You're Not My Type
The princess spread her arms wide and pulled me into another embrace. The soft sensation pressed against my chest. At the same time, a pleasant fragrance tickled my nose. Yet I still couldn’t feel any warmth. Princess Violetta was a dragonkin—a dragon-human hybrid. She was the very dark figure of this world who would later awaken as the Worst Evil Magic Dragon.
Maybe it was because I already knew her true identity. Even when faced with such blatant seduction from the princess, I felt almost nothing. The only thought that kept repeating was how damn beautiful she was.
“What’s wrong? Don’t you want to park it in me right now?”
The princess asked with a bright, sunny smile. It was so innocent you’d never guess she had just killed a man.
“Not particularly.”
“Really? Then why are you reacting like that?”
“Well… Like I told you last time, could you please refine your wording a little?”
I thought I had grown somewhat used to the phrase “park it in me,” but I never expected her to say it so boldly in front of the patrol squad.
“Oh? Is it because you’ve never been with a woman? How shy.”
“It’s not that. I’m being completely serious. You are the princess of the empire.”
“Hmm… Didn’t I say the same thing last time?”
“No matter how many eyes and tongues you rip out, you can’t stop the rumors. For His Majesty’s sake, please maintain your dignity.”
“What use is dignity? I like you. You’re already my man.”
The princess stared at me with heavy, sticky eyes. Turning away quickly did no good; her purple gaze clung to me persistently, as if determined to seduce me no matter what.
Of course, thanks to my alleviated symptoms, I wasn’t entranced by her eyes. But the sheer pressure was unavoidable.
“I heard from His Majesty. You spoke to him about marriage.”
“Ah, you heard? I think you’d be perfect. Father likes you too.”
“Marriage isn’t something you decide so lightly.”
“Haa? Are you seriously rejecting my proposal right now?”
Suddenly the princess’s eyes narrowed fiercely. The sharp glare looked ready to devour me whole.
“People don’t usually call this a proposal. And as I told you before, you’re not my type, miss.”
“That’s so mean. Then what is your type?”
“My type?”
“Yes. Before I let you park it in me, I need to figure out your damn taste.”
The princess stepped back and quietly faced me. Her expression looked almost angry, but thankfully there was no sign of her mania—just clear dissatisfaction and sulkiness.
“I prefer someone understanding and considerate over someone who does whatever she wants.”
“Understanding and consideration…”
She let out a long hum and pressed her lips together, as if genuinely pondering how to win my heart.
As you can see, the princess’s affection for me was undeniable. If I had been an ordinary person, the moment I said she wasn’t my type, my tongue would have been cut out on the spot.
At first, her blatant favor had felt repulsive and burdensome. After all, I had the full attention of the story’s dark figure. But when I thought about it again, this was actually a good thing. Having earned her trust meant I could attempt to assassinate her with peace of mind in the future.
Therefore, I had no intention of refusing her current request to “park it in me.” I simply wanted to correct her wording before moving on.
“…Then let’s just do that.”
“Pardon?”
“You said you hate the ‘park it in me’ expression. But I can’t exactly say ‘stab a sword into my heart’ in front of other people, can I?”
“That’s true, but…”
“So let’s just replace it with ‘that.’ How about it?”
“Haa? Whether it’s ‘park it in me’ or ‘that,’ the nuance is still weird.”
“Ah, whatever. Let’s stop talking about this—”
Let’s do that! That!
The princess lay back on the bed, still using an expression full of dangerous double meanings.
“Understood. Can’t be helped.”
Well, fine. There was no way I could win against that personality anyway. Besides, this was an opportunity. The sudden appearance of the monster and assassin had delayed things a little, but now—
“Hehe, good. That’s how you should have acted from the start.”
“Is your chest still feeling stuffy?”
“No, I just got a little tired after using my strength for the first time in a while.”
The princess closed her eyes while lying on the bed, looking exhausted in every sense. It was a completely defenseless posture.
“I see. Then please rest comfortably.”
Shing. I carefully drew my sword—not the Holy Sword, but the one from the royal guard. I immediately coated it in pure white aura.
