I'm a Failure
"Hoo." I turned around, but Luna was gone.
"What are you doing down there?"
Under the desk, Luna was hiding while clutching a stamp tightly.
"Did she leave?"
"She's waiting on the first floor. Stamp this quick."
I pulled some documents from my pocket. It was the scholarship disbursement approval form.
"Stamp this. Hurry up."
"Ung. Okay."
Luna crawled out from under the desk. The ink on the stamp— no, her bodily fluids— had almost dried up.
"Huh? It's all dry?"
"Just use your finger juices. Please."
"No way! I'm stamping with mine!"
Luna stubbornly hiked up her skirt. Then she rubbed the bottom of the stamp between her legs, against the slick, soaked entrance.
Rub rub.Rub rub.
"Haang. It's cold. So hard."
The department head coating the stamp with her own 'ink.' Once the tip glistened wetly, she finally smiled in satisfaction.
"There, loaded up."
Thud! The stamp slammed down on the bottom of the document.
A transparent, sticky mark. It'd dry eventually, but the fishy smell would linger.
"You really have to give them this?"
"What's wrong with it? It's a document infused with my 'holy water.' Alice will love it."
Luna giggled mischievously. I hesitated with the papers in hand. If this got out, it'd be disciplinary action at best— criminal charges at worst. This was basically 'bodily fluid terrorism.'
But Luna was already sprawled on the sofa, sucking her fingers.
"Hungry. Feed me, Master. Nom nom."
Slurred speech. Eyes grinning at me. She'd slipped back into 'baby mode.'
Once the professor got into this role, it was impossible to stop her.
"Haa."
I fanned the documents to dry off as much moisture as possible. I even spritzed some perfume to mask the smell.
"I'll be back. No causing trouble while I'm gone."
"Waaah."
Luna rolled over and exposed her belly. Completely hopeless. I grabbed the documents and opened the door with grim determination.
Me? Could I really graduate like this?
After the 'Slime Ponge Incident,' a bizarre silence hung over the magic department building.
Ludel the professor, who normally would've been frantic chasing students, had holed up in her lab and refused to come out. Rumors said she'd welded the door shut and was screaming, "I'll kill anyone who comes in!"
"Serves her right. Hope she rots in there forever."
Luna, lying on the department head's office sofa and munching jelly, cackled. Unbefitting a 500-year-old elf, she was stomping her feet in delight.
"Don't enjoy it too much. She's still a fellow professor."
"Fellow my ass. She's just a tiny rat after my food bowl."
Luna poked my thigh with her toes.
"More than that, Master. I'm bored. Feed me the jelly mouth-to-mouth."
"Use your hands."
"Aing... I hate sticky fingers. Slip it in with your tongue, swoosh."
Peaceful. But a corner of my mind felt uneasy. Ludel was annoying, sure, but the chaos was my fault. If I hadn't tampered with the gate sensor, she wouldn't have faced 'public execution.'
She wouldn't... die, right? I worried. Dwarven pride was harder than steel, and when it shattered, the shards were razor-sharp. What if she couldn't handle the shock and did something extreme?
"Professor. I need to use the restroom real quick."
"Okay. Bring ice cream on the way back."
Luna waved it off casually. Instead of the convenience store, I headed to my locker. I grabbed a pre-bought set of premium cookies and made my way to the basement first floor— Ludel the professor's lab.
The basement corridor was dank and gloomy. The iron door to Ludel's lab was plastered with menacing warning signs.
[NO ENTRY]
[SELF-DESTRUCT IF YOU ENTER]
[DIE DIE DIE EVERYONE JUST DIE]
[I'm a Failure]
The content was far from normal. Her mental state must've been shattered.
Knock knock.
"……."
No response.
"Professor Ludel? It's Han Si-hun."
"Piss off."
A husky, raspy voice came from inside. Had she been crying nonstop? Her throat sounded wrecked.
"Anyone who comes in gets hydrochloric acid to the face. Don't even think about seeing my mug."
"I'm not here for your face. I just... got worried and stopped by."
"Worried? You? Don't make me laugh! You're that witch's lapdog! Here to mock me? Come to gawk at my exploded ponge? Waaah—!"
Crash! Something shattered inside. There were beeping sounds too, like machinery.
Was she really hitting a self-destruct switch?
"No. This has nothing to do with the department head. I'm just personally worried."
"Worried about what! Get out! Go die!"
"Just checking if you've eaten."
I hung the shopping bag with the cookie box on the door handle.
"Leaving some snacks by the door. Gotta eat something sweet to perk up. I'll head out."
I turned away without regret. I'd done what I could. If she didn't eat, oh well.
Creeeak.
That's when it happened. The sealed iron door cracked open slightly.
"......Hey."
An eye gleamed through the gap. Bloodshot, with deep dark circles. And tattered black lace.
It was Professor Ludel.
"Real cookies?"
"Yes. Chocolate chip. From a famous bakery."
"Lots of chips?"
"Not sure if 'lots,' but I got the most expensive ones."
