Snow Fight (3)
At Han Yeong's encouragement, delivered with that gentle smile of his, something had blazed hot in the deepest reaches of Ma Chao's heart. She was certain that this feeling — the one setting her face aglow — was neither the chill of the snow nor some mere flutter of a racing pulse. She had simply been moved: by the encouragement he spoke for her sake when she had been cowed and small, and by the warm, lovely kindness with which he looked after her.
...Han Yeong. My childhood friend, and...
The man she loved. It felt almost redundant to put a name to it, yet Ma Chao realized her own heart all over again.
From childhood on, he had indulged the whims of a tomboy who had no other friends; he had gone on to rally forces for her sake and played an enormous part in her rise to generalship. That the name Splendid Ma Chao had spread far and wide across the Central Plains while she was still so young was, too, a debt she owed to Han Yeong for giving her her chance.
When the shock of her defeat at Lu Bu's hands had left her brooding and adrift, he had soothed her with a snow fight like the ones of their childhood and even offered words that brought comfort to her heart. Thanks to him, the obsession and impatience that had held her captive melted away, soft and slow, like snow beneath the sun.
...This is exactly why I can't help but love you.
Every time she glimpsed yet another tender side of him, Ma Chao grew restless, her feelings surging fiercely higher. If the world were not in chaos, if their days were not consumed by war, would she have pounced on him long ago and made it a fait accompli? Even as it was, with love rivals multiplying around him, she could feel the need for things between them to move forward.
Pang De and Fa Zheng, who had spent years at his side, were all but certainties; and the elder Jia Xu, too, sometimes watched Han Yeong with the eyes of a predator stalking game. They had abilities she did not, and every one of them was outstandingly beautiful — reason enough for her vigilance.
But what made Ma Chao feel a crisis greater than any of them...
...was the day she met a woman named Cao Cao.
It had surely been their first meeting, yet the moment she laid eyes on that face, a deep wariness settled over her by pure instinct. Eyes like a fire fox's — the gaze of a hunter biding its time for precisely the right moment. Her figure was as petite as Fa Zheng's, but from her graceful, polished bearing and her alluring looks and gaze alone, Ma Chao knew at once that this was a woman fundamentally at odds with her own kind.
According to Yan Xing, who had stepped forward as escort that day, she had met privately with Han Yeong, and had apparently also made the acquaintance of the illustrious Yuan family — the house that had produced Three Excellencies for four generations, the one Yuan Shao hailed from. Through them she seemed to have cultivated friendships with many of Luoyang's notables. She had heard, too, that it was one of that woman's cunning schemes which led the Prince of Fufeng — who had all but been made emperor by Ding Yuan's hand — to place himself under Han Yeong's protection.
Seen one way, she was a benefactor who had done them great service despite no real bond between them, and yet...
I don't like her.
Han Yeong was not anyone else's. He was rightfully hers. They had been together through long years, leaning on one another as childhood friends — so she could not hand him over to a single soul. Even if circumstances beyond their control were to bring other women into his life, the first place among them would be hers. Without question.
As her tangled, anguished feelings crossed and recrossed, Ma Chao's hand closed around Han Yeong's wrist without her quite meaning it to. Using the grip for leverage, she pushed herself upright, then hauled a bewildered Han Yeong — caught fast in her hold — toward her with all her strength.
If I don't want him stolen away, I'd best make the proof that he's mine absolutely certain.
And as he came toward her, Ma Chao leaned in and pressed her lips to his — forceful, yet with a bright, clear sweetness.
A fitful wind breathed through the forest, and the snow heaped high upon the branches came swirling down, turning the quiet woodland into a scene of pure romance. The drifting flakes rode the breeze like cherry blossoms and settled softly upon Ma Chao and Han Yeong, yet the two of them stayed exactly where they were, as if rooted to the spot. The air between them was so tender it might have been a drama with time itself suspended.
It had all happened too suddenly; Han Yeong's thoughts simply stopped. For this one moment, he forgot the cold seeping into his skin.
...A kiss?
A sensation he had never known before covered his lips. The soft press of her mouth set his heart pounding so hard he could feel every beat of it, raw and unfiltered.
Ma Chao had seized me by the collar, dragged me to her with sheer force, and been the first to claim my lips — inwardly, I was utterly stunned. But even once I recovered my composure, I did not push her away. I accepted her. I had a fair idea of what was in her heart, and I carried feelings of my own, after all. She had been so bold, had found her courage — pulling away would have been unworthy of any man.
Though it was her first time, and a kiss without tongue, Ma Chao kept it going, steady and earnest, her face dyed crimson. Regrettably, I had never once had a girlfriend in my previous life, so I moved my briefly frozen body on whatever knowledge I had gathered from movies, dramas, and the like. My arms had been wandering, lost for somewhere to go; the moment I wrapped them around Ma Chao's waist, her full, ample breasts pressed softly against my chest.
