
This was hell. Hell for the survivors. People sharing Oppa's pain infected each other with grief, crumbling one by one.
Oppa stood blankly before the portraits. Mom, Dad, and Yeon-ah's—hastily pulled from a camera album, beaming innocently. He couldn't even cry, just bit his lip.
"Oppa... I'll get you something to drink. Sit for a sec."
I seated him and headed to the vending machine. My throat burned. A cold drink might snap him out of it. Grabbing two cans, I turned back—
"Are you Kang Min-woo?"
Men in black suits approached Oppa. Badges on their chests.
A.M.S (Magical Girl Management Bureau)
What...? Unease surged; I hurried over.
"We're from the Management Bureau's compensation support team. We deeply regret this incident."
The man bowed, offering a thick envelope and papers.
"This is a modest condolence payment we've prepared. And if you sign this settlement agreement, we'll expedite additional compensation..."
"Settle...ment?"
Oppa's voice cracked.
"Yes. This was an unavoidable disaster, but out of moral obligation..."
"Unavoidable...?"
Oppa shot to his feet, eyes bloodshot.
"You kill people... and call it unavoidable? Condolence money?"
"Please calm down, Mr. Kang. We did our best, but..."
"D-Don't bullshit me!! You killed them! Ruby did it!!"
Suddenly, someone charged in yelling. The man who'd wailed for his fiancée earlier.
"The magical girl killed them! I saw it clear as day!!"
He grabbed the bureau staff's collar, shaking him.
"I saw it!! That bitch Ruby fired from the rooftop!! She aimed at the apartment on purpose!!"
"Let go! Calm down!"
"My Sujin! The baby in her belly!! Crushed by that rubble! You killed them! And now? Condolence money? Heroes?"
His screams shook the gym. Chaos erupted instantly.
"What? She fired on purpose?"
"Murderers! Bring back my child!!"
"Get out, all you bureau scum!!"
Bereaved families surged forward, pent-up doubts and rage exploding like a catalyst from the man's cry. Flash-flash-flash! Waiting reporters fired away, cameras capturing the bureau staff and wailing families.
"Oppa!!"
I dropped the cans and ran to him. Amid the turmoil, he stood with a dazed expression.
That man's shout. Ruby did it on purpose. The truth Oppa suspected—and I knew.
"Dain-ah... did you hear? He saw it too... Ruby..."
He murmured, looking at me. His eyes said: You know too, right? Tell me it's true.
"Let's go."
I grabbed his wrist instead of answering.
"Dain-ah...?"
"We can't stay. Let's get out, Oppa."
I fled. From his eyes demanding truth. From the hellish mourning hall. From... my own guilt.
We escaped the gym, leaving the uproar behind. Shouts of "Explain! Explain yourselves!" echoed at our backs, but I wanted to plug my ears. Cold night air slapped my face. I gripped Oppa's hand and walked blindly.
I didn't see his expression then.
No... I couldn't look. Afraid that meeting his gaze would expose the ugly secret I hid.
So I just stared ahead and kept walking.