Depravity
Even though my ears were wide open, I couldn't understand a single word of whatever conversation Zeto was having with the guard.
My entire mind was locked onto... Zeto's lower body.
It was the same sight I'd glimpsed in the sauna and etched into my memory through the ice fragments I'd examined over and over.
Only this time he wasn't wearing just a single towel like before, so his pants concealed it well. Still, the silhouette was faintly visible.
The fact that I couldn't see it clearly made it even more agonizing.
My wretched imagination was already painting vivid pictures in my head.
Heat rose in my face.
But this feeling like my skull might split open was something I hadn't experienced since that night with Zeto at the inn.
"Haa... Hnn..."
My head grew hazy. Even breathing properly became difficult, and my breaths turned rough.
The guard, lantern in hand, finished scanning the dark room and stepped closer to Zeto.
I was debating whether to hold my breath when the guard's voice reached me first, as if their conversation was still ongoing.
"...Yeah. Noble young ladies getting up to mischief is so common it's barely news anymore. Not that I'm surprised—I've heard Cadet Zeto is quite popular with the female students..."
The guard glanced at Zeto and let his words trail off.
"Haha, popular? You're too kind. So... Amon was the one who reported it?"
Perhaps because the guard had drawn nearer, Zeto answered calmly and casually slid his chair deeper under the table—directly toward where I was hiding.
I knew he was trying to conceal me from the guard, but because Zeto was sitting with his legs spread, my face ended up positioned right between his thighs.
Zeto's that was now directly in front of my nose.
"That's right. That's why I've been patrolling the area. Cadet Amon's room is right next door, isn't it?"
"Yes. It should be."
"Normally I don't bother with this sort of thing, but ever since the Yorphang incident we've been on edge too."
The guard was surprisingly talkative.
He seemed to have inspected the room thoroughly, yet their conversation showed no signs of ending.
Thanks to that, I was forced to remain in this position for several more minutes.
I quietly swallowed the saliva that had pooled in my mouth.
I could feel every inch of it sliding slowly down my throat.
Every sense in my body felt sharpened to an unbearable degree.
After all, if I lowered my head even slightly, my nose would touch it.
I desperately fought to keep hold of my sanity.
One slip and I would bury my face in Zeto's lap.
"Hss..."
I drew in a deep breath in time with Zeto's voice as he answered the guard.
I still needed to breathe, after all.
I tried to convince myself of that, but it didn't work.
This was unmistakably deliberate.
I wanted to smell him. I wanted to inhale Zeto's scent.
My brain meticulously analyzed every aroma drawn in through my nose.
There was nothing particularly special about it.
After all, Zeto was wearing pants, and the scent was simply the ordinary soap fragrance that clung to freshly laundered clothes.
"Haa..."
I exhaled the breath I had drawn in so deeply.
Even though it was an utterly ordinary smell.
My whole body tingled, then began to tremble violently.
Kaen... are you actually insane?
My own physical reaction sent a chill through me.
In this situation where Zeto was trying to hide me, here I was—a woman desperately trying to catch his scent any way she could.
I had always been like this.
Always misunderstanding things, indulging in delusions that would only offend him... and lately even using the ice fragments to revisit old memories so I could trace his body with my eyes.
Zeto was kind. Gentle and reliable.
I trusted him enough to watch my back in the middle of battle.
He took good care of me.
Even when I acted selfishly or caused him trouble, he never once scolded me.
Zeto had always treated me with warmth.
And yet here I am...
...Yes.
It was time to admit it.
I desired Zeto's body.
I craved his flesh.
Suddenly, the image of Cadet Eisel clutching Zeto's hand flashed through my mind.
...I was different from her.
There wasn't even proper friendship between Zeto and me, let alone love, yet I was secretly lusting after his body like some creep.
I knew full well how wrong this was.
I was a wretched human being.
And yet Zeto himself had shown no interest in my body whatsoever.
I had learned that clearly from what happened at the inn.
I wanted to hang my head in guilt, but I couldn't.
If I lowered my head, my face would press against it.
That was the last line of conscience and decency I had left.
I was desperately trying to maintain that final boundary, neck rigid, when the guard voiced a question.
"...By the way, why are you sitting at the table?"
From the guard's posture, it seemed his gaze had landed on the table where Zeto sat—the very table I was hiding beneath.
