79. It's My Only 'Wish'
79. It's My Only 'Wish'
[However, was it not you who first abandoned me]
"..........Wow."
The perspective was different.
Dialogue between humans, so to speak, was conversation premised on 'understanding'.
Since it was based on mutual understanding, each party grasped the other's intent and obtained what they desired from one another—that was 'human dialogue'.
[I spoke countless times.]
[I promised and prayed for your victory.]
[Yet was it not you who first broke my words and thought only of yourself?]
"Then... in that case, then if that is so..."
I asked a question toward Cronus.
"Why did you just stand by and watch while my arm was crushed, my hands were shattered, my ribs pierced my lungs, and my organs were bursting open?"
[It was to make you worship me.]
"...What, what did you say?"
[It is a simple principle.]
Cronus answered.
[Humans are bound to become infinitely weak before the fear of death. The moment they cry out for god is precisely that instant, so it was a trial I bestowed to shatter your illusion that you could do it alone and to make you rightly gaze upon me.]
"......Aha."
So in other words.
That is to say.
"You pulled the 'Wanna die or will you trust me?' routine?"
[In the beginning, the existence of gods was that of 'fear' and 'awe'.]
As a matter of fact.
After experiencing that ordeal, did you not come to worship many gods?
Cronus spoke as if it was the most natural thing.
"......Ha."
Worship.
Fanaticism.
The existence of faith.
"....Urgh...!"
My stomach churned.
Nausea rose, and vomit surged up.
'This kind of thing... is a god...?'
I could not understand.
No, she was never something that could be understood from the start.
She was not a being to be accepted through understanding, but a type whose very existence had to simply be accepted.
That was why, from the very beginning, I bowed my head and tread carefully.
Not understanding, but acquiescence.
Not comprehension, but submission.
My relationship with Cronus was inherently 'that kind of relationship' from the start.
"Chrono... are you okay? Shall I help you?"
"...Haaaaaah."
Detecting that my state was not good, Ur held my head tightly against her embrace.
The soft skin touching my face and the warm body heat gradually seemed to settle my stomach.
"....Yeah. I think I get it now."
A warm bosom.
Someone's warmth.
That 'sense of foreignness' I had felt when I slept with Mai once too—different in essence from something like this.
"That figures, since you are a 'god.' Isn't that right?"
I slowly spoke toward Cronus beyond the mirror.
A god.
To be precise, a god of the old generation.
Since she was a god born in an era when only gods existed,
"From your point of view, not a single thing was wrong. If something was wrong, then surely the fault was mine."
Her perspective was aligned solely with the point of view of 'gods.'
The standard of 'gods,' not the standard of 'humans.'
Those not weak and cowering, frail 'human' beings,
But those who sat in a seat higher than anyone else and looked down upon those lower than anyone else.
"Cronus, you truly were a 'god,' in the most literal sense."
[Have you finally realized my 'station'?]
A faintly smiling figure.
To this, I also beamed and said,
"Yeah. I realized it. You incest-patch TS-gay-gay."
[.....What did you say?]
How should I put this.
At this point, I actually felt like my head was clearing.
"I got the person I needed to ask wrong from the start. The very wish I had to demand had its own problems too. The 'premise' that a god would hold the same viewpoint as a human was mistaken from the get-go, so isn't it obvious what kind of result you'd get if you made a wish?"
There is a mythos called Cthulhu.
Was it something about an unknown terror that humans dare not even imagine?
Roughly speaking, Cronus's state resembled what I just described as 'Cthulhu.'
I asked for a woman I could love, so she bestowed 'a woman I could not help but love.'
I pleaded for her to take pity, so she merely spared me 'to the degree of not dying.'
The standard for reward.
The standard for punishment.
Both were strictly from the perspective of a 'god,' not a human.
"I was thinking about this all wrong."
I looked at Cronus beyond the mirror and said,
"No demands. I want nothing."
Just please get the fuck out of my life.
I sincerely wished this toward Cronus.
And this wish, filled with my sincerity, was──
[──Impossible. I have no intention of abandoning my child.]
"..........."
Shot down yet again.
Now I understood. I had realized it.
Cronus's gifts,
Cronus's rewards were nothing more than 'shackles.'
Not gifts for me, but a 'leash' to govern me.
Even just looking at the 'Scythe' she gave me, it was the same.
The 'Divine Authority' she gave was also the same.
A 'leash' she could withdraw at any time if she wished.
A 'Mirage' that could vanish depending on her mood.
