Chapter 49
Chapter 49
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Translator: MadScientist
Chapter: 49
Chapter Title: What I Truly Desire (2)
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Winter's call broke the awkward silence, and I responded immediately.
"Sure."
She chuckled at how quickly my reply came out, almost unnaturally so.
Well, we were both full-grown adults who'd already had a wedding ceremony. It must've looked ridiculous for the groom on his wedding night to be frozen stiff like this.
I was twenty-two, and Winter had just turned twenty this year. Yet here I was, like a fool, turning to ice the moment the stage was set.
Still, her laughter eased the tension that had filled the room.
Yeah, after we got through this first night together, we'd be doing this steadily from now on. No matter how much of a total virgin I was, staying this rigid wouldn't do.
Sometimes a man had to act like he knew what he was doing, even if he didn't.
Like right now, on the eve of my first night with the woman I loved.
"Feeling a bit more relaxed now?"
"Thanks to you. It was pretty comical, the groom on his wedding night standing there like a stone statue."
I'd already done the mental rehearsals thousands, maybe tens of thousands of times across my past and present lives.
'I can do this.'
I steeled myself inwardly, took several deep breaths—in and out, over and over—until the pounding of my heart, which had felt overwhelming, finally settled a little.
Right, stay calm. As long as I stuck to what I knew, there was no way I'd fail completely.
It wouldn't end up like that young lord from a yangban family back in Yanggu, who got so excited he burst a nosebleed, killed the mood entirely, and couldn't even consummate the marriage.
"My lord, please accept a cup as I pour you some liquor."
Winter carefully filled my cup. Whether in Joseon, Korea, or anywhere else in the world, it was customary to ride the momentum of liquor before the wedding night.
Sure enough, a lavish spread of side dishes and a bottle of strong liquor sat before us.
From the scent, it smelled like chrysanthemum wine...
"Thanks."
I downed the cup she'd poured without hesitation.
The floral aroma and taste made it go down smooth, but even one cup brought the alcohol's kick rushing in...
If I finished the whole bottle, it'd be a disaster. I could end up puking all over the bedding on my wedding night.
And if I was tense, so was she. Winter, who had never touched a drop in front of me before, now drank alongside me.
Weak to liquor, her face quickly flushed the soft pink of cherry blossoms.
We drank together in silence, round after round. As our bodies heated up and the urge to release our desires grew ever stronger...
A memory surfaced from my self-proclaimed romance expert of a brother-in-law from my past life.
'Always start with sweet words for a woman's first time.'
'Ruin her first experience, and she might feel repulsed by men for life.'
'Men focus on physical pleasure, but women weigh everything leading up to the act even more.'
And that doctor from some red-button app had said something similar.
'Physical intimacy is the extension and culmination of emotional exchange.'
It wasn't a success just because the man satisfied his urges.
Love couldn't be called proper if only one side was content.
"......Winter."
"Yes, my lord."
"I like you."
Her face, flushed red as an apple from the burden and nerves of her first time as a woman—plus the buzz from the liquor—now evoked red paint.
I gripped her hand tightly.
"Sure, Man-deok forced us together at first, but the moment I saw you, I fell in love."
......I had no idea what I was even saying.
Were there other lunatics confessing like this right before their wedding night?
Honestly, the booze was making me say it...
When the alcohol wore off and the excitement faded, I'd probably kick off the covers cringing at the memory.
But it didn't matter. I'd seen the smile bloom on Winter's tense face.
"When I finished my duties as Jinhae County Magistrate and received the grace to become an attendant at the Hall of Worthies, we skipped the formal audience... Even when Ryu Jeong-hyeon hounded me out of spite, or when the six ministers dumped mountains of work on me, making me toil to exhaustion... Your comfort by my side gave me real strength."
"Did it...?"
"Coming home drained from work, thinking of you there helping with the household—it gave me so much power. And in front of you..."
This was embarrassing. Really embarrassing to say.