As far as I had seen earlier, there was nothing on the table.
A completely empty table with Zeto sitting there talking must have looked rather strange.
I curled my body up as tightly as I could.
Zeto spoke.
"Ah, well... a lot happened today. I was just resting. I haven't washed yet, so lying on the bed didn't feel right... Haha."
At the same time, Zeto naturally leaned back in his chair, pushing his legs even farther under the table.
And then.
It touched.
The line was crossed. Not by my will.
My face became buried between Zeto's legs.
It touched me.
It was pressing against the bridge of my nose.
The sudden contact snapped the fragile thread of restraint I had been clinging to.
I knew I was committing a grave sin, yet somehow it felt good.
Guilt was transforming into depravity.
Regret and self-reproach were turning into pleasure.
It was intensely stimulating.
At this point... I no longer knew what I was doing.
I relaxed the strength in my neck, which I had kept rigidly upright.
Thump.
I fully buried my face against him.
"Uh..."
Zeto's single syllable of bewilderment reached my ear.
I didn't care.
I held back as long as I could...
...I decided to be a little shameless.
The guard reacted to Zeto's outburst.
"What's wrong? Did you forget something?"
"Hss..."
"Ah, um... It's nothing. More importantly, if you've finished checking my room, shouldn't you move on to the others?"
"Haa..."
My ragged breathing was masked by the sound of their conversation.
I knew I had to endure it, but I couldn't.
My body was reacting on its own.
Now that my face was pressed against him, the scent was different.
It was thicker than the laundry-soap fragrance I'd caught earlier.
My heightened sense of smell refused to miss it.
This is... Zeto's scent...
It was as if I had become some kind of beast.
Like a female unable to think straight from a male's scent.
I couldn't stop.
This was pure instinct.
Having grown up with my grandfather, I had raised myself not as a woman but as a proper swordsman.
I simply liked what was cool and what was strong.
Until now I had felt no interest whatsoever in creatures called men.
It was never about whether someone was a man, but whether they were a swordsman.
And if they were a swordsman, whether their swordsmanship was outstanding or not.
That was how I had been before meeting Zeto.
But ever since I met him, whenever I was with him I kept realizing the truth.
That in the end... I was a woman too.
I couldn't see Zeto's face right now, yet his gentle smile flashed across my mind.
The guard kept answering Zeto, his words dragging out again before he launched into another stream of chatter.
Had he always talked this much?
It didn't matter.
What mattered right now was...
...the thing my face was pressed against was beginning to swell.
Zeto...?
My eyes flew wide open.
What is this... size...
In the memory from the ice fragment, the sauna's thick steam had obscured everything, so I had been forced to fill in the rest with imagination.
But now I could feel it clearly through my face.
It was somewhat confusing at first, but I quickly understood what was happening.
I had unconsciously rubbed my face against him, and the stimulation had gotten to him.
This was proof that Zeto was, after all, a healthy adult male.
Besides, his senses were exceptionally sharp.
Even a small stimulus... might have been intense for him.
Stimulus.
It was the same for me.
Without realizing it, my hand was moving downward.
I really must be crazy... Please...
Zeto's gentle smile hovered before my eyes, and then a massive wave of depravity crashed over me.
My face burned.
I couldn't tell whether the heat came from my own flushed skin or from the warmth radiating from Zeto.
It's too... hot...
I could no longer think of anything.
My mind was completely filled with Zeto.
My vision felt like it was flipping upside down.
I couldn't breathe properly.
Even so, my hand continued its descent, and...
...my vision went black.
The guard was quite talkative.
At this rate, he was almost on the same level as Sierra when I first met her.
Given his profession, he probably didn't have many people to talk to on a regular basis.
More importantly, I wondered what was going on with that woman's voice I had heard.
I had thought the rooms were well soundproofed.
We had even kept our own conversation quiet.
I hadn't spoken much with Kaen at all.
At this point, it might not have been Kaen—perhaps another cadet had actually brought a woman into his room.
Whatever the case... I sensed the situation was turning unfavorable and did my best to send the guard away.
There was nothing else I could do.
My posture had been compromising, and it had been incredibly stimulating for me as well.
Still, at least Kaen hadn't been discovered.
I was worried my body would react first and create an embarrassing situation, but...
Kaen, who had been under the table... had collapsed in an awkward position and now lay completely still, as if asleep.
