Gnome Employment Office (1)
The re-education wrapped up in no time.
"Aigoo, I'm so sorry!"
It ended... that fast.
"Hit this bastard more!"
"You've been bleeding us dry every time! You're no different, you piece of shit!"
"Hold him down and keep swinging!"
The merchant who'd been playing the neighborhood thug got pounded by the others until the dust flew off him. I decided I'd report the whole matter to the principal. After all, if I wanted to take on commissions after checking the school bulletin board later, I'd have to come back here anyway. Pre-emptively winning the merchants over couldn't hurt.
"As expected of the thief cadets! Might we ask your honorable name?"
"Ethan Cass."
"Of course it's the Cass family...! ...Never heard of them, but you must be of noble blood without a doubt!!"
As a show of gratitude, the merchants piled food on us.
"Is this... an apple?"
"That's right, that's right! These are expensive apples that only grow in the orchards around here!"
Honestly, I'd never had my fill of fresh vegetables and fruit. Everything that reached me through Sera's hands had to come from the distant East, so it was mostly salt-preserved rations or frozen goods.
"The reward is excessive. I'm not sure I should take all of this."
A merchant whose clothes hung especially well on him kept bowing his head.
"Aigoo, not at all! Lately commissions have dried up completely—we were wondering where on earth the Novice Cadets were even taking their jobs! Just the fact that you're helping us is thanks enough. We of the Thief School Southern Merchants' Guild will spare no support for Lord Ethan!"
On top of that I ended up loaded with chicken skewers and sweets you could never find inside Thief School itself.
"Waaaaah! It's so good!!"
"This is... truly the taste of home. (She means it's heavenly. That was Iska talking.)"
"Ethan! Nothing but good things happen when we're by your side."
The other cadets had helped clean this place up, so it was only fair.
"Eat plenty. I've received a lot from you all too."
Looking after them this much seemed only natural to me.
"It's absolutely not natural, Ethan!"
"Ethan, you keep showing us new sides of yourself."
"I'm so happy my friend is Ethan!"
Of course they fussed over me for a long while after that, but it happened often enough that I just let it slide.
"My legs hurt."
Munching on the snacks, we kept walking south.
"How much farther do we have to go?"
"Just a little more and there's a fabric shop."
Even reaching this point didn't mean we'd left the cave.
"Why is this damned cave so huge?"
"Apparently an archmage who was the 2nd Seat of the Round Table permanently folded the space."
"Impressive."
Downtown was the village where Thief School faculty, staff, blacksmiths and the like lived.
"Ethan, where are you going?"
My classmates had come to get their clothes mended, so I told them to hit the fabric shop.
"I've got somewhere to drop by for a bit. After the fabric shop, head back to campus on your own."
"Okay, we'll mend your clothes too and leave them for you!"
"Here's the key."
"You can't just hand a key to a thief like that!"
"It's fine. All the money's in my pocket."
Ethan sent his classmates back to school and, asking the residents for directions, made for a tucked-away slum.
I couldn't put it off any longer.
"The place the principal mentioned should be around here somewhere."
I'd come to carry out the punishment Donovan had handed down. If I didn't, I'd end up locked in solitary and racking up absences. I should have come a day sooner, but things had been too hectic until now.
"Every village looks the same."
At the end of the path another medieval-looking village came into view. This one sat 1,000 great strides (1 km) south of the Ruby Dormitory main building... and then another 4,000 great strides southwest from Downtown itself. A separate little hamlet. Thief School was so large that villages dotted the area around campus like small provincial towns.
"I didn't expect to walk this far again from Downtown..."
My legs ached from the trek, but there was no time to rest. The principal would be back in one day. I had to finish this Gnome office quest he'd given me as punishment before then.
"Do I just go in?"
Ethan stared blankly at the sign hanging beside the tiny wooden door.
Gnome Employment Office
Creak.
"Pardon the intrusion."
The ceiling was so low I had to fold myself in half just to enter.
"Who the hell are you!"
"Ethan Cass, but—"
"That's not what I asked!"
A sharp pop-pop of something being cracked open rang out.
"Reveal your identity!"
A little person about a handspan tall, wearing a lead-colored pointed hat. His cheeks, already puffed as if he were holding walnuts in them, swelled even fuller.
"...A fairy?"
The tiny creature kept tapping my nose with a long stick.
"Ah, why are you doing that."
"Iden-ti-ty!"
"The principal sent me."
"Re-veal— ...Huh?"
The little person who'd been bouncing up and down slung the stick over his shoulder and said,
"I never heard anything like that from Donovan!?"
"Excuse me?"
"The principal didn't give any such order!"
What was this supposed to mean.
"I was told disobeying an order would get me disciplined."
"You've been had!"
"What?"
The little person snickered heh-heng-heng and thumped the floor with his stick.
"There's no way Donovan would hand out a harsh punishment just because you forgot one errand! He just wanted to send you here and made up an excuse!"
"..."
"You must've really caught Donovan's fancy, huh? How'd you manage to butter up that nasty-tempered old man?"
The little person hop-hopped back to a table the size of a handkerchief. Ethan carefully stepped inside, minding the furniture so he wouldn't crush anything.
"...So what am I supposed to do, then."
"Huh? Nothing! What did you hear?"
"..."
