Chapter 75
Chapter 75
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Translator: MadScientist
Chapter: 75
Chapter Title: Gunpowder and Hygiene (3)
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I'd come to inspect the saltpeter production process.
I figured a place making gunpowder from soil soaked in shit and piss would reek, but the stench was way worse than I'd imagined.
"I'm gonna lose my mind, seriously."
And I hadn't even stepped into the actual saltpeter workshop yet...
I could barely handle it as it was—what the hell was I supposed to do?
Kap-seok, who'd come with me, suddenly clamped his nose and mouth shut and bolted off somewhere.
He neatly emptied his guts into the bushes.
If I weren't a yangban worried about face, I'd have hurled right alongside him.
"I feel like I'm gonna pass out."
Now I totally got why Old Man Chamji thought I was just making excuses to goof off when I said I was heading here.
Other officials visiting would never last long in this stench—they'd dry-heave a few times, stamp their visit record, and bail.
Pretend they'd done their duty, knock back a cup of booze, and saunter back to the office nice and slow.
Still, humans are adaptable animals. Standing there in front of the stinking saltpeter workshop, I gradually grew numb to the smell and it became tolerable.
As I fought to steady myself, I spotted one of the saltpeter craftsmen heading my way.
"Oh dear, what brings a noble lord like Your Excellency to a place like this?"
"I am Kim Dae-bung, Junior Secretary of the Ministry of War. I've come to observe the saltpeter-making process firsthand and look for ways to improve it."
"... Ah, so Your Excellency is that renowned Kim Junior Secretary."
The saltpeter craftsman nodded as if he'd known who I was all along.
He must've seen me submitting my branch office petition right in front of Yi Bang-won swinging his iron mace near Gwanghwamun Gate, or heard the story from someone.
"I never dreamed the famous Kim Junior Secretary would grace our humble workshop. Thank you so much for coming. To make saltpeter, we handle nitre earth gathered from toilets and old kitchens. The stuff's soaked in piss and shit, so the stench is brutal. It's this bad just standing nearby—inside, it's even more unbearable."
"I imagine so."
"The smell's so vicious that even Deputy Arsenal Superintendent Kim and the clerks overseeing the workshop only show up once a day. The rest of the time, they're back at the Arsenal Office."
I decided right then to thrash Deputy Superintendent Kim and his clerks first.
I got that the stench made supervising saltpeter production a nightmare.
But if your job was overseeing it, shouldn't you at least station yourselves here? Basic duty.
Yet this guy was saying they only came once a day... How the hell did these people get any work done?
"The smell is certainly potent."
"Yes, sir. I'll explain everything in detail, so please don't go inside. Trust me, that's for the best."
If I'd heard that anywhere else, I'd have flipped into full-on rage mode on the spot.
'Get the site manager here right now! How the hell do you run this place, spouting nonsense like that!'
I'd have smashed shit up left and right.
But producing saltpeter meant dealing with a stench no human could endure.
"I appreciate your concern for my well-being. But just as you gunpowder workers scour homes for nitre earth, process it, and turn it into gunpowder for the nation... I've come here seeking ways to improve saltpeter production for the good of the realm. Shouldn't I inspect the site myself?"
No one in this world wants to do the dirty, grueling jobs.
Joseon was no exception.
Hell, here they even paid less for harsh, filthy work because the workers were seen as easily replaceable compared to other jobs.
Of course, the gunpowder workers and craftsmen at this place were exceptions.
Joseon had this awful system of squeezing artisans on the cheap.
But obsessed as the nation was with gunpowder, they granted gunpowder workers official positions—down to the lowliest laborers—and even stipends.
Stipends might seem paltry to pampered yangban goldbricks, but that was just by yangban standards.
"What's your name?"
"Mal-dong, sir. Kim Mal-dong."
"Thanks to you, Mal-dong, enduring this stench to make gunpowder, Joseon can fend off the savage Jurchens and those utterly ruthless Japanese pirates. And today, as Junior Secretary of the Ministry of War, I've come to this saltpeter workshop seeking ways to produce even more gunpowder. I can't accomplish a damn thing if I'm scared off by a little stink like this. Don't worry about it—lead on."
People often say there's no high or low in professions.
But talk is cheap—reality's a different story.
Jobs come with different pay, treatment, and burdens.
Some folks shift billions with a single keystroke; others stamp a seal to create or wipe out thousands of livelihoods.
Yet the world can't run on nobles alone.
It only turns if folks in all sorts of jobs stay put in their places.
So I believe every profession is precious and deserves respect.
Criminals excepted, of course.
In that sense, Joseon's gunpowder workers deserved respect.