If I exclude holy power to the maximum, I should be able to damage the heart—
It was time to test the hypothesis I couldn’t verify during the earlier spar.
I drove the sword straight down toward her heart. With a wet thunk, it sank in.
Just as expected. Only aura could pierce a dragonkin’s skin. But…
“Haaah!?”
That was as far as an ordinary sword could go.
“Ah, Armand? Suddenly shoving something so big in me is too much…”
“──?!”
Clink. Clink. The tip met a hard surface. It was none other than her Dragon Heart. The aura-covered blade was completely stopped by it. Even though I had thrust down with considerable force and body weight, I couldn’t pierce it.
It was strange. The Holy Sword had gone through so easily before.
“Ugh…? S-stop… This feels weird…”
She wasn’t even in pain. Instead, a heavily flushed moan escaped her. Once again, not a drop of blood appeared.
This is insane.
Faced with that absurd reaction, I hurriedly withdrew the sword.
“Haa… Armand, what did you just do? That wasn’t the same sword.”
“I’m sorry. Did it hurt?”
“It didn’t hurt, but… the sharp thing scraping my heart felt unpleasant. Why did you switch swords before parking it in me?”
The princess asked in a sullen voice while rubbing her left breast where the tingling sensation still lingered.
From her reaction, it seemed that while I couldn’t wound her, I wasn’t completely unable to affect her. Either way, now was the time to make an excuse without any misunderstandings.
“You mentioned that holy power flows through my aura, so I thought a regular sword would work. Activating the Holy Sword also requires more aura.”
“Ah, were you tired too?”
“Yes. I used quite a bit of strength during the spar earlier.”
“Hmm… But this doesn’t reach all the way to the inside of my heart, so it doesn’t feel refreshing at all. Could you use the Holy Sword again?”
Is doing it twice in a row too much? The princess asked in a sticky, suggestive voice. For some reason the question sparked my competitive spirit.
“If that’s what you want.”
“Hehe, still full of energy? As expected of the man I chose.”
“More importantly… why are you so obsessed with being stabbed?”
I pulled the Holy Sword from my coat and changed the subject. It was purely a personal question.
“Didn’t I tell you before? It makes me feel alive.”
“Is that really all? No matter how you look at it, you’re getting your heart pierced… I just don’t understand.”
“Well, it does feel refreshing and thrilling, but—”
The princess’s purple eyes turned back to my face.
“Every time you stab my chest, your face somehow looks brighter. I like that face.”
“…Pardon?”
“You didn’t know? You’re always frowning so seriously. But when you stab my heart, it’s different.”
“W-what do you—”
“It looks hopeful somehow. Seeing that expression makes me feel good too. Actually, don’t you enjoy stabbing my chest as well?”
The princess sat up and brought her face close, as if demanding to see that expression again.
“…So will you park it in me again soon?”
Her voice carried a strange note of excitement.
Damn it. In the end I couldn’t accomplish anything.
I mulled over my complicated feelings. There was the discouragement of repeated failure, but right now something else weighed heavier on my heart.
It was because the princess’s words kept echoing in my head.
Every time you stab my chest, your face somehow looks brighter. I like that face.
The face I made while trying to assassinate her was the brightest… Well, of course it was. Ever since I realized I had been possessed, I had sworn to eliminate the Worst Evil Magic Dragon. And that sole goal was now right in front of me.
…Damn it.
My feelings were a tangled mess. It felt like she had glimpsed my true intentions. Not only did I feel guilty, but now I was even starting to feel sorry for the Worst Evil Magic Dragon.
I shook my head, trying to clear my mind. This was far too critical a moment to be trapped by useless sympathy.
Aura could pierce a dragonkin’s skin. However, it could not pierce the Dragon Heart. Only holy power could penetrate the heart. And while holy power reduced the side effects of her pre-awakening symptoms, it seemed to accelerate her awakening as the Magic Dragon for some reason.
The princess’s curse was very likely deeply connected to monsters or the demon race.
……
I organized the facts I had gathered so far and tried to steady my resolve. But that effort didn’t last long.
