Chapter 196
Chapter 196
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Translator: MadScientist
Chapter: 196
Chapter Title: Joseon-Style Standing Army (6)
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Iron Cane King—no, Retired Emperor Lee Bang-won—summoned me.
Whenever a king and his subject end up meeting alone like this, rumors inevitably spread among the officials.
"Ugh, that bastard's going to become a power-hungry minister manipulating the court. What a treacherous scum. Ugh, trash."
That's why, whenever I had something to report up to now, I'd always use the proper channels by submitting a formal petition to King Sejong. I'd never once requested a private audience.
I could have if I'd wanted to, but doing so would have meant enduring massive slanders and abuse for trying to become a treacherous schemer.
"Seeing your face up close like this first thing in the morning really puts me in a good mood."
I could sense immense joy in Lee Bang-won's voice.
If anyone saw his face right now, they'd probably think it was the expression of a grandfather so thrilled to see his grandchild home for the holidays after ages that he couldn't stop grinning.
"I am deeply grateful."
"Seeing you brings back that loyal advice you gave me in the past. After you went around Gyeonggi Province's various counties on undercover inspections, you told me that while assisting His Majesty with state affairs is important, if he doesn't start moving his body vigorously from now on, he'll soon develop diabetes and ruin his health. At first, I thought it was incredibly insolent and ominous for a subject to say such a thing to his king... But looking back now, I realize that without your advice, His Majesty—busy with work—wouldn't have exercised, diabetes symptoms would have appeared, and his health would have suffered greatly."
"It is thanks to Your Highness the Retired Emperor graciously accepting my insolent words without true anger."
Parents who are healthy sometimes get really annoyed when their kids say something like:
"Mom, Dad, to avoid getting seriously ill later, you need to start taking care of yourselves now. Exercise regularly, eat balanced meals with proper nutrition, go to the doctor right away if you're sick. Please take your health seriously!"
Their intentions are good, but the parents might feel upset thinking, "Am I already at an age where I'm bound to get a major illness?" They don't like getting nagged by their own children, so it sours their mood.
How much more so if a young king is told—in front of his father Lee Bang-won—that poor health management could lead to a serious illness, or even death?
By Joseon standards, getting beaten to death with an iron cane on the spot would have been no less than deserved.
Yet Lee Bang-won took it seriously. That's truly remarkable.
If the person I'd given that health advice about had been King Yeongjo...
I'd probably have ended up locked in a rice chest and died with high certainty.
"A few days ago, while out hunting with the Crown Prince and the other royal princes, I thought of you, so I had venison jerky made from the deer we caught. This is that deer jerky. In recognition of your merit for offering loyal advice to protect the king's health, I shall grant you one geun of deer jerky and a portion of jukryeokgo. Eat it well, muster your strength, and continue working diligently for the ancestral shrine and the altars of the state."
"Your benevolence overwhelms me."
"Looking at you closely, it seems your own body is quite frail too. I'll specially order the royal clinic to prescribe you a tonic decoction to nourish your health."
I'd read in some novel that among yangban, sending each other tonics was code for "Eat shit."
Of course, the current Joseon court has eliminated overtime—everyone must leave at the end of regular hours—so life as an official isn't that grueling.
So, receiving a tonic should just be taken with gratitude.
But somehow, it felt like consideration to fatten me up with nu-reung-i beef and tonics, preparing me to shatter my bones for the cause.
"It feels like I've become an ox myself."
As I felt that queasy sensation of turning into Minister Hwang Hui the nu-reung-i ox, Lee Bang-won continued gazing at me with a pleased expression.
His eyes were so sweet that anyone might mistake me for his lover.
"While you served as magistrate of Jinhae, you cared for the lives of its people. They submitted a collective petition asking to keep you there longer. Reading that petition filled my heart with such satisfaction. And thanks to implementing the Bangwon Law together, which eased the people's hardships, in my twilight years, I've gained great joy from benefiting the populace far and wide."
"Your benevolence overwhelms me."
"With subjects like you in the court, all my worries are gone. So from now on, never lose your initial resolve. Dedicate yourself until the end of your days to making Joseon an even more beautiful and prosperous nation."
