Everyone's Beacon
Everyone else had gone. Silence settled over the banquet hall like a held breath, and Kirigiri, Nanami, and I were left standing in the middle of it, looking faintly stranded.
"What do we do now... Kirigiri...?"
"The kids made a fairly reasonable call. So for now, we follow their decision. They're the ones holding the cards, and we're the ones who have to play along."
"Hahh... Well, at least we didn't end up like Komaeda — trussed up tight and dumped in a warehouse. I guess that's something?"
"....."
A storm had torn through this place, and after a long stretch of hard thinking and harder talk, the kids had reached a verdict.
Komaeda had been deemed a dangerous element. They overpowered him, bound him hand and foot, and locked him in the warehouse. Even as they hauled him off, he kept grinning and calling out — if anyone felt like committing murder, or fancied killing the traitors, they were welcome to come find him. And even after the warehouse door shut, that laugh went on for a long, long time.
I was starting to seriously worry that laugh was going to follow me into my dreams.
Kirigiri, Nanami, and I had been spared Komaeda's fate on the strength of everything we'd done so far — but the fact that we were traitors had still come out, and so we'd been confined to the banquet hall. Even so, a few of the kids were still treating us decently, unlike him. Relative to Komaeda, we were probably going to have a fair bit more freedom.
Pekoyama, Nidai, and Owari were taking turns standing guard over the old building, and the kids would rotate through delivering meals every morning, noon, and night.
Hahh... I've got no idea what we're supposed to do from here...
We were free enough inside the old building, sure — but until the kids finished deliberating again, we weren't getting out. And even if we did, that damned additional regulation meant we couldn't pass them any information.
The Observer is prohibited from disclosing any secret related to the killing game to the students, whether directly or indirectly.
I stared blankly at the additional rule on the e-Handbook, then let out a long breath and slipped it back into my pocket. Almost without thinking, I looked over at Nanami.
"....."
She had been huddled in the corner for a while now, curled in on herself as if she were trying to disappear. I glanced at her, worried — and found her eyes empty, her face emptied of anything that looked like a soul. The faintest sound from anywhere in the room made her flinch.
Of course it did. One day you lose your memories, get kidnapped, and get forced into a killing game — and then, out of nowhere, you find out you're a traitor who never did a thing wrong, and the other kids start looking at you like you might put a knife in their backs. Who on earth would still be in their right mind after that?
And just now, without meaning to, she had lived through the vivid experience of driving a blade into another person. Of course she had ended up like this.
The girl in front of me was not Class 77's pillar. She was not the AI of the Neo World Program. She was a teenage girl who had only just enrolled at Hope's Peak Academy, a girl who happened to be good at games — and that was all.
The trial that had landed on her shoulders was far too brutal for anyone to endure alone. If she was going to get through it, someone needed to stand beside her and help carry the weight.
"...Hey."
".....!"
The moment I spoke, Nanami startled so hard her head snapped up. She stared at me with a face gone bloodless.
"I... I wanted to talk for a bit..."
"....."
"Hey. Are you okay...?"
The eyes that met mine were drowning in fear. They would not stop shaking.
"I'm not sure where to start, but... from the beginning, one step at a time..."
"I... I don't want to..."
"Huh...?"
"I... I don't know anything..."
"Wait, just hold on a second..."
"I said I don't know anything...! Whether I'm a traitor or an Observer or with the Future Foundation — I don't know any of it!!"
"....."
"If I'd... if I'd known it would be like this... I never would have come to Hope's Peak Academy... I just wanted to... play the games I like..."
"Hey..."
"You... you two know something about the 'traitors,' don't you...! I don't know anything...! This is a mistake... y-you have to say something...!"
The words came pouring out of her, raw with terror.
"I... I don't want to die here...! Please... you know something, don't you...! I'm begging you... save me..."
"....."
"I'm scared... everyone's scary, and... I'm scary too... I never wanted to hurt anyone... hh... hhk..."
"....."
I needed to comfort her. I knew that. But my mouth would not open. I had counseled the other kids just fine — so why wouldn't the words come?
"I... uh... I mean..."
I forced something toward my tongue, but the words never finished forming. They just circled at the back of my throat. Before I knew it, a suffocating tightness had taken over my chest, so heavy I thought I might lose my mind.
Why... why can't I...?
"Hhk... hh-hhk..."
The moment I saw the tears of the girl crumpled on the floor, sobbing as if her heart had broken, I finally understood the true shape of the disconnect I had been feeling this whole time.
I don't know how to counsel her...
The Nanami I knew had been everyone's pillar. Everyone's hope. In her school days she had led Class 77 as their class representative, the one they all leaned on. During the killing game, she had broken past every limit written into her as a program and, by her own will, saved every last one of them.
And now that same Nanami was crying in front of me, weakened past anything I could recognize. It did not feel real.
Every kid I had ever counseled had come with a clear path forward. I already knew why they had fallen into despair. All I had to do was put my hands on the places that hurt and ease them.
But nothing about this had been in the script. I had no idea what kind of comfort I was even supposed to offer.
And so I just stood there, staring, unable to give her a single word of it...
"What are you doing... Kei?"
"Ah... that's... I mean..."
"Do what you do best. You've managed this far, haven't you?"
"I... I..."
