We’re Here - 3
After the sun had fully gone down, I sat at an outdoor table in front of a convenience store with A-Young, who had just come back after washing her face.
A-Young sat plastered against my side, looking at her phone. On the screen was the account information page for Pazijik. There was also a record of every donation I had made so far.
“Hee, so you really are Bigman....”
“Yes. I really am.”
“You really are Bigman....”
“A-Young?”
“So Bigman-nim is this handsome....”
“....”
I’d never heard that one before, not in any loop.
“I don’t think I’m exactly handsome.”
“You are.”
“....”
“Or not? Maybe it’s not Bigman who’s handsome, but Taek Oppa. Well, it’s both, so it doesn’t matter.”
“I don’t think it’s either.”
“What does it matter? That’s just my criterion.”
“....”
She was so matter-of-fact that it was hard to argue.
Is her aesthetic standard just a little plain?
Whether it was or not, A-Young kept touching my face with her hands as if it were fascinating. Her soft palms were leaving traces of my sweat on my skin, so I leaned back a little.
“That’s dirty.”
“My hands? I washed them.”
“No. My sweat.”
“I don’t care. After lessons, Clara unni’s got sweat pouring off her in buckets.”
....
Mm.
Mm-hm.
She was way too direct.
It’s good to be honest, but this is like she’s flooring the accelerator.
I decided to calm her down before she got any more excited. She was already pressed right up against me, so I shifted us apart a little. Since we were both wearing short sleeves, we kept brushing against each other here and there.
“You’re too close.”
“Am I?”
“You’re an idol.”
“But I’m a VTuber.”
....
Even against my unfair objection, she just grinned and pushed back.
I didn’t bother pushing back against that pushback.
....
“By the way, Bigman-nim.”
“Yes?”
Her form of address had changed again all of a sudden.
“Why did you keep donating?”
....
A-Young looked at me. Her eyes glittered with innocent curiosity.
“Even if you don’t keep sending signals through donations, we already know Bigman-nim is cheering us on and believing in us.”
....
I said,
“I realized something after making money.”
“What?”
“When you say something while handing over a large sum of money, it can become an order before you even realize it’s one.”
....
“So I didn’t say anything. I was scared.”
“Of what?”
“That something I said without thinking would tarnish the precious dream you all had.”
“So you kept telling us to act naturally? Because people might think it was weird?”
....
That line.
Because people kept bringing it up over and over, it had been emphasized, but I’d only actually said it once or twice. And yet somehow it had become Bigman’s signature line.
Wasn’t it usually the case that movie catchphrases or comedians’ punchlines spread because of one absurdly random line?
Human hearts really were impossible to predict.
And then....
In the end, that feeling came back out through my own mouth.
“....Yeah.”
“Hee.”
A-Young nodded. The space between us had somehow closed again, until her arm was touching mine. So I shifted my hips and edged away a little more.
Then A-Young moved closer again.
“Then, um.”
“A-Young, you’re too close.”
“Then, um.”
....
I’d been ignored.
Her attitude had somehow gotten even more brazen.
She asked me,
“Why do you make money like that, Bigman-nim? So desperately.”
....
That was hard to answer.
This time around, I hadn’t started out desperate to make money. That was why I had wasted May so uselessly.
I had simply kept repeating the regression.
And somewhere along the way, I had learned how to make money.
Strictly speaking, I just memorized it from all the loops where I’d tried to make money.
But that wouldn’t be the answer A-Young wanted.
So I closed my eyes and thought for a moment.
I traced my way back through the memories of countless loops. The loop where I had first resolved to make money seriously. With that hazy memory in mind, I searched for the reason behind the why.
....
At last, I remembered it again.
I answered,
“I wanted to make everyone happy.”
“What?”
“It was a stupid dream.”
....
In the middle of all those repeated loops, it had been a stupid thought that had come to me out of nowhere.
“I thought if I made around one trillion won, I could use it to replace all the economic activity in this country for a single day.... and make everyone happy, even if only for one day.”
“One trillion...?”
A-Young seemed stunned by the absurd number.
It was an extension of the lecture I’d given on the day it rained, back inside that tent.
The story of the world’s structure, connected through the medium of money.
“If the structure of this world was designed so that people couldn’t be happy because of money, then I wanted to make as much money as I could, since it came easily to me, and try to crack that structure open for just one day.”
“Why?”
....
Because that was the revenge I had come up with in my own way.
Toward this world....
An infinite regression.
If that was the world’s structure, the thing that trapped me inside it, then I wanted to break it once in a different way. I wanted to change this world, even if only for a single day.
Into a world not of pain,
but of happiness.
So I started making money.
And I began to understand the structure of the world.