In that sense, now that I had figured this out, the one getting fooled was the idiot.
"These things. These 'gifts' you gave me."
I lifted 'Cronus's Scythe' and said.
"Take them all back."
[........You wretch.]
"Ah, come to think of it, you've already taken them back once before, haven't you?"
Then I didn't even need to say anything.
I dropped the pistol in my hand directly to the ground.
Tung, kagagagak....
[.....!!!]
The pistol bounced off the floor. Cronus's Scythe.
"I will never use this again."
[...Test me no further.]
"I won't use your abilities, nor your authority."
[You wretch! As an apostle, you ought to act like an apostle and bow your head at the feet of your patron god!]
Her voice grew louder.
But I no longer backed down.
"Take them back. No, do whatever the hell you want. Because I will never, ever use your abilities again."
[Oh ho, you've grown quite arrogant. Where has that filial child who pleaded before me to become my one and only child gone, and now you're spouting words like the lowest of the low!]
"Then fucking treat people like people!"
I yelled.
I shouted out loud.
"You don't even treat people like people! You handle people like they're pigs and dogs, like livestock!"
Then shouldn't I, like a goddamn pig or dog, bite back and say I won't feed you? Isn't that the natural response?
"Fine. You want to receive worship? You want to receive fanaticism?"
Then let me ask you something in turn.
"You, have you ever actually received worship? Have you received fanaticism? Have you ever been trusted by anyone, ever been loved by anyone, Cronus?"
[....What are you trying to say.]
"Aha! Now that I think about it, not even once, huh?"
Because that would make sense.
"What kind of woman would ever love a motherfucker who beat his own father to death with his own hands and then swallowed his own children whole?"
[You insolent beast!!!]
Wooooong───!!!
An intense wave of power surged from beyond the mirror.
But just as it was about to erupt beyond the mirror, a crimson curtain blocked the wave.
[....Hera. Withdraw your power.]
[I don't want to? It's not like he said anything wrong. Did you think I found it pleasant being inside your stomach too?]
[This... wench and this brat too, you children are all...!!]
[You have to treat children like they're children for them to treat you like a parent.]
Hera quoted my words and let out a small laugh.
[Oh right, were you anxious because you couldn't see me? Don't worry, child. It just felt like I'd be in the way, and you seemed to want to try it on your own, so I simply stepped back. Whenever you're struggling and exhausted, I will always be behind you to help.]
"Kyaaa...!"
Now this is a god!
Hell yeah! This is what a god is!
This aura that instinctively makes you want to believe! This involuntary reverence!
It was a true 'dignity' on a completely different dimension from that petty bum over there.
Moreover.
"Don't worry, Chrono. Even if you get hurt, I'll get hurt first."
"Heuuung...!"
And even my Ur who was embracing me.
As I followed suit and held her close too, Cronus beyond the mirror sneered.
[Seeing you smirking in the arms of women, you look exactly like Zeus.]
"Thank you for the compliment!"
[Ha...?]
"If you think about it, it is a compliment."
Because come to think of it.
"He has a sunflower, no, a 'Hera'-flower wife who gazes only upon him. And while he has that, he also has local concubines scattered across the entire country. And Ultimately, wasn't he the God of Gods who even made his own child into a hero to end a calamity?"
[......You have truly gone mad.]
A half-given-up statement from Cronus.
[...He doesn't, right? No, I understand there are parts that are unavoidable for the 'Great Cause'... but surely he doesn't do it because he likes it...?]
It inadvertently even made Hera uneasy, but
"Don't worry, Hera. Our Chrono, even if he ever strays, is a man who will make everyone happy."
"Um......"
At Ur's confident statement,
[....As long as he doesn't leave my child out in the cold, I will forgive it.]
"Yes......"
Hera let it slide appropriately.
'...But wait a moment?'
Wasn't that basically an officially acknowledged NTR remark?
For a moment I thought I might have strayed onto a weird path and tried to correct my statement, but in the meantime, Cronus spoke toward me.
[Just because those lowly gods are defending you at the moment, do you think you have become something? If so, you are not just arrogant but utterly foolish.]
"So what, are you jealous?"
[....Listen to me, my child.]
At the very end.
Coming down to the final point, what Cronus chose was.
[If you do not look upon me here and now, all manner of trials and tribulations shall be placed upon your path forward.]
A warning.
[You shall never attain the peace and rest you desire.]
A threat.
[Neither a long and gentle life,]
[Nor happy repose,]
[And even the woman at your side shall be torn apart and die in misery.]
