Chapter 133
Chapter 133
Chapter 133
Contradiction.
Yes, everything was full of contradictions.
It's not that I hadn't thought about it. That there was a probability of this happening.
That if the [Erosion Rate] increased, I myself could disappear.
I must have intuitively known it from the beginning.
And so, when the [Erosion Rate] finally reached 50%.
Oz and I met and decided to stop drawing lines between us.
I decided not to have any aversion to living as Oz anymore.
But….
But that….
It didn't mean it was okay to forget myself...
Perhaps, yes.
There might have been precursors.
I just didn't notice them.
I had no choice but to think so naturally that I didn't notice.
-I was poor.
-I remember being poor.
I was already fading on that day.
From the moment I felt a revulsion sitting on my bed, in my room, where Oz had been. The existence of myself..
It had become unfamiliar to me long ago.
-I was unpopular.
-I remember being unpopular.
Everything became ambiguous and faded, but I didn't notice.
Come to think of it, I hadn't really longed for my hometown much.
The moment I fed Stacia my blood, I realized that I hadn't felt any longing for my hometown until then.
I hadn't paid attention to the traces of my hometown, which were within arm's reach.
I had already changed at that point.
"Ha..."
The grand premise of all things.
What I was certain of, what I thought would never be different.
But there was something I should have definitely doubted.
"Haha..."
Was Oz truly a benevolent person?
Were his actions truly sincere?
Was he truly someone who would sacrifice for others?
If so, why did he meet and make a deal with an 'outer being’?
Perhaps to hide selfishness, perhaps to deceive me.
"Hahahahahahaha."
Couldn't that have been the case?
Could everything have been an act to deceive me?
I don't know anymore.
I thought I had confirmed his sincerity by looking into Oz's eyes.
I thought I had seen and confirmed him with my own eyes, but now even my own eyes are doubtful.
"Ha..."
Everything was just doubtful.
And I was afraid.
When I opened my eyes, the first thing I remembered was that I had fainted.
At what point did I lose consciousness? At immigration?
"Are you alright?"
"...Arietta."
As expected.
It seemed Arietta was looking after me when I collapsed.
A lap pillow.
Normally, I would have enjoyed such a situation, but I couldn't now.
A faint fear dominated me. I was just endlessly afraid that all the emotions I was feeling might actually be false.
"Noah was surprisingly cooperative."
"Noah asked me to. She was so flustered. Noah seemed to be very worried about Oz."
"...I see."
An unexpected side.
No, that was always her. She was just a bit sharper with me.
"But where is this..."
"We're in the carriage. Although I was worried about Oz, we couldn't stop moving."
"Is that so? I don't feel any shaking."
"We're preparing to camp now. Since Oz has come to, I should start helping too. Are you uncomfortable in any way?"
"...I'm fine."
"Then, I'll be leaving for a moment, is that alright?"
"Yes, it's fine."
"Okay, then... Don't overexert yourself."
Arietta gently stroked my bangs as I lay there, then carefully got up.
I had done a terrible thing.
I felt uncomfortable even with Arietta. She had always made me feel at ease, but now it was different.
I was afraid of Oz's lingering influence.
I was afraid that everything I saw, heard, and felt might be false.
And Arietta, who could distinguish even lies, couldn't possibly be unaware of this.
She was mindful of my feelings.
"Pathetic."
"Tell me about it."
The one who answered my murmur was Eleanor, peeking her head through the carriage curtain.
She was a habitual peeker, showing no concern. Normally, I would have scolded her for being utterly rude, but...
I wasn't in the mood right now.
"Hup."
Eleanor, who had been peering at me through the curtain with half-closed eyes, eventually stepped inside the carriage.
Everyone else was busy preparing for camp, but was it okay for her to be playing around like this alone?
"Master. Are you feeling a bit better? Do you need water?"
"An unfamiliar reaction."
"That's a rude reaction."
Eleanor giggled, took my head as I lay there, and placed it on her lap.
"Ta-da! How is it?"
"Arietta already did that."
"Tsk... What a quick-witted person."
That's not something for someone who secretly snuck into the carriage, abandoning their duties, to say.
"Noah."
"It's Eleanor."
"Right, Eleanor."
"Yes."
I lifted my head and looked up at Eleanor. She's wearing her usual silly, vacant smile.
What's so enjoyable?
Seeing that foolish smile makes my worries seem foolish too.
"Idiot."
"...Isn't that too sudden?"
Eleanor was the protagonist born from tragedy. The Key Person of this world who had overcome everything.
How could she endure it?
How could she overcome this vague anxiety that felt like it would disappear?
"It's hard."
"I don't know what's hard, but shall we just give up and go back?"
"No, we still have to go."
Nothing will change.
My goal remains unchanged.
Right now, the process is just a little shaky. I'm just resting for a bit.
If I stop, it's over.
Ultimately, this world is heading towards destruction, and I must prevent it.
Of course, it's not necessarily something I have to do. But that's not a reason to stop.
Isn't there a most fundamental reason?
I don't want to die.
So whether I disappear or not, whether I'm assimilated by Oz or not, whether his goals are actually selfish or not.
I must do what I have to do. There's no time to worry.
But even knowing that, even as I steel myself.
"...I'm scared that I'll just disappear like this."
I said that.