“....But I failed. It turned out that making money itself was hard. The world was too big for one person to change.”
“Even Bigman-nim?”
“Yes. There are some truly terrifying people in this world. There are too many people living for money itself. So money, as an end in itself, was meaningless.”
“Hee....”
“So at some point, I started cheering for things other than money.”
“Emotions?”
“Yes.”
A-Young giggled.
“That’s a nice ending.”
“Is it?”
“It’s a story about coming to value emotions more than money.”
....
For the end of a revenge story,
it was an absurdly peaceful conclusion.
In the end, I was a man who wasn’t really one thing or another.
I said abruptly,
“It sounds ridiculous. Don’t you find it suspicious?”
“Not at all. There are people who casually burn through hundreds of millions donating to a VTuber they happened to meet at a convenience store.”
....
That number, for some reason, bothered me all over again.
“Does the money make you uncomfortable?”
“No. Just looking at the number is scary, but I know the feeling inside it, so it isn’t scary.”
....
A-Young thought about it for a moment, then said,
“So, Oppa. You’ve been through so much that the only way you know how to speak is through money. But you’re also someone who has come to value people’s feelings more.”
....
She hit the core of it without warning. And she did it with endless goodwill.
I tried to defend that impression.
“I could still be the kind of person who plots bad things with money.”
“A person who goes to church, the temple, and the orphanage to volunteer every weekend? Someone who throws away hundreds of millions just to make people smile?”
....
“Someone doing bad things would probably be scarier and colder about it... the sort of person who wouldn’t waste a single won.”
“I see.”
A-Young’s words continued. She crossed her arms and turned her head away with a deliberately prim expression. For some reason, she looked playful.
“Then! You’d give me one million won at a time and tell me to talk dirty in the middle of a broadcast?”
“No. That would never happen.”
“Then! You’d give me ten million won at a time and tell me to change my content? Like, do whatever you want to see?”
“No. Absolutely not.”
“Then.... you’d give me one hundred million won at a time and tell me to quit broadcasting? Say my stream doesn’t matter, and I should live only beside you.”
“No. Absolutely not.”
....
On that last answer, A-Young pouted just a little, then smiled again. It was somehow a mischievous smile.
“Then what’s the problem?”
....
A-Young chuckled.
“Well, if you’d used donations to make me do something weird, I’d have rejected it even if I had to refund you. But no matter how small a streamer I was... I don’t think I would’ve done it.”
....
“But you didn’t do it either, right? We’re even?”
....
A-Young playfully poked my arm over and over.
By then, I was sitting on the very edge of the outdoor chair, barely hanging on. She had been inching closer and closer until I’d been completely backed to the edge.
A-Young said,
“So I’ll keep trusting you from now on.”
....
I answered,
“Thank you.”
“No need to thank me.”
“Still, thank you.”
“Heehee....”
We laughed for a moment.
Then we fell silent.
....
....
A-Young said,
“But what do we do now? There’s really nothing we can do. We’ll keep the broadcast going as it is, but... everyone’s in this uneasy mood.”
....
“People are hiding away, facilities are locking their doors, live broadcasts are completely canceled. In a situation like this, I don’t know what we can even do....”
“?”
What was she talking about?
It felt like some crucial information had failed to get through.
I looked at A-Young.
“Didn’t the CEO tell you?”
“Huh?”
“The live broadcast wasn’t canceled.”
“?!”
A-Young jolted in shock. She clasped her hands together and tucked in her chin in an absurd little pose, looking like a chick that had just heard a gunshot.
I said carefully, not wanting to startle her any further,
“Just in case, check your phone for the details.”
“A-ah... wait. I left it in the lounge....”
A-Young scrambled up the stairs. A moment later, the light in the break room blinked on. When she came back down after a bit, her eyes were sparkling.
“R-r-really? Really?”
“Yes.”
“We’re really doing our performance? We’re going out together?”
“I’m not going out.”
“We’re just doing the live, right?”
“Yes.”
It seemed like she had only just caught up to the news.
The live was being resumed in a viewing format.
And there was three billion won set aside to gather people.
I explained calmly,
“It’s still too early to give up on the live event. I’ve prepared a budget so we can run an event to change the mood, too. That’s why I’ve been going all over the place.”
But she wasn’t listening anymore.
Like a child,
she bounced up and down, grabbed my hand, and started spinning around with me.
“Wow! Wooooow—!”
“A-Young? I’m getting a little dizzy.”
“Wooooow—! We’re doing the liveeeeee—!”
....
The weirdos spinning in circles while holding hands in front of the convenience store.
The moon above us spun until it felt taut. Seoul’s night skyline raced by like a lantern slide. Yellow stars sparkled before my eyes.
Purely.
