Daydream (3)
Whether Pavel's insides were burning up in real-time or not, Delis, currently pinned to the sofa beneath him, was merely floating in a hazy, drug-induced stupor.
"Don't go..."
It felt as if the arms she had been holding so tightly were slowly slipping away. Unable to let go of her father, whom she had finally managed to embrace, Delis tightened her grip even further.
The man positioned above their tangled bodies was thinking of something else entirely. Pavel wanted to lose consciousness altogether upon seeing her wrap her arms right back around him after he had barely managed to pry them loose.
What irritated him even more in this situation was how vividly his senses were registering everything in real-time. Setting aside how soft Bloomfeld's ebony hair and fair skin felt against his cheek and neck... the more his thoughts drifted in that direction, the more... Damn it, I'm already thinking about it.
The Chief of Intelligence, who had felt like he might snap out of it at any second, closed his eyes again and began to drift along the border of consciousness and unconsciousness. Was this a blessing or a curse? In any case, since Bloomfeld was completely out of it, drugged and half-asleep, he had to be the one to maintain his sanity.
But on the other hand, he desperately wanted to avoid any misunderstanding. After all, this situation, no matter who looked at it... was highly compromising.
Pavel's mind raced furiously. He felt like his brain hadn't worked this hard even when he was running an operation with his subordinates in the middle of the British Museum just a few days ago.
Soon, Pavel reached the most selfish conclusion a person could possibly arrive at.
Come to think of it... this isn't my fault, is it?
If one dug into the root cause, some blame could be attributed to him. But wasn't the lion's share of the fault on Bloomfeld, who was acting like this on her own? The person who made him worry for nothing and was now fast asleep without even finishing her assigned work was the one in the wrong. He had glanced at her monitor earlier, and she hadn't even finished half of it. How could this possibly be his fault?
Having made up his mind, Pavel cleared his throat and called out to the woman in front of him.
"Bloomfeld, stop sleeping and wake up."
...Something was strange.
For some reason, the figure in front of her seemed far more vivid and independent than the father she remembered in her dream world.
Although she knew it was something she shouldn't dare to do, the figure in her memory she was holding onto was merely an avatar to satisfy a warped sense of lack. Since this emotion, steeped in taboo, had to remain a secret to everyone in the world except herself, she was the only one who should have been in control.
So, he just had to stroke her hair and hold her. Why was he pulling his hand away and trying to distance himself...?
"Don't go..."
She grabbed him tightly. At least here, she wouldn't let go. At least here, she must not let go.
Fortunately, as if recognizing her resolve, her father did not try to leave again. Thanks to this, Delis was able to continue her sensory indulgence with utmost happiness.
This dream world would collapse soon. When that time came, she would be driven out into reality, but until then, even if it was a daydream, it was not completely meaningless.
The study in her memory began to crumble slowly from the edges of her vision. Small pieces of the dream fractured with a sharp, splintering sound, and the scenery of reality rushed in to replace the fragments sucked into the distant void of the unconscious.
I wish I could see Dad's face just one last time...
Looking up to face the figure directly, she was met with a blurry expression, as if obscured by static.
"Bloomfeld, stop sleeping and wake up."
Ah, yes. That's right, Dad. See you next time.
She could feel the dream coming to an end. Since the cracks rushing in from the periphery had finally reached the very center of her vision, it was only a matter of time before her submerged consciousness rapidly surfaced.
Thus, the scene that overlaid her vision was a man who looked very much like her father, staring intently at her from incredibly close.
A slightly flushed expression. A neatly tailored suit. Slicked-back hair and distinct blue eyes staring back at her.
"Who...?"
Delis mumbled blankly, half-asleep, and she didn't have to wait long to hear an answer.
"It's me, Delis. I told you to stop sleeping and wake up."
"Pavel...?"
"Yes, are you finally coming to your senses?"
"...!?"
Her hazy mind rapidly surfaced, dragging her back to reality in an instant. Though she might have been slow to grasp things, Delis quickly began to analyze her current situation.
She had definitely been working while dozing off in her chair. Yet, for some reason, her back was resting against a soft sofa, and right in front of her nose, a familiar colleague looked as if he was pinning her down.
No, looking closely, he was actually straining his arms and legs with all his might to avoid collapsing on her. If he hadn't, he would have tumbled right on top of her.
Then why isn't he pulling away?
A natural question arose, but Delis soon realized that the person holding onto Pavel was none other than herself.
Uh... Uh...?!
She was holding him in the exact same posture she had used to hug her father in the dream. The only difference was whether she was hugging him standing up or lying down like this.
Suddenly, the entire room felt stiflingly hot. No, the office was probably the same, but the one who had changed was herself. Trying hard not to focus on that fact, she slowly let go of her arms, and Pavel, who had been held, slipped away with a dry cough.
It was a thought she should never have, but why did she feel a lingering sense of regret?
With her face completely red, as she was tidying her disheveled clothes and messy hair, Pavel approached and asked.
"What kind of sleeping habit is that? I was extremely flustered."
"That..."
She had absolutely no excuse. It was none other than herself who, heavily drugged and half-asleep, had mistaken someone else for her father and hugged him tightly. She couldn't even yell at him for entering her office without permission.
