Misery Is Just the Buildup to Salvation

Tatiana. Not exactly a common name. Blonde hair and green eyes were rare enough in this country too.

…Tatiana.

Whether I'd actually time-traveled or not, the child in front of me looked an awful lot like the woman I knew.

Her surname wasn't Karstein… was it?

While I was still debating whether to ask, footsteps sounded at the mouth of the alley.

"So you ran this way. Thought I wouldn't find you, huh? Ahaha."

Step. Step.

Buoyant footsteps. A giggling laugh that sounded far too pleased with itself.

The moment she heard it, the child who had called herself Tatiana went visibly rigid with terror.

"…Hic. Oh no, she's here. Selector Auntie. I—I…"

Tiny fingers clamped down on the arm of a complete stranger. Her shrunken pupils trembled without pause.

She looked so pitiful that I stepped between her and the woman coming into the alley.

"Found you. My masterpiece. What did Selector Auntie tell you?"

"I'm sorry. Please. Please…"

"I said if you ran again I'd pull both your eyes out, didn't I? Want glass ones? Or should we do the branding iron?"

"No! I—I hate the iron!!"

Branding iron.

Branding. With an iron.

What the hell had this woman been doing to a kid?

I scooped Tatiana up and stood. The woman who called herself a Selector came closer.

"Hey. That little bitch over there is our little bitch. Don't stick your nose in, just— huh? …Management Bureau?"

The Selector muttered blankly, then hastily corrected her manners.

"Good heavens, please forgive the discourtesy. I was so absorbed I completely lost track of the date. You must be the guest His Eminence spoke of?"

"…"

"Sir Lee Shin. Is that correct?"

"…"

"Ah, don't worry. His Eminence has already taken measures so that your real name and face will never get out. To that child it'll sound like static. In this timeline, Sir Lee Shin is a complete unknown."

The Selector held out her hand, clearly expecting me to hand Tatiana over.

"I'm so sorry. I didn't expect you this soon. That piece is still unfinished. Give me a few more days and I can cut the ego out cleanly. Then the answer to the riddle you posed will be complete!"

"You talk too damn much."

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"…Excuse me?"

I held back the real swearing for the kid's sake.

Still holding Tatiana, I took a step back. She had already squeezed her eyes shut and latched onto me.

Terrified enough of that woman to cling to a guy she'd just met.

"Um… Sir Lee Shin? I'm sorry, but that piece is still my property… I'll finish it and bring it to you."

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"Every single word out of your mouth pisses me off. She's a kid. Not a thing."

"Well, yes, but that's the nature of our work… His Eminence said we had to deliver the absolute best answer. If you take her now, it's theft."

This crazy bitch.

Not kidnapping — theft?

I had to get this kid away from her.

I tensed to bolt in the opposite direction. The Selector hesitated, then reached out.

"…If you keep this up, I'll call the police?"

"And what exactly are you gonna do."

"…What??"

Victory teabagging, verse one. Let's go.

"You just said I'm a complete unknown. Nobody knows my name or my face. What are you going to report me for."

"Ah? Uh. Well, that's true, but—"

Then good luck with that.

I wrapped Tatiana tight against me and sprinted the other way with everything I had.

It was cold.

She had never spent a single winter since falling into this world, and still the cold felt like it was peeling the skin from her bones.

Young Tatiana understood.

This wasn't a wound on her body. It was a wound on her heart.

A chill swept through the holes punched clean through her.

Maybe that was why she couldn't properly grasp her own situation.

Who even is this man?

Was he going to drag her through every police station in the neighborhood, promising to find her parents?

She'd tried that herself. More than once. Every time, the Selector had shown up, wiped people's memories, and taken her back…

"Tatiana?"

She flinched.

Tatiana snapped back to herself. Without realizing it, she had hunched over with her arms over her head.

A defense mechanism drilled into her over months.

If someone said your name, they hit you.

If your name was called, you got hit.

The only name that didn't come with a beating was the nickname "Masterpiece." Everything else was filthy little brat, worthless bitch — things like that.

"…It's all right. You don't have to shake. You must have been hurting a lot."

"…"

"Here. You must be hungry. Eat."

Inside a nearby hotel room, Tatiana looked down at the table.

Porridge and a few side dishes sat waiting.

"…"

"I'm sorry. I'd rather give you something tastier, but I don't know what you've been eating, so this is the safest option. If you've been starving and suddenly put away greasy food, it can go badly."