Damn it, I still don’t understand any of this.
There was currently no way to directly strike the heart—her weakness as the Magic Dragon. The best I could do was lightly scrape it with the tip of the royal guard’s sword. There had been no effect at all.
Still, it wasn’t a complete loss.
If I had the Black Heart Poison, I might be able to do something.
A poison deeply tied to the demon race, potent enough to stop the Demon King’s revival. If I could just apply it to the Holy Sword—
“Sorry to keep you waiting, Sir Armand.”
A man opened the door and entered.
“Not at all. Is there more to investigate?”
“We’re finished now. You’ve worked hard.”
He was an investigator dispatched from the intelligence bureau. Because of the assassin’s intrusion, they had called in the sole eyewitness—me—for questioning. I had already finished the simple statement and report.
“By the way, you really are impressive. The moment you were appointed as her escort knight, you kept saving Her Highness one after another.”
Of course, the credit for subduing this assassin had also been given to me. The fact that the princess was a dragonkin was a top-level secret even the intelligence bureau didn’t know. Under the circumstances, claiming that the escort knight had handled it was far more believable.
“It was nothing.”
“Not at all. Sir Armand deserves respect.”
“Respect is a bit much…”
The intelligence agent, famous for his cold demeanor, was genuinely praising me. There was no sarcasm or irony in his words.
“There has never been an escort knight who received Her Highness’s complete favor before. His Majesty also seems to like you very much.”
“…Hahaha.”
I could only laugh it off. I had only tried to kill the princess, yet every time, the situation somehow flowed in the exact opposite direction. Thinking about her words again made me feel terrible.
“More importantly, have you identified the suspect who sent the assassin?”
I stood up and changed the subject. I didn’t want to talk about the princess any longer.
“Unfortunately I can’t disclose that. There are suspicious individuals, but we can’t make any hasty conclusions.”
“I see.”
“A large-scale investigation will begin soon. I’ll ask for your cooperation then as well.”
“If it’s for the empire, I’ll gladly help.”
“Ah, and Sir Armand—one more thing. I almost forgot the most important part.”
“What is it now?”
“His Majesty has invited you to dinner this evening. He said to come with Her Highness.”
I’m truly envious. The investigator added in a serious tone. It made sense; an invitation to dine with the emperor was no small matter. It carried a meaning close to a private audience.
Hmm… I’ll be seeing him twice today.
Dinner with the emperor… Just imagining it made my stomach churn. Then again, today had already been filled with major incidents—one after another, and none of them good.
“Ah, Investigator.”
“Yes?”
“Before I leave, may I ask one thing?”
“Is it related to the case?”
“Yes. I was wondering if you knew anything about the poison on the assassin’s dagger.”
I stopped just as I was about to leave the investigation room. The Black Heart Poison I hadn’t managed to secure earlier had been bothering me.
“The source is unclear, so we’re still looking into it. It may take some time, but I’ll inform you as soon as we have results.”
“Then could I possibly receive a sample? Just a few drops would be enough.”
“A sample? For what purpose?”
“We don’t know when another assassin might appear. I’d like to analyze it myself and prepare countermeasures.”
“Hmm! Your loyalty is truly as great as I’ve heard.”
No, that’s not really it…
The investigator immediately accepted my answer.
“Understood. I’ll make the suggestion right away.”
My inflated reputation was proving useful.
“Is that really possible?”
“Yes. I should be able to give you a definite answer by tomorrow. Since it’s your request, Sir Armand, it should be feasible.”
“Ah, thank you.”
I left the investigation room in a better mood than expected. Outside, the red glow of sunset hung in the sky. Dinner time was approaching.
The day felt both long and short.
I was walking while muttering that bitter thought when—
“Hey, you.”
“Hm?”
A sharp voice suddenly called out from behind me.
“Why does an escort knight need an assassin’s poison?”
The tone suggested the speaker had heard the entire conversation from the investigation room. Startled, I turned around and—
“You’re…?”
“If you’re that curious about what the poison is, shall I feed it to you myself?”
I froze on the spot.