You're the Cutest in the World - 2
"...."
What was I supposed to do?
If I had stuck to my usual policy, I would have stopped digging into someone like Dr. Jang and simply ignored him. The sorrow and loneliness wrapped around him ran too deep.
Inside an endless regression, that was the safety line I drew for myself, a way to protect my emotions.
But...
"...."
...By now, this cycle is already tangled up with Ah-yeong, ABCD, and a whole lot of other people.
-Point General-nim--!
-Mr. Hong!
-Eat before you go....
-God knows.
-Bigman-nim, thank you.
-I'm happy.
-I'm glad I met Taek oppa.
"...."
Rustle—
Along with the ten-thousand-won bills in my pocket, I shared countless memories and a single promise.
So there was no question that, when this cycle ended, I’d be unable to get back on my feet for a while. I’d be left stumbling through the emptiness rushing in on me.
So...
I had to move.
I've already crossed the line long ago. If I don't act now, I'll regret it in the next cycle. If I don't find meaning now, I won't find it next time either.
I stood up.
“Then since the topic came up, let’s go together.”
“Hm? Is it okay to leave the shop unattended?”
“Yes. I’m the manager, after all.”
“Ah, you’re awfully cool about it. Then I guess I’ll leave the handcart too.”
I took the subway with the old man who hauled a handcart around, and we made small talk the whole way. Since it was midday on a weekday, the train was quiet.
The old man savored the air-conditioning.
“Well, I’ll be damned, that’s better. This heat’s murderous lately. In all my seventy years, I’ve never known a summer like this. You could kill a man on the asphalt. Aren’t you hot, Boss Seonwoo?”
“I get used to it since I deal with it so often. I do sweat a bit, though.”
In my world, Korea only ever had one season: early summer.
No matter how hard I tried to call up fallen leaves or snow, I couldn’t make them come.
The old man didn’t know that, so he misunderstood me.
“Still, youth really is something, isn’t it? Right?”
"...."
We got to the area near Tapgol Park in no time, since it was close to Jongno. Each time the old man climbed an escalator, he squinted at the worsening heat.
“Aigoo, this is killing me. How is July this hot? They say next year will be even worse than this. At this rate, I’d better hurry up and get old and die.”
"...."
We stepped out into the sunlight.
Heat shimmered above the road.
Crossing a broad intersection,
we slowly headed toward Tapgol Park.
“Oh! There he is!”
"...."
Far in the distance, I spotted a familiar bucket hat.
He was still playing omok among the crowd of old men huddled together like pigeons. He still wore that mischievous grin.
Clack!
-Hahaha! I win again~!
-Aigoo, Dr. Jang, I’m out of money now.
The old man with the handcart raised a hand and shouted,
“Dr. Jang! Dr. Jang! I brought him! The young man who bought me soju last time—!”
“?!”
Dr. Jang turned around in shock.
His face was still lined with wrinkles. But the regret had drained out of it. What remained was only a quiet, waiting stillness.
"...."
I greeted him.
The him I would never see in another cycle.
The him standing here, in this moment.
“It’s been a while.”
“...You.”
*
We sat across from each other with a bottle of soju between us.
This time it was Dr. Jang who had bought it. When I tried to pay, he stopped me with unusual force.
-No, no! I’m buying.
He only bought one bottle.
And we split it half and half.
We drank enough to feel the warmth settle in our chests.
"...."
"...."
Dr. Jang said,
“That ten million won was well spent.”
“I’m glad to hear it.”
“I have no regrets left in my life.”
“That’s a relief.”
“If you tell me to die, I’ll die right now. That’s about all I can do for you. If there’s somewhere you want burned down, or some bastard you want stabbed, say the word.”
"...."
He meant it.
His hard eyes didn’t waver.
I refused that sincerity.
“There’s no need.”
"...."
Dr. Jang asked me,
“Then why did you give it to me?”
“Because it was something I didn’t need.”
“Did you pity me?”
“I envied you.”
“What? What about this beggar old man could you possibly envy?”
“I envied the way you carried even deep, dark regret with something like brilliance. So I couldn’t bear to keep looking, and I gave you ten million won.”
"...."
He murmured softly,
“How am I supposed to repay that? If I die without knowing my benefactor, carrying this huge kindness in my heart, how am I supposed to close my eyes?”
"...."
It was the sort of step that came at the end of a life, when everything was being put in order.
For him, gratitude was a burden too heavy to hold.
I said,
“There is no kindness here. There is no benefactor.”
“Then what is it?”
“Ten million won simply moved from my pocket to your hat. No more meaning than that is needed.”
“But it was your hand and your will that picked it up, wasn’t it?”
“It was you who moved, Dr. Jang.”
"...."
Dr. Jang ran a hand over his face. The hand covered in thick calluses was trembling. It looked almost like the posture of someone at prayer.
“At the end of my life, I’ve met a great benefactor....”
"...."
“...Thank you.”
“That’s a relief.”
While he was repenting,
I lifted the bottle and drained the rest.
The drop clinging to the mouth of the green glass glinted in the light.
Maybe because we’d shared it,
it left just enough sweetness on my lips.
"...."
Then I said, almost on a whim,
“I’m planning to be at the convenience store until July 31 this year.”
“...What?”
“If you come by before then, let’s have a drink now and then.”
"...."
Dr. Jang said to me,
“And after that?”
“Well...”
"...."
He nodded.
Old men understand why someone refuses to talk about the future.
“I see.”
“Yes.”
We were silent for a moment.
"...."
"...."
It was he who spoke first.
“It was my granddaughter.”
"...."
“She was born and raised in Europe, so she didn’t even know I was her grandfather. I used to be a professor of music with some name to me, but now I’ve become a ghost with no name at all.”
"...."
“I just... wanted to be the grandfather of that child in Europe, at the very end.”
“Did you become that?”
“I did.”
“I’m glad.”
In the final month before the regression.
Dr. Jang, my drinking buddy, grinned.
“Seeing you in person, you were the cutest thing in the world.”
“I see.”
That smile had meaning.
*
The mood in the ABCD community was warm.
Endless content and dopamine were enough to push everyone into a permanent state of worship. Especially after the joint stream with Romantic Drive, things were even better, since we’d gained a reliable neighboring faction too.
That peaceful mood continued on and on. But then, with one piece of news flying in from next door, the atmosphere began to shift little by little.
Bad news tends to pile up one after another.... I’d heard that the first generation over there had been grinding from nothing for nearly two years, and that from the second generation onward the push had only gotten stronger, so the bad feelings had been building for a while. It was just the sort of thing that eventually bursts.
It was just another accident and incident from the neighboring house during a festival.
But it wasn’t a big deal. When you enjoyed subculture, that kind of thing happened fairly often. So it ended there, with everyone exercising a bit of caution about what they said.
And everyone turned their attention elsewhere.
They were only looking forward to the coming July.
Everyone thought it was nothing.
The last day of June was peaceful.
---