"…"

"I'll eat the same thing. Feels mean, eating something good by myself while you watch."

He sure talked a lot.

Even though she wasn't answering at all.

Tatiana thought it over with empty eyes.

He's the same as the rest of them. People in this world are monsters. They only look like us. Demons with no human heart.

So once she took a spoonful, he'd smash her across the head like always.

"…Hahp."

Tatiana put the porridge in her mouth and shut her eyes. Her fists clenched on their own.

Something touched the top of her head.

There it was. Grabbing her by the hair to slam her into the table.

But that didn't happen.

A large hand slowly, carefully smoothed her hair. The way someone soothes you. The way someone holds you.

…Why?

It didn't make sense.

And through it, a sensation she had almost forgotten came back.

Warmth. Longing.

Mom and Dad had always stroked her hair just like this.

Even so, Tatiana gently pushed the man's hand away.

She'd already fallen for this with the Selector more than once.

Build them up, then drop them.

Suddenly smother an abused child in affection, as if you've changed. It works best right when the child is about to let everything go.

Little kids are naive. They start thinking, maybe…?

Then you shatter their hearts all over again.

Which was why Tatiana's heart was already torn to shreds. The little vault buried deepest of all — that one would never open a second time.

"I'm sorry. I must have startled you."

"…Why do you keep apologizing?"

Lee Shin didn't answer. He just scooped up a spoonful of porridge and held it out.

"I'm going to show you my face, so try not to freak out. I look pretty scary."

After several minutes of grunting and wrestling with the gas mask, his bare face finally came free.

Clink.

Tatiana dropped the spoon.

Because Lee Shin's face was completely drowned in pitch-black static.

"Hic."

"Uncle looks pretty scary, huh?"

"………"

"Sorry. I'll put the mask back on."

Is he not even human?

Tatiana thought it while she shook.

No. The most likely answer was that she was broken.

Her heart had shattered, and now her head was wrong too. That was why this man's face looked so grotesque.

She blamed herself as naturally as breathing. That, too, was what months of a broken spirit had done to her.

The man with the strange face kept talking to her, soft and kind as ever.

"If you're tired, you can sleep a little. This place is safe, so rest easy."

"…Okay."

Unfortunately, a heart shattered over and over doesn't mend easily.

Is this a dream?

Yeah. It must be a dream.

I should run after all. I have to go back.

Tatiana made up her mind.

It happened more often than people liked to admit.

An abused child walking back to their abuser — heading into hell on their own two feet — was not rare at all.

Even grown adults lose themselves under gaslighting. How was a little kid supposed to save herself?

So the child simply let the current take her.

Because between the scraps of a self that had never properly formed, rags had stuck and piled until they covered everything.

The rags wore the Selector's face and giggled.

Ahaha. Ahahaha. What did Auntie tell you. This is your home. Your original world? Still clinging to that retarded delusion. Hey. All of that was a dream.

You're my masterpiece. My property. That's what you were born for.

That night, Tatiana slipped out of the hotel.

She still didn't know how it was possible when that strange man had been watching her like a hawk.

It all just felt like a dream, and as if spellbound, she walked back into hell.

"…"

"Welcome back. Missed Auntie, did you?"

"…Hic. Hic…"

At the entrance of a crumbling abandoned building, Selector Agatha stretched her mouth into a smile that looked ready to tear her face.

Tatiana cried. She laughed. She had tried to run, and she had come back on her own feet.

Everything inside her was so broken she no longer knew what was what.

Present day. Base 277.

"…nior. Senior?"

"Huh? Ah. Right. Sorry."

Twenty-three-year-old Tatiana pulled herself together. The day from ten years ago kept surfacing, and focusing was hard.

A large conference room. Amid the unsettled air of casualty recovery, Containment Special Unit operators in heavy powered armor stood at the front.

"I am the Special Unit Commander of the Council Direct Special Unit Incinerator. I will summarize today's hostile-force raid."

A voice modulator pointed at the screen ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠as he spoke.

"…That is all."

A solemn quiet settled over the room. In a mere ten minutes, the base had been completely breached. And yet not a single ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠containment breach had occurred.

They had been after Lee Shin from the start.

Yu Seoa fidgeted, then raised her hand. The Incinerator commander gave a short nod of his chin.

