No More Wake-Up Calls Starting Today

I don't actually remember how I made it home.

I skipped dinner entirely, collapsed onto my bed, and stared at the ceiling for a long time.

No matter how many times I turned that sentence over in my head, there was no other way to read it.

While I lay there, drained of all strength, the smartphone by my pillow buzzed again and again.

Instead of answering, I turned off the screen and closed my eyes.

I tried to type something back... but my fingers wouldn't move over the keys.

Saying I'm fine would have been a lie — I wasn't fine at all. And saying I'm not fine... I didn't have the right.

I'd never even confessed. I'd just liked her on my own, misunderstood on my own, and gotten rejected... on my own.

From start to finish, I had done it all by myself.

...Min Sihyeon didn't even like me. I'd just... been like that, all by myself.

Like an idiot.

The next morning, my eyes opened before the alarm.

7:50. On any other day, I'd have already washed my face by now and be heading out to ring the doorbell at Min Sihyeon's house, just down the side alley.

On my phone screen, an 8:00 alarm sat there quietly, waiting.

It had gone off every single weekday without fail since the third grade of elementary school.

I stared at those words for a moment, then switched the alarm off so it wouldn't ring.

And after a little more hesitation... I deleted it entirely.

She wouldn't need my wake-up calls anymore.

...This is something I shouldn't be doing anymore. Someone else will have to do it now. Not me.

The walk to school alone was quiet in a way that felt almost unfamiliar. There was no voice beside me whining to take a break, no voice chattering away about everything that had happened the day before.

I walked, and I thought.

I really hadn't known a thing about Min Sihyeon, had I. I hadn't even known she liked Kim Minhyun.

We'd talked about it a few times... or maybe I just hadn't picked up on it. I'd thought I knew what she liked and what she hated after watching her for years. All of that had been my own delusion. Because I never knew what she actually liked.

Before I knew it, I'd reached the school. I couldn't even remember the last time I'd walked through the gates without being late. Getting proud over something like that... it was a little pathetic, honestly. From now on, I'd just have to get here early...

I arrived at the classroom and sat down, and the empty seat beside me caught my eye in a way it never had before. Had this space always been so wide?

Min Sihyeon burst through the back door of the classroom a mere three minutes before first period. Her hair was a mess, her tie was crooked, and she was panting all the way up to her chin. Anyone could tell she'd sprinted the whole way just to avoid being late.

Still, it looked like she'd barely made it. ...Good.

"Hey! Kang Suho!"

The instant she sat down, Min Sihyeon snapped at me in a hissing whisper.

"Why didn't you wake me up?! I thought I was actually gonna die. I opened my eyes and it was already eight-thirty..."

"...Sorry. I slept in too."

"Hey, don't lie... You weren't even late today. So you just ditched me and left...?"

I was still searching for something to say when ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠the bell for first period rang. First period was math, which meant I had a brief reprieve from Min Sihyeon's interrogation.

I tried to focus on the lesson... or at least, I meant to. But I could feel her eyes on me from the ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠next seat the entire period, until a scrap of paper slid quietly onto my desk.

Crooked, clumsily pressed letters — Min Sihyeon's characteristically terrible handwriting.

...I held my pen for a moment, hesitating, then wrote a short reply and passed it back.

It ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠wasn't a lie. I wasn't angry... I was just... hurting, a little.

I simply had no way of explaining that difference to Min Sihyeon. No way of making her understand.

She stared at the note with a complicated expression, and after that, nothing more came back.

...The moment break started, Min Sihyeon got up from her seat and vanished like she was fleeing, only to slip quietly back when class resumed. After that, there was no more conversation between us.

When lunchtime arrived, my body locked up on reflex.

The four of us going to the cafeteria together had always been a given, but... today, I had no confidence I could sit there and smile like nothing was wrong.

"I'm just gonna grab something from the school store today. I've got... some stuff to do."

"Huh? Wait, like what. We should all—"

I was out of the classroom before Min Sihyeon could finish.

...God. Like I actually had something to do. Real convincing excuse there, Kang Suho.

And so I bought a single sweet bun from the school store and sat eating it on an empty bench in the backyard — when something cold suddenly pressed against my cheek.

"...Found you, Kang Suho."

"...What are you doing out here all by yourself like some loner."

I looked up to find Cha Eunha. She had two cartons of strawberry milk in her hands.

