That main gun is hot as hell lmao
[Enlarged image of pirate destroyer main gun]
Damn, just wrap some old-fashioned rice around the inside of that barrel and you'd have the ultimate rice thief, no cap.
A slender maiden packing something that massive? Instant +200% horniness. Barkeep, another round!
💬 Comments
— Anon
You're extra horny today, huh
— Anon
These ship-obsessed freaks are unhinged
— Anon
What exactly is the reason for this
— Anon
Do the mods even work here? This place is a dumpster fire every single day
Whether it was stress getting the better of them or they were just like this to begin with, I couldn't say.
But of all the moments to walk in — the community gallery was currently ablaze under an untimely invasion of perverts.
So I minimized the community window, left it sitting there, and opened the chat panel beside it, intending to fire off a question of my own.
— Newbie
Hey so I heard something called the Pirate Empress is dropping in this event — what's that about?
Some other newbie had already beaten me to the punch. I lowered my hands from the keyboard and decided to just watch.
Before long, replies started piling up under the question. I figured I'd use them to gauge just how juicy the veterans' intel really was — and, while I was at it, do a little information gathering of my own by reading the chat.
Nice. Free intel.
Prep, Prep, Prep, Prep! (2)
— Anon
There's a newbie who actually knows about that?
As anyone familiar with gaming communities could tell you, veterans had a certain tendency — the moment a newbie showed any eagerness to learn, they could barely contain themselves.
⭐ Veteran
— Anon
Come here, kid. Have a seat.
— Anon
We're about to tell you one hell of a story
The moment that nameless newbie dropped the question, they swarmed in like they'd been waiting for it, dusting off their old war stories with visible relish.
— Anon
Ah! The Pirate Empress! A name I will always hold dear
— Anon
Well she is a chest, yeah
— Anon
She's the one who massacred every clueless newbie who started back then
— Anon
The Refund Empress ;;
— Anon
Empress of the Chest, ooh yeah
The problem was that their nostalgia trip didn't look like the usual veteran-dunking-on-newbies routine. Given how hardcore sci-fi as a genre tended to accelerate the aging of its player base, it came off more like a bunch of nursing-home grandpas swapping war stories — which was apparently enough proof of the community's advanced boomerification.
— Anon
Old-timers, quit the nonsense and go ride a tractor or something
— Anon
You little—! These newbie brats, how dare you
— Anon
I asked for an explanation and all they're doing is talking about her chest
Watching the other newbies recoil in disgust, I felt a faint twinge of pity.
Of course, setting aside those dementia-addled grandpas, the majority of veterans were giving perfectly coherent answers.
⭐ Veteran
— Anon
The Pirate Empress is a character who shows up as the final boss in the large-scale event chain that the current linked event is part of
— Anon
Story-wise you can either recruit her early on, or beat the crap out of her later and recruit her then
— Anon
More precisely, if you don't get lucky and recruit her early, she shows up later in one of three ways
— Questioner
How does she show up?
⭐ Veteran
— Anon
1. As a pirate admiral friendly to the commander, rolling up with her whole fleet.
2. Still a pirate admiral, but more like mercenary support — she dispatches her fleet or subordinate pirates to help you.
3. Or she becomes someone who genuinely pillages us. One of those three, haha
Hearing that, I could feel buried memories bubbling back up to the surface.
Whether I was reminiscing or not, the conversation in chat kept rolling right along.
— Questioner
So she's just a multi-ending type enemy then? Why'd she become the poster child for refund runs?
— Anon
Ahh, so you don't know
— Anon
So that's how it is…
— Anon
You don't need to know
— Questioner
Oh for fuck's sake
At that point it looked like the veterans were gearing up for a full round of newbie-baiting — but then:
⭐ Veteran
— Anon
You damn jokers, still can't break the habit of screwing with newbies
— Anon
Now is not the time
Fortunately, the ones who'd been giving actual answers crushed the jokers flat on the spot. The clowning got stomped out, and the lore-dumpers reclaimed the floor.
⭐ Veteran
— Anon
To finish the explanation — up until the Pirate Uprising event, this game was real-time management, sure, but it was basically a bonsai game
— Anon
For real. Timers got way shorter from that point on, but back then building a single corvette took hours
— Anon
Plus character control and direct combat were basically nonexistent back then
— Anon
Yeah, most people just treated character control and action scenes as cutscenes
— Anon
More accurately, that was the era when melee characters were treated like complete garbage — totally different from now
— Anon
"Why bother when you can just sit back at long range and melt everything?" The whole meta was about crushing people from distance
— Questioner
Oh, that's what I'm doing right now
⭐ Veteran
— Anon
And the Pirate Empress is designed to hard-counter that exact meta
— Anon
lmao newbie reality check: ON
The newbie questioner, belatedly waking up to reality, desperately fired off a question fishing for a miraculous comeback.
— Questioner
But you just said there's like a 66% chance she becomes an ally
⭐ Veteran
— Anon
Two out of three paths make her an ally if you didn't recruit her early. That is not the same as a probability, you absolute clown
— Anon
Let's be real — out of those three directions, the odds of the Pirate Empress showing up to wreck your base are 90% lmao
Not a chance. The veterans piled on with more explanation, frying the newbie's mental state to a perfect crisp.
⭐ Veteran
— Anon
First we need to explain why the Pirate Empress counters that meta
— Anon
The reason you absolutely need melee characters is because of how the phase progression works when the Pirate Empress invades
⭐ Veteran
— Anon
Not sure what her flagship is like now, but back when we ran the event she rolled up in a cruiser and reverse-sniped anyone trying to sit back and deal damage from range
— Anon
And here's the important part — if you don't create a reverse-snipe angle with an SSS-grade superhuman or ship, or establish firepower superiority?
— Anon
Then the Pirate Empress dives your ships and captures them one by one lmao
— Anon
Plus the Pirate Empress herself is upper-tier SS-grade melee by our standards, and her AI is way too well-written — if you just dump your characters in and trust the AI, they all get shredded
— Anon
There's a reason they call her the Refund Empress, yeah
— Anon
You can stop her if you ram melee superhumans into the ships alongside her, but there's another problem
— Questioner
There's MORE?
⭐ Veteran
— Anon
Remember how she captures ships when she dives? The lore reason she can actually use them is that she brings her personal guard and assault troops with her
— Questioner
What the fuck?
— Questioner
Wait so we have to fight boarding troops with nothing but superhumans and empty tin-can ships — no regular soldiers, nothing?
At the veterans' explanation, not just the questioner but a whole flock of other newbies piled in, howling in outrage.
— Anon
How the hell are you supposed to stop that
— Anon
There's always a reason a game is dogshit
— Anon
Pay-to-win levels of broken
Of course, that pure newbie rage was nothing more than a spicy seasoning to the veterans, who were only just now cracking their spines and getting properly excited.
⭐ Veteran
— Anon
Of course, it is a game, so it's not like there was no way to beat it
⭐ Veteran
— Anon
The Pirate Empress's troops are only brought along to operate the ships after capture — so every time she seizes a ship, her forces shrink
