The Words I Couldn't Say
Ariel had been fine until she received advice from Shuri. But now that the next day had actually arrived, she had no idea how to bring it up. Before they became lovers, she had dragged him off to all sorts of places without even asking his opinion countless times. Yet now, the thought of doing so made her hesitate.
The very reason she had resolved to make this suggestion today was to convey the words she had left unsaid. She didn’t want to propose a secret rendezvous in such a haphazard way. She wanted to do it with more dignity befitting the heir of the Robeheim family. She wanted to present herself so cleanly that he could take her outstretched hand without hesitation.
‘It’s because I’ve always relied on Ed.’
After they became lovers, Edgar had taken charge of nearly every date. Where they would go, what they would do, even what they would eat. Ariel had once thought this was simply the natural difference in roles between a gentleman and a lady, but looking back now, she realized how shallow that thinking had been. In an equal relationship between lovers, shouldn’t there be times when one pulls the other forward, and times when the other does the pulling?
She suspected that her habit of acting spoiled toward him had played a part in this as well. That was why, today, Ariel had called him out under the pretense of taking a stroll around the castle gardens. It was a kind of groundwork for the suggestion she would make shortly.
“What are you doing?”
“H-hyaa!?”
Ariel, who had been standing absentmindedly in the corridor waiting for him, flinched at the voice coming from right beside her and whipped her head around. Sure enough, the man she had been anxiously waiting for stood there with a puzzled expression.
“M-make some noise! You idiot!”
“I did, though? I’m not an assassin. Why would I erase my presence just to meet you?”
“R-really…?”
“I’m telling the truth.”
At his nonchalant shrug, it was Ariel who found herself dumbfounded. She must have been too lost in thought. There was no point in fretting like this. It would be better to pull herself together and simply enjoy the walk with him.
“…You’re here, so that’s enough. Let’s go.”
“Alright. But what’s with the sudden change of heart? You always made such a fuss about how there’s nothing to see around the castle.”
Edgar had always marveled at the impeccably maintained gardens of the Robeheim family estate, but Ariel, who had grown tired of the sight since birth, had only ever scoffed at it. So when she suddenly sent word through Shuri that she wanted to take a walk around the castle grounds, Edgar had even wondered if she was ill.
“I-it’s fine once in a while! Just once in a while!”
“Well, your whims aren’t exactly new.”
“What?”
“Nothing, my lady. Shall we go?”
At the sharp glint in her eyes that could have cut through the air, Edgar quickly backed down and courteously led Ariel forward. She glared at him as if to say she would be watching, but eventually began walking, signaling that she would let it slide for now. She didn’t hear the sigh of relief Edgar let out behind her.
As they left the castle and headed toward the garden, the neatly arranged landscaping and the waterways running beneath it welcomed the pair. To Ariel, it was still a sight that stirred no emotion. However, when she stole a glance at Edgar and saw the faint smile on his lips, she felt strangely satisfied.
The problem was that she had no idea how to continue from here.
“……”
“……?”
Watching her walk in complete silence with her lips pressed tightly together, Edgar’s expression grew puzzled. Normally she would have scolded him for walking behind her or complained that he wasn’t escorting her properly. Today, however, she was unusually quiet.
‘What should I say?’
It was only natural. Ariel’s mind was currently in complete chaos. She felt as though she had forgotten how to converse. She couldn’t think of a single topic that might ease this stiff atmosphere. At the same time, she didn’t have the courage to suddenly blurt out, “Let’s go to Etle tomorrow!” That didn’t seem like the right order for a conversation anyway. Her last shred of pride was the desire to suggest it in as natural a way as possible.
“E-Ed!”
“Yeah?”
She had hoped he would approach her first at a time like this, but she couldn’t keep relying on him forever. In the end, with the mindset of just throwing it out there, Ariel called his name with desperate longing, then brought up a topic so mundane it seemed to freeze the air between them.
“The weather’s nice today, isn’t it?”
“…It’s full of clouds, though.”
Edgar pointed upward with his index finger as if to say, look at the sky. Though he looked momentarily flustered, Ariel stubbornly continued with her specialty—making unreasonable claims.
“C-cloudy weather is nice too!”
“Uh… I suppose it is.”
For Edgar, who tended to feel heat more than cold, it was indeed a welcome kind of day. He did wish there were fewer clouds, though. With shade cast over every path they walked, the atmosphere felt rather gloomy.
“Why are you staying so far away today?”
“M-me?”
“Who else is here besides you?”
From a little earlier, she had been keeping her distance. Whenever he tried to get closer, she would make up excuses like how pretty the flowers blooming there were and subtly drift away again. Eventually, unable to stand it any longer, Edgar strode up to her and wrapped his arms around her neck from behind in one swift motion. It was so forceful that anyone watching might have thought he was kidnapping the precious daughter of the Grand Duke’s household.
“W-we’re outside, you idiot…!”
“So what if we’re outside?”
After all, there was no one around who didn’t already know about their relationship. Moreover, Edgar found her attitude a bit irritating. She had no problem hugging him first in front of others when she wanted to show off, yet she would say something like this. The thought that it was fine for her but not for him stirred something in him for the first time in a while.
“What’s wrong with you today?”
