Spank My Butt to Drain the Mana ♡
"Spank my butt, tetchi-tetchi.♡"
"I've lived for 500 years, you know? 500 years. That's an incredibly long time even for an elf."
Luna gave a wry smile as she added, "Dating? Sure, I wanted to try that too. But you know what? Elves have killer instincts. Since I was rich and pretty, guys would just leer at me, trying to get me into bed."
She hugged her own arms like it gave her the creeps, as if saying, 'Gross!'
"…."
"Or they'd just try to suck up my mana or knowledge."
A bitter smile crossed her face.
"And now everyone’s even scared of me."
"So that's why you wear diapers?"
"Yeah. Thinking hurts too much. It's exhausting. I'd rather just hand myself over to someone without a second thought."
It was an incomprehensible mindset. But her expression was so earnest I couldn't mock her.
The boredom of a genius archmage. The loneliness of someone who has everything. She'd thrown her dignity in the gutter to fill that void.
"So you can't run away from me, Si-hun."
Luna grabbed my hand. Her grip was stronger than expected.
"You treat me rough. You hit me, scold me, baby me."
"That's because you told me to…."
"That's why I like it. It makes me feel alive."
She rubbed her cheek against the back of my hand.
"If you abandon me, I'll really self-destruct. Boom! And a ton of people will die."
"You're joking, right?"
"Who knows."
She grinned mischievously. Cold sweat trickled down my spine.
"Now play with me."
Luna dragged over a baby walker. She slipped inside and stomped her feet excitedly.
"Push me! I wanna go vroom-vroom!"
"Haa… You said you'd order king crab."
"After we play! Hurry and push!"
I sighed in resignation and grabbed the handle. We spun around the living room.
A 500-year-old archmage giggling in a baby walker—what a sight.
"Faster!! Whoosh!!"
I was sweating bullets as I raced around the penthouse living room. The expensive city nightscape blurred past the windows. My youth felt like it was blurring by too.
"Kyahaha! Faster! Drift this time!"
I had to keep pedaling. The mad dash continued. Luna cackled like a maniac for ages while I was on the verge of collapse.
"Let's stop now. I'm dizzy."
"No way! One more lap! Hit the kitchen this time!"
"Please…."
This damn place was huge.
Then—crunch!
The walker's wheel caught on the carpet edge. It couldn't handle the speed and tipped sideways.
"Huh?"
"Kyaa…!"
Luna tumbled out. She nearly hit her head, but I dove and caught her.
"Ugh… You okay?"
"Waaah… It hurts…."
Luna sniffled in my arms. Luckily, no injuries.
The problem exploded elsewhere.
[Warning: Mana Instability Detected]
A holographic magic circle appeared on the living room ceiling. It flashed wildly, blaring an alarm.
Blue mana started gushing uncontrollably from Luna's body.
"What's this?"
"Got too excited… Lost control of my mana, I guess."
Luna stuck out her tongue like, 'Oops, my bad!'
But this was no laughing matter. Furniture in the living room began floating. Sofa, table—even the chandelier danced.
"Do something quick! This is gonna be bad!"
"It won't stop… Hng…."
"Stop joking!"
"I'm serious! It's leaking out like piss!"
Luna clutched between her legs and stomped. Light flashed from her lower belly.
Come to think of it, I'd heard experienced mages embed gem cores in their stomachs for artifact control. Probably overloaded.
"What do I do?"
"Drain it."
"Pardon?"
"I need to vent the mana. Otherwise—boom! You die. I'll… probably be fine."
Luna grinned slyly. So I die?!
"How?!"
Luna bowed her head and hiked up the hem of her dress. Her pale white butt was revealed.
"Spank my butt, tetchi-tetchi.♡"
"What?"
"Impact disperses the mana and lets it escape."
"Don't lie. That's obviously an excuse."
"It's not! It's an elven technique. 'Mana Release via Striking'—never heard of it?"
"Quit making stuff up!"
Rumble! Cracks spiderwebbed across the ceiling. On the verge of collapse.
No choice.
"Haa… You're driving me insane."
I sat on the sofa. Luna draped herself over my lap like it was natural, ass up high and plump.
I channeled mana into my palm.
"Hit hard! Hard enough to bruise!"
"Don't regret it."
SMACK!!!!!
A crisp crack echoed through the penthouse.
"Kyaaaah♡!!"
Luna arched her back with a scream. Simultaneously—whoosh!
A blue shockwave burst from her butt. Floating furniture crashed down.
"It works?"
It was real. I could see the mana dissipating.
But not enough.
"More! Hit harder! Still got some left!"
"Got it."
I loosened my wrist properly. Took off my smartwatch too.
Smack! Smack! Smack! Smack!
Left cheek, right cheek. Even the meaty mounds. Red handprints everywhere.
Luna clawed the floor, moaning in a mix of pain and pleasure.
"Aaaah! Yes! Master's hand hurts so good! Feels too amazing!♡♡"
"Count them!"
