Chapter 98
Chapter 98
Chapter 98
It was right after I had polished off the energy bar I’d gotten from my negotiations with Lucia.
With my hunger at least somewhat sated, I went to see Lucia Domine.
When I arrived at her office, the first thing I saw was…
“This damned old…!”
…the sight of Arietta on her knees in a corner of the office, with her hands raised in the air.
What is she doing here?
No, I suppose she could be here. Arietta is the Saintess, so it would be perfectly natural for her to interact with Lucia Domine, the Pope.
But what is this? Why is she in that position? Is she being punished?
“Please, continue. Damned what was it?”
No, more importantly, I need to handle this situation first.
I can’t very well insult Lucia Domine, who is like a parent to Arietta, right in front of her.
“That damned Thanatos… that rotten bastard. He sure broke a lot of things.”
“Is that what you call an excuse? It wasn’t funny, nor was it moving. Wouldn’t it have been better if you had just stayed silent?”
“…”
I honestly felt like dying.
It wasn’t the first time I’d felt so wretched, but the thought that this was happening in front of Arietta stirred an indescribable feeling within me.
“Well, whatever. I figured you’d be showing up soon. After all, the ever-diligent Arietta rarely ditches her duties, yet she just blew five hours doing nothing.”
“I-I’m sorry…”
Arietta bowed her head, her hands still in the air.
Seeing the tears welling up in her eyes, it was clear she was feeling just as indescribable as I was.
Well, I guess that makes sense. That’s just how deeply moved she was, I suppose.
I could understand.
“So, you have something to say?”
“That is…”
It was about Eleanor.
Was it okay to talk about this with Arietta here?
From the looks of it, Lucia Domine seemed to know Eleanor’s true identity, but it was a different story for Arietta. She probably had no idea.
I wanted to avoid keeping secrets from her if I could, but this was also a secret Eleanor herself was keeping. It wasn’t something I should go blabbing about to someone who didn’t know.
“Arietta.”
“Yes, Your Holiness.”
“You can put your hands down now. Go out and offer your prayers for the faithful.”
“Yes, ma’am!”
As I hesitated, Lucia Domine must have noticed, because she sent Arietta out.
Far from being suspicious of Lucia Domine’s words, Arietta just seemed to be filled with the happiness of not having to hold her hands up anymore.
She has a surprisingly simple side to her.
“Now, then… let’s first hear what you know, from start to finish. What is it you want to ask?”
“Eleanor von Chrysos.”
“Just as I thought. So you knew as well.”
Lucia Domine took a pipe out from her robes and began to puff out thick clouds of tobacco smoke.
This damned old woman is only ever this informal when she’s with me.
“Is there any need to stand on ceremony in front of a damned brat?”
“I didn’t say anything like that.”
“Sometimes, one’s expression says more than their mouth ever could.”
She talks a good game.
Especially while glaring at me with her [Contemplation] skill activated, no less.
“So… where should I begin?”
“From the beginning.”
“By ‘the beginning,’ do you mean from how I first came to know her?”
“Yes.”
“Are you certain you understand what that means? You are declaring your intent to interfere in Princess Eleanor’s affairs.”
“Yes, that is my intention.”
“Can you handle it? The responsibility for that statement?”
“I’ve been telling you this whole time that I will…”
“No.”
Lucia Domine cut me off before I could even finish, her tone dismissive as if the idea was absurd.
Perhaps because of that strange pressure, I found it difficult to open my mouth.
“Don’t you see? Aren’t you deceiving her, even at this very moment?”
“What do you mean by that…”
“Before that child left, she told me with a devastating look on her face…”
Clack!
Lucia Domine tapped her pipe, knocking out the ash.
It almost looked as if she were shaking off a lingering attachment.
“She said she couldn’t keep deceiving you all any longer.”
“…”
It was an irreversible mistake, one that had spiraled out of control from a single wrong button push.
“You knew about her, and yet you pretended not to.”
“Noah was the one trying to hide it, so of course it was natural…”
“But you knew, didn’t you? And do you not realize that knowing, yet pretending not to, is also a form of deception?”
“…”
Yes, I knew.
I knew everything from the very beginning.
I knew what had hurt her, what worries she carried, and why she went to such lengths to draw people’s attention.
I knew it all.
But I pretended not to. Because that’s what Eleanor wanted.
No, to be precise, I was afraid that the mere fact that I knew would cause her to feel relieved, and that this, in turn, would hinder her growth.
“You are a selfish person.”
“That’s…”
I couldn’t argue.
Not prying into something someone is trying to hide, not letting on that you know.
Depending on the situation, that could be seen as an act of good will.
But what about now?
She wasn’t hiding her identity because she wanted to.
