Chapter 80
Chapter 80
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Translator: MadScientist
Chapter: 80
Chapter Title: Gunpowder and Hygiene (8)
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The military is an organization that, regardless of the era, must obey orders without question.
To resolve barracks injustices, they install a bell that everyone must laugh at whenever it's rung, and you're expected to believe that this single measure will eradicate all abuses and turn the barracks into a happy place for everyone.
If a veteran corporal warns a recruit that mixing rice into soup is a serious breach of discipline, and one day the recruit breaks that rule, the platoon gathers all the lower-ranking soldiers and chews them out mercilessly—yet it's still the recruit's fault.
So in the Chungmu Guard, once the Minister of War gives the order, even if it defies all common sense, what choice do they have? They follow it.
Captain Kim Han-mo of the Chungmu Guard was currently receiving an order that made no sense by his own standards.
"The Minister of War has commanded that the entire force wash their bodies every three days, wash their hands thoroughly with water before every meal, launder their uniforms once every seven days, and keep their living quarters in the barracks spotlessly clean at all times."
A captain (platoon leader rank, former enlisted) couldn't argue with or defy an order from the company commander.
No, this was an order straight from the Minister of War himself. Defying it would lead to disaster.
So even if it felt like a bolt from the blue in the dead of night, he had no choice but to comply.
It wasn't like they were being ordered to lead the soldiers to pointless deaths—just to suffer a bit more alongside them. What could he do?
To earn his salary as a captain, enough to feed his family rice instead of gruel, he had to grit his teeth and push through.
"The Minister of War has strictly ordered that no one be punished under military law for failing to follow this awkward command. You won't lose your head over it."
The company commander paused for a moment before speaking in a stern voice.
"However, if we disobey and fail to wash properly, leading to outbreaks of colds, fevers, or dysentery in our Chungmu Guard alone, the Supreme General will have no face left to show His Highness."
If the Supreme General lost face before His Highness, they'd be the ones dealing with the fallout.
Not only would grueling training follow, but horrifying chew-outs from the top down.
Even Kim Han-mo, who had risen to this position by working a hundred times harder than others during his mandatory service as a commoner conscript, could end up stripped of his rank...
He resolved to wash the soldiers himself, even if it killed him.
"No more words."
The company commander declared to his subordinate company officers and captains.
"By the hour of You (5 PM), have the soldiers' living quarters, kitchens, and every building spotless. Launder all their uniforms and make them wash their bodies thoroughly. If my eyes catch anyone failing to follow this simple order after You hour today, I'll instill the spirit of loyalty to king and country into their flesh and soul right then and there."
In short: If you don't want to die, whip the soldiers into cleaning and hygiene right now.
Kim Han-mo snapped to attention in perfect military posture and replied.
"Yes, Company Commander, sir!"
◇◇◇◆◇◇◇ Captain Kim Han-mo went to rouse the soldiers lounging in the barracks on their day off, eating and napping.
Most other captains were from the capital guards, so they'd make the soldiers mow the grass at the sight of such idleness...
But as a former enlisted man, he knew the pains of service well, so he usually let them rest on days off, except for those on duty.
Today wasn't the day for that, though. He kicked open the door to the soldiers' room with force.
"Rise! Up, now!"
At the word "rise," they all bolted upright in their spots, and the senior-most soldier jumped to his feet and asked,
"Captain, sir, what on earth is going on?"
"Get up right now and prepare to wash everything from the blankets and pillows you're using to your clothes. Then start cleaning!"
"......It's still clean. What are you talking about, sir?"
The room was dusty, with grime caked in corners.
By Joseon standards, though, this was plenty clean.
Unless the company commander—no, the battalion commander himself—came by, no one would order a room this tidy cleaned.
"Is some big shot coming to inspect?"
"The Minister of War gave the order directly to the Supreme General."
The soldiers' faces went pale.
The Minister of Defense issuing a direct order to the division commander? That meant the division commander was seeing red.
In such a critical situation, even a minor slip could mean a beating with rods—and that was their mildest fear.