“What do you mean…”
“Look at me when you speak. Don’t avoid my eyes.”
Turning her body toward him, he locked his arms firmly around her waist, holding her in his embrace as he looked down at her. The playfulness from moments ago had completely vanished, replaced by an incredibly serious demeanor. Ariel had no choice but to lift her gaze and carefully meet his eyes.
“It’s strange. You suddenly want to take a walk in the garden when you never do, you keep dodging conversation with pointless topics, and you’ve been avoiding me until just now.”
“I-I wasn’t avoiding you…! That was…”
“That was?”
He prompted her to continue, but Ariel only fidgeted with her lips and subtly averted her gaze.
‘Is she really growing tired of me?’
To Edgar, her behavior was incredibly frustrating. No matter how well he could usually read her heart, there were things he could only understand if she said them out loud. The more she tried to avoid him like this, the more misunderstandings piled up, leading to increasingly negative thoughts. He knew it was probably too early for a period of indifference in their relationship, but since he had never dated before, this was uncharted territory. He couldn’t be certain. And since everyone cooled off at different times, how could he possibly guess?
Still, simply watching her like this wasn’t going to improve anything. At times like this, it was important to actively resolve the issue.
“Ariel, be honest with me.”
“About what…?”
At Edgar’s deeply subdued voice, Ariel’s eyes widened. She wondered if he had somehow learned about the incident from before. But what came out of his mouth was something entirely different from what she had expected.
“You don’t hate me now, do you?”
“…Huh?”
Why would he suddenly say something like that? On the contrary, she liked him so much that her heart was still pounding wildly, making it hard to calm down. Worried that she might have done something that could be misunderstood, Ariel slowly replayed the recent events in her mind. She had done things she normally wouldn’t, had been hesitating as if she had something to say yet offered no meaningful conversation, and had even tried to keep her distance on purpose…
‘Ah.’
Only then did Ariel realize she had acted in a way that would naturally lead him to misunderstand, and she felt a wave of belated regret. Why had she done that? She should have just acted normally and casually brought up the date suggestion at the end. Instead, by doing something so out of character, she had planted anxiety in his heart.
She wrapped her arms around him.
“Ariel?”
“……”
Ariel, who had been staring blankly at him, let out a small laugh and buried her face in his chest. The fact that he, who had always silently waited for her, had asked such a direct question meant his worries had grown that deep. She felt like sighing at her own behavior.
She had decided to approach him first because she didn’t want to wait for him to understand her, yet in the end, she had once again ended up hoping for the same thing from him. If she didn’t say it, he wouldn’t know. Wasn’t that the most crucial lesson she had learned from what happened with her father?
“Ed.”
“I’m listening.”
Even after asking such a question, Edgar’s eyes as he looked at her were still filled with affection.
“I love you.”
“…What?”
“I said I love you.”
“Uh, um… I heard you.”
Caught off guard by the sudden confession, Edgar awkwardly scratched his cheek. It was understandable. While Ariel had expressed affection first before, she had rarely ever said the words “I love you.” Edgar assumed it was because she was shy, but regardless, the important thing was that it was an incredibly rare sight.
“You know… There’s somewhere I want to go with you tomorrow.”
“Where?”
“Will you go with me?”
“Of course.”
Seeing him agree without even asking for the location, Ariel broke into a bright smile.
“I’ll tell you then. So can you wait just one day?”
“I will. Sorry. It seems like I rushed you because of me.”
“Mmm, no, it’s not.”
Ariel shook her head slightly and once again buried her face in his chest. It was her own fault for still being clumsy at dealing with him. It was certainly not his.
“Actually, I was going to ask you to go somewhere with me tomorrow too. The timing worked out perfectly.”
“Where?”
“Will you come with me?”
“Obviously.”
The two repeated the same conversation, only switching roles. Realizing it belatedly, they burst into laughter at the same time.
“I heard there’s a place called the Unfreezing Lake in Etle. Have you heard of it?”
“Hmm? That place…”
“So you do know it.”
It wasn’t just that he knew it—it was the exact place she had been about to suggest. Ariel tilted her head, wondering if this was mere coincidence, but soon smiled as if it didn’t matter and nodded. She wanted to see his surprised face when she told him the meeting place tomorrow, so she would keep it to herself for now. For the moment, she simply wanted to savor the feeling of being in his arms a little longer. Lately, even when she was held by him, she hadn’t been able to fully enjoy this warm sensation.
Watching her rub her face against his chest like a cat, a mischievous smile formed on Edgar’s lips.
“Ariel, while we’re on the subject, say ‘I love you’ one more time.”
“N-no! I only said it this time as something special!”
“Hmm, that’s suspicious. Has your love cooled off?”
“Ugh, you’re impossible!”
To think he would say something like this right after asking that question earlier. He clearly had no intention of letting her go unless she said it outright. In the end, Ariel had to murmur the words “I love you” in a voice as quiet as a crawling ant while trapped in his arms before she was finally released. Still, seeing how happy it made him, she thought that maybe she should say it more often. But it was still a little embarrassing.
Why was that? Kissing him, being held in his arms—those things felt less embarrassing than saying “I love you.” Even though it was her own heart, she truly couldn’t understand it.