The thought that hit me exactly as I heard his words was this:
"Thank goodness this isn't a fantasy world."
If this weren't Joseon but some parallel world Joseon-A vibe, the kind of world we call a romance fantasy.
King Sejong, King Munjong, even Lee Bang-won and Hwang Hui would all appear as beauties or little miss types...
Ugh, just thinking about it is horrifying.
Far more gruesome than sitting in a rice chest munching on fermented crab made from freshwater crabs and dried persimmons at the same time.
"Yet in Joseon, foolish remnants haunted by Goryeo's ghost still linger, so my heart can't fully shake its worries. His Majesty ordered yangban families' sons to forgo military service and instead contribute 10 seom of white rice per household annually, adjustable based on family circumstances and wealth. How can there be so many shameless ones refusing even that?"
The world is full of rich people who've thrown away any sense of shame to the dogs.
Shopping at department stores and power-tripping over perfectly innocent employees with absurd excuses, making them kneel and beg.
Then going berserk to drag that employee's life and family into the gutter.
There are occasional idiots like that. Sure, most rich people aren't like that brainless trash deserving a bullet to the head, but the subhuman morons have such outsized impact that they stand out.
"Isn't it the way of the gentleman to teach shame even forcibly to those who lack it?"
"Well said. True education is preventing those who ignore their human duties from running amok everywhere."
On Korean streets, you see people tossing cigarette butts or plastic trash, but nobody openly shits in public or dumps food waste blatantly.
We've educated people relentlessly not to do such things, and when caught, the state slaps them with massive fines.
Through this process, blatant food waste dumpers vanished from Korean streets.
In Confucianism, this is called enlightenment.
"Those who insulted Grand King Taejo must of course pay with their lives. For the rest, how about stripping their yangban status and making them serve five years in the navy?"
"Isn't that too lenient?"
"They've strutted around their villages as yangban, exempt from military service. That's why we demanded 10 seom of white rice annually as payment going forward. But they petitioned because they begrudge even that money... They don't know how grueling life in military service is. So if we make them serve five years in the navy, letting them experience firsthand how agonizing military duty is, they'll shed their misguided thoughts and be reborn with proper ones."
In the 21st century, "empathy" basically means "give them hell so they get it."
The phrase might be harsh, but it's spot on.
Against some idiot power-tripping and harassing me with nonsense, whether through lawsuits or some clever new method...
If you don't make a huge fuss, they never realize the damage they've caused others.
At family holiday gatherings, some deadbeat relative who doesn't give a dime in cash gifts acts like the elder: "Why aren't you married at your age? Why no job? Can you even get married on that salary?"
Launching into gut-wrenching nagging and tantrums...
Grab their kid and do the exact same—effects are guaranteed.
Of course, doing it properly severs ties with that relative completely, so it's not something you can do lightly.
"Well said."
"And by managing namsadang troupes and jwain under state oversight, spreading tales through mask dances of people getting sick from not washing properly and vendors punished for selling spoiled food... Hygiene habits naturally spread among the people, and in Hanyang and various counties, diarrhea from rotten inn food nearly vanished."
The KKK, packed with white supremacist zeal.
A journalist tackled them by portraying the KKK as third-rate trash villains in Superman comics.
Thanks to that, they became laughingstocks as pathetic low-tier baddies among Americans.
Without mobilizing any public authority, it dealt a fatal blow to the KKK in America.
"We must create mask dances satirizing and mocking them, leaving their filthy names in the Blue House records while spreading them across all eight provinces of Joseon."
A smile spread across Lee Bang-won's face.
"What a cruel punishment. If I were them, I'd beg for death instead."
"Those who fail to uphold basic human duties shouldn't be treated as people. That's the best way to enlighten the unrefined."
Lee Bang-won flashed a broad, satisfied grin at me.
"Your words are truly right."
And a month later, Lee Bang-won summoned the gonggil gang to the palace and had them perform mask dances satirizing the shameless yangban who wouldn't uphold even the bare minimum of duty.
Thus, the 45 yangban who had submitted petitions lost the most important thing a yangban must have.
Their honor and reputation as yangban.