"You were the one who asked to meet this evening. But because there was no answer, I was worried about you, so I opened the door and entered."
"Ah, I see."
He had come all this way out of worry for her, so how could she say anything to his face? Unlike when they were face-to-face earlier, Pavel now showed no sign of being affected. At this rate, it felt like she was the only one feeling embarrassed.
"It seems I'll have to come back next time to get the document we agreed on today. Since I've confirmed you're safe, I'll head out first."
"Ah..."
"What's wrong? Is there a problem?"
At that moment, Delis felt like she shouldn't just let Pavel go like this. Except for her almost blind affection for her father, she had always acted based on reason and rationality. Yet, there was no logical reason for the feeling she had now. If there was a reason, it was simply 'because it felt like she had to.'
"If I focus a bit, I think I can finish it quickly. Can you stay just until then?"
"..."
As Pavel looked at the clock on the wall, Delis hurriedly found a reason and added.
"You know, it would weigh on my mind if you had to make two trips because of me! It'll only take about thirty minutes!"
"...Alright. I can wait that long."
Phew. Fortunately, a positive answer came back, so the immediate crisis was averted. She didn't know why she was happy about this, but anyway, all's well that ends well.
After tying her messy hair back to secure it, she truly allocated her concentration entirely to her work. The only crisis, if it could be called that, was when Pavel, who was waiting on the sofa, apparently bored, asked an intelligence subordinate downstairs to bring up some warm milk.
The fact that he had deliberately not brought coffee out of concern for antagonistic effects with sleeping pills or painkillers made it even more of a crisis, as she could immediately realize, Pavel is caring for me.
It didn't even take thirty minutes. Finishing her work with a strong determination never to fall asleep this time, the minute hand had only jumped four numbers.
While she had a subordinate handle the final review and printing, she decided to talk with Pavel, who had been waiting all this time. Although it was somewhat embarrassing to sit facing each other on the very sofa where they had been tangled up just a moment ago.
If Pavel brought up that part, Delis was willing to strongly plead temporary insanity.
The topic of conversation was naturally set.
"Um... you were very flustered, right? I'm not usually like this, but the medicine must have been a bit strong."
It wasn't a lie. Usually, it only ended with deviations in the dream world, and she had never clung to a man right in front of her in reality. Fortunately, Pavel seemed to believe her.
"I understand. The organization lost its former leader like that, and you lost your father."
"Yes, thank you."
Looking at Delis, who was twisting her side hair in extreme embarrassment, unlike how she usually was, Pavel thought. He could understand more deeply the sense of kinship Lady Bronska had felt.
Although there was someone in Belfast with whom he had a father-son relationship, even if not by blood, that did not change the fact that Pavel Choi was an orphan. The only thing remaining in his faint memory was the fact that his biological parents had passed down the surname Choi to him.
Ah, there was also his quarter-Koryo-saram bloodline. It was a fact he often forgot because he had lived without much awareness of it ever since the first leader of the organization took him in.
"Come to think of it, I'm not much different. I only joined the organization after losing my parents. Of course, the time gap wasn't as short as yours."
How could the people at the very top of the organization all be orphans? No wonder they were bound by a sense of kinship.
"That's... a bit of a shame."
"It's not even a shame. I've completely shaken it off now."
Hearing an answer that was like a kind of comfort, Delis suddenly had a question.
Come to think of it... I know nothing about Pavel.
Since rising to the position of Chief of Intelligence, she could access the personal data of the organization's members at any time. However, she did not think for a second that characters made of 0s and 1s could fully depict a person's life. No matter how much she increased the resolution of those fragmentary pieces, there were bound to be parts that could never be gleaned from text.
This was a fact she had known since before she joined the organization, when she served as a consulting detective for the London Metropolitan Police. Her reasoning was only an extreme estimation gathered from evidence. Even if it was infinitely close to reality, it could never be reality itself.
On the other hand, she felt a childish dissatisfaction that it was unfair. Surely Pavel had investigated her background to some extent to kidnap and interrogate her. On the contrary, she knew extremely little. Since the organization was practically her second family, it was inevitable that she felt her interactions with Pavel or Lady Yerina had been too business-like.
The conversation, laced with awkwardness, soon drifted to what had just happened. It was an episode that made both of their faces turn red just by recalling it, but they had to wrap it up.
"First of all, I have to report to the Lady in some way. There shouldn't be any internal affairs of the organization that Lady Bronska doesn't know about."
"Yes, that's true, but..."
Strictly speaking, he was absolutely right. Lady Yerina, despite her busy schedule, would personally check any variable that could shake the organization. But reporting this exactly as it happened... was a bit much. While lying was absolutely out of the question, she felt it would be fine to omit some minor details.
Fortunately, Pavel immediately noticed what she wanted to say.
"Ah, is that what you meant?"
"Huh?"
"Don't worry. Just like when I told the Lady about the clues of Charm last time, I'll take responsibility and talk to her. I'll appropriately adjust the unimportant details."
Glancing at Pavel's expression, she saw him scratching his head, suggesting he had no intention of telling her from the beginning anyway. Indeed, what happened earlier wasn't exactly something to report openly... yes, definitely not.
Although she would find out someday, just sharing a small secret between the two of them that Lady Yerina didn't know made her feel a step closer to Pavel. She hoped he felt the same way.