I was trembling. Knowing and doing are different.
"I'm different from my past self. But now, it feels like my current self will be covered and disappear by the past."
I had overlooked that.
I know, but there are things more important than this problem.
"I'm afraid that my entire self is a lie, that everything is fabricated, that what I've always believed in is actually manipulated. I'm afraid..."
"I see."
I was cowering. I couldn't see my surroundings. There had been many things, many crises until now.
I had felt fear many times accordingly. But this was different. I had never felt this kind of fear.
"What if my existence, as I am, gradually fades and disappears?"
I felt like I couldn't endure it.
"Well... Honestly, I'm not entirely sure what Master is talking about right now. It's too vague."
Eleanor seemed to ponder for a moment, then said with an expression that she didn't quite understand.
"Still, since the only Master I know is you, won't it be alright?"
"What if that's not me?"
"Are you afraid of dying, Master? Or are you afraid of disappearing? Either way would be scary, but... how do you feel now?"
"I'm afraid of disappearing."
The fear of death is still abundant ahead. But I can overcome that. Haven't I already crossed countless lines of death?
"Then you don't need to worry."
Eleanor lowered her head and looked at me, who was cowering.
"I was also scared that I might disappear until recently. The reason I could endure it was because Master was watching me."
That foolish, goofy, seemingly carefree expression.
An expression that made even the observer's worries seem trivial.
"It's hard to put into words... but I only know one Master. Not the Mage King's successor, nor Spellerge's prince, but my Master whom I met at Scientia."
Her uniquely confident expression that reassured even the observer.
"Do you remember the reception desk incident?"
"...The one where you asked me to make way?"
"Yes, back then, it was hard not to pretend I didn't notice how blatantly Master was staring at me."
Come to think of it, it would have been like that.
As sensitive as she was to gazes, she couldn't have failed to notice me secretly staring.
"Do you remember the entrance exam?"
"You foolishly made the magic bullets go wild. It was a nuisance."
"Then, when you tried to destroy the academy director's statue?"
"You ended up breaking it anyway."
"When I was scared in the forest, being escorted by the disciplinary committee,"
I created a performance for her.
I participated in foolish acts so she could smile.
"When you chased me during practical training."
I drove her away to protect her from Gerard.
"The night of the party. When we made a promise."
I made a promise to call her name wherever she was.
"When you saved Marie."
I distracted Thanatos so she could move.
"And do you remember the date at the Papal States and when you called my name? Do you remember all those things?"
The things I did for her.
The choices I made.
The relationship between her and me, built with my limited intellect, rolling through the mud with all my might.
"I remember all of it. I haven't forgotten a single thing."
Eleanor then lowered my head, as if her knees were aching, and her hands took my face, bringing us to face each other.
"If it's about the Master I met at Scientia, I'll remember everything. Then at least that Master from that time won't disappear, right?"
"..."
"Because that's the only Master I know. I don't know anything about any other past Master."
Eleanor smiled brightly.
That foolish-looking smile.
That goofy, silly smile.
"The Master I know is only the Master from then until now. So, Master, don't worry."
Somehow, it felt beautiful.
It felt brilliant.
"Even if Master gets swallowed by the past, I'll tell you about the present. I'll keep reminding you so you can't forget even if you want to."
"..."
I didn't know.
I only thought of Eleanor as someone to protect, someone to lead. Even though I knew what kind of existence she was in the original story.
"Yes..."
But she was a savior.
A leader.
She was an existence who would eventually achieve growth even if I hadn't intervened.
Someone who could move for someone afraid, judging only the inner self of a person confirmed by her own eyes, not by titles or past actions.
She was a [Comprehender of Souls].
"If you're still anxious..."
Eleanor then untied the ribbon in her hair.
The blue ribbon, which she said she cherished the most, holding memories with a woman named Descentura. She carefully tied the ribbon around my wrist and said,
"This is a ribbon that represents the current Master from now on."
"..."
"It's my precious item, so doesn't it have that much meaning?"
"Yes..."
Whether she knew or not, Eleanor's words hit the core.
She wouldn't know. As she said, my words were rambling, difficult to grasp the context.
But even so, she gave me the answer I most wanted to hear.
She gave me a conclusion.
"Noah? Where are you? We're way short on firewood! Shall we have a little chat?"
"...Looks like I got caught secretly slacking off."
Eleanor flinched at Baekyang's voice from outside the carriage, then smiled goofily again.
"Master, Baekyang is looking for me now, so I have to go. Is it a secret that I was here?"
"You should have finished your work before playing."
"...If you're going to say that, give me back the ribbon I gave you."
"You're quite petty."
Eleanor pouted, then left the carriage.
Perhaps taking back the ribbon was just a playful threat.
"My current self..."
I checked the ribbon Eleanor tied around my wrist.
I know what this ribbon means to her.
A precious item she never went without for a single moment.
She gave such an item to me.
It's a simple ribbon, but its meaning is immeasurable.
It has nothing to do with my hometown, but from now on, this will prove the person I am, fallen into this unfamiliar world.
This is not Oz.
This will be a token built solely by the person 'I' am.
"Let's do our best..."
As long as this is here, I can be myself. So let's not worry about other things and prepare for the future.
Just as she gave me a token. Let me light her way forward.
For now, that will be the meaning of my existence.