"Speak."

"Th-the… the temporal singularity SIN-998 went into — has it been identified?"

"According to the Phenomenology Department and Technical Development, it is estimated at approximately ten years in the past."

Thud.

Tatiana felt her heart drop straight through the floor.

…The person who saved me back then. Could it be?

She had no proof. It could easily be someone else.

But just as Ju Eunseong had turned out to be her real father—

If Lee Shin really was her benefactor.

Then what am I supposed to do?

The first warmth she had ever felt in this world. The reason she had been able to join the Management Bureau. The reason she had started dreaming again of going home.

All of it had been a gift from her benefactor. From that man.

Tatiana quietly lowered her head.

The feelings she already carried for Lee Shin were growing. Every time she thought of him, something in her chest ached.

If, on top of that, it was confirmed that Lee Shin was the man who had saved her—

…I can't think at all.

She really felt like her head might break.

Ten years ago.

An abandoned building.

Staff from the Transcendence Workshop who had crossed into the past moved in a busy scramble. The children earmarked as workshop materials lay motionless under sedatives.

"Selection complete. Selector, when do we head back?"

"Don't rush. Not until I've shown Sir Lee Shin the masterpiece."

Selector Agatha shoved the back of Tatiana's head down. The small child thrashed with her face forced into the water.

"Mmph, mmph… Pwah! Khhack, cough!!"

"Masterpiece. Auntie told you not to run, didn't she?"

Tatiana coughed and begged. Broken by violence that needed no reason, she clung to Agatha's leg.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I won't run again. I won't say I want to go home. I won't ever say I want to be happy either."

"Too late, you retarded bitch. But since you came back on your own two feet, I'll skip pulling your eyes out."

Shiiing.

At the scrape of metal, tears welled and spilled from Tatiana's eyes one by one.

The time she hated most of all had come around again.

"All right. Time for the branding iron."

"Hic, hic, hic, hic—"

She sucked in air like she might choke on it, and still she didn't quite let the sobs break free.

"Stupid bitch at least remembers that much. Cry and I keep burning. Don't cry. Face-down. Now."

"Just once, hic, can't you let me off just once?"

"I said face-down, you fucking—!!"

Crack!

Tatiana took the blow to the head.

The world spun. A high ringing filled her ears — beeeeep.

When she barely managed to focus again, she was already on her stomach on the freezing floor, her back bared.

"It doesn't even leave scars anyway, so quit the theatrics. I'll rewind the time, remember? …Masterpiece. What did Auntie say. Say it."

"…It's a dream. Everything I know is a dream. I was born in the gutter and I've lived in this house my whole life."

Words she had never wanted to say, repeated thousands of times, had stuck to her tongue.

Tatiana closed her eyes.

Right. It must all be a dream.

Being born in a faraway land full of snow.

Mom and Dad, who always held her.

Wanting to go home.

All of it must be a dream.

So meeting that man must have been a dream too.

Shiiing—

Because the place she was in was this endless hell.

Sssssss—

The searing iron touched her shoulder blade. Her mind went white. She couldn't think anything at all.

"Mmph… nngh… hnnn…"

She must not make a crying sound. If she did, it would burn her again.

Thirteen-year-old Tatiana sobbed without a voice.

There was nothing left now. No hope, no dreams, no happiness — nothing good in the whole world belonged to her. All of it had been taken.

Why was I even born. I wish I'd never…

It was the moment she let everything go.

KRAAAAAASH!!!

"What was that?"

"Raid! Th-the Management Bureau Containment Special Unit!"

"How many?"

"…One!!"

A roar. Somewhere, screams and shouts and gunfire erupted.

What does any of that matter.

I'm in hell right now. I must be hearing things.

My back is still burning like—

…?

The heat branding her shoulder blade was gone. The Selector's giggling was gone. The pain without reason was gone.

Rustle.

Someone turned Tatiana over onto her back.

She barely managed to lift her eyelids.

"…A dream?"

There was no answer.

There was a huge person.

That person lifted Tatiana and gathered her into his arms. A cold towel touched the shoulder blade that still felt like it was on fire.

Through a mind slipping away, a voice came — gentle, and strong.

"…It's all right now."

A voice she knew.

The strange man she had met for the first time that very day.

Tatiana never forgot the memory of this day.

Because it was the day a life that had fallen into the abyss in a single day was, in a single day, saved.