She was doing it because she had no other choice.
And yet, I used that.
I thought it would be easier to get close to her if I pretended not to know. If she found out beforehand that I knew about her, she would have certainly been on her guard.
There was a calculation behind it all.
“To step into another person’s domain with such a half-hearted mindset is a truly foolish thought.”
Lucia Domine’s expression now began to distort with open disdain.
It was disgust.
“You act in a way that allows you to pull out at any moment, and yet what? You’ll take responsibility? Don’t make me laugh. You’re already turning your eyes away from that very responsibility.”
“…”
“How much do you know about her?”
I know a lot about Eleanor. Not only was she the protagonist of the game, but I had also seen so much while by her side.
But…
“Then conversely, how much does she know about you?”
Eleanor knows nothing about me.
No, it’s not just Eleanor. The people around me don’t know who I really am.
Some of it was because there were things I couldn't say, but it was also because I had put up a wall. I was hiding even the parts of me I could have shown.
The person I showed to those around me was only ‘Oz’; my true self was nowhere to be seen.
“The one who will be hurt by your irresponsible behavior will not be you, but her.”
“You’re right…”
“I’m glad you understand. So I will ask again. Successor to the Mage King. From what point do you wish to hear about Princess Eleanor?”
“…”
◇◇◇◆◇◇◇
After being subjected to Lucia Domine’s one-sided assault of truth bombs, I was kicked out without being able to offer a single rebuttal.
No, it wasn't so much that I was kicked out, but that I walked out on my own two feet.
Every last word she said was right.
I didn’t have the right.
“Hah…”
Who was it that said that?
That a relationship built on lies can’t last long?
No, wait, was that even something I heard myself? I’m not sure.
It could be one of Oz’s memories, or it could be a genuine thought from my own heart, or neither.
What should I do now?
“Consult with Lucia… but I probably won’t be seeing her for a while.”
I tormented her too much.
She probably won’t even think of coming near me for a while unless it's work-related.
“Then what about Arietta…?”
Since she’s the Saintess, she might be able to give me an answer to my troubles.
But I’m reluctant to ask her about this right now.
The fact that I’m hiding things about myself isn’t a problem that applies only to Eleanor.
Everyone around me doesn’t really know me.
I’m the one who built the relationships that way.
Of course, I can’t explain everything.
I don’t know if they would even accept my explanation, and with nothing certain yet, telling them the truth would only cause confusion.
I myself am still in the midst of chaos; dragging others into it?
Considering what’s to come, that’s not a good idea.
“Who can I talk to about this…”
I was pondering this, perched on one of the many piles of rubble created by Gigantes' destruction of the building.
Just then, someone caught my eye. It wasn't Arietta. It wasn't Lucia, and it certainly wasn't any of the other Tenebris members.
If I had to say, it was someone I had no real acquaintance with.
And yet, it was someone I clearly remembered. Because they were the catalyst for a great change within me.
“Hello. Thank you for saving me last time. I’m so happy I can finally thank you properly.”
It was the young priest I had decided to save from Gigantes’ attack.
Back then, I cursed fate for such a contrived situation, but in the end, everything turned out for the better, so it was a relief.
“Yeah, I’m glad to see you’re alive, too. You can stop now.”
I stopped the child, who was bowing their head in thanks over and over. They finally nodded and began to stare at me blankly.
It seemed they still had something to say.
“Are you perhaps troubled by something, Saint?”
“Yeah, it’s that obvious to you… wait, hold on. Saint?”
“Yes, that’s what everyone is calling you. I believe it, too.”
“How deplorable.”
For the Papal States to call an atheist a saint, they must have really hit rock bottom.
Then again, in a way, I can see why I’m being called that. I did pour every ounce of my magic into casting a divine spell.
Everyone who was in the Papal States of Hedenia must have seen that light.
And since it happened during battle, countless people must have personally experienced that the light granted a healing effect that surpassed even divine arts.
“…Unfortunately, I think I’m still far too lacking to be called a saint.”
“Is that so?”
“Yes. There were aftereffects, weren’t there?”
My [Challenger of the Divine] skill had shown a healing ability superior to the divine arts.
But divinity was a power created by the one god, ‘Ein,’ in the first place.
There was a reason it didn't completely regenerate wounds, but instead boosted a person's own recovery abilities through purification and acceleration.
I heard that among those healed by [Challenger of the Divine], most of the seriously injured were now suffering from phantom pains.
It was a reaction never seen in treatments using the standard divine arts. The healing was probably so rapid that their bodies were rejecting it.
“Umm… still, everyone was very grateful. They said they were given another chance.”
“A chance… Right, I suppose you could think of it that way.”
My divine magic wasn’t perfect, but it was enough to give countless people a chance.