No wonder she suddenly shoved her face in.
It was surprising that she could sleep in such a posture, but at least it was fortunate.
Well, it was late... and Kaen had always been a heavy sleeper.
However, Sierra's reaction was strange.
"M-my disciple... T-that child will surely bring you harm...!"
"What's the matter...?"
From what I had sensed with my ki, Kaen hadn't done anything particularly strange. If anything, her breathing had simply grown rough from hiding.
"I... I cannot say..."
I scratched my head, then turned away from Sierra, who had covered her mouth with her sleeve, and approached the collapsed Kaen. I slipped my arms under her legs and neck, lifting her up.
She wasn't particularly heavy.
I carefully laid Kaen on the bed.
This feels familiar...
I pulled the blanket over her, then dragged a chair near the bed and sat down. This was the second time after Eisel, so it felt almost routine.
"...Hmph. Sleeping so soundly."
Sierra stared intently at Kaen lying on the bed, then abruptly turned her head and approached me.
Perhaps because Shady had devoured a large amount of life force at once, I felt a yawn coming on.
Sierra leaned against my shoulder and stroked my cheek.
Just then, sleep-talking drifted from Kaen on the bed.
"...I'll... take responsibility..."
...It seemed Kaen was having strange dreams again.
"...Huh."
The moment I opened my eyes to an unfamiliar ceiling, I shot upright.
Before I could even properly look around, a familiar voice reached my ears.
"Are you awake?"
Zeto, seated in the chair with his arms crossed, tilted his head.
"D-did I fall asleep?"
"Yes. You seemed very tired. I had no choice but to let you sleep in my bed. Ah, don't worry—you weren't discovered."
Zeto's explanation finally helped me grasp the situation. To be precise, I hadn't fallen asleep—I had lost consciousness.
It was similar to what had happened at the inn.
Once again, Zeto had not touched me while I was defenseless.
Instead of getting angry, he had even lent me his own bed.
"......I'm sorry."
I lowered my head deeply and murmured.
"Haha, it's fine. Nothing happened, so there's no need to apologize."
Zeto's bright laugh only deepened my guilt.
It was partly because I felt bad for taking his bed, but that wasn't all.
This woman called Kaen... had once again indulged in a wretched dream about the kindhearted Zeto.
The faint remnants of that dream still lingering in my mind made my face burn.
I knew I had to control myself, but it wasn't easy.
"I'll let you know the information as soon as it comes in. There's no need to be too impatient. I've heard that movements around here have been unusual lately."
Zeto continued the conversation we hadn't finished the night before.
"...Understood."
I gave a small nod and climbed off the bed.
"Cadet Zeto, I'm sorry about yesterday."
Before leaving the room, I offered him a sincere apology. At least my mind had cleared somewhat.
"No need for that. We're comrades who share a secret, after all."
"Comrades who share a secret..."
As I repeated Zeto's words, a question occurred to me. Since the moment had come, I wanted to confirm it.
"Um, there's something I'd like to ask... What is Cadet Eisel to you, Cadet Zeto?"
"What is she to me, huh..."
Zeto stroked his chin at my question.
Before long, his mouth opened.
"...A friend, and someone precious to me."
Precious person.
It was an ambiguous answer.
So she wasn't his lover, then.
"...Then."
The words slipped out unconsciously.
Zeto tilted his head.
I hadn't meant to ask about myself, but...
Good, Kaen! Keep moving forward!
I still didn't fully understand the meaning behind my grandfather's words from that time.
But one thing was certain—if I remained in this state, there would be no progress at all.
"...Then what about me...?"
I squeezed my eyes shut, unable to even look at Zeto, and asked.
His voice came from behind me.
He answered without the slightest hesitation.
"A comrade I can entrust my back to... and likewise, someone precious to me."
The way he quietly spoke made the words feel like genuine sincerity rather than empty courtesy, and the corners of my mouth rose on their own.
That was enough.
With that much, I felt I could approach him without reservation.
"...I-I'll be going now."
Before leaving, I turned back one last time to take in the sight of Zeto.
He was still as kind as ever, smiling at me.
After stepping out of the room and closing the door, I immediately leaned against it and covered my burning face with both hands.
"Huu..."
The moment I left the room, all the shameless things I had done inside came rushing back through my mind.
For now... it seemed I needed to change my underwear.