"Yes, my lord. This way."
Mal-dong led me deeper into the saltpeter workshop.
Several cauldrons were set up inside.
The gunpowder workers were tossing nitre earth into them, pouring in water, and boiling away furiously.
Nitre earth—decayed soil from shit, piss, weeds, animal corpses, and such... the reek was unreal.
These gunpowder workers were something else.
"Put nitre earth and water in the cauldron and keep boiling. The saltpeter inside dissolves into the water. Boil on, filter out the earth, keep refining the solution, and you get saltpeter."
"The process itself is simpler than I expected."
"Simple, sure—but gathering the nitre earth is brutal. You need sixty seom to squeeze out a measly hundred geun... And it can't be just any dirt. We roam Hanyang and places like Yangju County, digging everywhere."
Joseon's annual gunpowder output hovered around 2,500 to 4,000 geun.
About 1,000 geun came from Hanyang, and collecting nitre earth was no small feat...
"You're always on about nitre earth, Mal-dong... But to me, it's just soil where the essence of feces and urine has piled up, right?"
Mal-dong cocked his head at my words.
He'd spent his life making gunpowder, so this flew in the face of everything he knew—must've sounded ridiculous.
But with me being a yangban official, he couldn't snap back with, "What kinda bullshit is that?"
"Didn't you yourself say nitre earth is soil soaked in piss and shit? So why not skip to the source—collect piss and shit directly, ferment it, and extract the saltpeter?"
Frankly speaking, soil had no place in gunpowder production.
Adding useless impurities like dirt only made pulling out the saltpeter a pain in the ass.
"Hearing Your Excellency out, it doesn't sound wrong at all."
"So how about we try this?"
I explained the method—literally called a "saltpeter bed"—in plain terms to Mal-dong.
Mix shit, straw, willow ash, mountain humus, and such into a rectangular manure heap.
Keep it moist by sprinkling urine.
When white crystals bloom on the heap, scrape them off, boil in a cauldron, and refine the saltpeter solution.
"... Will this really work?"
"If it does, your earth-gatherers won't need to traipse around hunting nitre earth anymore. And His Highness will shower you all with major rewards."
"Then we'll test it just as Your Excellency commands."
"Deputy Arsenal Superintendent Kim will come oversee and explain the details step by step."
With that, I headed straight to the Arsenal Office.
And tracked down their Deputy Superintendent Kim.
"Superintendent Kim."
"Yes, Junior Secretary, sir..."
"Getting sick of work lately? I swung by the saltpeter workshop today, and our Deputy Superintendent Kim—who's supposed to be stationed there full-time—was nowhere in sight."
"... I'm sorry, sir. Please forgive me."
Cold sweat streamed down Superintendent Kim's face.
"Think the Arsenal Superintendent would be thrilled if I marched over and reported this mess personally?"
Like military postings required for promotion, capital officialdom usually demanded stints in set positions.
Arsenal Superintendent was one of those must-do gigs.
Get canned or stripped of office over a screw-up there, and your capital promotion dreams—years of grinding for it—go poof.
So would the Superintendent spare Kim, the guy who'd spark that nightmare?
"Or I could file a report with the Minister of War or Chief State Councillor warning of disruptions to gunpowder production."
Gunpowder production tied straight to Joseon's national defense.
Any glitch here could rock the whole defense apparatus.
Sure, the workers were solid—no real issues on inspection... but that'd mean pointless overtime during the checks.
The Superintendent, fingered as the culprit, would get grilled by Chief State Councillor Hwang Hui till he wished for death.
And cause-zero Kim? Walking corpse.
"... Kill me, my lord."
"I'm gonna try a new gunpowder method. Here's the manual detailing it..."
I whispered my motivational spell into Deputy Superintendent Kim's ear.
"Even the tiniest fuck-up, and I dunno what havoc I'll wreak."
I could feel Kim shivering like a leaf.
Then I cast my final charm to make the guy work like he was staring down death.
"To fix one single wrong, I'm geared to smash ministers, capital officials—every last one. Getting stripped of office or exiled? Haven't scared me in ages."
Even prime ministers in Joseon couldn't dodge courtesy calls.
Yet wherever I went, I got waivers. Hell, my father-in-law—a lowly junior ninth-rank pipsqueak—wrapped his up with one meal on me.
Why? 'Cause no one knew what catastrophe I'd unleash if this lunatic went off the rails.
Deputy Superintendent Kim knew damn well.
And here I was, strong-arming—or politely requesting—mutual destruction...
"This humble servant will tackle it with the resolve to dive into the Han River if we fail!"
Three months later, the royal court flipped upside down.