For now, that would have to be enough.
“Alright, then, Father. Will you listen to my troubles?”
“Yes, I’m still an apprentice, but I can at least listen.”
“…You’re incredibly mature.”
“I hear that a lot.”
Now that I look, this kid was quite mature for his age.
In a way, couldn’t you say they’re even more mature than I am?
“Ahem, ahem… Father. Here is my problem. I lied to someone I’m close to.”
“Then you must apologize.”
“No, I already know a simple answer like that…”
“Then if you know something that simple, why haven’t you done it?”
“…That’s a painful jab.”
Lying is bad.
Is it because of his pure innocence that he can say it so simply? No, he's not wrong.
Ultimately, my problem will lead to that conclusion.
“The truth is, I’m afraid that if I reveal the lie, the other person will get hurt.”
And I’m afraid that the shallow relationship we’ve built so far will be completely shattered by that pain.
“Hmm… But wouldn’t it be a bigger wound if they found out you lied?”
“That’s true. Which is why I’m in an either-or situation: I either apologize, or I have to hide this lie for the rest of my life.”
“What’s an ‘either-or situation’?”
“It means having to choose one of two things.”
“Then you should apologize.”
“…”
Right, in the end, that’s it.
No matter how I try to spin it or imagine different scenarios, I’m forced to arrive at that same conclusion.
“What if they come to hate me?”
What if Eleanor resents me?
What if she condemns me, asking why I deceived her? Could I endure those dagger-like words?
Could I stay by her side with those daggers stuck in me?
“Then couldn’t you just love them even more, Saint?”
“Haha… Easy for you to say.”
“But that’s what I was taught an apology is. If someone hates me, I have to love them that much more. I was taught that’s the prerequisite for receiving forgiveness.”
“Those are wonderful words. Who taught you that?”
“The Saintess!”
“I knew it.”
And so, I’m helped by Arietta yet again. In the end, there was no such thing as a complete stranger.
I had unburdened myself to this young priest, not someone close to me, but wasn't this child also connected?
As my relationships broaden, these interconnected ties will also expand.
If that’s the case, how long can I keep up this false persona?
Can I live my entire life as a lie? No, I can’t. And I shouldn't.
I have to show someone who I am. If I don’t, I’ll sink like a ship shipwrecked and alone in a sea of isolation.
“I should go and apologize. It seems even if the relationship shatters… no, even if I have to be the one to shatter it, I have to fix this lie.”
That’s right. If you button the first button wrong, you have to start over from the beginning.
If I’m afraid of the tower I’ve built collapsing, then any tower I can build will only ever be a leaning structure, ready to fall at any moment.
“A choice worthy of a Saint.”
“Didn’t you just say it was a simple matter?”
“Isn’t everything simple in words? I learned that putting it into action is the hard part.”
“You really are mature.”
In more ways than one.
“Saint.”
“Hm?”
Just as I dusted myself off and prepared to leave, the child spoke to me again.
“They say that God is always watching over us.”
“…”
“They say He doesn’t offer help, but merely puts us to the test.”
“Is that so?”
“Yes. Furthermore, they say that while He tests us, He doesn’t give us the answer. He only sends down a ray of light to show us the way.”
A child, strangely mature for his age.
“People of faith, whenever they are struggling, think of it that way. That it’s a trial from God, and if they can endure this trial, they will find the path they must walk.”
No. It wasn’t a child. Something in the form of a child spoke to me.
“But there is this side to it, too. Unilaterally testing people, and the only reward is a single, small ray of light. Don’t you think that’s cruel?”
“I don’t know…”
If someone unilaterally tested people, they’d be a tyrant.
But is that really the case? Did I truly gain nothing?
“I suppose how one thinks of that ‘trial’ differs from person to person.”
Did it test me?
“Because to someone, it might look like an opportunity.”
It tests people, but it doesn’t grade them. That’s only natural.
Because the one doing the grading would be yourself.
The child smiled softly at my answer and said,
“I see. In that case, what is the result of this test?”
If so, what score could I get on this test?
“100 points.”
That one choice I made led to countless regrets, but at the same time, it bore countless fruits.
“No, if you add in that small ray of light, I think I could add about 5 more points. So, 105 points.”
“Haha, was that light able to show you the path you must take?”
“Yes… Thanks to it.”
The child, no, ‘Ein’ dissipated into fragments of light after those words.
And at the end of that cluster of light…
『Continue?』
Only a small question remained.
“Yeah, it’s ridiculous… In the first place, finding a ‘young priest conveniently in danger’ in the middle of such a chaotic battlefield was something that made no sense.”
The reward for the trial was countless fruits.
A small answer.
『Continue!』
And a bit of quiet encouragement.