They didn't even want to imagine worse.
"Mak-dong's squad, Dong-su's squad: Pull out the straw from the blankets and pillows right now, strip off your uniforms, and head to the nearby stream to wash them. The rest of you: Scrub the barracks inside, the kitchen, and the courtyard spotless!"
"Yes, sir!"
"If we're even a little sloppy, we're all dead! Dead, I say!"
The company commander's rank was junior 7th class.
One promotion away from staff officer, but he'd slipped in the last evaluation after a single demerit.
His fellow military exam passers were all staff officers by now, while he alone had failed...
He was as full of resentment as a spinster ghost who'd died unmarried.
Such a man getting chewed out from the Supreme General down? Unimaginable horrors.
"Start cleaning!"
With that, Kim Han-mo grabbed a broom and led by example, sweeping vigorously.
As a non-combat officer role, he was barely half a real military official anyway, and with his rank, he'd always dodged manual labor.
Now that he was sweeping himself, the soldiers couldn't slack off.
Even Old-timer Dong-su, fifty years old, conscripted and fed up with everything, gripped his broom and swept like mad.
"Not a single speck of dust left behind! Sweep every last grain!"
Whether due to Kim Han-mo's direct leadership, the space used by his platoon quickly reverted to its brand-new state.
If this were home, they might feel proud... but this was the army.
Instead of pride, they inwardly prayed the superiors wouldn't nitpick the cleaning.
A nitpick meant hellish times ahead.
"Now, go to the nearest well and fetch water!"
"Yes, sir. But why fetch water?"
"We're washing our bodies next."
In Joseon, regular bathing wasn't a custom.
People washed only on holidays like Chuseok or Seollal, or to beat the heat by splashing in streams—very occasionally.
In winter, they barely washed at all.
"Our bodies aren't that dirty. Why wash?"
"Minister's orders. Grab some of the cotton cloth from taxes or cut pieces per head. Wet it with warm water and wipe down."
Kim Dae-bung had wanted to build bathtubs for proper baths in his hygiene policy...
But Joseon's realities made even public bathhouses impractical for now.
Securing bathwater was no small feat, and firewood to heat it was scarce.
Showers were out of the question, so wiping with wet cloths was the best for cleanliness.
"Yes, Captain, sir."
Then Kim Han-mo demonstrated, scrubbing the soldiers' bodies like a man possessed by a filth ghost.
His own body got the same treatment.
Their skin ended up cleaner than from occasional stream dips or baths.
Wiping with lye water left black grime streaks where they'd washed.
Seeing it, Kim Han-mo and the soldiers were speechless.
"......My God, were we this filthy?"
Soldiers and officers of the central army's Fourteen Divisions all shared similar shock after following the guidelines.
And after thorough hygiene was implemented, the divisions stayed free from the usual waterborne epidemics.
In this, they heeded Kim Dae-bung's tales of "supernatural strength," and Minister Jo Mal-saeng's reputation soared endlessly for pushing it through.
◇◇◇◆◇◇◇ Jo Mal-saeng's gaze on me was unbearably sticky.
It was very unsettling.
"Our Kim Jeong-rang, working so hard will ruin your health. Unless it's urgent, why not join me for some ginseng tonic and rest a bit?"
"Thank you, my lord."
Joseon's ginseng tonic wasn't candied ginseng—it used honey.
Honey plus ginseng: an incredibly expensive health snack.
"You've finished your assigned tasks, so what have you been up to?"
"Nothing much—just preparing a memorial."
"Ha ha, if you need my help, say the word anytime. What kind of relationship do we have, you and I?"
......Boss and subordinate.
He's talking like a flirty girl asking her crush what "we" are.
Has this guy, the top candidate for Chief State Councillor among the Six Ministers, lost his mind?
"Thank you, my lord."
"By the way, Kim Jeong-rang, you really have no ambition for promotion, do you?"
"If I work hard, won't promotion come naturally?"
Hearing me, Jo Mal-saeng posed a puzzling question.
"If I rise to the Three Councils, will you come with me to the State Council?"