"I'll give you one. ...But I'm sitting next to you, okay?"

She dropped onto the bench before I'd even had a chance to answer.

...Not a single one of these people ever waits for permission, do they.

But why was she even here. Weren't they all supposed to go eat together...

"...You didn't go to lunch?"

Cha Eunha shrugged like it was nothing.

"I was eating and just left. The vibe was super weird without you. ...You two fought, didn't you."

"...We didn't fight."

"Yeah, right. That's what people who didn't fight look like? Sihyeon barely ate half her food in the cafeteria just now."

"...I don't know what happened, but just be the bigger person and forgive her. You know Sihyeon's always had a lousy personality. You're the one who has to put up with her."

...I didn't want to hear that.

Because every time someone said it was because of me... my heart kept getting its hopes up, in all the wrong ways.

"We didn't fight... it's just. I figured it was about time we started doing our own things."

Cha Eunha's eyes went round, like she couldn't make sense of that at all.

"What is that supposed to mean. After all this time? You two have been attached at the hip for years, and now suddenly this."

She took a long pull of strawberry milk, then abruptly changed the subject, as if something had just occurred to her. ...Glancing sideways at my face as she did.

"Oh, right. Is this maybe... because of that confession thing yesterday? The one where Sihyeon said she was gonna confess to someone."

"..."

She was already spinning theories at full speed, with or without an answer from me.

"Dude, I was up all night thinking about that. But no matter how hard I try, I can't come up with a single candidate..."

Eunha started ticking names off on her fingers.

"Jeong Hyunwoo from Class 1? No, Sihyeon can't stand him — says he tries way too hard to act all tough... The basketball team's vice-captain? He's already got a girlfriend..."

"...What about Kim Minhyun?"

The name came out of my mouth more easily than I expected. I surprised even myself with how calm I sounded.

"Kim Minhyun? The guy from Class 1? The soccer player?"

Cha Eunha blinked a few times... then seemed to start digging hard through her memory.

"...Huh? ...Wait, wait. Hold on a second."

With the strawberry milk straw still between her lips, Cha Eunha's eyes grew wider and wider.

"...Now that I think about it, Sihyeon really did talk about him a lot. Since the entrance ceremony, even."

"...The entrance ceremony? When we first started here?"

"Yeah. Last year... there was a band performance at the freshman welcome party, remember? She asked me like a million times what the name of the guy on guitar was."

Guitar. ...That line from the letter. You looked so cool playing guitar.

"She was like that the entire first year. Whenever the soccer team walked down the hall she'd always look for jersey number 7... and when the mock exam rankings came out she'd sneak a look at where Kim Minhyun placed... and when class assignments dropped she counted how many classes apart she was from Class 1..."

"..."

Since the entrance ceremony...

The whole time I was right there beside you... you, from the very beginning, had been looking somewhere else.

"...Hey, Kang Suho? Your face... why'd it suddenly get like that."

"It's nothing. ...Don't worry about it."

Right then, the bell rang through the school, signaling the end of lunch. I tipped back the strawberry milk Cha Eunha had given me and drained it in one go.

...The strawberry milk was so much sweeter than I'd expected that it tasted bitter.

We didn't speak after lunch, either. We were both going out of our way to avoid conversation. Talking wasn't going to produce an answer anyway.

...No. The truth was, the answer was already there.

The moment classes ended, I grabbed my bag and hurried out of the classroom — before Min Sihyeon could say "let's walk together." Not that she would say it anymore, maybe.

I didn't want to go together. I didn't know what I was supposed to say.

That was when a familiar voice called from behind me.

"Kang Suho."

I turned to find Bang Arin leaning against the wall, arms crossed, wearing that expressionless look of hers.

"You busy? If you're not... talk with me for a minute."

I'd almost never spoken with Bang Arin one-on-one. We'd always been in a group of four... and honestly, I'd figured she didn't like me much. She was always looking at me with this vaguely disapproving expression.

Both me and Min Sihyeon... I'd always thought, those two don't even get along, how do they still hang out together...

We sat side by side on a bench at the edge of the sports field. In the distance, a whistle blew now and then — the soccer team, mid-practice.

Bang Arin was the one who broke the silence.

"I heard about yesterday. From Sihyeon."

"...Heard what."

"What happened in the empty classroom. All of it."

...So she'd told her. That.

My breath caught for a second, then started again. I tried to answer... but just remembering yesterday was enough to make my stomach turn.