"Just sit there, have some tea, and go back~ You must've walked the whole way without a monorail to get here! Must've been rough, huh!? Heh-heng."
Ethan clutched his trembling legs and barely managed to fold himself onto a child's chair.
"Haah... damn."
I'd been played. Principal Donovan, that thieving bastard!
The little person trotted over and handed him a cup of yellow-tinted tea.
"You must be tired from the trip, so drink this!"
"Thank you."
It was good. Tasted like job's-tears tea.
"Slurp."
The gnome, at least, was different from those ungrateful thief types. He had basic human decency. Decency? No—this gnome had excellent gnome-ness.
"Still, since you came all this way, I feel like I ought to give you some kind of job!"
"Is there actually something to do?"
"Even if there isn't, I've got to make something up, right? If Donovan finds out I sent you back without assigning anything, that guy'll come pester me again for sure!"
Ethan was curious.
"Just what kind of relationship do you have with the principal?"
"Thick as thieves~ Thick as thieves!"
"Are you friends, then."
"A little higher than that? Heh-heng!"
The little person slurped from a teacup the size of a fingernail.
He looks cute on the outside, but...
Fairy folk like gnomes usually lived far longer than they appeared. Plus he'd known that principal for a long time... How old was he, exactly?
"How old are you, if I may ask?"
"What! That's rude to ask a gnome!"
"Ah, yes."
The gnome was wearing his pointed hat pulled down. The hat was so much larger than his head that it looked like he'd shoved a tiny plain traffic cone straight onto it.
"Hey, freshman! What are they teaching at school these days?"
"Hand techniques and stealth arts... dagger arts, things like that."
"Is the alma mater still that much of a pain in the ass??"
"Alma mater?"
When Ethan tilted his head, the gnome leapt.
"Head Professor Moppy Calden! That fussy old man!"
Ahh, that... eternally youthful-looking middle-aged guy. But what was this "alma mater" business? Total non-sequitur.
"I don't know about 'pain in the ass,' but he teaches well."
"What! That can't be right!?"
The gnome groomed around his mouth with both hands, paba-bat.
What's with him, he looks like a hamster.
Why does he keep doing cute things?
If Sera saw this, she'd go completely nuts over the movements.
Ethan found himself wishing he'd brought snacks gnomes liked, or at least a trap, on the way here.
"What! Why are you looking at me like that?"
"How was I looking at you."
"Like! Like! You're about to grab me and take me home, right!?"
"Of course not."
Ethan fell silent for a moment, then tilted his head.
"But who are you really?"
The gnome bounced.
"I may not look it, but I'm your senior!"
"Excuse me?"
"A graduate! Thief School Class 377!"
"This place had class years?"
"Of course it does... Huh? Did you just say 'this place'?"
Ethan executed an evasion maneuver.
"I... meant other places. Other academies don't have class years, so I was just asking."
"What are you talking about! Knight School and Mage School have class years too, obviously! You're not living up to that face! Haven't you even been to the student hall where all the seniors hang out?"
"How am I supposed to get in there. Thief School security is airtight—there are almost no places a freshman like me can enter."
The provocation succeeded.
"There! Are! Why wouldn't there be! Northeast of campus there's a classical music listening room! Southwest in the Boramae Hall there's a greenhouse built for alchemy classes! Have you ever snuck the coconut fruit there? It only grows here so it's insanely expensive outside! And also..."
Chatter-chatter.
The gnome was an easy-to-read fairy.
If I poke him just right, he'll probably spill school info nonstop.
Ethan decided to learn a little more about this gnome.
Scritch-scritch.
The bundle of parchment he'd brought was packed full of writing.
"...So there's even a rumor that high-ranking imperial officials sneak into the student hall every night to plan tactics! They must have a war room underground or something!"
"I see."
Ethan wrote down every single school tip the gnome whispered, without missing a character.
This was more helpful than I expected. I'll share it with my classmates when I get back.
He flipped through the notebook with a satisfied expression.
"...You're a really fast note-taker, huh?"
"My hands have gotten a bit quicker lately."
"What a peculiar kid!"
Ethan turned to the next page of his notebook and his pen landed on the part where he'd written Solitaire.
Right. Last time Solitaire left a cipher.
This little senior in the fancy clothes said he'd attended Thief School for six years. If I asked, maybe he'd know something?
"Um, Gnome senior."
"Call me That-Gnome!"
"Yes, That-Gnome."
Ethan opened the notebook and showed him the cipher.
"Do you happen to know what this means?"
"Huh!? What is this!"
The gnome snatched the notebook with his tiny hands. He must have been strong, because he held a notebook as tall as himself in one hand.
"Hmm... Doesn't look like a Caesar cipher or a transposition cipher either. Wait just a minute! I got straight A's in cryptography, you know? Sit there and give me five minutes!"
The gnome's eyes suddenly lit up as he plopped down in place. He began dismantling the sentence in the notebook in dozens of ways.
At last... will I finally find a lead toward the Imperial Seal...!
Ethan sat down on a chair beside the gnome, heart swelling with hope.
Three hours later.
The gnome handed back the notebook in a bright, cheerful voice.
"I have no idea!"
"..."
"Sorry!"
For the first time, Ethan sincerely wondered what kind of disciplinary action he'd get for assassinating a graduate.