A stiff Joseon scholar would never utter it... But I wanted to approach Winter as honestly as possible.
Even if she was a concubine, we loved each other.
And marriage? It's sharing the burdens when times are tough and the joys when they're good.
'Honesty's the best policy, right?'
"Truth is, I wanted to be cooler than any man in Joseon in front of you. Showing you the world's most amazing man motivated me to work hard."
Instead of words, Winter gripped my hand back—a positive sign she accepted my heart.
"In front of you, I'll be the coolest man under heaven, so you..."
"Yes, my lord. I'll strive to be the most lovable woman in your eyes under heaven."
I'll be the world's coolest man, so you be the world's cutest woman.
Lines from a song I'd heard often in my past life.
Sung at a wedding by some blue rabbit and a redheaded female pirate. I'd caught it by chance—pure coincidence—and thought it so romantic.
Never imagined my own mouth would embarrassingly spout those romantic lyrics.
"For you alone, I'll do my makeup every day, ponder what clothes to wear thinking only of you, prepare meals guessing your tastes, and always work to ease your fatigue."
"I've quit my post—what fatigue could I possibly have?"
......No more racking my brains or turning into a Hall of Worthies statue.
Now I could just hole up at home with Winter, resting and playing.
After safely getting through this wedding night, we'd enjoy conjugal bliss repeatedly, spend our savings, and live comfortably...
Yet stray thoughts of official life kept chaining in my head.
Just as the mood had warmed up nicely, threatening to sour it.
Winter gazed at me fondly, released my hand, and pulled me into a tight embrace.
"My lord, you've devoted yourself selflessly to the ancestral rites, state altar, and the people, without a shred of personal gain."
"That was just..."
The words wouldn't come out. No point hiding it from Winter.
I'd passed the exam but dreamed of returning home to live quietly with a beauty like her—a total idler in training.
If I said that, would she be disappointed? Or just accept it?
Proclaiming I'd be the world's coolest man, then admitting unemployment was my dream? Kinda off.
But the real reason I couldn't say "I resign to live easy" was...
My heart wasn't truly in it.
"Father always said when we were in Jinhae: Other magistrates prioritize promotions above all, so busy preparing gifts for superiors during their term that they neglect the people. But you, my lord, forsook advancement for the folk, went to markets yourself to aid the poor, took not a penny of dirty money, and worried only that they might starve."
I didn't think being a civil servant meant neglecting family for public good first.
But if eating the king's rice, one must always check if the people starve or struggle in poverty.
Even if it meant missing promotions.
In my past life, I'd long given up climbing for pension, acing the admin exam, enduring to retirement, getting scouted as a big corp exec, and amassing retirement funds.
......Ended up called crazy, demoted to a dead-end post.
No regrets, but I still hadn't shaken that habit.
"Even coming here, you saw the barley harvest laborers toiling and pondered only how to help."
"......That was..."
"I want you to pursue what you truly desire, my lord. Living quietly in Yanggu if that's your wish? Fine by me. But I remember clearly."
"What?"
Winter guided my hand to her chest as she spoke.
"That smile you wore the first time I visited your home in Hanyang, telling how Jinhae's people brought you food themselves, rejoicing. You looked like you owned the world, beaming so brightly."
......Hearing that, why did reinstatement itch so much?
I'd always dreamed of resigning and going home, but was my true heart yearning to return, to care for the people more?
Wouldn't it be better to care for the struggling folk, even if it wore me out?
Knowing the hardship, could I fold my arms and live out my days without regret?
The people's toil wouldn't improve much then.
If I took office and bore the burden, their lives would change.
"I just want you to be happy, my lord."
Her words decided it for me.
......Yeah, one more time. Let's try.
As I resolved, Winter quietly began untying the ribbon of her jeogori.
Winter and I didn't wake until the sun hung high the next day.
And a few days later, Father and Mother gave me much the same persuasion.