Chapter 9
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Translator: MadScientist
Chapter: 9
Chapter Title: Goblin Extermination Operation
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8:2 contract signed, we climbed the mountain together.
The slope was pretty steep, but we could manage by grabbing onto trees or rocks.
Here and there, animal bones tossed aside haphazardly warned that predators lurked nearby.
"Tell me about goblin characteristics."
"You don't know?"
"I've read about them in books, but this is my first time seeing one in person. If you know anything, please share."
In response, instead of answering, Ban strode up ahead and extended a hand to me. I grabbed it, and with a light grunt, he hoisted me up over the ridge I couldn't pass, setting me down on the other side.
"Goblin traits? They're weak, small in stature, with bulging bellies. Hit 'em hard there, and sometimes it's more effective than taking their heads clean off."
"So, despite their weakness and small size—which makes the payout high—it's because of their intelligence, right?"
"Exactly. They only have the smarts of a five- or six-year-old, but even a little brains in a weak body makes them way scarier and crueler than something strong but dumb."
Goblins had intelligence.
That alone explained why the bounty was so high, even though individuals seemed unimpressive.
"That's why you have to play bait."
"...Couldn't the adventurer do it himself?"
"I'm big, male, and look muscled. Plus, I've got this spear. To goblins, I'm no easy prey. Even if I try luring them, they keep their distance."
He'd already tried it once.
Tried and failed, so he'd been scouting for bait and found me.
No way to tell if it was true or not, so I decided to believe him.
Anyway, weapons.
"I have a weapon too, you know."
"Can you even swing it?"
"...No?"
Following Grandpa Leon's teachings, I gazed off at some distant mountain as I answered, and Ban chuckled lightly.
"Liar. Those calluses scream 'sword hand' to me."
"You can tell that?"
"Calluses from odd jobs are different from ones from gripping weapons. If you wanna play dumb later, don't say you can't use a sword—say you learned 'a little' for self-defense."
"Okay..."
He was an odd guy, but not a villain.
Just... cranky, with a greed for coin.
I let out a sigh, and Ban explained why I had to be the bait.
"I only noticed you could use a sword after grabbing your hand, but will goblins pick up on it? You just look like a pretty little girl."
"Unlike you adventurers, I look like easy prey..."
"Right. So if you're bait, they'll chase without hesitation."
In short, I looked weak, perfect for bait. Not the most uplifting compliment.
Months of training under Grandpa Leon, and it still didn't show.
"And since we're on the topic now— if it looks like they're gonna catch you, don't wait for help. Just kill yourself."
"...Pardon?"
"Better than the alternative. Serious advice—listen up."
I thought getting caught by goblins just meant eaten alive.
But his sudden seriousness hinted at worse.
I shivered, and Ban patted my shoulder.
"Anyway, you'll be fine if you don't screw up. Before we start, I'll point out the traps I set—memorize 'em."
We circled the mountainside, checking trap locations.
Three traps total.
One good hit, and we could wipe them out.
"I lure 'em into the traps, and you finish them off, right?"
"Quit with the 'adventurer this, adventurer that.' Loosen up."
"Uncle."
"I'm barely mid-twenties."
My eyes went wide in surprise.
Mid-twenties? With that face? Not mid-thirties?
No wonder his personality was so twisted—that mug did it.
"Y-You look so weathered."
"I said talk casual, not insult me."
I pitied him and spoke softly, but he flicked my forehead with a tsk.
"Ow..."
"You're too good at reading the room. Adventuring ain't solo forever—ditch that habit now."
"...Is that so."
"Adventurers are rough, selfish types. Think sweet ones like me grow on trees?"
"Sweet adventurers propose 9:1 on life-risking jobs?"
"Anyone else would've stuck at 8:2?"
"Thanks... So, normally, how's the split on these?"
"Depends, but usually 7:3 to 6:4."
"Damn..."
Even 8:2 was a steal for him.
Should've haggled to 7:3.
"Told ya. Don't read the room—speak up and claim your share. No one's handing it over."
"Appreciate the advice... but why're you being so nice?"
"Nice?"
"...Never mind."
Was he really being nice? The advice felt mocking sometimes.
"You caught those rats yesterday, right?"
"...Yeah."
"Saw you sniffling at the desk, covered in filth, declaring the job done. Asked about treatment and laundry fees?"
"Yeah..."
Got chewed out for asking.
"Clients usually cover that. You didn't know, took the loss. Looked like you'd keep messing up without advice, so here we are."
"Thanks."
"Thanks? Do 9:1 then."
"No way."
"That's the spirit—state it clear."
His weathered face lit up as he patted my head. Mixed feelings.
Annoyed by his teasing mug, touched that Grandpa Leon was the only other who'd looked out for me like this.
I sniffled, and Ban panicked.
"Crying?"
"Nope."
"Fine, whatever you say. Anyway, I cleared the escape route of roots and junk over two days. Just run hard. Got it?"
I nodded, and he beckoned me closer.
Splat—he smeared something on my face.
"...What?"
"Mud."
Not what I meant.
Why slather mud on my face?
"...Why?"
"Too clean, and their tiny brains get suspicious. Let's make you look like a lost mountain girl."
"...Ugh."
Couldn't argue with that.
I knew I couldn't be picky now, but still.
Probably the last time.
Revenge, money—gotta take it step by step. Jumping into this wore me out body and soul.
"...You'll cover laundry, right?"
"Obviously. But... might be cheaper to buy new clothes than wash these."
"What..."
"You reek of filth."
I froze in shock.
Ban continued matter-of-factly, no joke.
"Covered in crap yesterday. Washing won't cut it."
"...No money."
"No money? Buy used. Cheap."
"Guess so..."
This job douses the fire; need steady side gigs for stability.
New clothes? Yeah.
Can't beg for work stinking like this.
We chatted while disguising. By the time I was filthy-familiar, the sun was setting.
"Know how to lure 'em?"
"Yeah... scream."
Near the goblin village, scream.
Confirm chase, flee to traps.
That was the plan.
Too simple? Ban said simple plans are best.
Sword secured at my waist, I stretched.
Then, staggering disguise-walk to the goblin village.
Goblins knew torches—the village glowed from all sides.
The whole scene hit at once.
"...Fuck."
Mangled corpses strewn everywhere.
Center: human bones and women's heads woven into a totem.
Every head frozen in agony.
Among them, a centipede crawled from empty eyes of one facing me.
Maggots, rotting meat stench.
Blood and semen reek.
"...Eat the men, rape the women, then dismantle for totems. Got it."
Now I knew why suicide beat capture.
Mouth wouldn't move.
Needed to scream, draw them out.
Not easy.
Bit my lip hard, pain snapping me awake. Time to do it.
"Kyaaaaaaaah—!"
I screamed.
Loud enough for goblins—and Ban prepping—to hear.
Rustling sounds.
Goblins emerged one by one from crude huts.
Confused at first, then spotted me. Dicks flopping, they charged.
I turned and ran.
Stance set, sprint.
I absolutely must not get caught.