"...Ah. Right. I just... I just got the wrong idea, that's all. It's not... it's not a big deal."

Bang Arin looked at me for a long moment, her expression troubled, then spoke briefly.

"...I'm sorry."

Why was she apologizing to me. I couldn't quite make sense of the situation.

"...Why are you sorry."

Bang Arin turned her gaze toward the sports field and went on, her voice even.

"You've liked Min Sihyeon for a long time. ...The others might not have noticed, but I knew. It was written all over your face."

"And honestly? It pissed me off. Not you — her."

"She'd go on and on in front ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠of us about how into Kim Minhyun she was... and then I'd see her glued to your side. It's not even two-timing. I don't know what the hell it is."

"It's not like she was playing with anyone's feelings on purpose, but it still drove me crazy. ...And honestly, you were pretty frustrating too, Kang Suho."

"..."

I had nothing to say.

Had it really shown that much.

And... so she'd liked him that much. Kim Minhyun.

...She'd never once mentioned it to me.

"So yesterday, I said it to her face."

"I told her to cut it out. Asked her if she didn't even feel bad for Kang Suho. Told her to get her act together."

"And she said... she was going to confess today."

...So that's what yesterday had been about.

"It's not like Min Sihyeon couldn't have known how you felt. So I figured she was finally steeling herself to be honest with you... and I didn't say anything more."

"But then after that, that same day... she showed you the love letter she was going to give Kim Minhyun."

"What a bitch... It's not like she was trying to mess with anyone, so why the hell would she show that to a guy who likes her... God..."

"..."

Bang Arin met my eyes, her expression sad, and went on.

"...I'm sorry. I should've told you sooner. ...I honestly had no idea she never talked to you about Kim Minhyun. I'm sorry."

"...Don't be. Thanks for... telling me. You've got nothing to be sorry for."

A whistle blew long and loud in the distance. Practice must have ended; the soccer players began drifting off one by one.

Arin stood, brushed off her uniform skirt, added one last thing, and walked away without looking back.

...She was a strange one. I'd thought she didn't like me.

That disapproving look of hers... it hadn't been aimed at me at all. It had been pointed the other way.

Even after Arin left, I sat on the stands for a while, staring at nothing.

That was when a familiar voice carried over from the far side of the field.

"Hey—! Kang Suho! You were here?"

It was Min Sihyeon. She came running all the way to the stands with her bag still on her shoulder, catching her breath as she started in on me.

"Why'd you just leave without saying anything! I waited in the classroom forever—"

Before she could finish, a soccer ball rolled our way and came to a stop at Min Sihyeon's feet.

"Sorry! Can I get that ball?"

A boy in practice gear jogged lightly toward us. Tall, and even soaked in sweat, a face that wore it well. ...Right. I remembered now. Class 2-1 — Kim Minhyun.

Beside me, I felt Min Sihyeon go still as stone. ...And I saw her face flush red, just like a girl in love.

Kim Minhyun spoke to her as naturally as anything.

"Oh? You're... Arin's friend, right? You came by Class 1 the other day."

"W-wait?! Y-you know who I am...? I-I mean, y-yeah! Arin's friend! M-Min Sihyeon...!"

Min Sihyeon looked thoroughly flustered... and the tips of her ears had gone bright red.

"Ah, got it. Thanks for the ball, Sihyeon. See you around!"

Kim Minhyun grinned easily, scooped up the ball, gave a light wave, and headed back.

Min Sihyeon watched his receding figure until it disappeared completely... staring for a long time. With a face that had utterly forgotten she'd been chewing me out just moments before.

...Yeah. So that's what it looks like. The face of someone in love.

A face she'd never once shown me. The same girl who wouldn't so much as blink when I felt her forehead, when my hand touched hers, when she linked arms with me...

The same girl who used to tease me relentlessly whenever my face heated up.

...So she could make an expression like that. How had I gone years without knowing?

I stood quietly, slung my bag over my shoulder, and left.

"...I'm heading out first."

"Huh? Hey, Kang Suho! Let's walk together! We weren't even done talk—"

Min Sihyeon called after me again and again from behind... but I made a point of not turning around.

If I turned around, I knew I'd waver again.

Watching her like that, strangely enough... I wasn't angry.

It was just the feeling of something — the last remaining something, somewhere in my heart — shattering without a sound.