Honestly.
She was celebrating the stage.
....
This was something I had to watch this loop through.
Twenty-one days from now.
Even if I disappeared,
we were here right now. Living this moment more truthfully than anyone else. So that, even within endless time, it could become an eternal instant.
....
Please, from here on too... be happy.
Looking at the star smiling so brightly,
that was the wish I made in my heart.
*
Late at night, CEO Baek Su-cheol called his wife, who was away on a business trip, on the way home from work. The smell of fried chicken kept drifting up from the passenger seat of the car he was driving.
“Yeah, yeah. I’m done with work now, and I’ve already reached the parking lot. I’m on my way back with chicken. Hm? Hey, Daon’s twelve now. We should let him eat what he wants. Late-night snacks once in a while... Oh, all right, all right. I’ll let him have just one drumstick? Hm? That works? Yeah. Okay. Come back safe. Yes....”
Smack!
....
He had been scolded.
By his wife.
Damn it. My mouth really is a curse. I forgot how much the missus hates giving the kid late-night snacks and blurted it out anyway....
Still, what could he do? Whenever he saw his son laughing with chicken grease on the corners of his mouth, his heart softened right up.
“Nilliriya~”
Baek Su-cheol hummed as he finished parking. Then he grabbed the chicken box and trudged toward the entrance where the security office stood.
“Nilliriya~ I’m coming....”
But his steps came to a halt.
He could hear a man and woman arguing.
The one doing most of the yelling was the man.
- Hey, miss! Before I call the police, why don’t you take that thing and get out of here? What kind of person brings a live chicken like that!
- Calm down. I brought it for my younger brother and nephew.
- Hah, sure. Like some cultist just wandered in here and lied to me....
Cluck!
“?”
Yelling, and chicken noises.
For some reason, it was noisy in front of the security office.
What is this? Why does that voice sound familiar?
Baek Su-cheol carefully looked toward the security booth.
Then he saw a familiar face. With white hair like that, she was identifiable from a hundred meters away. It was a woman dressed neatly in a white hanbok, arguing with the guard.
White hair.
White hanbok.
However you looked at it,
it was definitely his older sister.
“Huh?! Unni?!”
Baek Su-cheol shouted in panic and ran over.
“Unni, what are you doing here?”
....
His older sister, Baek Hyang, said flatly,
“Su-cheol. I’m here.”
“No, I know you’re here, but....”
Cluck!
The situation was a mess. Behind her, a chicken with a leash kept crowing. And the guard was someone new who had started recently.
....
“Aigoo.”
Once he understood what was going on, Baek Su-cheol made a tearful face.
Unni went and did something weird again. The new guard doesn’t know her face, so he misunderstood.
Then the guard tilted his head. The man who had come running up was looking at the woman in front of him and calling her “Unni.”
“?”
The white-haired young woman looks to be in her early thirties, and this guy who just ran over is clearly in his mid-forties no matter how you look at him....
Baek Su-cheol hurriedly showed the guard his automatic door key and explained himself in a flustered rush. He’d done this before more than once, so it was familiar.
“Th-this is... I’m Baek Su-cheol, from Apartment 201, Unit 4. This lady is definitely my older sister. And this chicken... the chicken is....”
Baek Su-cheol looked at Baek Hyang and asked,
“Unni, why did you bring a chicken?”
....
Cluck!
Baek Hyang said expressionlessly,
“To feed Daon.”
....
Baek Su-cheol slapped his forehead.
“I’m losing my mind. I said the kid likes chicken, not that you should bring a live chicken....”
“Really?”
“Yeah.”
“I see. Then I’ll just bring it with me when I go. Sit.”
Cluck!
To their astonishment,
the chickens sat down obediently at those words.
Baek Su-cheol and the guard both stared in disbelief.
....
....
Baek Hyang said as if it were nothing,
“That’s settled, then. I’ll take them with me when I leave.”
“Uh, yeah. By the way, why are you here? Did you come by to eat dinner again?”
....
“Unni?”
....
“That’s odd.”
“?”
Baek Hyang tapped at Baek Su-cheol’s suit jacket. It was the white suit he had stubbornly worn all the way through the day. Then she muttered,
“This feels familiar. It shouldn’t be happening to Su-cheol....”
....
“Could you be believing in something strange? Putting idols or talismans in the office or something? If you do, that’ll be a disaster, Su-cheol.”
“Like I’d ever do that, Unni.... I’m too busy running the company.”
“Nothing like reliving the same experience twice... or more than a few times? You’re all right? Do you remember what happened yesterday?”
“Hahaha....”
Baek Su-cheol made a miserable face. Sometimes his sister would come by out of nowhere and start saying bizarre things.
I’m going insane.