"...!!"
Ma Chao, who had been the one to act so boldly first, flinched and trembled ever so slightly at my daring — and in that instant, I slipped my tongue into her mouth. As it swept across the inside of her mouth, the sweetness of a first kiss bloomed through me. Our tongues entwined, we shared our breath, and the kiss stretched on, lingering and unrelenting.
"...Hah."
A moment later, breathless, the two of them broke apart. Both faces were flushed, and they drew in air as if a deep afterglow still hung between them. Before long, the cold cleared both their heads. Once more the snow clinging to the branches scattered on the wind, and a fine flurry whirled around the two of them.
"Ma Chao..."
"...You already knew I liked you, didn't you?"
To her question, I could only nod in silence. She had shown herself far too openly too many times for me to feign ignorance — and in all likelihood, most of the people around us already had a fair idea of what we were to each other. We weren't lovers. We were, to put it in modern terms, in the middle of our 'talking stage.'
The reason I had never confessed to Ma Chao was that the chaos of the age had left the realm too unsettled. With no way of knowing when the enemy might come pouring in, there had been no time for romance — and so I had pretended not to know her heart.
Ma Chao seemed deeply embarrassed by her own boldness in kissing him; the heat in her face still had not cooled, and kept rising. Even so, scarlet as she was, she met my eyes straight on.
"What just now was my thanks for the encouragement you gave me... and it was my heart for you, too."
It was her love for Han Yeong expressed in action, a seal pressed upon him that she would never yield him to another — and, in effect, a confession in all but words. But Ma Chao gave me no opening to answer, and pressed on.
"I won't let anyone take you from me."
Her face was still burning scarlet at her own mortifying words, but she did not falter; she enunciated each one, clear and unhurried.
"And to repay the faith you place in me, I swear I will bring Lu Bu down with these two hands."
She vowed to fell with her own hands the Unrivaled Under Heaven — by anyone's measure, the mightiest warrior the Three Kingdoms had to offer — and her declaration rang with resolute, unyielding ambition.
In the original history, it was only after Lu Bu's death that Ma Chao truly began to distinguish herself as a warrior of the Central Plains. In that timeline, the two of them had shared practically no point of contact at all — and now that very person had become her target.
"Someday, when we drive Lord Ding Yuan out of Luoyang and I bring Lu Bu down... when that time comes..."
She had not confessed outright — she had accomplished nothing yet — but she was satisfied. She had succeeded in giving the love inside her shape, in action.
"Grant me one wish, when that day comes."
Watching Ma Chao speak with something sorrowful threaded through her voice, I answered as if entranced.
"...All right."
If that wish turned out to be a confession, then of course I intended to accept it. I liked her too, after all. Not as a general, not as a childhood friend — as a woman, plain and simple. Of course, there were others who caught my eye as women as well, but among them all, I liked Ma Chao best. Even if someone pointed fingers and groaned about how cringeworthy we were, the heart cannot be hidden forever — no more than a palm can cover the sky. If the world were not in chaos, I would have been the one to confess first; there was no reason to hesitate over this answer.
Perhaps satisfied by how readily I agreed, Ma Chao broke into the bright, lively smile I knew so well and opened her mouth.
"All right, let's head back!!"
Smiling so cheerfully, Ma Chao brushed her fingers across lips that still held his warmth, and thought: ...The rest of it... comes after we've driven Ding Yuan out...
After the snow fight that had stirred up old memories, and the kiss that followed it, Ma Chao and I rode home side by side, chatting easily the whole way back, closer than we had ever been before. Once we returned, Yan Xing and the Ma brothers took one look at Ma Chao, revived and glowing, and pressed me for what had happened — but I called it a secret and told them nothing.
After that, Ma Chao trained her martial arts just as diligently as ever, but she no longer drove herself the way she once had, and every sign of strain disappeared. Better still, seeking to shore up her weaknesses in strategy and tactics, she went to Fa Zheng for instruction — and word even spread that Ma Xiu, catching her hunched over her tactical studies deep into the night at home, had been so startled he ran off to fetch a physician.
"General Ma seems somehow... changed, doesn't she? General, you wouldn't happen to know anything about it?"
"...I really couldn't say."
Fa Zheng had been utterly astonished when Ma Chao came to her to learn strategy, and had put the question to Pang De, her usual close companion — but Pang De only deflected, giving nothing away. Pang De had reported Ma Chao's condition to their lord, and so she could guess what had passed between the two — but out of respect for them both, she kept it from Fa Zheng.
The officers, soldiers, and horsemen were given their rest, time to recover and rebuild their strength, and a month later the leaden clouds finally parted and the snows began to melt.
At last, the hour had come to annihilate Dong Zhuo — the man bound to them by a long and bitter enmity.