The door opened wider, revealing her. Shocking.
Gone was her usual over-the-top flashy dress.
Black gothic lolita-style pajamas loaded with frills. Torn and stained lace in spots. In one hand, she dragged the ragged ear of a bunny plush toy.
But most of all... her chest was a cliff. Without the ponge, the fabric just hung flat and flapped.
"No poison, right?"
She chewed on the bunny ear sloppily as she asked.
"Why would I do that?"
Ludel opened the door more and snatched the bag, sniffing it.
Dwarven appetites were fiercer than they looked, apparently.
"Come in."
She grumbled curtly.
"Pardon?"
"Don't stand there looking pathetic in the hall. Come in. I'll make tea."
Unexpected. I considered refusing, but her eyes looked so fragile I couldn't.
And so I stepped into her lab— or rather, the minefield.
The lab interior was pure chaos. Pink-and-black decor mixed wildly. Stuffed animals crammed the walls alongside tangled machine parts and wire bundles.
The bed was buried under torn snack bags and energy drink cans. A textbook 'minefield hikikomori' room.
"Sit. No energy to clean. Plop down anywhere."
Ludel kicked aside a rolling robot arm to clear space. Then she tore into the cookie box like a demon possessed.
Crunch crunch. Crumbs rained down her pajama chest.
Pity there was no cleavage to catch them— straight to the floor.
"Haa... Feels like I'm alive again."
After devouring half the box, Ludel sighed contentedly. She wiped her mouth with her sleeve and looked up at me.
"You're... not half bad, huh?"
"Pardon?"
"Everyone's busy calling me 'fake tits' or 'fraud.' And you come do a morale show in enemy territory."
Ludel smiled bitterly, hugging the bunny plush.
"Be honest. My chest was hilarious, right?"
"No. Well... the tech was impressive."
"Hmph. Tech my ass. It was a failed experiment that burst on me."
Ludel patted her flat chest.
"This is my complex. Short even for a dwarf, and nothing up top or bottom. So I obsessed over magic engineering. Wanted to look bigger somewhere, anything."
An unexpected confession. She always seemed full of venom, but she had this kind of lack...
"Now even that's exposed... I'm done for. Everyone'll see me as a retard. Dirty fraud bitch. Filthy ponge addict."
Suddenly, Ludel grabbed a knife. An industrial cutter from the desk.
"Maybe I should just die? Huh? Slice my wrist here, blood everywhere? Post pics on the school board— make 'em all regret it?"
"Professor! Calm down!"
I panicked and reached for the knife. But Ludel smirked and sheathed it.
"Kidding. Hurts too much. I hate pain."
"……."
I paused, choosing words to comfort her. That 'joke' had eyes too precarious. If I left now, she might end up a cold corpse. Then my bed life would be hell forever.
"Don't be so down. Your skills are real. That logistics golem for the new port last time— you made it, right? I saw it in the news and was blown away. For real!"
Ludel's eyes widened.
"You... recognize me?"
"Of course. Even the witch— er, Department Head Adelheit acknowledges your skills."
True. Luna had admitted as much. Though she called her a 'dwarf shit-sweeper.'
That's when it happened. Ludel's gaze shifted oddly. Sticky, wet, hungry like a starving beast.
She scooted closer on her butt. Her pajama hem rode up, exposing pale thighs.
"You know... working under that witch... must be tough, right?"
"Yeah, pretty tough."
"Right? Catering to that personality wreck must be hell."
Ludel overlaid her hand on mine. Callused, small, sturdy dwarven hand.
"Why not switch now?"
"Pardon?"
"Be my exclusive assistant. I'll pay double what the witch does."
Ludel leaned forward. Her pajama neckline gaped, showing collarbone and flat chest. Petite, fragile build stirring protective instincts.
"Hmmm...?"
She noticed my gaze drifting there and let out a strange hum. Her almond eyes rolled playfully for a moment.
"If that's not enough, I'll give you other stuff too!"
She fumbled, grabbed my hand, and pressed it to her chest.
...Still flat, though.
"My tits are small, but I'm confident in other areas."
Ludel whispered seductively.
"'Other bonuses' beyond salary? Very generous."
"……."
"I-I'm a virgin too, but I've seen it online? Dwarf girls are small but stamina monsters, great lays. You'll be satisfied."
Dangerous. She was mistaking my kindness for courtship.
"Ah, haha. Thanks for the offer."
I slyly withdrew my arm.
"But I'm under contract. Work's piling up— gotta go."
"W-Wait!"
Ludel clutched my sleeve desperately. She clung with teary eyes.
"Don't go. Stay a bit longer. I'm so lonely."
"Professor. This is inappropriate."
"That witch doesn't appreciate you! I can treat you better. I cook well, do laundry! Fix machines too!"
She babbled nonsense, burrowing into my chest.
"A-And I'm tougher than I look! Bondage? Spanking? I can take it all. I'll do anything you say. So please don't abandon me...."
Luna was already off her rocker, and this one was just as bad.
No hope for either.