A curse upon the future.
[It is not too late even now.]
Fear.
And the awe that follows.
[Lower your head before me.]
"......Say, there's one thing I want to ask."
However, there was one problem.
"From the very start, aren't the 'missions' you gave me already pretty far from peaceful?"
[...............]
If you're gonna make threats, at least put some effort into them.
"To a person who had no power whatsoever and had never even held a knife, didn't you order me out of the blue to defeat a god's apostle in a duel?"
"After I narrowly won at close range, didn't you immediately tell me to conquer even long-range?"
"Didn't you tell me to kill the Goblin Champion when I didn't even have the 'g' of growth down yet?"
"And later on, you're even telling me to kill a troll..."
Where in all this, I ask, was the 'peace' or the 'rest'?
"And what do you mean by the woman at my side, the apostles of other gods or something?"
Yuno.
Mars.
I wasn't sure about Minerva and it definitely wasn't Merk, but...
"If you had that much power left in you, would you have tried to dump everything on a single apostle?"
[You wretch.... Are you truly serious?]
What's more.
When it came to suppressing me with ability, she was already...
"I've also gotten a nice new weapon, and I already took down up to a Troll through sheer 'effort' without 'authority'. On top of that..."
There was even a new 'Main God' who had appeared to replace you.
"Lay it all out there, do I have a reason to believe in you? A reason to worship you?"
[...............]
Cronus looked at me and spoke quietly.
[I will take back the child you delivered to me.]
"Try it."
[Do you think I am joking?]
"I said try it, didn't I?"
[.............]
"Why don't you do it when I tell you to? Is it because you can't just tear her to death before my very eyes right now?"
[....................]
Silence.
I continued.
"Did I suddenly seem strange to you? Did you think if you grabbed someone I'm a bit close to and shook them around, I'd just meekly follow and weaken?"
Yeah.
That's right.
I'm human too, so if I were to be told you'd suddenly kill a kid I'd grown attached to, of course I would waver.
But you know what, but you know what, you fucking bitch...!
"Do you know what 'Mai' said to me?"
She told me to cheer up.
"She probably knew she might die. After all, she was challenging you, so don't you think she knew the situation could easily get her killed?"
But despite that.
Mai spoke to me.
"Not as 'Big Brother,' but..."
As an older brother.
She was telling me to cheer up.
It wasn't the phrase she always spoke to the 'master' bound by the patron god,
Not aimed at 'Chrono,' but at 'me,'
Toward truly me, as a pure 'human' being.
"If I back down here, that's killing her twice over."
So, kill her if you dare.
I quietly clenched my fist and glared at Cronus.
[.........Fine. I understand.]
Finally, Cronus spoke.
[I will not kill her. I will not take her back.]
She did not make threats.
Nor did she issue warnings.
[I shall no longer forcibly oppress you, and I respect your choice.]
A god who had barely descended from her pedestal asked a human for the first time.
[What is it that you desire from me.]
"....Cronus."
However, regrettably.
So terribly regrettably.
"What I desire."
It was too late.
It was far too late.
"Is nothing."
I no longer held any expectations.
I did not wish for anything, nor did I lean on anything.
So just age slowly in that spot.
"Without ever being thought of by anyone, without ever being remembered by anyone."
Just in that spot, sublimely,
Sit in your seat,
Looking down upon the world below,
"Spend a meaningless life, meaninglessly."
A life akin to death.
A death akin to life.
Meaninglessly within the flow of time.
That Ultimately, you would be forgotten by everyone's memories and fade away.
"That is the one and only 'wish' I want from you."
[..............]
Cronus silently stared at me.
Toward that Cronus, I lifted a weapon, Agape, in my hand.
"It was dirty meeting you, let's never see each other again."
I switched it to a dagger.
Water-colored dagger. Soon it flew toward the water-colored mirror and shattered its surface.
Kagak, kagagagak!
"......Ha."
Shattered to pieces, the glass.
I quietly buried my face in Ur's embrace.
"You did well, Chrono."
".....Ur. I have one wish."
"A wish? What wish?"
"..........."
Without a word, I pushed my waist inside.
"I want to do it, just like this."
"....What a coincidence."
Ur embraced me and answered.
"I happen to feel that way too♬"
As a side note.
"....I still hadn't finished talking, though."
Hera, blankly staring at the broken mirror.
"But I suppose pure love can't be helped."
First, she decided to wait until everything was over.
Because she wasn't a goddess so lacking in sensibility as to interfere with the pure love between a man and a woman.