"O-One! Ungh! T-Two! Ahhn! Three!♡♡"
The bizarre ritual ended past 50. The mana surge stopped.
Luna sprawled on the sofa, panting. Her ass was red and swollen.
"Haa… haa… Saved…."
She looked up at me, sweat-slicked face glazed.
"Master."
"What? Again?"
"No. Hungry."
Grrrowl. Her stomach rumbled loudly.
Oh right, no dinner.
"King crab time."
"Hungry now?"
"Yeah. I'm a patient. Butt patient."
Luna shamelessly handed over her phone. I chuckled dryly and opened the delivery app.
Might as well go big—the 500,000-won set.
"Oh, Si-hun."
Luna climbed up my chest and nuzzled into my arms. A soft whisper.
"Thanks. Felt so good.♡"
She pecked my cheek. Baby powder scent. I hated how cute I found it that night.
"Spread the crab meat for me."
King crab arrived. Red beauties covered the table. But Luna didn't lift a finger.
Sitting in a baby chair, mouth agape. Bib tied neatly.
"No hands?"
"Babies can't shell crabs."
"You handled that mana surge fine."
"That's biology. This is dinner."
Can't she just shut up sometimes?
I sighed, gloved up. Snipped a thick leg. Juicy white meat gleamed.
"Say ahh."
"Aaahn♡"
Luna slurped it up, cheeks bulging adorably. She chewed happily.
"Yummy! Tastier 'cause Master fed me!"
"Enough baby talk."
"Nooo! Wahhh!"
She's just enjoying this now. I mechanically fed her crab meat. She gobbled like a baby bird.
What would academia say seeing a 500-year-old elf archmage like this? Mass shock, probably.
"But Si-hun."
"Yeah."
"No real plans to live with me besides the job?"
Luna asked seriously, crab bits on her lips.
"No thanks."
"Why? I pay big, let you do whatever to my body?"
"You're too much. Beyond my capacity."
"We can expand your capacity."
Luna grinned and propped her feet on the table. Pale sole pressed my chest.
"I'll raise you. Grad school… PhD…."
"That's not raising. That's enslaving."
"Yup. My slave number two."
"Who's one?"
"Me. Your slave number one."
"…?"
What twisted logic. Impossible to argue.
One thing's clear: her mind's not right.
"Anyway, think about it. After graduation, executive secretary in the president's office."
"Pass."
"200 million won salary."
"……."
"300 million."
"……."
"500 million, plus full control of my assets."
Tempting. Very tempting. 500 mil is exec level. Diaper duty for life ain't bad…
No. Snap out of it, Han Si-hun.
Devil's temptation. Dip in once, never escape.
"Eat."
I shoved a huge crab leg in her mouth to cut her off.
"Mmph! Nom nom…."
Luna glared but chewed diligently. Simple, thank goodness.
Meal over. Cleanup's on me. Luna lounged on the sofa, shirt riding up over her white belly. Crab crumbs still on her lips.
Pat, pat. Scratched her stomach.
"Urp."
Even burped. What a lady.
"Haa…."
I finished cleaning, then soft warmth hugged my back.
"Whoa…!"
Luna.
"Master."
"Make some noise… No, what now?"
"Digestion's done."
"And?"
"Brush my teeth."
She held out an electric toothbrush.
"Do it yourself."
"Babies can't brush alone. Get cavities."
"Haa…."
I took it. Luna stood before me, lips parted wide: aaaah.
Neat white teeth. Slightly pointed canines—proof she's not human.
Piled on toothpaste. Bzzz. Slid it in gently, foaming carefully to avoid hurting gums.
"…."
Luna closed her eyes, accepting it.
But her wine-red eyes grew misty. Breathing quickened.
"Ngh… Hnng…."
Weird moans escaped.
Why's she getting off on toothbrushing?
"What's wrong?"
"It… mmph… the vibrations… mmph… resonate to my brain…."
"……."
Electric toothbrush gets her too? Horny demon possessed her good.
"Deeper… Clean my tongue… Poke my throat…."
"Stop. You're drooling."
Foamy saliva dripped from her lips. Eyes half-rolled back. Looked tortured, not brushed.
"Spit. Spit."
"Nooo… Gonna swallow…."
"Don't eat it!"
Finally done after a struggle. Luna looked unsatisfied, not refreshed.
"It's late. I'm heading home. Goodnight—"
"Sleep here."
As I grabbed my stuff, a cold hand gripped my wrist.
"…Pardon?"
"Stay the night."
She tugged again. "Plenty of rooms."
Luna dragged me half-forcibly. Opened a door—a guest room. Luxurious enough to pass for a hotel suite.
"No first period tomorrow. Sleep here, go to school together."
"……."
Too comfy-looking to refuse. Miles better than my cheap studio mattress. And I was beat.
"Fine. But I'll lock the door."
"Tch. Whatever."
Luna pouted and went to her room. I entered, locked it—double-locked. Propped a chair under the knob like in movies, just in case.
Flopped onto the bed. Heaven. Like lying on clouds.
Tomorrow'll be peaceful.
Yeah, right.