"What's wrong? Don't tell me your talent just vanished on you."
"....."
"It's all right. I believe in you. So you can do this, can't you?"
".....!"
With that, Kirigiri walked over to Nanami.
"Hhk... hhk... everything's... so scary... I just want it to... stop..."
"Nanami."
"W-what are you...!"
And she pulled her into her arms.
Her embrace was unfamiliar. It was also warm.
Thrown into a situation that made no sense, worn down by nothing but endless anxiety and malice — the first real comfort I had felt in what seemed like forever eased my wrecked mind back toward something like itself, if only a little.
"H-hhah...!"
Embarrassment hit me all at once. I scrambled out of her arms, with no idea what to do with myself — and she spoke, her voice gentle.
"Good. Feeling a little more like yourself...?"
"Ah... ahh..."
"Kei. Your turn."
"...Yeah."
Then the man who had been looking at me earlier with that strange expression came over, and when he spoke, his voice was serious.
"Chiaki Nanami, right?"
"...Yeah."
"From here on, I'm going to tell you the truth."
"...The truth?"
"That's right. The truth. It's a very harsh one, and it might put a heavy burden on you."
"Th-that's..."
"If you don't want to hear it, I won't say a word. The truth isn't always the right answer. Even if you choose not to hear it, we'll protect you and look after you as much as we can. So don't worry."
"....."
"But... if you choose to listen, then from this moment on, the three of us will have to stand against an overwhelming despair — the kind you might not even be able to fight."
"Overwhelming... despair...?"
"Yeah. For someone who only just enrolled at Hope's Peak Academy, it'll be more than you can reasonably handle."
"...If I say I don't want to hear the truth, the two of you are going to fight that despair by yourselves?"
"Well, what else are we supposed to do? We'll treat it like a hardcore roguelike and grind for the clear. I used to be into those, you know. This much... yeah, it's a little rough, but compared to the games I've beaten? This is nothing!"
"...Really?"
"Yeah. So don't feel like you have to. Even without you, we can more than—"
Watching him twist himself into knots trying to put me at ease, I suddenly felt a laugh rising in my throat.
"...Pfft."
"...Huh?"
"Pffhah..."
The knot in my chest hadn't even finished coming undone. There were still tears sitting in my eyes. So why was I laughing?
"Uh... Nanami...? What's going on...?"
"I don't... I don't know... but... watching you try that hard... it just makes me laugh... pffhh..."
"Huh...?"
"I guess... before I lost my memories... we must have been pretty close, huh...?"
".....!"
The face of the girl who had held me so warmly a moment ago went suddenly stiff. I was a little curious about why — but I decided, for now, to stay with this feeling. It had been so long since anything felt this good.
"Hahh... how long has it been since I felt something this nice...?"
"W-why are you suddenly—"
But the good feeling didn't last. Grief came down on me all at once, and before I knew it I was crying again.
"Is there still something sitting in your chest? It's all right. You can take as long as—"
"No... no, that's not... this isn't..."
A little while ago I had cried because I was drowning in fear and malice. The tears falling now were made of nothing but sadness.
What is this...? It feels like my chest is being torn open... why...
I shut my eyes, unable to hold the feeling down — and this time, the face that rose up was the boy I had hurt so badly through my own mistake. Why his face, all of a sudden...?
"Nngh...!"
"A-are you okay...?"
"Ahhh... it hurts..."
The moment I thought of the boy who had introduced himself as Hajime Hinata, my head and my chest felt like they were going to split apart. I clutched both and waited the pain out, then tried to put my thoughts in order.
This feeling... is it guilt? Because I stabbed him by accident...?
That was my first guess. I shook my head almost immediately and discarded it.
No... it's not guilt. This goes deeper than that...
"Nanami. Don't try to carry it by yourself. Talk to us. We'll listen with everything we have—"
"I have a question."
"A question...?"
"You two... your memories weren't erased, were they?"
"...Huh?"
"Unlike me — I don't have any memories at all — you two still have yours, right? You've been close since the beginning, and you already knew what an Observer was."
The boy in front of me traced the scar on his face, thinking. Then he sighed.
"That's true, but... we don't remember everything. Only pieces..."
"What was my relationship with Hinata like?"
"Hi... Hinata? Why him, all of a sudden...?"
"I don't know why either... but if I stop thinking about him... my chest hurts so much it feels like it's tearing..."
He closed his eyes for a moment when he heard that. Then he nodded.
"Mm... I can't remember it clearly, but... I think he was someone precious to you."
"Someone precious?"
"Yeah. I don't know why, but... that feeling comes through pretty strongly."
"I see... so that's how it is..."
I listened. And I made up my mind.
"Tell me the truth!"
"Nanami...! You've decided...?"
"Yeah...! To atone for what I did... to save everyone from this killing game... and to protect him, because he's precious to me... I want to fight with you!"
"Yes! I knew you'd say that...! All right, then — where do I even start..."
"And..."
"Yeah...?"
"If we're talking a hard-mode survival roguelike... I've played more of those than I can stand, you know."
And so the beacon that belonged to everyone — the one that had nearly gone out without a fight — began to burn fiercely once more.
"That nearly gave me a heart attack..."
Kirigiri, who had been watching it all with a tension she couldn't quite explain, let out a long breath of relief as cold sweat rolled down her skin.